es25 Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 okay. I'm a 18 year old girl. I've never had a boyfriend. Ever. Every guy that I've ever tried to form a relationship with was either too arrogant or only wanted nudes or etc. so I had to end it before it even started. However, I met this guy at my local gym and for once, everything felt right. We had a great connection and we get along great. He's easy to talk to and he's very respectful. He hasn't even mentioned sex or nudes, and that has never happened to me before. However, there is a catch. He is expecting to be a dad in one month, and the mom is someone he had a one night stand with. Now they both agree that they don't want to be in a relationship with each other and that the only thing they have in common is the baby, and he will help support the child. He also assures that the mom will not interfere with our relationship if we decide to get in one. He is 22 years old and in college. Am I crazy to think that this will work? What do I do? Do I end it or give this a try? Thank you so much for your help!
Hollyj Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 I think you are walking into a lot of drama! You are too young to be dealing with all of this stuff. Hell, I'm older and would not want to be anywhere near this!
angrythoughts Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 I had a friend that dated a guy who had a kid and he didn't have any romantic involvement with the child's mother. You do seem a bit too young to be dating guys that have kids already but I wouldn't dismiss a potential great guy just because he has a kid. As long as you're OK with him having to be a father before being there for you then that's up to you. However down the line it may bother you that he has to keep in constant contact with his child's mother. It does sound a bit messy to get with a guy like this but just try it out and see where goes. Don't knock it till you try it . I just don't see him having time for you when he has a newborn coming in.
lostlove76 Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 Hi. I agree with the above. You're SO young, and this would be a lot of drama to take on at your age. He's very young himself, and probably has no clue what all is involved in being a dad. With college AND supporting a newborn, he probably isn't going to have much time left over for a relationship. That's a lot to juggle at his age. How much involvement will he have with the child? How often will he see her/him? Will you feel jealous or worried if he's in constant contact with the mother? These are things you need to consider before getting too heavily involved with him. Also, what were the circumstances of this one-night stand? Does he sleep around and have unprotected sex often, or was this a one off thing? Keep in mind that a child is a life-long commitment (at least for those who are responsible parents). If he's going to stick with supporting this kid, it will be forever. If he doesn't stick with it, then it shows lack of morals. Either way, do you want to be involved with someone in either scenario? Just think it through before getting too involved. Like holly said, I'm way older than you, and I personally would not want to deal with the drama.
Wolfshook Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 "Now they both agree that they don't want to be in a relationship with each other and that the only thing they have in common is the baby, and he will help support the child." I'd personally skip this relationship. First, kids are huuuge obligation and his life will turn over completely. Then, they will have to spend a lot of time together during first 2 years of kids life. And lastly, kids are known to bond people together, that's one of reasons you cant divorce in some countries before kids first birthday.
Clio Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 He is expecting to be a dad in one month, and the mom is someone he had a one night stand with. Now they both agree that they don't want to be in a relationship with each other and that the only thing they have in common is the baby, and he will help support the child. He also assures that the mom will not interfere with our relationship if we decide to get in one. He is 22 years old and in college. Am I crazy to think that this will work? What do I do? Do I end it or give this a try? Thank you so much for your help! You don't really know this guy. He could be lying about any number of things regarding his relationship with the mom. You only know what HE told you. Regardless, his story does not paint a good picture regarding his life choices. I think that at your age, you need to set higher standards that do not include guys expecting a child, regardless of circumstances.
Capricorn3 Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 You don't really know this guy. He could be lying about any number of things regarding his relationship with the mom. You only know what HE told you. Regardless, his story does not paint a good picture regarding his life choices. I think that at your age, you need to set higher standards that do not include guys expecting a child, regardless of circumstances. I second this post. You don't know this guy at all. Am I crazy to think that this will work? I would say yes, and definitely very naive, but you are very very young, so that's understandable. What to do? Head for the hills and don't look back. This is way way too much drama for being your very first, ever, boyfriend. Red flags all over the place.
Fudgie Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 His life is going to be turned upside down. He will have little free time or money to spend with you - You're 18, vast majority of guys your age do not have kids. Why settle for this drama? I would take a hard pass and find someone else.
Dahl Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 His life is going to be turned upside down. This point really cannot be stressed strongly enough. Also, the same goes for his child's mother's life and he is not able to predict how this will impact him and his relationships. I am not saying that he is being dishonest, only that he is mistaken to believe that he has any clue what will happen, how could he? Good luck
es25 Posted February 22, 2017 Author Posted February 22, 2017 Thank you all so much! I think it's best if I leave him and this relationship alone.
Betterwithout Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 Add me to the long list of people that says this is a bad idea. There will be more drama than six soap operas with this arrangement.
Wiseman2 Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 He's got a lot on his plate and his reassurances that there will be no baby mama drama are written in the wind. It sounds like he said that to get in your pants. Unfortunately you need a better filtering system if guys keep requesting nude pics. They will "be in a relationship" for the next 18 years. They will have to co-parent, discuss visitation and custody and child support. Does he live with his parents? He will have to put a lot of time in with his child. Are you in high school or college? Do you live with your parents? Talk to them about the complications of this.I'm a 18 year old girl. He is 22 years old and in college. He is expecting to be a dad in one month both agree that they don't want to be in a relationship. He also assures that the mom will not interfere with our relationship.
trojan Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 Ide never even been on a date when I was 18. What is your big hurry to rush into something like this? You are just starting life. The world is your oyster. Go do something else
Hollyj Posted February 22, 2017 Posted February 22, 2017 What is with people asking for nude pics? Blech! Where are you meeting people?
es25 Posted February 22, 2017 Author Posted February 22, 2017 What is with people asking for nude pics? Blech! Where are you meeting people? High school and college. And I know. It's annoying as hell.
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