BF still texting/calling his Stalker EX

[SusieQ93]

I'm back but I feel like this is the final straw. I'm have a few posts about my failed marriage and my current relationship so I'd suggest reading those first.

So currently I am in a relationship with a 37 yr old father of 3, ages 11, 9, and 7. (I am 23). He was the first guy I began talking to after I files for divorce from my husband who had left the state and me. He showered me with gifts, treated me like royalty and was awesome... except for his attitude which I compare to one of a pms-ing 15 year old girl. Also the size of his penis was around 3 in. when erect. He found other ways to make up for it and things were going good. Until time passed and we learned more about one another. His attitude was constant. Everything I did was wrong. If I bumped him by accident, he'd accuse me of being malicious and give me the silent treatment for hours. He kept accusing me of wanting my ex and still being in contact with him. He couldn't take a joke and was controlling to an extent. Plus I learned that he was not able to handle his money. We (regrettably) moved in together and things have been good and bad, mostly the latter.

I stupidly put our new phones in my name (he pays for it), the electric bill, cable, and leased our furniture. (I'm planning on returning the furniture). We have switched to AT&T and it allows me to see text and call logs. I checked today on a hunch that he has been up to something and boy did I find the motherload. From just the time we've had AT&T, (since Feb. 22) he has been texting his stalker ex gf daily. I also saw that there were calls made to each other during the times either he or I am at work. I'm heated and I know this has been going on before Feb. 22 because I saw a text from the same number a few months ago and hr told me it was his cousin and that he's cousin and ex have similar numbers. However when I put the number into Google it gave me the name on the account and the city where it was registered and it came back his ex's name and city. I'm pissed that he's been playing me this whole time. Especially with all the stuff he's said about my ex and me still being in contact with him (I'm not). What should I do? How should confront him? I'm really ready to be done especially with everything else in mind. I wish I could see exactly what his texts were but regardless... I need help

 

P.s. he brings her up in arguments. Saying that if I leave he's just going to call her over. When I asked if he still had feelings for her he said no and that he brings her up because he knows it bothers me... but i never bring up my ex

[reinventmyself]

Without reading your past posts, do you have somewhere to go?

You jumped into a bad situation on a rebound and need to get out.

[Betterwithout]

P.s. he brings her up in arguments. Saying that if I leave he's just going to call her over. When I asked if he still had feelings for her he said no and that he brings her up because he knows it bothers me... but i never bring up my ex

 

Am I missing something here?

Why are you still with him after what you said? He doesn't sound like a fun party.

Leave and let his stalker ex come back to him. They sound perfect for each other.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. It's really not working. Hopefully you can begin to sever things and look for a place or move back to your parents. Do you really want a guy with a messy divorce and 3 kids?

 

He needs contact with his ex about the kids, no? Agree it sounds like he told you a lot of "my psycho ex" stories.

We (regrettably) moved in together and things have been good and bad, mostly the latter. he has been texting his stalker ex gf daily. I also saw that there were calls made to each other during the times either he or I am at work. I'm pissed that he's been playing me this whole time.

[j.man]

Are any of his children his ex's?

[jujusamples]

This relationship sounds toxic on both of your ends.

 

I'm not sure if mocking the size of his penis is a good idea either.

 

Yes, if his children are with his ex, wouldn't that explain all the phone calls/texts? I'm also conflicted on the fact that you are saying many bad things about this man, but yet you are so jealous of his ex? Wouldn't it be a good excuse to get out of this relationship, if he is indeed going towards his ex?

 

He's being pretty hostile with the silent treatment and temper tantrums. I think I need to go back and read your old threads because nothing is making much sense to me.

[SusieQ93]

@Reinventmyself Yes I can go back to my parents with no problem. I really did rebound hard

[SusieQ93]

@Betterwithout im leaving soon. Just have to pick the right time. And he's only fun maybe 15% of the time. His ex used to break up with him whenever she wanted to have sex or be with someone else because she knew he'd wait for her. Plus she's bossy and demanding so he can have all of that back

[SusieQ93]

@Wiseman2 im going ro go back to my parents. His kids we're awesome. I genuinely grew feelings for them. The thing is this ex is NOT the mother of his children. This ex was supposed to be blocked.

[SusieQ93]

@J.man no none of his children are by this ex. Therefore he should have no contact with her especially after telling me she was blocked

[SusieQ93]

@jujusamples it is toxic. I've never mentioned anything about his size to him, just on here. It's partly the reason why we haven't had sex, it's because we can't. His children are NOT by this ex. And I'm not jealous in the least of his ex. She's pretty but she's bossy, demanding and treats him like crap. So if he wants to deal with it then he can have it. He's very hostile and easily upset and irritable constantly. I'm turned off by him most of the time because of it

[ParisPaulette]

If he is in touch with her then she is not a stalker. He may say she is, but trust me no one who has ever been stalked continues to reach out and have contact with them. Quite the office.

 

He's full of crap and you know it, but the larger question is what are you going to do about it? We can give you advice, but I'm not sure what you're looking for here, because you only have two choices - stay and accept it or don't and leave. There is no other way to handle something like this.

[boltnrun]

Yeah, my ex boyfriend used to call HIS ex "psycho" and a "stalker". However, he was still sleeping with her and telling her he loved her, so...

 

Like the saying goes, cats don't usually come around unless they're being fed.

[Wiseman2]

Good you can move back to your parents. Yikes that's even more complicated if he has a collection of exes.

 

You can do better than this, even though you grew fond of the kids.

The thing is this ex is NOT the mother of his children. This ex was supposed to be blocked.

[RainyCoast]

well he sounds the stalker to me. he's the one going lengths to reach her.

 

not sure i would bother confronting him or explaining anything. what's to be gained of that? i'd just end it and leave.

[SusieQ93]

@ParisPaulette you're right. I would have to deal with him still being im contact with her, him.lying to me, and the mother of his children doeant like me but acts like she does. Shell hug me and talk to me and be "cordial" even friendly at times but then i hear stuff like ahe doesnt want me at her son's bday party next month but expects my bf to go not only go witjout me but pay for half of it.

I'm leaving. I'm not dealing with this crap. Not again.

[SusieQ93]

@boltnrun isn't that the truth! Smh I should've known better

[SusieQ93]

@Wiseman2 ikr. I have to believe that or else this is going to keep happening. After this I really just need to focus on myself and being the best me I can be instead of hopping from relationship to relationship trying to find someone to and staying well past red flags going off in my face.

[SusieQ93]

@RainyCoast yeah i get that vibe from him. I'm thinking about just packing up my stuff while he's at work and leaving. Part of me wants to confront him. I kind of want to print out the text/phone records that I found and show him then tell him im leaving. Idk but I'm definitely through

[Hollyj]

"For those who aren't familiar with my story, I'm 23, a recent divorcee (left a bum who used me and pulled the wool over my eyes our entire relationship), and I'm now seeing an older man who is 14 years older than me. We met through a mutual friend and started off rocky. We are in a pretty good place except his attitude sucks. He catches an attitude, gets in his feelings, and gets in a funk like a little girl. He knows about my past relationship and feels like I don't love him as much because I'm not breaking the bank on him. My last relationship left me broken, mentally and financially. He spoils me and I try to do for him what I can but financially I'm not able too. He gets in a funk because he feels like "a bum got treated better than me" " it's the story of my life" ECT. Just throwing pity party's for himself. Then he catches an attitude and doesn't want to talk to me or gets really passive aggressive. He starts question my feelings for him. He does this for a few hours then when he gets over it thinks everything is fine and it's not. This is a constant thing. He's 37. I feel he's too old to be pouting like a 13 year old girl. I'm feel like I have to walk on eggshells around him. He even gets like this when it comes to sex. I can't say no without him acting like a spoiled brat. He gets it 98% of the time he asks. When I say no, due to me having a headache, or feeling sick, he gets the same crappy attitude. He's literally laid in bed beside me after me saying "no" and watch pprn on his phone with the volume on MAX and masturbating. This has happened several times. He says he's been in a relationship where he was constantly denied sex and says he won't go through it again. He's even gotten out of bed, gotten dressed, and threatened to go somewhere and get some... even going so much as sitting on the car for 20 mins. "

You're still with this creep!!! The last time you posted, everyone advised you to dump him. What does this guy have to do for you to finally be done?

 

I hope that you end this, and stay single for a long while. You have very poor judgment in men, and seem to be attracted to users and manipulative, emotionally abusive men. I would also suggest some counseling!!!!

[SusieQ93]

@Hollyj yes 😔 I am still with him nut not for long. I cant do This. It's been wayyy too many red flags that I've kept ignoring now this? You are right I do have very poor judgement with guys and I intend on staying single for awhile and focusing on bettering myself. I do plan on looking into counseling.

[RainyCoast]

well, at least you recognize he's the jerk.

 

do you have an exit plan? will you move most of your stuff to your parents while he's out to make the leave quicker and smoother, etc? let us know if you need ideas.

[SusieQ93]

@RainyCoast im just going to confront him then leave. I actually dont have a lot of stuff over there at the apartment. We got into a big argument a few days before Valentine's Day and I left and took everything. So now i only have a few outfits and miscellaneous stuff so it'd be a quick exit.

[Betterwithout]

@RainyCoast im just going to confront him then leave. I actually dont have a lot of stuff over there at the apartment. We got into a big argument a few days before Valentine's Day and I left and took everything. So now i only have a few outfits and miscellaneous stuff so it'd be a quick exit.

 

Great to hear you can remove yourself easily. Next step is to make a no contact plan and stick to it.

[RainyCoast]

great susie. good luck and keep us updated.