Should I apologize to my ex?

[Krankor]

OK, so I still work with my ex. I work a rotating schedule of 6 days on, 3 days off. My ex works with me on my last 3 days. The other day, I got a text from her saying:

 

"I'm not sure what your thoughts are, but to me you seem angry. I know you asked me to give you space at work as best as possible but I am always genuinely glad to see you. I'm truly sorry for hurting you and want you to know that I don't at all regret being with you and have only good memories of our time together. I hope things will be OK someday."

 

Something about that message set me off, and I messaged back "Am I a little angry? Yes, I am. You lied to me the entire time we were together and then in the end didn't even think I was worthy of being broken up with in person. And now you want to patronize me. I'm for the most part over you but if you think I should like and respect you sorry, but I just don't. If we have to interact at work so be it, otherwise leave me the hell alone; I want absolutely nothing to do with you on any kind of personal level. And lose my number."

 

All I got back was a frowny face emoticon. I then blocked her number.

 

My question; although my message was honest on an emotional level at that time, I feel like it was a little too harsh and bitter and I kind of regretted sending it the minute it went out. I was thinking about sending her some sort of apology, but I don't know if it's a good idea or if I should just leave things alone and let them blow over on their own.

[Bunney]

Nooo. dont apologize. Just put your words into actions ("I dont want anything to do with you") otherwise you'll just appear weak (that's how I'd view you if I were her and suddenly you came crawling and saying sorry).

[leseine7]

Think of exes the way you would a 4 year old: If you say you're not going to give them ice cream, don't give them ice cream, no matter what.

 

It just shows you can be walked all over and that you have zero power.

 

Forgive the weird metaphor, but I work with little kids and I think of this often.

 

I had an ex who learned he could get me back with a certain amount of contact/ 'word salad' (look up the term)/ whathaveyou, but also because I would say "I don't want any contact!!!!" and then cave when he'd contact me and respond. Even a negative response is a response, and ESPECIALLY an angry one - it is constantly showing her you care. You care SO much, because of course you do - you're hurt and not over it. But she really shouldn't know that anymore. She likes it, deep down.

 

It's a shame you have to work with her, but dude - you have posted here a lot now about the contact between you two since she dumped you and you're not getting closer to being over her as a result of giving her this much thought/ power. You said you wanted her to leave you alone. So now, good you blocked her, quit the contact with her as much as you possibly can. Don't act angry towards her at work because frankly, personal issues shouldn't get involved there. The best way to show her she screwed up is to act like you do not care AT ALL - be professional, keep whatever annoying interactions you have to have with her to a minimum and then you can vent and cry here as much as you want.

[Wiseman2]

Excellent! Agree her message was condescending and arrogant and implied that by your ignoring her highness it meant 'you're angry'.

otherwise leave me the hell alone; I want absolutely nothing to do with you on any kind of personal level. And lose my number." I then blocked her number.

[RainyCoast]

gah, Krank you took the bait man!

 

no, DON'T apologize! at least your text angrily asks her to not get in touch again. although i'm in favor of acting elegantly and coldly uninterested in exs, if you can't help showing affect, it helps when it at least highlights the message "i don't want anything to do with you".

 

now just keep at it.

[Clinton]

Don't respond. Nothing good comes from extending the dialog with her. All you do is confirm she still has a hold on you. Silence is golden.

[DancingFool]

You've said your peace, now follow through and quit talking to her.

 

You have nothing to apologize over because....that text from her was obnoxious and I don't even remember the backstory of your break up. Just reading at face value and it made me cringe, so your response was kind of apropos.

[HeartGoesOn]

I think this would have been avoided had you blocked her from the very beginning. No offense, but the thought of contacting her to apologize is equal to keeping the case open...so to speak.

 

At any rate, hopefully you'll choose to take the steps in moving forward, and put this behind you.

[Ms Darcy]

My question; although my message was honest on an emotional level at that time, I feel like it was a little too harsh and bitter and I kind of regretted sending it the minute it went out. I was thinking about sending her some sort of apology, but I don't know if it's a good idea or if I should just leave things alone and let them blow over on their own.

 

When words go out, especially over text where they can be saved, they never go away. It's always out there. An apology won't change it. In fact, she may respond with an even bigger trigger and you say something worse.

 

Just be silent. For a long long time. Let the silence do what an apology won't ... avoid bringing more attention to the negativity between you two.