Stumped, Three Dates In

[Coldarmy13]

Well I just typed the whole thing out and it asked me to log in again so its all gone. Might get a condensed version now, feel free to ask questions on any details.

 

Started multi dating to see what was out there and for the experience, since ive typically focused on one person at a time. Anyway, this one girl I reconnected with who was a former co worker has sort of won out, as I find myself more focused on her.

 

We've gone on 3 dates in a month.

 

First date was a trip to the zoo on Saturday afternoon. Which was a lot of fun and it ended with me walking her to her car and we had a nice short kiss goodbye and an agreement on a date for the following Saturday. As I have pretty much this whole time, ive kept contact to setting plans and confirming them. No how are yous or hope youre doing fine or all of that.

 

Second date was supposed to be some mini golf and drinks in the evening. When I picked her up it naturally started raining so we called an audible and went to a movie instead and got drinks afterwards. It was a lot of fun and I initiated hand holding during the movie. Just sort of reached my hand over and she seemingly eagerly grabbed it and held it close to her. Things were great and I dropped her off around 9 or so and this time we made out which was pretty great. She let me know shed be out of town the next weekend so a day or so later we set plans for the Monday after she got back.

 

That scheduled third date she sent me a message the day of saying she completely forgot about plans with her girlfriend for the salon and asked to push the date back an hour. Of course I said fine and she then let me know closer to the date that it looked like shed be there awhile and apologized and asked if we could reschedule, but didn't offer a day. I said it was fine and then I didn't hear from here for a few days.

 

I then reached out again and asked when shed be free to get together, she said she had Saturday plans. So I said no worries, that id like to see her again and told her my free days and she chose Sunday afternoon.

 

So I picked her up at 2 yesterday, had been a few weeks since the second date since she had been busy. She got our mini golf date in and both saw a movie that we both wanted to see was out so after golf we went and saw the movie together. This time even better hand holding if that makes sense. Almost like hand massages. After the movie I asked her if she had time for a drink. She said no, that she had to drive 40 minutes away to pick up her phone that she forgot at a friends house on Saturday. So I dropped her off again and we kissed again, her arm reached over in the car and I put one hand on her cheek/chin and the other supporting her arm that was extended. She said "hand game on point" to which I got a good laugh. We didn't make plans yet. I sent her a message this afternoon saying that I had a great time.

 

Question is, I feel like im going all the heavy lifting/initiating. When I only message her to set dates and confirm, she only responds and that's the end of it. Should I contact her more? Maybe she has low interest? I know that's not abnormal for some but usually after 3 dates I have a much better idea of someones interest, this time I really don't.

[and so it goes]

She is saying "yes" to more dates and the dates are flirty and kissy so I'd say things are going well.

 

Heavy lifting? Not sure what country/culture you are in, but in some, the guy DOES do all the heavy lifting. I wonder what would happen if you back off a little...

[abitbroken]

Question is, I feel like im going all the heavy lifting/initiating. When I only message her to set dates and confirm, she only responds and that's the end of it. Should I contact her more? Maybe she has low interest? I know that's not abnormal for some but usually after 3 dates I have a much better idea of someones interest, this time I really don't.

 

You ask a question - she answers. I think she's interested. But based on your prior affiliation and the fact that you are multidating, she is taking things slowly and appropriately.

But I ask this: Does she know you are multidating?

[ABCABC123ABC]

Haha.. The joys of dating.

 

It definitely sounds like she is interested in you just from what you have been telling us. Since you have already had 3 successful dates with her, I would start contacting her more, but not to the point where you are blowing up her phone every hour. I'm guessing you already know this though, because it sounds like you have your game on point.

 

I do think it's odd that she isn't initiating more contact with you, but who knows what's going on in her head? She may think that because you aren't randomly texting/calling her, that you aren't interested.

 

I used similar dating tactics and my girlfriend of 6 years thought I wasn't interested in her after our second date, because I wasn't randomly texting or calling her just to chit chat.

[Coldarmy13]

That's interesting. Yeah, I was planning on communicating more now that's it's been awhile.

 

No she doesn't know about the multi dating, and to be honest my last date with someone else was almost 2 weeks ago and that doesn't feel like it's going anywhere for me, so I'd like to pursue this if it can work out. I do journal it here and there could be more details there as well, but I was looking for some new responses.

[Coldarmy13]

She is saying "yes" to more dates and the dates are flirty and kissy so I'd say things are going well.

 

Heavy lifting? Not sure what country/culture you are in, but in some, the guy DOES do all the heavy lifting. I wonder what would happen if you back off a little...

 

Sort of what I wonder as well.

 

As far as them being flirty/kissy.. they aren't all that flirty. I mean I give her a compliment or two each time and initiate physical contact but it really isn't reciprocated. She told me I was "adorable" on the second date. The kiss at the end is most of it.

[Coldarmy13]

(small talk)

Me: Are you free Saturday? If so, we should do something awesome

Her: I am going to have to work

Her: Im only going to have 1 good leasing agent, the other is very new

Me: Gross! Well im off Thursday, but I know you have an early bed time

Her: Gross is right! Oh, that's no fun!

Me Being off Thursday?

Her: No. That I cant do something awesome!

Me: Well.. you working late Saturday?

(3 hours later)

Me: Its okay, when your schedule clears up you know where to find me

Her: I might be going to the lake after work

Me: No worries, that sounds fun!

Her: Agreed. All depends on if I can get out of work at a reasonable time. lol

 

At least I feel like I did what I could and balls in her court.

[abitbroken]

(small talk)

Me: Are you free Saturday? If so, we should do something awesome

Her: I am going to have to work

Her: Im only going to have 1 good leasing agent, the other is very new

Me: Gross! Well im off Thursday, but I know you have an early bed time

Her: Gross is right! Oh, that's no fun!

Me Being off Thursday?

Her: No. That I cant do something awesome!

Me: Well.. you working late Saturday?

(3 hours later)

Me: Its okay, when your schedule clears up you know where to find me

Her: I might be going to the lake after work

Me: No worries, that sounds fun!

Her: Agreed. All depends on if I can get out of work at a reasonable time. lol

 

At least I feel like I did what I could and balls in her court.

 

Okay - I would not have said "well, you know where to find me". If texting stops - it means someone is tied up (she could be working or driving) and don't take the brief silence as a need to fold.

 

Honestly, it sounds like she is interested, but she also is not sitting by the phone waiting, which is good.

 

Instead of asking her if she is free a particular night, she is busy, you suggest another one, etc, why not suggest an activity instead "this great new restaurant just open. What night are you free to try it with me" or some other specific thing, then she has to give you a time, rather than you coming up with one night after another. You don't want to play games, but you don't at this point want it to be abundantly appear you are doing zero but waiting for her the rest of the week.

 

Be careful about publishing texts - people can google, especially if they use unique language.

 

Anyway - it sounds like you could do something Saturday if she gets off of work at a reasonable time. She is showing all sorts of interest.

[HeartGoesOn]

Well I just typed the whole thing out and it asked me to log in again so its all gone.

 

Coldarmy...Try placing a check mark where it says "Remember Me" which is directly under your username when logging in to the forum.

[Coldarmy13]

Abitbroken..

Her saying if she gets out of work at a reasonable time was for her going to the lake, not us getting together.

 

Your advice is good btw, I agree you know where to find me was a bit "on the nose" but I tried to lighten it by telling her no worries and her plans she expressed sound like fun.

 

I mean I'll still most likely contact her but not entirely sure how to proceed. I guess I have a week to figure it out.

[Ms Darcy]

Perhaps she's not interested in a bunch of texting.

 

I'd just focus on the dates for now. She's probably seeing other people as well.

[missmarple]

She's not interested. She only sees you when she has nothing better to do. If you're ok with that, keep pursuing her

[IAmFCA]

She paused between texts because she didn't know how to answer about Saturday, which she is leaving open for the lake.

 

It hasn't occurred to her to suggest an alternative.

 

I wouldn't read into it. I'd say, I'd like to try ________, and would love for you to join me. Are you available to go with me Tuesday or wed?

[Coldarmy13]

She paused between texts because she didn't know how to answer about Saturday, which she is leaving open for the lake.

 

It hasn't occurred to her to suggest an alternative.

 

I wouldn't read into it. I'd say, I'd like to try ________, and would love for you to join me. Are you available to go with me Tuesday or wed?

 

Its been pretty difficult to get to make plans with her on a weekday. I have the occasional weekday off, but otherwise i work afternoon/pm shift so when i get out.. seems like she'd be going to bed around the same time.

[IAmFCA]

Its been pretty difficult to get to make plans with her on a weekday. I have the occasional weekday off, but otherwise i work afternoon/pm shift so when i get out.. seems like she'd be going to bed around the same time.

 

Sometimes the effort exceeds the reward. Only you know when that point happens .

[catfeeder]

why not suggest an activity instead "this great new restaurant just open. What night are you free to try it with me" or some other specific thing, then she has to give you a time, rather than you coming up with one night after another.

 

Yep. This is how you level the load instead of trying to carry it all yourself.

 

If an event is in the area for a date range, such as a visiting fair or something, you can offer the range. Otherwise, offer an idea for something to do together when she's free, and leave it to see if she bites. Don't press her for 'when,' just let her step up to offer her side of the deal.

[catfeeder]

Coldarmy...Try placing a check mark where it says "Remember Me" which is directly under your username when logging in to the forum.

 

Yes, and another thing I find helpful after composing the text is to press Command or Control + A in the text field to 'Select All,' then Command or Control + C to Copy the text to your clipboard.

 

Then you can either click to Post or Go Advanced while keeping a copy on your clipboard. If you want to really be safe, Paste to a Notepad app before leaving the screen.

[Coldarmy13]

The activity thing is a solid idea. I think I'm just going to stay in her orbit for a little while. If I see something fun coming up I'll invite her.

[abitbroken]

The activity thing is a solid idea. I think I'm just going to stay in her orbit for a little while. If I see something fun coming up I'll invite her.

 

Don't call her when you "see something fun coming up" - ask her out to dinner. Don't just treat her as the plus one to be able to not go to the ballgame alone. make moves to get to know her better. If you get her on dates that are more datey, it will show her that you are truly interested and not just a get back in touch buddy who is fun to kiss.

[Coldarmy13]

Well I should rephrase. I don't know what to do or where to go next lol. When I figure that out I'll hit her up. She's busy all week anywho.

[Sportster2005]

Everyone is different. She doesn't like to initiate contact. Which makes it a bit harder to assess interest. But I would put more weight on the fact she keeps saying yes. Steady as she goes.

[Coldarmy13]

Thanks Sportster, i usually agree with your posts so i appreciate the response.

[reinventmyself]

why not suggest an activity instead "this great new restaurant just open. What night are you free to try it with me" or some other specific thing, then she has to give you a time, rather than you coming up with one night after another.

 

The more I read this, the more I disagree.

It's a carefully orchestrated invitation to pin her down. But when you find yourself having to corner someone just to see them, isn't that a reason enough to back off and reassess? Not come up with a better way to catch a moving target.

3 dates in they should be running towards each other, not one running away.

 

If Coldarmy is sensing she's not as interested, maybe he should listen to his gut on this one.

I can't read her. She seems luke warm at best. She isn't terribly concerned that this might slip through her fingers and not come back for more.

 

I wouldn't invest much more into it at this point unless they had the same enthusiasm as I did.

 

I am not saying give up on her. But dial down your expectations some and keep busy with others.

I will not be surprised if she doesn't come through.

If you're ok with the outcome, ask her again. At least you'll know for sure.

[Coldarmy13]

Sent her a message asking her out tonight for drinks. She said she would love to, and that it depended on whether her parent come into town. Didn't hear anything until I sent a message about it an hour ago. She said they didn't come into town but that she was really tired so she couldn't go out tonight and that she was sorry. I simply responded with "ok" and I'm leaving it at that. Might be time to slow/stop the chase.

[notalady]

Sent her a message asking her out tonight for drinks. She said she would love to, and that it depended on whether her parent come into town. Didn't hear anything until I sent a message about it an hour ago. She said they didn't come into town but that she was really tired so she couldn't go out tonight and that she was sorry. I simply responded with "ok" and I'm leaving it at that. Might be time to slow/stop the chase.

 

That's flaky as. She could've at least let you know one way or another rather than you having to follow up.

 

Yes I would stop initiating now and let her come to you if she's actually interested. I can't imagine it being so hard to set up a fourth date where both parties are interested.