Want to start to date but not sure if I'm ready

[Lotusavx]

I have been out of my 4 year relationship for 2 months. He broke up with me. We lived together for over 2 years. We have occasionally been talking about who is taking what or when we are going to be moving out our furniture and clean up the apartment. Other than that, we have hardly spoke about how we are doing. I'm still sad over loosing the apartment and the life we had, but I am a lot happier as I am seeing friends more and not stressed out from fighting all the time. I am actually looking forward to the new chapter of my life, whereas 2 months ago I thought I'd be sad forever.

As I was saying on another post of mine, I had hooked up with a guy already. Was pretty hurt about it, and kind of felt guilty because I know my ex would be terribly hurt if he found out. I was pretty hurt after the hook up just because I had no idea how that scene worked, and was kind of expecting him to text me...I'm over it now though. I really want to actually start to date... and just meet different guys. Not just hook up. I was thinking of joining a dating site or something. I really want to, but I have this overwhelming feeling of guilt towards my ex. I feel guilty for wanting to move on and meet people. I feel like if he found out he would be so hurt. But then I remember how he left me, made me loose the apartment I loved, and hurt me so bad by just moving out on a whim.

How do I get over this feeling of guilt of wanting to date? And should I or is it too early?

[Clinton]

You're two months out of a significant relationship. You're not ready to date. Anything now is just a rebound that will just end badly for you or the poor guy you hook up with.

 

Do you want to go through a string of meaningless sexual relationships? Because at this stage, that's all they'll be.

 

Take some time to heal and sort out your emotions. If you try to date now you'll just be creating another customer for ENA as the guy you screw over will end up here.

[Wiseman2]

Yes, nothing wrong with setting up a dating profile with some nice pics/profile and to start browsing what's out there. Of course you don't want to jump into a rebound relationship and get hurt, but you have to start somewhere sometime so getting practice flirting and messaging/meeting men can be both fun and helpful. f the ex, he dumped you, that's how you get over unwarranted guilt.

I really want to actually start to date... and just meet different guys. I was thinking of joining a dating site or something.

[Sportster2005]

You have to accept that guilt in this situation is useless. It's noble you don't want to hurt your ex. But it's not your problem. And if you are not going to date because he might be hurt, how long will you wait. What if he's hurt if you date six months from now? A year? What's reasonable? Trick question. It's not your problem.

 

Since it's recent I would encourage you to date just to meet people and go have fun. It's probably too early to attempt anything serious.

[catfeeder]

I have been out of my 4 year relationship for 2 months.

 

You're not ready for dating, so what would be the point?

 

It makes no sense to play social worker with an ex. Everyone needs to heal from a breakup in their own way, in their own time. Making an ex a factor in your own healing is not healing--it's an excuse to stay attached. That's not against the law, but it's not a reasonable foundation for involving yourself with anyone else.

 

Liberate yourself first, THEN date.

[mustlovedogs]

If you're asking if you're ready, you aren't ready. I wouldn't even set up a profile. What if an amazing guy messages you and you ignore it or pass, just because you aren't ready?

 

I had my profile set up a few months post BU. I convinced myself I was ready. But this guy started talking to me and he kinda pushed me to talk to him all the time and talk on the phone and then meet up. I realized I was dreading it - even though he was nice and cute - so I backed off and deleted the profile.

 

When you don't dread dating, when you don't feel guilty, when you're excited about meeting someone new - that's when you're ready.

[PICCOLLO]

If youre unsure then youre likely not ready.

 

After a break up, ill go on dates to meet new people. But until the discomfort leaves, i wont pursue anything serious.

 

When youre ready, you'll know.

[redkoatz]

If you need to ask, then you're not ready

[abitbroken]

Please finish one relationship before starting another. Divide up your stuff or bills or whatever needs to be divided and catch up with friends you didn't see as much during the relationship. Don't go on another date just yet. You are worried about what the ex thinks and feels about it, so you are not yet over your ex

[saluk]

2 months is too soon, especially if you have just been feeling like you are coming out of the fog. You may think things are OK, but there is nothing like a bad date (or even a good one) to bring back old feelings. Wait until you have reestablished some kind of consistency in your life and your emotions, where you feel secure in yourself and in being single (rather than looking to date to fill a hole). At a certain point though, you may have to just get out there and give it a shot to know how you are really doing.

[mandeelove]

U are not ready. I just made this mistake post 4 months of my breakup. I thought I could date. Then I hit issues and came here for advice on a new guy. I realized I cant date at all. Still think of my ex. Still love him but moving on

Not fair to the new guys, plus u will compare everyone right now to your ex. Just get to know yourself again, take time and heal alone. U will know when youre ready. Society makes us feel like we have to get right back up on the horse the minute we fall off. Especially if ur a particular age and theres pressure about marriage or babies. Nothing wrong with being single. U can flirt with guys or vice versa but dont think long term. And def dont hook up. I made that mistake and felt worse. Good luck!