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Facing a break up after finding a letter my BF wrote to his ex...

eucalypts

By eucalypts
in Breaking Up Advice

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eucalypts Newbie

eucalypts

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Thanks for the advice everyone. He texted me good morning and said he hopes I'm okay. He said he's here if I need him. I haven't responded and I don't plan to... what do I even say to that. I called in sick to work as well because I got like an hour sleep and can't deal with any of that today. I've been through this before with him but this time it's so much harder and I think it's because I know deep down that it's final now. There's no chance of getting back together because we tried that and it didn't work.

 

Everyone here said what needed to be said. Don't be that girl who doesn't listen and stay with him anyway. I know it's hard but move on and for Pete's sake don't get pregnant

 

That gave me a laugh. I certainly won't be.

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boltnrun Grand Master

boltnrun

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I recommend you ask him to stop contacting you.

 

Yes, I know you want him to contact you because it will make it seem like he really cares and if he cares, that means he'll come back to you! But all it does it keep you stuck, connected to him, while he's free to pursue whoever he wants.

 

So, I'd politely ask him to stop with the texts and just let you get over him.

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eucalypts Newbie

eucalypts

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He sent me another text later in the day calling me a grumpy head for not replying (which I guess is like his little nickname for me sometimes) and said he hopes I had a good day. I said it was as good as it was going to get after what happened last night and said that while I appreciate his kindness if he doesn't want to be together then he basically needs to leave me alone for the time being. It was probably a little dramatic of me but I can't deal with any of it right now.

 

Thank you once again for the advice everyone.

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leseine7 Collaborator

leseine7

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I read this whole thread hardly moving a muscle, waiting for the update where you said you two broke up.

 

You sound clear on what has happened, and it also sounds to me (and I hope this is true) as if that bubble of him being some amazing love of your life has burst. I hope you turn to this forum instead of writing him back ever. I hope you remember that he is NOT the guy for you and you have to work to move on from here. I hope it... but I'm anxious for you. Because if him having another girlfriend and feeding you breadcrumbs was enough for you to persistently reach out to him and send him presents (girl. I face/palmed when I read that, not gonna lie.), for months, I am concerned you will start to miss him and hope for him to be in your life again when the dust settles from this break up.

 

I believe he was being honest with you. That he was confused and had feelings for multiple women. But I believe he was definitely not as into you as you were him, or as he was with the other girl. This you know, so I will stop reminding you.

 

But please keep yourself grounded in reality if he continues to send you 'grumpy head' messages when you continue to not reply. Please block his messages. He seems like the type who will try to maintain contact in order to feed his ego, make amends, attempt a 'friendship" if other things don't work out with other girls, and so on. You are not capable of managing that contact, and need to protect yourself from it.

 

Please really truly move on from him. Accept this is over. No more analysis is required.

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Ms Darcy Mentor

Ms Darcy

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He sent me another text later in the day calling me a grumpy head for not replying (which I guess is like his little nickname for me sometimes) and said he hopes I had a good day. I said it was as good as it was going to get after what happened last night and said that while I appreciate his kindness if he doesn't want to be together then he basically needs to leave me alone for the time being. It was probably a little dramatic of me but I can't deal with any of it right now.

 

Thank you once again for the advice everyone.

 

Blockity block block. The more you talk to him, the more you'll leave yourself open to him as a second, or third, choice.

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PICCOLLO Enthusiast

PICCOLLO

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Wow, this reads like a chapter in my life with my first 'true love'. My only advice is that while he plays an active role in your life, you'll never find true happiness in a relationship. His time has passed. Leave him behind and dont look back. You have your memories, remember them fondly but move on.

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eucalypts Newbie

eucalypts

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Wow, this reads like a chapter in my life with my first 'true love'. My only advice is that while he plays an active role in your life, you'll never find true happiness in a relationship. His time has passed. Leave him behind and dont look back. You have your memories, remember them fondly but move on.

 

Yes, that's true. Looking back at that period where we were broken up but still talking, I met a few guys but never gave them a chance because I was so hung up on my ex.

 

Anyway I haven't heard from him since his last text (where he called me a grumpy head for not replying to him) and I have deleted his number so the only way to ever contact him again (aside from physically going to his house or getting his number through our mutual friends) is if he texts me again. And I don't think he will. To be honest I have been an absolute mess and have called in sick for the rest of the week.

 

This has been a major eye opener for me and I'm going to start therapy. I know I have had problems since I was a kid with my emotions and how I feel sometimes, and all of this has just been too much that I realise I need help. Thanks for the advice everyone.

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youareworthy Collaborator

youareworthy

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Yes, that's true. Looking back at that period where we were broken up but still talking, I met a few guys but never gave them a chance because I was so hung up on my ex.

 

Anyway I haven't heard from him since his last text (where he called me a grumpy head for not replying to him) and I have deleted his number so the only way to ever contact him again (aside from physically going to his house or getting his number through our mutual friends) is if he texts me again. And I don't think he will. To be honest I have been an absolute mess and have called in sick for the rest of the week.

 

This has been a major eye opener for me and I'm going to start therapy. I know I have had problems since I was a kid with my emotions and how I feel sometimes, and all of this has just been too much that I realise I need help. Thanks for the advice everyone.

 

Dear Eucalypts,

 

I am so sorry for all the pain you have been going through, but I am happy that you are using this pain to get into therapy. What a wonderful, productive outcome to a very difficult set of experiences and choices!

 

You should be proud of yourself for facing this and seeking guidance. You are awesome!

 

Youareworthy

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  • 2 weeks later...
eucalypts Newbie

eucalypts

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Update

 

Long story short, he has been trying to get back with me and has been wanting to meet up so we can talk. Yesterday I ended up getting in contact with his ex (the one he wrote the letter to). She said she wrote him a letter back but he never mentioned this to me and interestingly enough, the day he received her letter was the night we broke up. She said after he received that letter she got a text from him desperately wanting to meet up, so she did and he asked her if they could be "friends". They met up a second time to hang out as friends but she said both times he constantly crossed the line by trying to kiss her, touching in inappropriate places, and so on. In the end she asked him whether he saw himself getting back together with me. He told her he didn't know what he was doing with "any of this" but no matter what they can still be friends... she said it's not that simple, and blocked him for good once she got home. So basically while he was trying to see if I'd take him back, he was testing the waters with her as "friends". I am so glad I got to speak to her, it really opened my eyes up on the whole situation.

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Sarahhh q2346 Newbie

Sarahhh q2346

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Update

 

Long story short, he has been trying to get back with me and has been wanting to meet up so we can talk. Yesterday I ended up getting in contact with his ex (the one he wrote the letter to). She said she wrote him a letter back but he never mentioned this to me and interestingly enough, the day he received her letter was the night we broke up. She said after he received that letter she got a text from him desperately wanting to meet up, so she did and he asked her if they could be "friends". They met up a second time to hang out as friends but she said both times he constantly crossed the line by trying to kiss her, touching in inappropriate places, and so on. In the end she asked him whether he saw himself getting back together with me. He told her he didn't know what he was doing with "any of this" but no matter what they can still be friends... she said it's not that simple, and blocked him for good once she got home. So basically while he was trying to see if I'd take him back, he was testing the waters with her as "friends". I am so glad I got to speak to her, it really opened my eyes up on the whole situation.

 

Good you deserve alot better than how you've been treated he's been used to you at his back an call. If he was really in love with you he wouldn't need to contact his ex because if he feels bad it's obviously regret..

I'm going through it myself my ex was a lovely guy until I lost our baby then he just left and lost whatever he had for me even though I'm sad I realise it's time for me to move on and find someone that will support unconditionally

 

I wish you all the best x

Forget about him he's not worth anymore of your time you've wasted enough being heartbroken

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eucalypts Newbie

eucalypts

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Thanks everyone.

 

Apparently the last thing his ex said to him was "if I really meant that much to you, you wouldn't have done the things you did" and the funny thing is that's exactly how I feel about this whole situation. He hasn't tried reaching out to me since his last message (which I ignored) and if he does I am going to tell him the same thing. Hopefully he'll learn a lot from this. I know I have.

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