Finally saw Ex with another girl. Feeling broken

[lisa27]

So yesterday marked 9 weeks since my Ex dumped me AND also was the first time i saw him with a new girl.

 

I had made a fool out of myself last time i saw him (thread: Ruined all my progress last night when i saw my ex), So was avoiding any contact with him after that. Even deleted my facebook and IG.

 

However, i couldnt avoid this encounter. I was walking out of the crowd at a summer festival i was at and there he was his his new girl. Tall and blonde. Absolute opposite to me. I knew straight away who she was. She was the girl he added on FB straight after untagging all our photos togethers. I just had this feeling and I was right.

 

He looked like he had seen a ghost and i quickly darted away from them. It was one of the most humiliating and crushing experiences to date. I felt so worthless at that moment. Here it is summer time and i am at a festival with my ex who is having the time of his life with his new girl, while im sitting in the corner of the concert bawling my eyes out.

 

We broke up because i was sick of being third priority to his work and friends. He said he wanted to "work on himself" and not have to worry about another person. Yet there he was - 2 months after the break up - and already seeming to be quite invested in this girl. I say this because she lives in a different city. So they didnt just bump into each other. They have clearly been talking etc. He even had the audacity to introduce her to one of my friends.

 

You cant help but ask yourself - what does she have that i dont? why was i never good enough for him? Its very disheartening.

 

To make things worse - he owed me $5k. He never brought this up after the breakup - he made me a small installment once. I guess i was just trying to be compassionate and not be the psycho ex nagging him. using this money as a way of contact. Anyways this morning i sent him a very formal email noting that we are no longer together anymore and its highly inappropriate that he still owes me this money.

 

He text me back later on that day and said he completely agreed and hes so sorry. he asked if he could call me. i said why? He said he wants to apologise and sort payment. he then said could he come see me. i said 'nothing to talk about ' and to let me know when paid. he said he was having problems making transfer to this account. i said he could transfer to another. i was blunt whole way through. it was empowering saying no to his demands. Lastly he said "i will pay you in full today. im so sorry. i feel like a scumbag'. I never replied.

 

I guess this is almost just a vent. Because everyone on here has already told me about what an A-hole this guy is.

I just guess im just questioning our whole relationship now. should i be feeling this humiliated? i want to feel normal again.

[SherrySher]

You described everything so clearly that I really can see what that would have felt like, that's awful. I am sorry you had to go through this with this guy.

It is one of the hardest things ever, to not only break up with someone who isn't pulling their weight anymore but to also see them now with someone else and seemingly to make the efforts they didn't make for us.

Yes, it would be very hurtful

But you can't take it personally. This does not mean that there is something wrong with you, or that you weren't worthy of his efforts or attentions. He could have either been a jerk, or the relationship just ran it's course and wasn't going to get better. And again, this is not a direct reflection on you.

Truthfully, sometimes people can just suck.

Maybe he is one of these people that can't fix what is broken and instead tosses it for something shiny and new. There's many like that, and they are shallow and not worth your tears.

I hope he pays you back in full and it's good that you are standing up for yourself..

Keeping healing and give yourself time, even though you don't think so, you are being very strong and are healing bit by bit.

[Garrykay]

It is not something you can't get over. My ex & I broke up in 2010. I thought it was just a phase & we are going to rekindle soon. But after one week, he appeared from nowhere, with his ex girlfriend. I was so shocked, he never told me about her. So, it took 10 days & I was fine. Now whenever I look back or we talk about this, I laugh out loud. Why did I even wasted my 10 days thinking about him, I should have know, things changes. Priorities changes & life goes on.

[Ms Darcy]

You may have to see a lawyer to get your money back.

 

Please ladies - no more loans to boyfriends.

[Crystal Clear2]

Ugh.

Get your money from him and go full nc and start your healing.

I hope i never see my ex coz it sets you back.

All the best.

[Wait 4 what]

My ex said the same thing "work on himself & not have to worry about anyone else." The "not worry about someone else" sounds absurdly selfish... yuck! That alone should send us running away in disgust. So....this new girl is probably just some thing that he isnt going to care enough to worry about. No need to go back and question yalls relationship... At least you know that to him you are worth worrying about. He is just too immature to want to have "responsibilities."

[Pretzel]

So sorry to hear this - i saw what happened from your previous post and did not expect this. You must have been shocked. At least now you know nothing more can hurt you- that's as painful as it gets. I agree 100% with SherrySher- pretty much spot on. Don't take it personally at all. There are people who can't handle the effort of a relationship (immature), and when it gets too much, they back away, and start afresh and possibility repeat the same behaviour with another person. And yet, there are people who would move mountains to be with you.

 

Don't let it question your esteem or the validity of the relationship. It was an experience at the least and you learnt things from it. It doesn't matter what it was, or what it wasn't, there's no value in overanalysing it. The bottom line is that yes it hurts to be close to someone and know this, but every day will get better. Give time time, you're being strong now and you will continue to be strong!

[Gary Snyder]

Wow, it sounds like the loan might cost you more heartache and pain than it's worth. What's more important, money or your sanity? I let my exes keep it. At least I'm happy. Just sayin'.

[Iggy5129]

You may have to see a lawyer to get your money back.

 

Please ladies - no more loans to boyfriends.

 

I couldn't agree more. I've been in this situation and it sucks (being owed money by an ex). Don't lend money to your bf.

[Matt3939]

Urg usually I'd say just walk but 5k if it's dollars is a bit much. I'd get it back. Was it a loan did you write up any paperwork? It's a horrible feeling seeing the one you were with, with someone else. The onlything that helps that situation at least for me is you know it's absolutely done then.

[Trinity11]

Mrs Darcy is right. My ex from many years ago owed me a few K too. Then my dad said something that stuck

 

"Never lend something you cannot afford to lose" this goes for anything,clothing etc. I stick by it now.

 

I agree your story felt like being there. I dread that day.

[lisa27]

UPDATE: He has paid in full. I have not contacting him since he sent that last 'scum bag' message. No more ties to him at all now... unsure how i feel

[Pretzel]

onwards and upwards....

 

 

[SherrySher]

Sending hugs, focus on continued healing. Stay strong. If you have some days where you fall back and don't feel so strong, that's okay, but keep moving forward.