Lion-Guy Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 Hey guys, had a first date tonight with a conservative 24 yr old Asian girl. I'm 34 yr white male, avg. handsome with a very good job. Met online dating site. 1. The girl showed up to date even though she said she felt not well. She specially said she felt bad but didn't well but didn't want to cancel on me. We had a beer and great conversation and when I told her we should leave home she suggested "where to next?" 2. Tried to hold her hand to next place and she wasn't into it, didn't "know me well enough" and it "Felt weird" she said, fair enough 3. Next bar and 3 drinks in, she really opened up to me and told me about her family, mom passed away, how she gets attached easily and heart has been heart broken. Her heart is guarded. She doesn't like that guys get upset that she is not good with her phone and messages. The eye contact and leaning over the table was amazing on her part, I felt like the indicators of interest were great. Suggested she join me for a concert saturday and played the music, she said was more into hard rock and never answered if she wanted to come or not, they are $300 tickets, I'd rather bring her then other girls but she never said yes 4. Walked her back to her car and I said are you finally going to hold my hand? in a funny way and she said "just bc other girls do stupid stuff when they are drunk, I don't" in a polite away. She gave me a ride to my car and hugged her good bye. The kiss seemed liked a far reach after she didn't want to hold my hand. Normally I kiss every girl goodnight whether I get turned down or not, but didn't on this one. 5. Texted her when I got home saying good to meet you and something interesting about you. NO RESPONSE for 2 hrs. Then it was "home safe, good to meet you". 6. Normally I have no issue walking away with a first date, not thinking much for a few day, but this girl had me thinking..... did I do wrong or is he playing hard to get? All the other girls in the past write back right away or hold my had no problem. So confused, thought it went so well, she stayed till I wanted to leave and the eye contact was amazing. Am I overthinking this ladies? During the the date I felt like I she liked me way more, now I am feel lost. I am currently seeing several girls first and second dates as I am recently single. But this girl really interested me more then others. Much thanks for any constructive feedback. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujusamples Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 This is just my opinion, not sure it's an Asian thing or not but I'm Asian and I find the way your date acted is pretty normal; 1) Yes, holding hands on the first meeting is a bit much, it would actually made me feel awkward and thinks the dude is going on too strong! 2) Yes, you are thinking too much into this, you know why, I think you are interested in her. You probably felt something you didn't feel with the other woman you are seeing or dating. 3) I don't think she's playing hard to get. I think she probably went home, had things to do, like wash up and etc.. so she probably didn't response to you until she's about to go bed. (that's just my guess because it's something I would do) 4) She's probably not thinking into it as much as you at this moment. So the ball is in your court because I think you have a thing for her. 5) Just go for it, it doesn't hurt to try! Good luck! Forgot to mention; It's not cool to drink and drive by the way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pippy longstocking Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 So you both drunk drived is what I am getting from this ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angrythoughts Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 So you both drunk drived is what I am getting from this ... That's hilarious 😂 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pippy longstocking Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 That's hilarious 😂 I think I am just a bit old and sad , but honestly AT that was my first thought ! I do think op you are showing the whole pull push thing as a fine example ... the more she pulled away on this date the more you wanted to push ... she got your interest by not being full on with you . She didn't reciprocate and your interest has doubled ..it is interesting ..As humans ( well some of us are human ) we seem to gravitate to the person who poses a challenge . I would ask her out again and take it from there ..she may be a girl who takes it very slow and very carefully , and there is nothing wrong with that . A lot of girls would feel it a bit too much to hold hands straight away and have a kiss .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 She made conversation with a lively and familiar manner. She enjoyed the outing. That's all we know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lion-Guy Posted February 10, 2017 Author Share Posted February 10, 2017 I agree. I certainly don't drink and drive. I took an Uber home and left my car. 3 beers over the span of 3 hrs. I asked her several times if I could get her an uber, but she insisted she was ok to drive. I honestly think she was, but I'm with you guys. Appreciate the responses. I don't think hand holding is a bid deal, the last 3 dates held my hand no problem, but they def were not as conservative as her. Thanks for the women's perspective jujusamples. Sheds a lot of light on things. I should stop caring so much about her and wait till she expresses more interest. I don't see how the ball is in my court. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujusamples Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 I agree. I certainly don't drink and drive. I took an Uber home and left my car. 3 beers over the span of 3 hrs. I asked her several times if I could get her an uber, but she insisted she was ok to drive. I honestly think she was, but I'm with you guys. Appreciate the responses. I don't think hand holding is a bid deal, the last 3 dates held my hand no problem, but they def were not as conservative as her. Thanks for the women's perspective jujusamples. Sheds a lot of light on things. I should stop caring so much about her and wait till she expresses more interest. I don't see how the ball is in my court. Okay, maybe it's an Asian thing! LOL The ball is in your court is because, she did show some interest and I'm assuming she' a bit old fashion as in she wants the guy to initiate. I say, if you like her, go for it as in try texting her or something again in a few days. Is hands holding on the first date really normal? I dunno I find it too much and will make me feel a little awkward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pippy longstocking Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 I agree. I certainly don't drink and drive. I took an Uber home and left my car. 3 beers over the span of 3 hrs. I asked her several times if I could get her an uber, but she insisted she was ok to drive. I honestly think she was, but I'm with you guys. good lad , I am so pleased to read that and sorry for accusing you . as far as the holding hands ...I would probably hedge a 50/50 bet on it ... as in half of the women in my none existent survey would and the other half wouldn't and i don't think you can gauge her interest by this . Not yet anyway . Same as the first date kiss ... She is getting to know you first . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lion-Guy Posted February 10, 2017 Author Share Posted February 10, 2017 you are showing the whole pull push thing as a fine example ... the more she pulled away on this date the more you wanted to push ... she got your interest by not being full on with you . She didn't reciprocate and your interest has doubled ..it is interesting ..As humans ( well some of us are human ) we seem to gravitate to the person who poses a challenge . I would ask her out again and take it from there ..she may be a girl who takes it very slow and very carefully , and there is nothing wrong with that . A lot of girls would feel it a bit too much to hold hands straight away and have a kiss .. Totally. I wasn't used to that. She is younger then the other girls. She wouldn't stop talking about how she want to find her true love and not waste time dating another guy for two months etc. So she is looking for something serious. As I am too. 4 months ago got out of a 5 yr relationship where the girl cheated on me. Just going on dates have been a big jump getting back into the game. But something I am certainly ready for and I am totally over my ex. I deserve better. I kissed and held hands on the last 3 first dates like it was nothing. Then again I am pretty good at building attraction and comfort. Obviously not good enough with this particular fine women. I guess it is time for me to play the game, not respond for a few days and pull away. Hope that works. I'll ask her for another date in a few days. Thanks everyone. Will let you know how to goes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfshook Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 I understand her not liking to hold hands on first date. First dates are meeting not being in relationship. She did tell you she's not big on texting, so what I think that you should do is stop playing games (would you really want to spend the rest of your life playing games?) and ask her out in a few days. If she declines,you know what's going on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pippy longstocking Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 I deffo wouldn't go forth with any game playing ..She wasn't like this due to any game playing ...she is just taking it slow . Just be yourself , ask her on another date and if she says no , you can just put it behind you and if she says yes ..great ..but she is clearly someone who likes to just take it step at a time . She is being herself and if you intentionally try and play the game I think she will just pass you by and not get involved . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujusamples Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 No, don't play games! You will loose any chances you have with her if she catches on to your game playing. It's just not a good start to any relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 I'd be turned off somewhat, by attempts to get physical in any way, even hand holding let alone kissing on a first date. To be precise, it's a first meet, not even a date yet. It's meet and greet, see if you'd like to go on a proper date. I'm sure some people don't mind that. But there are some that do mind, and they take longer to warm up to someone they only just met, or just don't feel like your approach and pace is not compatible to theirs. I personally would take the more conservative approach and wait till the second or third date before trying for hand holding or kissing, to give the other person more time to build rapport and get to know you a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt3939 Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 Maybe I'm different but if a woman doesn't put out her hand when I meet her she's done I just move on to the next. Though I am a palm reader. Seriously though I can't even remember going for a woman's hand. I guess that's your move. If you had a good conversation just ask her out again. You will know 2 or 3 dates in if she's physically into you I would think. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 Hand, no hand. Kiss, no kiss. Pay, don't pay. Nothing is BAD. Nothing is GOOD. A first meeting of a stranger is bound to involve different ways of doing things, each as valid as the other. It takes a few meets to discover or to arrive at common ground. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sportster2005 Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 I agree. I certainly don't drink and drive. I took an Uber home and left my car. 3 beers over the span of 3 hrs. I asked her several times if I could get her an uber, but she insisted she was ok to drive. I honestly think she was, but I'm with you guys. Appreciate the responses. I don't think hand holding is a bid deal, the last 3 dates held my hand no problem, but they def were not as conservative as her. Thanks for the women's perspective jujusamples. Sheds a lot of light on things. I should stop caring so much about her and wait till she expresses more interest. I don't see how the ball is in my court. I'm not sure that's a good idea. You have no idea just how interested she is. You have no idea how she is gauging your interest in her. If she's basically doing the same thing and playing the waiting game you both could miss an opportunity. Continue to pursue her, then if she shows no reciprocation, then you can call it a day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 I'm not sure that's a good idea. You have no idea just how interested she is. You have no idea how she is gauging your interest in her. If she's basically doing the same thing and playing the waiting game you both could miss an opportunity. Continue to pursue her, then if she shows no reciprocation, then you can call it a day. The behavior of prior dates is completely irrelevant, unless you are measuring statistical averages. Two people get together, and are the only two people whose preferences matter. One of my longest running intimate relationships started with 7 dates before we shared a kiss, even. If you are interested, ask her out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justshine1 Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 She said she's got walls up but falls hard .. this seems like something you may not want. In my experience walls up....and loving fast leads to disappointment and a lot of emotional games I'm currently having issues with an Asian guy I'm dating actually. .... read my post. I don't think Asian has anything to do with it though? I don't like hand holding either on the first date. Or kissing either unless I was really into them and got to know them before hard well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 Sounds like the date went very well but she plays it step by step. Meaning very low on the PDA asap and more concerned with building a relationship than 'building attraction' gimmicks. Play it proper and conservative with asking for proper dates in advance and going step-wise with the progression. Don't try to fast track this. Many Asian cultures frown upon PDA and particularly with strangers. This says it all 6748323]conservative 24 yr old Asian girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lion-Guy Posted February 10, 2017 Author Share Posted February 10, 2017 Wow. Appreciate everyone taking the time to give me feedback on this date. I just put on my jacket from last night and it smells like her You’re all right. I was comparing this girl to the previous week dates and that is not right. She is different, we are a different mix, the night was different, etc. I thought hand holding and a kiss on the first date was totally normal. You girls proved me wrong. justshine1 I will read your post! She basically was saying that she has been heartbroken a lot in the past. And she’s trying to be careful now. Haven’t we all been there? I am not afraid to get my heart broken again though. I also left out that she is from a foreign culture and does have some different views and she considers herself a nerd, not cool and dorky. And some what masculine bc she likes cars. But that is what I liked about her. I wont’t play games with the communication. I will text her back this afternoon and see when she is available again. I was pretty surprised that she turned down my concert invite for saturday but maybe she was afraid to commit to such a big thing so fast in the middle of the first date. Truthfully, I have plans to take another girl who wasn’t be super responsive, and here was this sweet attractive girl in front of me, so I thought I’d rather ask her to go. I’ll take it one step at a time and not try to fast track it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iggy5129 Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 You're only 4 months out of a 5 year relationship that ended because of cheating. Are you sure you're ready to date?? It seems like you are trying to force a new serious relationship to replace what you've lost. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lion-Guy Posted February 10, 2017 Author Share Posted February 10, 2017 Yes, I'm ready. Past relationship was over well before it was over. Talked to a counselor a few times and she also agreed it was time to start dating again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 Well...it's already been said, but I'll just add another voice.... Things like hand holding and general PDA are reserved for relationships. For me, a guy trying to do that when we have literally just met is an unwelcome invasion of my personal space and does comes across like he is pushing things along at a million miles an hour, looking for an instant relationship and therefore a bit of a red flag, something to keep an eye on. Don't even get me started on men trying to force kissing on date one. The kissing thing......it might just be different dating numbers for men and women. I mean for you it might your one date that month, but for her, you might be date #5 that week and seriously, no she doesn't want to make out with that many men. So do yourself a favor and keep your hands to yourself early on. Other than that, I'd be wary of a woman who tells you she is damaged goods, as in gosh I've been hurt, aka I made sh$tty decisions about men and don't know how to screen them properly, but I am now going to make arbitrary boundaries of what I will and will not do with you because I am trying to figure things out and it may or may not work.....or I might just run off with the next bad boy because honestly...that's what makes me hot. You might have found her attractive and intriguing, but take it easy with her. She might also be a hot mess and the red flags are actually flying in the air about that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 DancingFool makes excellent points about your approach but also about this woman in particular. Oh by the way, no most people wouldn't want to commit to going to a concert with someone they've only met once, or even twice or three times! $300 a ticket, seriously, way too expensive, it's too much too soon. Women will either get put off and refuse to go, or you end up attracting those that expect to be taken to expensive dates and expect men to spend lots of money on them. Neither scenario is good. Leave the expensive dates to later when you've established you're in a relationship. Remember in early dating, it's about spending less money, go slowly, and focus on getting to know each other and see if this is someone you'd actually like to be in a relationship with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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