First Date: 24 old asian girl and 34 yr white male- Interesting Story

[surfdiva]

I think I am just a bit old and sad , but honestly AT that was my first thought !

 

I do think op you are showing the whole pull push thing as a fine example ... the more she pulled away on this date the more you wanted to push ... she got your interest by not being full on with you . She didn't reciprocate and your interest has doubled ..it is interesting ..As humans ( well some of us are human ) we seem to gravitate to the person who poses a challenge .

 

I would ask her out again and take it from there ..she may be a girl who takes it very slow and very carefully , and there is nothing wrong with that . A lot of girls would feel it a bit too much to hold hands straight away and have a kiss ..

 

Pippy, I have to say, that was my VERY first thought when I read that when he walked her to her car she said something alone the lines of what other "drunk" girls do. Man, PLEASE people don't drive drunk. I was seriously injured and someone was killed by a drunk driver when I was 21 and I just lost a surf sister two weeks ago, her boyfriend was driving drunk and drove into a tree. It's been mentioned on the Hawaii news because of who she was. So sad

 

Aside from that, she does sound interested, maybe being a liiitttle hard to get and I agree with the other women that said holding hands with someone you just met does feel a little "weird" to me and I'm a big hand holder, smoocher, hugger.

 

Take it slow if you like this girl

[Lion-Guy]

Working on the body language notalady and Ithinkican. I thought it was there with the Asian girl. She was clearly leaning over the drink table trying to get close and had amazing eye contact. Besides the hand holding thing I messed up on. I’ll never do that again on a first day or for quite a few dates now. I know you guys said it sounds like she liked me, but haven’t heard back from my simple text from her in 2 days. Not looking good…..

 

 

The girl last night, call her Katie, was playing with her necklace, spun the bar stool towards me, had her body open to me, touched me a few times or at least made an excuse to. Those are the kinds of clear body language things that I can understand or at least I think I do. I was going to wait 3 days to contact her, but then I said screw it (not good at playing it slow, as you can already tell), I liked her and she had good indicators of the same, so asked her out. She sounded excited and we set something up for next week. Happy that one at least led to a second date. Best thing about dating multiple people at once is when one door is closed, there is another that opens.

 

 

Abitnroken. Great advice for us guys. I’ve been taking girls to a wine bar or lounge. Nice atmosphere but pricey drinks and food. Usually I don’t plan on food but we end up with a few appetizers. Live in a big city so drinks cost a lot. I got a second date with Katie, but plan to take her to ocean or the beach or something more free and casual then drinks. Maybe a drink after if it goes well. She hinted that we should do something fun during the day since we are both off. Normally I wouldn’t do day dates but all of you have me thinking abut building good comfort with the girls rather then escalating physically.

 

 

Thank’s agent. I had no idea. Wasn’t doing it to be busy. Thought it was normal. I’ve been in a long term relationship for a long time till now. Forgot what it is like to start over : / Thanks for cluing me in!

 

 

Got one more date (different girl) for Thursday. Already set the frame that it is one quick drink and will try my best to keep it that way. Low investment, can lead to more if we want. But learning from you guys to keep it simple.

[abitbroken]

That will be the goal from now on notalady. Only one girl on any of these dates has offered to split the check. The girl tonight made no offer. 4 drinks and 2 aps. Great conversation, good connection, walk around the city, try to walk her to a different place, she tells me she can't be out late bc she needs to go let her dogs out that have been inside all day, I change course and walk her to her car and hug her goodnight. I need more low investment dates. Coffee. One drink. A lollipop Something to get to know the girl before spending so much money on them.

 

I found it funny that the girl I brought to the concert, was literally asking me 2-3 days ahead of what I had in mind for our second date. As if, it wasn't good enough she would decline it. The other girls have not been that way at all, but that girl was prying. That was a real turn off, but I wanted to go to the concert anyway. Especially since the Asian girl declined ; /

 

Stop saying INVESTMENT!! It is a 'get to know you' outing.

 

The person who does the asking out SHOULD pay for the date. If the other person offers, great, but you shouldn't look at "what this costed you". In fact, if its a first date and she offers, you should decline her offer once, or say "how about you get dessert". If she really pushes it could be that she is trying to tell you that this is NOT a date. Don't test a woman on the first date and let the check sit on the table to watch her reaction, either.

 

And its not "prying" to ask what you have in mind. That might be her way of letting you know she would like to see you again without coming out and saying it. heck, there are family member guys I know would wish on the third date that a woman would initiate the conversation about what he wants to do next. And sometimes when I ask what someone has in mind, I have a suggestion myself, but want them to speak up first. It IS prying to ask about some embarrassing subject.

 

I highly suggest that along with traditional dating that you go attend meetup groups, etc, and volunteer to give yourself a chance to get to know other women in a no pressure situation - no "2 dates and if she doesn't produce.." If you gradually get to know someone in a non-date environment, there may be someone you naturally are drawn to, as she is to you and you can go out for coffee or do part of that hobby together in a non threatening way and decide if she is someone worth pursuing. The whole "acquaintances first" thing. If you mix things up, you may find yourself less frustrated.

[Lion-Guy]

Sorry, really didn't mean low investment in the sense of money$ only. I meant something short and sweet to get to know them. Less is more concept. Keep the first date short. So she doesn't feel like she is walking into too much if it doesn't work out and me too. I like your group meet up idea. Need to partake in some hobbies with cute girls there. Everything I do is mostly all guy sports or events. Will look for something more coed. Like crossfit gym or volunteer work.

 

I have to add. The girl I took to the concert on date 2 hinted that she wanted to meet up for valentines today. I already had plans later but said I could meet for a few hours to watch the sunset. There is a great look-out here at the ocean that is beautiful. I would imagine most girls would find it breath taking. She said the only place is interested in watching the sunset is this super fancy hotel on the ocean here 45 mins away. Either I set the bar way to high or she is ultra high maintenance. Her last bf and her broke up bc he was insecure that she came from money. I'm not insecure about it, but I wouldn't be able to keep up. I need someone more on my level.

[abitbroken]

Sorry, really didn't mean low investment in the sense of money$ only. I meant something short and sweet to get to know them. Less is more concept. Keep the first date short. So she doesn't feel like she is walking into too much if it doesn't work out and me too. I like your group meet up idea. Need to partake in some hobbies with cute girls there. Everything I do is mostly all guy sports or events. Will look for something more coed. Like crossfit gym or volunteer work.

 

I have to add. The girl I took to the concert on date 2 hinted that she wanted to meet up for valentines today. I already had plans later but said I could meet for a few hours to watch the sunset. There is a great look-out here at the ocean that is beautiful. I would imagine most girls would find it breath taking. She said the only place is interested in watching the sunset is this super fancy hotel on the ocean here 45 mins away. Either I set the bar way to high or she is ultra high maintenance. Her last bf and her broke up bc he was insecure that she came from money. I'm not insecure about it, but I wouldn't be able to keep up. I need someone more on my level.

 

Do your friends at the guy hobbies know you are looking? Many people meet because they are introduced by the brother, friend, father, neighbor, brother-in-law, etc, of someone they know from work or a hobby.

[Lion-Guy]

Yes, they do. Most are married and don't have too many single friends. Hence why I have been trying online dating. And putting my self out there on first dates. In the past I've always met someone through a friend or work.

 

I'm enjoying the online dating. I've met some great girls in just 2 weeks. I think it will just take a good number of dates to find someone that clicks for both them and you.

[notalady]

She said the only place is interested in watching the sunset is this super fancy hotel on the ocean here 45 mins away. Either I set the bar way to high or she is ultra high maintenance. Her last bf and her broke up bc he was insecure that she came from money. I'm not insecure about it, but I wouldn't be able to keep up. I need someone more on my level.

 

And that's when you run away, fast. Way too high maintenance, high expectations, all about money, you name it.

[Dahl]

I'm just bewildered about something here, if you are willing to elucidate me -

 

Why do you keep calling / relentlessly referring to this woman as 'the Asian girl?' You mentioned her name - Kara, I believe - only one time in the middle of the thread but then dove straight back to 'the Asian girl' - and yet you identify other dates by first names and no other by race.

 

What's the thinking there, if I may ask?

[pippy longstocking]

Pippy, I have to say, that was my VERY first thought when I read that when he walked her to her car she said something alone the lines of what other "drunk" girls do. Man, PLEASE people don't drive drunk. I was seriously injured and someone was killed by a drunk driver when I was 21 and I just lost a surf sister two weeks ago, her boyfriend was driving drunk and drove into a tree. It's been mentioned on the Hawaii news because of who she was. So sad

 

Aside from that, she does sound interested, maybe being a liiitttle hard to get and I agree with the other women that said holding hands with someone you just met does feel a little "weird" to me and I'm a big hand holder, smoocher, hugger.

 

Take it slow if you like this girl

 

I am so very sorry for your loss xxxx

[Lion-Guy]

Been taking people's advice and no hand holding on first date. I'd say it is working better that way. Been on quite a few dates since. Second dates coming up with most of them. I learned that some girls like to go 0-100mph with the touching and kissing, but most do not.

 

Took one girl to my work to show her around bc she hinted that she was really interested in it so I invited her late at night. She dropped her evening plans, showed up, had an amazing time, tried to touch me quite a few times but I had to remain professional at work. Set up second date plans for drinks on saturday, she has been texting me every since. Tried create a little sexual tension between us via the texting (just stupid stuff like no touching allowed) and she told me I'm much more impressive showing her things like I did at work then sweet talking her.

 

1. What in the heck does that mean when a girl says that?

2. Second date ideas that would go along with this? I made plans for drinks by her house but now I'm second guessing if that was the right idea??? I'm too busy to do anything during the day, but was thinking surprise her with indoor go kart racing? But thought it was bad bc you have to wear gross helmets when you are all dressed up to go out.

[Wiseman2]

Skip the flirt texts and take what she said literally. Ask her what she'd like to do.

she told me I'm much more impressive showing her things like I did at work then sweet talking her.

1. What in the heck does that mean when a girl says that?

2. Second date ideas that would go along with this? I made plans for drinks by her house

[surfdiva]

I am so very sorry for your loss xxxx

 

Awe, thank you Pippy We had a paddle out for her, it was really nice. Her mom was there (famous older female surfer). It was amazing.