my boyfriend got a girl pregnant on our break

[annie24]

Do you agree that a man shouldn't trust a woman saying that she's on the pill, then? Does your point stretch to that?

 

Like I said, wearing a condom is either a rule or it isn't.

 

Even if a woman is on the pill and is taking it everyday, on time and not lying about it, it can fail. For example, if she took antibiotics (they can interfere with the efficacy of birth control). It is always best to use 2 versions of birth control if someone DOES NOT want to be a parent but wants to have sex. Please note that in many countries, abortion is illegal or it is very difficult to get an abortion. Many place that offer abortions in the US are being shut down.

 

In any case, this is getting off topic - what's done is done. OP's boyfriend might have a child on the way. When the child is born, he should take a paternity test so he knows if it is his or not. OP should take an STD test to make sure boyfriend didn't pick anything up from unprotected sex with the FWB and pass it along to her.

[HeartGoesOn]

Both parties are equally responsible for the use of BC. It's called "common sense."

[Jabron1]

Should anyone trust anyone to be truthful about birth control when the dynamic of the relationship is booty call? I don't think so.

 

It happens in and out of exclusive relationships.

 

It's either a rule or it isn't. If it isn't, a man is prone - simple as that.

 

You either trust, or you don't. This guy trusted too much, and is being punished for it.

 

Even if a woman is on the pill and is taking it everyday, on time and not lying about it, it can fail. For example, if she took antibiotics (they can interfere with the efficacy of birth control). It is always best to use 2 versions of birth control if someone DOES NOT want to be a parent but wants to have sex. Please note that in many countries, abortion is illegal or it is very difficult to get an abortion. Many place that offer abortions in the US are being shut down.

 

We kind of agree on this, men should generally exercise their contraceptive options.

 

Learnt that one the hard way, as a stupid kid

 

Please note that in many countries, abortion is illegal or it is very difficult to get an abortion. Many place that offer abortions in the US are being shut down.

 

In the West, the culture is heading for more feminism - not less.

 

There'll be a backlash, but it isn't going to be for a while yet. Though we may be starting to see signs, politically.

 

In any case, this is getting off topic

 

I don't think so. As I said, they will have to accept what has happened.

 

But, I think her understanding of the situation is correct. It's pretty clear that her boyfriend has been played.

 

My advice is this: if your boyfriend really feels like he's getting used in this, for you and him to cut off any and all communication with this woman.

[ThatwasThen]

It happens in and out of exclusive relationships.

 

It's either a rule or it isn't. If it isn't, a man is prone - simple as that.

Not disagreeing with any of that...

but will say that this is not a gender thing: a woman is just as "prone" as you put it. We Know a chick whose boyfriend put pin s in their condom stash because he wanted her to be tied to him for ever even if they broke up. Well, she did fall pregnant but (as you have said) she had the right to choose abortion without his consent which she promptly did and then when cleared by her gyno had an IUD inserted. Needless to say she broke up with him.

 

I don't think dude was "played" either. I think he is playing the OP. That line about the morning after pill just doesn't make any sense whatsoever. If you're far enough along to have a pregnancy test confirm conception then the "morning after" pill is futile. If it was soon enough to actually work then he knew that there was a chance she could get pregnant and that she wasn't on the pill. Something on his accounting does not make any sense.

[Jabron1]

I think he is playing the OP.

 

Are you suggesting he planned a child with the other woman, then got cold feet? Something like that?

 

I find it unlikely.

 

but will say that this is not a gender thing: a woman is just as "prone" as you put it. We Know a chick whose boyfriend put pin s in their condom stash because he wanted her to be tied to him for ever even if they broke up. Well, she did fall pregnant but (as you have said) she had the right to choose abortion without his consent which she promptly did and then when cleared by her gyno had an IUD inserted. Needless to say she broke up with him.

 

This merely reinforces the point that women control reproduction.

 

She aborted, then got an IUD.

 

A man doesn't have these options, and will have no control over that process at all (as OP's guy is finding out He will be locked in to 18 years of providing (correct for America?).

 

Unless this child was planned, I find it ludicrous that the guy is somehow blamed.

 

The woman would have had to ignore contraception before the act. She would have had to allow him to enter her without a condom. She would have had to ignore the morning after pill. And now she ignores the option to abort.

 

You can only make so many excuses for a person before it stops making sense.

[E123]

Please try to understand. He did not plan on getting her pregnant. She told him she was on the pill when she wasnt all this was a set up by her.

[E123]

Im not sure if i should leave him im really inlove with him

[E123]

When we decided to go on a break. He met her through tinder. The became friends with benefits and he used to tell her about our relationship

So im assuming she started craving whst we had.

[E123]

Pretty much thats what happened. She set him up good and refused to take the morning after pill when she had a morning sickness the following day. My consern here is if i should stick around.

[E123]

I agree. He has every right to choose if he wants the baby or not. Since she played him and made him think that she was on the pill.

[sophie274]

Pretty much thats what happened. She set him up good and refused to take the morning after pill when she had a morning sickness the following day. My consern here is if i should stick around.

 

You don't get morning sickness the day after having sex! It is not possible. (You can of course be nauseous for unrelated reasons). The first pregnancy symptom most women experience is a missed period, several weeks after sex. Morning sickness typically starts at 6-8 weeks of pregnancy, long after the deed was done.

 

I think this is why people feel your boyfriend's story is not adding up. If she told him she was on the pill, why would he tell her to take the morning after pill the next morning? Did they just have sex once? If they were friends with benefits, they must have done it more than once.

 

Just be aware that you're only getting one side of the story. Your boyfriend is presenting this as a set-up by her, but you might not know all the relevant info. If she did deliberately trap him into a pregnancy, then that is horrible and despicable and disgusting ... But it still doesn't give your boyfriend the right to decide what to do with the pregnancy, and if a child is born, the law still requires him to support the child financially.

[Tanzi]

Sorry there must be a misunderstanding here. "When i said we called her" i meant he called her and it was on speaker so we both heard what she had to say. I have not contacted her what so ever. And the reason he didnt wear a condom was because she told him she was on the pill.

 

1) If you don't really know someone why would you take the risk that someone says they are on the pill just because the say they are?

2) Condoms have a dual purpose ... to avoid STD's. If he is hooking up for sex or FWBs I would have thought that was paramount.

 

Still, I guess that's all a little late now.

[Tanzi]

Pretty much thats what happened. She set him up good and refused to take the morning after pill when she had a morning sickness the following day. My consern here is if i should stick around.

 

She said she had morning sickness the next day? She's sounds deluded. Or she was already pregnant! If she is pregnant, I would definitely get a paternity test!

[E123]

I hope shes bluffing cause it not fair to mess with 3 lives all at once. Thanks for your advice

[superfan]

It might not be the situation you want, OP, but if it is your boyfriend's child, he is responsible.

 

I would be getting checked for STIs since your boyfriend was not using protection while sleeping with this girl (and who knows who else?)

 

The fact is that men are equally as responsible for preventing pregnancy. A guy can make a million and one excuses as to why he didn't wear a condom but at the end of the day he has only himself to blame if he gets a girl pregnant when he could have prevented it.

 

He needs to make sure that this child is his, so after the baby is born he needs to get a paternity test. If the child is indeed his, then he will have to pay to support it.

 

He can whine about how "unfair" it is all he wants, but believe me when I say that actually raising that child alone is going to be much harder for her and the very least he can do is help financially.

 

I say the very least because from the sounds of it I doubt your boyfriend plans to be part of his child's life.

 

When stuff like this happens, fingers get pointed in all directions. It becomes "her fault" and "his fault" but people forget that a child is being brought into the world now who will grow up with added difficulties because mom and dad wanted a booty call and dad couldn't be bothered to take responsibility for himself both before and after the child is born.

 

I would encourage your boyfriend to do the right thing by this innocent child if it is his.

[ThatwasThen]

I agree. He has every right to choose if he wants the baby or not. Since she played him and made him think that she was on the pill.

I think your boyfriend is playing YOU.

[Fudgie]

Here is what I think:

 

1) if she's pregnant and it's his, get out of the relationship. Long term, if you stay together, you'll be paying for this child because your incomes will be joint. Sounds like a sucky setup for you. Leave him and he can figure it out on his own. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

 

2) She's bluffing. Leave him anyway. How can you have any trust or respect for such a stupid person who would not only f__ a bag of crazy like her, but would do so without a condom? Shame on her and shame on him. What an idiot.

 

Either way, he's a dud.

[ThatwasThen]

Are you suggesting he planned a child with the other woman, then got cold feet? Something like that?

 

I find it unlikely.

No... I'm suggesting that he's lying to the Op about time lines or frequency of their booty calls. In fact, I think she's probably not as far along in the pregnancy as the Op thinks she is and this "conception" has occurred while they were NOT on a break. As I said, this "morning after pill" story is implausible.

 

 

 

This merely reinforces the point that women control reproduction.

Yes, we have 100% control when men won't or don't take their own destiny into their own hands and leave it up to us.

 

She aborted, then got an IUD.

Yes, she then made sure that if any other man were to trick her like that again, the IUD would prevent a pregnancy.

 

A man doesn't have these options, and will have no control over that process at all (as OP's guy is finding out He will be locked in to 18 years of providing (correct for America?). Yes because he didn't look after himself and he left his destiny in her hands instead of wearing a rubber and putting his destiny in his own hands. He's no victim.

 

Unless this child was planned, I find it ludicrous that the guy is somehow blamed.

that's because you view him as a victim when he was a volunteer.

 

The woman would have had to ignore contraception before the act. She would have had to allow him to enter her without a condom. She would have had to ignore the morning after pill. And now she ignores the option to abort.

Yes all because he let her have 100% of conception control.

 

You can only make so many excuses for a person before it stops making sense.

Then perhaps you should stop making excuses for him.and making him a victim when he was a volunteer. When you don't protect your own sperm from entering into a casual sexual partner then you're a volunteer for what you end up with. That being said, I think it's despicable of any woman do lie about being on birth control.

[Quidam]

How old are you all (the 3 of you)

[Jabron1]

I agree. He has every right to choose if he wants the baby or not. Since she played him and made him think that she was on the pill.

 

My advice is thus, you should both completely ignore her.

 

Go off and live your lives, and be happy. Don't allow this manipulative woman to come between you. Cut her off completely. Have nothing to do with her. Ignore her calls, texts, etc.

 

If she chases you up, get a paternity test. If it even is his child, pay whatever you have to pay to keep the state happy and get her to go away.

 

Your boyfriend (and you, by proxy) will suffer big-time, if you allow her to remain in your lives.

[qwaspolk82]

You don't know she's pregnant just because she sent him a picture of a pregnancy test. You know there are women who sell pregnancy tests on the Internet right? Mostly around Army bases. Pregnant women will offer to sell them for those crazy chicks who want to be dependas and trap a guy into marriage.

 

IF she is pregnant - he needs to get a paternity test. It might not even be his. If it is his - he's got a kid to deal with. Do you want to deal with that drama? If you do then go ahead.

 

I wouldn't worry about a thing until there's actually something to worry about.

[Tanzi]

Do you agree that a man shouldn't trust a woman saying that she's on the pill, then? Does your point stretch to that?

 

Like I said, wearing a condom is either a rule or it isn't.

 

Doesn't that go without saying if the woman is someone he doesn't know ... or barely knows? .... Because she could indeed be one crazy a$$ed biatch who is desperate to get pregnant. Besides, if she is prepared to hook up with him without using a condom then how many other guys has she hooked up with without using protection? Hello, STDs????

 

He couldn't be bothered/didn't want to/whatever and now he has got himself into a truly crappy situation. It's not that I don't understand how horrible this is for him .... but, boy, was he stupid.

 

It's totally different if you are in a relationship and you completely trust the person you are with.

[Wiseman2]

Agree. The issue is can you deal with this whatever is really happening and whatever she decides to do and how involved your bf is in all that? Those are some tough questions and a lot to ponder and reflect on, no?

 

Have you and your bf argued about this? Is it straining your relationship? Prior to this did you see a future with him?

My consern here is if i should stick around.

[E123]

She's 3 weeks pregnant

[E123]

Thank you for ur help