Appealing a suspension advice, details in post

[katica]

Hi, does anyone have any experience in appealing an unfair suspension from a rec centre.

On Saturday, there was a kid who was bullying my 4 year old daughter in skating class. He tripped her 3 times and laughed about it, and told her multiple times she is a bad skater (even though she was better and faster than him). He is also at least 1 year older than her and about 3 inches taller.

After the kids got off the ice, my husband went with our daughter to talk to the kid to try and stop the bullying. We told the kid that he needs to stop tripping our daughter and saying mean things to her. And asked how he would feel if our son tripped and pushed him.

The conversation ended with us shaking hands with the kids dad and the kids fist pumping each other. The dad made his kid apologize for bullying our daughter and we ended on good terms.

We got a call from the rec centre the next day saying that we are under investigation for breaking the code of conduct and threatening another patron of the facility.

We talked quite a bit with the main supervisor for the arenas in our city. He banned all 4 of us for 3 months from any programs in any facility in our city, including both of our children who are 4 and 6 and totally innocent, and myself who was not involved. My husband did not threaten the man, he brought up an example to try to help them understand the situation in reverse. My daughters only involvement was being bullied. He then gave us a full refund for the programs that both (which leads me to believe that he saw that we were not violent troublemakers because usually people who are banned do not receive full refunds for being kicked out)

My question in, given that he felt us innocent enough to issue a refund, how would we appeal the suspension. We use the facility for other programs not registered under the city programs. (Other programs that rent the city facility.)

I also don't know if this was a factor or not, but the dad and kid were Asian, so maybe his English wasn't good and he took us talking to him and trying to give an example as a threat? But he could also see from the tone and the fact that we shook hands at the end that we were not physically threatening him.

The manager believed his story without asking for our side and banned us while the bully goes free.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like the other parents complained to the management about your confronting them directly rather than going to management yourselves about it. You could write a letter.

 

Can you review their policies? This wasn't about the bullying it was about confronting other patrons rather than going through whatever their channels/policies/procedures are for this type of thing.

We talked quite a bit with the main supervisor for the arenas in our city. He banned all 4 of us for 3 months from any programs in any facility in our city. He then gave us a full refund for the programs.

[Gloworm]

At least your daughter didnt punch him in the face.

[SherrySher]

That's basically what it comes down to...going through the right channels when you have a complaint. There is a right way and wrong way to go about it. Confronting directly was obviously the wrong choice. Now to undo it...I don't know.

[katica]

We talked to the ice supervisor (a different one) the week earlier and had our daughter moved to a lower level class to help get her out of the bullying. The lady assured us that they would be watching carefully. The kid did it again on the way off the ice. All staff claim not to have seen it but it happened right in front of 3 people right at the edge of the ice, close enough for us standing outside the door to see and hear. I'm sick of people bullying her just because she is little for her age.

[Wiseman2]

As long as you continue to think it's about bullying, you don't stand a chance. It's about approaching and confronting other patrons and your husband thinking his own version of 'street justice' was a good idea.

We talked to the ice supervisor (a different one) the week earlier and had our daughter moved to a lower level class.

[ThatwasThen]

Can you speak to those three people that witnessed the bullying and tripping incident to see if they will give you written statements that you can take to the person that suspended your family? Maybe if you have back up it might help?

There is also the woman that assured you that they would be keeping a close eye on the alleged bullier. She must have some say in that there is a history of this kid being obnoxious so go to her for advice as well.

 

I'm thinking someone must have witnessed your husband taking things into his own hands and felt that he was being more threatening then you guys believe he was.

 

Good luck.

[Moontiger]

I suspect you and your husband did not come off as rational and reasonable as you think you did.

 

Also refunding your money does not mean they think you are innocent. Probably they just wanted to make you go away and giving people their money back is the fastest way to do that.

 

Next time do not confront a five year old child (even with their parent present) when there is a problem. Report it to management.

[SherrySher]

Teach your child to be strong, not to be a victim. I know that sounds out of left field, and I don't mean any offense by it. But so many parents make the mistake of teaching their child who is bullied, to be a victim, thus, teaching them that they are weak and that the world is out the get them.

[tattoobunnie]

I don't know how your 4 year old is getting tripped without hysterically crying? Yeah, I'm with SherrySher - our daycare/pre-school teaches them to say, "NO!" to the other kid, and go and tell a teacher right away. This may be a blessing in disguise - unless you're 4 year old is gaga for skating - maybe try another program?

 

Also, if a strange man came up to my child, regardless if they somewhat know him through association, and tried to teach him a lesson, you betcha I'd be on the horn telling everyone to be aware of what happened.

[katica]

It sounds like people here are against us too. In our experience, being the only European kids on the ice makes our kids a huge target for bullies. They really stand out. I am talking to a different arena manager. I will delete this post when I figure out how. I was looking for advice on a solution, not accusations

[ThatwasThen]

It sounds like people here are against us too. In our experience, being the only European kids on the ice makes our kids a huge target for bullies. They really stand out. I am talking to a different arena manager. I will delete this post when I figure out how. I was looking for advice on a solution, not accusations

 

I gave you a few ideas to consider, but: Are you saying that the manager of the facility is the same nationality as the bully and you think there has been some prejudice laid on you and your family?

[katica]

Yes, and since we are in the minority, the people of the same race will support each other. Out of about 30 kids on the ice, there was only 1 other European kid

[Gloworm]

Well can you move to a more european area? It might help.

[tattoobunnie]

What are people accusing you of?

 

What I was saying is how your husband may have came off to others - threatening. With family, it's okay. Now for a 5 year old, it can be really scary for them. And my 4 year old, if he falls, I never hear the end of it.

 

I grew up Asian in an all white school (with one black girl) - It's never been an issue, nor do I or my family of Asians ever had issues with white people.

 

In a school setting in the US, you should ever resolve something like this on your own. The facility is liable for whatever happens. It was actually more practical to suspend you because of what your husband did. Even if it was well-intentioned, what they are thinking is that if you do it once, who knows what he'd do a second time around if someone else did something to your daughter.

 

Sorry that it sucks, but next time, you need to speak to the teacher, program manager, or whoever works with the kids, and let them handle it. And if you fear for her safety, you should have pulled her out of the program, and spoke to the program manager.

[Seraphim]

It sounds like people here are against us too. In our experience, being the only European kids on the ice makes our kids a huge target for bullies. They really stand out. I am talking to a different arena manager. I will delete this post when I figure out how. I was looking for advice on a solution, not accusations

 

You can't delete your post . It is right in the rules agreed to upon joining the forum.

[katica]

Ok. I'll solve it on my own. We need to use the facility for outside programs. I won't be registering them in that program again. They stand out too much. We can't afford to move anywhere else. We tried and a similar sized apartment costs between $300-500 more per month in a nicer area

[ThatwasThen]

Yes, and since we are in the minority, the people of the same race will support each other. Out of about 30 kids on the ice, there was only 1 other European kid

 

Well only thing I can think of is that you try to speak to the witnesses to your daughters bullying and see if they ill reconsider your husbands actions. Other then that, go over the person's head who suspended you and speak to their superior (the director?) and plead your case.

[SherrySher]

Honestly, I am not against you. I too have been in similar situations. I just have learnt the wrong and right way to go about it.

[Seraphim]

Absolutely. No one is against you, just saying a better way to do it.

[katica]

We finally solved it. We talked to a different manager who got a different translator to talk to the guy (dad of the kid). He agreed that he misunderstood and overreacted and the whole thing was dropped.

[ThatwasThen]

We finally solved it. We talked to a different manager who got a different translator to talk to the guy (dad of the kid). He agreed that he misunderstood and overreacted and the whole thing was dropped.

 

Very good.