He will only take me back if i dont see any other guys while broken up

[maraneedshelp]

I have posted my whole relationship story already on a different forum. I am working on myself, i want to start therapy and heal. (I suffer from a mentall illness ). My bf on the other hand is a drug addict who does nothing with his life. We said its best when he moves out of our appartment. We are newly broken up but he still calls me 'baby' and thinks he can just get sex whenever. I dont think him or me can just let go really easily. So we said we will still stay in touch and talk and stuff but we just need time apart to fix ourselves. I really hope he gets off the drugs The thing is that he said if i ever sleep with another guy after he moved out, that he will not want me back. He said he will never view me the same anymore. I am so scared now to meet other guys because i fear that IF we both ever fix ourselves, that at that point he doesnt even want me anymore because i got 'used' by someone else. Anyways, He will leave the country for a whole month soon to visit his family. He usually always ignores me completely when he is gone visiting his family so i know i will be super lonely. I am thinking.. because i am too shy to just go up to guys at university, that i will just ask guys on tinder if they wanna hang out. Nothing sexual. I just wanna get to know other guys and be friends with them (at least for the start). My (now ex)-bf thinks that would be cheating if i went to hang out with other guys during he is gone for the next month. How is it cheating when we broke up? He himself said he is not sure about us anymore and doesnt even know anymore if i am his true love. He makes me feel soooo shi*t for the past months. I feel so unloved. How can he think he still has a say when i want to meet others? I dont wanna move on fast into any new relationship or anything. I really just want to meet new guys/girls. I just want to see how other guys are. I want to be able to have a fun time for once. I wouldnt even be ready to kiss someone else right now but talking/hanging out with them is cheating? Or is he trying to just keep control over me?

[Hollyj]

Don't you think it would be best to focus on getting therapy, and forget men for a long while. Focus on your mental health.

 

You know this guy is very unhealthy for you.

Try and make some female friends. Tinder is the worst place for platonic friends!

[JaggerJim]

I think it would be great for you to start meeting new guys. It would open up a whole new world for you. He is a drug-addict. He will bring you down, time and time again. Let him go overseas, and try to forget about him.

 

You say you need to fix yourself, but in what way? Everyone can self-improve, but if you think you need to fix yourself because he told you to, well do you think you need to? Sometimes you just need a fresh perspective. He is dragging you down, and it's not in your best interests to keep seeing him.

[maraneedshelp]

I understand that i need therapy. But he was the only person i had in my life and its so hard to loose him completely. I do know that i need time apart from him. But i still have strong feelings for him and want it to work out for the long run after we got ourselves fixed. He is 21 only, its normal thaz he experience with drugs like weed , no? I think he could be a really good guy at heart and dont want to loose him.

[Hollyj]

I think it would be great for you to start meeting new guys. It would open up a whole new world for you. He is a drug-addict. He will bring you down, time and time again. Let him go overseas, and try to forget about him.

 

You say you need to fix yourself, but in what way? Everyone can self-improve, but if you think you need to fix yourself because he told you to, well do you think you need to? Sometimes you just need a fresh perspective. He is dragging you down, and it's not in your best interests to keep seeing him.

 

I suggest that you review her history .

[HeartGoesOn]

He wants to keep you on the back burner, in case he falls short while shopping around for a better offer. The only thing a drug addict desires is more drugs.

 

Move on, you won't win this battle.

[Hollyj]

I understand that i need therapy. But he was the only person i had in my life and its so hard to loose him completely. I do know that i need time apart from him. But i still have strong feelings for him and want it to work out for the long run after we got ourselves fixed. He is 21 only, its normal thaz he experience with drugs like weed , no? I think he could be a really good guy at heart and dont want to loose him.

 

You need to focus on your own issues, and stop being so dependent on men to make you happy . Did you look into your mental health options, and what they can offer? I pulled up a bunch of stuff after a 5 second search.

[Hollyj]

He is a drug addict and ignores you when you are together. This does not sound like love to me.

[maraneedshelp]

Yeah. I think he just wants to use me for sex. Because he tries everyday to still have sex with me but never actually shows me love. I hate how he tells me he wants to move out and that we might not be the perfect match he thought we would be, but then still calls me 'baby' and touches me and tries to act like a couple. It messes with me so much. I feel like all my life i just keep loosing people once they got important to me. This break up really hurts me so much. I am afraid once hes gone , i just will be alone and EVEN more depressed. The last time i was single was 7 years ago (i am 21). Its gonna be so hard to have no one. My dream would be that we just take some time apart, i get therapy and healthy and he gets healthy and then we can be together happily. But i know thats so unrealistic.

[maraneedshelp]

So do you guys think its ok for me to go on 'dates' or meet other guys (from tinder or anywhere else). NOT for a new relationship but just to see how guys are like in general and it would be awesome to have some male friends. Because he said i should not meet any other guys for at least one month (after he moved out) and that it would be a very 'slu*tty' move.

[Tanzi]

He is still trying to control you but, if I were you, I wouldn't let any of what he says bother you right now as it a moot point anyway. If you do move on and find someone else you are unlikely to want him back anyway.

 

Your ex is, well, your ex and he doesn't get to say what you can and can't do with your life. That said, your focus needs to be on fixing yourself and not on dating etc. Part of fixing yourself is getting to a point where you are happy by yourself.

[boltnrun]

So I presume you aren't pregnant after all?

[maraneedshelp]

I dont know. Still no period...i am not home at the moment to avoid my ex-boyfriend. I still hope its just the stress or depression. But knowing how things are going with him, i would even be okay with an abortion by now.

[Birdie]

So do you guys think its ok for me to go on 'dates' or meet other guys (from tinder or anywhere else). NOT for a new relationship but just to see how guys are like in general and it would be awesome to have some male friends. Because he said i should not meet any other guys for at least one month (after he moved out) and that it would be a very 'slu*tty' move.

 

No you should not be going on dates or trying to meet other guys, you NEED to spend some time alone and without men!!! I guarantee meeting guys 'as friends' on tinder won't go well, it's mostly a hook-up app so that's the majority of the types you'll meet on there. People don't use tinder to make friends. Why not try to make some female friends? Join a group or club at your university? Stop basing your self-worth and self-esteem off men being interested in you.

[Wiseman2]

Tinder is not for friends, ego boosts or leading people on for your own pleasure or issues. Do you still live together and have sex?

So do you guys think its ok for me to go on 'dates' or meet other guys (from tinder or anywhere else). NOT for a new relationship but just to see how guys are like in general and it would be awesome to have some male friends.

[dino7994]

He is manipulating you.

You are dependent on others for a sense of happiness and well-being.

Learn how to be independent and happy with yourself.

Then you will realize how ridiculous this all sounds and how you shouldn't even want to be with him.

[boltnrun]

I think you should determine if you're pregnant before you think about seeing or dating other men.

 

Whatever you decide to do (if it turns out you are pregnant), maybe it would be a good idea to deal with that first?

[Annia]

No you should not be going on dates or trying to meet other guys, you NEED to spend some time alone and without men!!! I guarantee meeting guys 'as friends' on tinder won't go well, it's mostly a hook-up app so that's the majority of the types you'll meet on there. People don't use tinder to make friends. Why not try to make some female friends? Join a group or club at your university? Stop basing your self-worth and self-esteem off men being interested in you.

 

This.

 

You are not in condition to casual dating. Of course he's trying to manipulate you, but the reason you should not go on dates now it's not because of what he said but because of your issues.

 

You get too attached to men and base your value in men's perception of you. Besides therapy you should be trying to get female friends. Join groups and such... I bet university has free groups you can join in and meet new interesting people in a non dating context and free your mind with other things.

[maraneedshelp]

Ok thank you. I took a pregnancy test again yesterday and it was negative. So i am assuming its just the depression. We are still living together until he has another place to stay. He told me yestersay that he still has strong feelings for me but less than before. (He used to tell me i am his true love and now he says i am not his 'true love' anymore, but still loves me.) He also hasnt cried ONCE. I am very upset that the break up is so hard for me after getting really intimate with this person for over a whole year and he smiles in my face when i cry. Do men not cry when breaking up with someone they love? I feel like even if he wasnt a drug addict and me being mentally ill, HIS ATTITUDE AND REACTION is telling me already that we are not meant to be. I want my future husband to fight for me, i want passionate love and not someone who isnt even moved by me crying my heart out.