Does my ex still love me or is he using ?

[Sarahjb]

Just to give a run down on the relationship and the break up I started dating this guy who was the perfect boyfriend. he treated me better than anyone ever did, he never stopped trying to make me happy, he made a huge effort with My friends and family and was always doing sweet things for them. He was a nice guy he treated everyone with respect. We never had any fights and we always got on great. The last two weeks of our relationship I neglected him. I didn't pay any attention to him because I was taking on so many hours at work and was stressed out. This made me grumpy and short with him... when he would call I'd say it's not a good time I was tired ect. It was wrong of me to not make him a priority but bare in mind this was only for 2 weeks and somtimes in relationships it's unrealistic to give 100% all the time.

 

Out of nowhere he broke up with me over text saying the past 2 weeks he feels differently towards me and he doesn't understand why. (We only met once in that two weeks and the rest of the time I was working ) he said he thinks he might regret it in the future. He told me his family thinks he's making a mistake and he said he would never find a girl more beautiful and caring than me but he can't help feeling doubtful.

 

After the break up I wanted space but he wanted to stay in contact and would always say things that hinted he missed me and wante me back ect. We met up for the first time two months later and I told him that he has to make a choice either he wants to be with me or we have to stop this contact because it's making me confused. I started crying and told him I was so afraid to lose him forever and he started to cry to. He said when he's with me it feels great but he's worried these doubts will come back but he doesn't wanna lose me either and he agreed to work on things. We had an amazing night together we couldn't of been happier. The next day when I texted him he seemed really cold so I asked him how he was feeling he told me he still felt unsure and was afraid to hurt me again. I got so annoyed at told him he should've thought about that before he slept with me and atleast let me havey dignity instead of making me feel used. I told my mom what happend and she also text him saying what he did was disgraceful and he should be ashamed of himself. What annoys me was how cowardly he handled it and waited until I was gone home to text me how he was feeling. Later that day he text me saying he was wanted to come to see me and tell me he was sorry and try to work on things but now it's too late becausey family hate him and that he doesn't want to be hated then he told me this had to be the end. I'm just so confused by everything and don't know what to do. Was he using me or not or is he playing mind games?

[Clinton]

I vote he used you for sex.

 

I'm also guessing you must be extremely young, 13 maybe 14 if you are getting your mother to fight your battles.

[Sarahjb]

I'm 21 and I didn't ask her to she has his number and texted him without letting me know.

[Wiseman2]

The game he is playing is a demotion to fwb/booty call. It wasn't a good idea for your mother to get involved. He just used that as a tool to put the final nail in the coffin.

He said when he's with me it feels great but he's worried these doubts will come back

[boltnrun]

Yep, the mom thing ended it for good.

 

Maybe let your mom know that from now on, please stay out of your relationship business because her interference killed any chance of reconciliation. Sure, maybe she had good intentions but you are an adult now.

[HeartGoesOn]

I agree that this was all about sex. However this could have been avoided if you had paid more attention to his actions, which take time, rather than his words and a roll in the sack.

 

Either way, you found out the "perfect boyfriend" " wasn't so perfect, after all. I would move forward...

[Doc Blaze]

idk what to say to be honest but i do know that you need to tell your mom to stay out of your personal business or dont tell her.

 

 

no matter who you date, that will not go good with any future relationships.

[Sarahjb]

I agree and it's not what I wanted her to do trust me but I think if you really want to be with someone you wouldn't let something like that get in the way. He should've accepted that what he did was wrong and tried to fix it in my opinion

[Wiseman2]

He doesn't want to fix it. He can just alternate between seeing you and blowing you off, because you allow it.

He should've accepted that what he did was wrong and tried to fix it in my opinion

[boltnrun]

I agree and it's not what I wanted her to do trust me but I think if you really want to be with someone you wouldn't let something like that get in the way. He should've accepted that what he did was wrong and tried to fix it in my opinion

 

Well, this statement kind of proves that you are still very young and have a lot to learn.

 

I know if I was trying to reconcile and the guy's mom got involved I'd run (not walk) in the opposite direction.

[Sarahjb]

My mom doesn't usually get involved. She acted in anger because I came home crying she just told him he wasn't welcome Any more. She later regretted it and the thing is he wasn't trying to reconcile . He went from being super loving to really cold and distant the next day and waited until I left the next morning to tell me he wasn't sure. It was a really cowardly thing to do and if he wasn't sure he shouldn't of slept with me and told me we were going to work on things. He made no attempt to reconcile. AFTER my mom sent that text he told me he was thinking about it all day and wanted to come and fix it until he got that text from my mom. I can't help but wonder was the text from my mom just an excuse to put the nail in the coffin and make me think he was going to try and fix it when he really wasn't.

[Wiseman2]

All in all he's a turd, be glad he's gone no matter what supposedly precipitated it. He had one foot out the door and the other on his zipper. He made that comment to make the aforementioned stance appear to be your fault.

I can't help but wonder was the text from my mom just an excuse to put the nail in the coffin and make me think he was going to try and fix it when he really wasn't.

[HeartGoesOn]

I think the bottom line is this relationship has run its course, and there's no point in trying to save it. Raise your standards, and move on.

[Sarahjb]

He text me today saying that he's been thinking about me a lot and he can't lose me completely because I mean something to him and he's sorry. What does this mean?

[boltnrun]

He text me today saying that he's been thinking about me a lot and he can't lose me completely because I mean something to him and he's sorry. What does this mean?

 

Ask him! That's the only way to know for sure.

[reinventmyself]

He text me today saying that he's been thinking about me a lot and he can't lose me completely because I mean something to him and he's sorry. What does this mean?

 

completely?

That might suggest partially?

Yah, I'd be confused by that.

Tell him to figure out exactly what he wants and to not contact you until he does. Then you get to decide.

 

It's sounds like he kinda wants you back. Kinda is not good enough. Not now.

 

In the future, let this be a lesson - if there is any chance of reconciliation, don't tell your family until you know you are entirely done with the person. Most mothers can be fiercely protective of their children. If you do reconcile, she may never get past what you shared with her.

[Wiseman2]

He wants to stay in touch for fwb/booty call. Notice the emphasis on "completely" meaning he can lose you partially?

he can't lose me completely. What does this mean?

[Sarahjb]

He knows I would never go there again because of how angry I was with him and he's the type that hates drama and he really would've hated the fact my mom text him. He knows going there would be too much trouble. Surely if he wanted sex that bad he could get it elsewhere. Maybe he likes the fact I'm into him and wants me around to feed his ego and for control.

[Sarahjb]

I asked him what he ment he said he cares about me too much to never speak again and that if I'm ever going through anything and want to talk he will always be there

[Wiseman2]

So you are ok with him playing the field?...and "wanting you in his life"

he broke up with me over text saying the past 2 weeks he feels differently towards me and he doesn't understand why

[boltnrun]

I asked him what he ment he said he cares about me too much to never speak again and that if I'm ever going through anything and want to talk he will always be there

 

So he wants to be "friends", huh?

 

Remember, being "friends" means he can introduce you to his new girlfriend and he'll expect you to be just fine with it.

 

Also, I'd suspect he wants to keep the door open for more sex if you're willing. He figures you did it before, and while the whole mom thing was uncomfortable, sex is sex and he'd like that option.

 

If you don't want to meet his new girlfriend, or if you aren't willing to give him casual sex...I'd pass on the whole "friends" thing. And too bad if he "cares" about you and doesn't want to be completely without you. That's the choice he made when he broke up with you.

[Sarahjb]

No I told him to never contact me again.

[boltnrun]

No I told him to never contact me again.

 

Good for you.

[Sarahjb]

Boltnrun I agree completely he can't have it both ways

[Tanzi]

He is too afraid to let you go completely, yet neither does he want to be in a relationship with you. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what is going on inside his head, he can't give you what you want so there is no point in hanging on to him. It will only cause you prolonged confusion and pain. Let go, prepare to move on .. it won't stop him from coming back if he wants to ..., but at least it you won't be rooted to the same miserable spot, waiting for him.