Is there a name for this guy's behavior? And why is he doing it?

[Rockchick26]

You're smart to distance yourself a bit from all of this.

 

I am glad we're having this weekend apart, I am not going to call or message him unless he does first. He said he would call me Sunday when he gets home (I already told him I'm not picking him up). I will be with my dad that evening though so I said I'm busy. It'll be interesting how this next week plays out and next weekend especially.

[Hollyj]

Because he doesn't want to burden anyone, he doesn't think anyone should have to deal with his problems.

 

He doesn't have a problem asking for rides all the time. That's a big burden!

[Hollyj]

I have been single for 15 years, a social life has been all i've had...trust me I know I can live without a man, I don't need one.

 

Don't get why you would settle for such a crap boyfriend, then?

[Slovek]

Aww, I think you need to meet up with him and explain what you are telling us to him. He seems like he's stressed over something. He is acting weirdly. It's like he want you to miss him. He sound like he want you to make the moves... Tell him what he's doing is upsetting you.

[Rockchick26]

He doesn't have a problem asking for rides all the time. That's a big burden!

 

Only when he has to though, and he doesn't go many places and usually people are already going with him somewhere. When we first started dating, I told him I would pick him up for work if he ever needed me to, but he said i'm across town so he rides with his friends who live closer. I have never once needed to pick him up for work, in fact one day he just called in because his ride fell through and he never asked me.

[Rockchick26]

Don't get why you would settle for such a crap boyfriend, then?

 

We had 4 amazing months and 2 bad weeks, in order to write something off in my life the ratio has to be a little better than that. Or maybe if we had some bad weeks 2 months ago that would have been different too. Whenever I'm dating a guy, I always know after 3 months if I want to stay with him or not, that seems to be my magic number, after the 3 month mark, I either lose interest or I start falling in love. But i had a crush on this guy for 2 months before we even started dating, he didn't think i would like him so he never asked me out until I added him on FB and we really started talking, but by then I already was crushing on him so technically I have liked him for half a year now.

[Rockchick26]

Aww, I think you need to meet up with him and explain what you are telling us to him. He seems like he's stressed over something. He is acting weirdly. It's like he want you to miss him. He sound like he want you to make the moves... Tell him what he's doing is upsetting you.

 

Yeah that stuff is true, one time he even told me he purposely didn't text me until later in the night to see how long it would take me to miss him (this was at work one night when we were in different areas). He also needs a push when it comes to moves, yeah, like before we started dating, he used to always bring up something he wanted to do but not ask me to do it with him, so I thought he was just making conversation. He told me once we started dating that I am hard to read and he doesn't know if he should make moves or not. He even texted me after our first date asking me if he should have kissed me! Aww, lol I said yes, then our 2nd date it took him until the very end to kiss me. Same with everything else, he would get all shy and say he feels nervous. He has anxiety issues, panic attacks and stuff, he has a lot of insecurities, he has told me many times that I will probably break up with him because of various reasons.

[Hollyj]

I'm kind of confused what you want from us, as you have excused and defended him throughout? Most have said, move on.

 

I don't think you are ready to leave this situation. I hope you get all of your answers and find some peace.

[Rockchick26]

I'm kind of confused what you want from us, as you have excused and defended him throughout? Most have said, move on.

 

I don't think you are ready to leave this situation. I hope you get all of your answers and find some peace.

 

The thread title pretty much says it all, I just wanted to know what this behavior was called and why he is doing it. I guess I thought there would be an actual reason other than "he's just a jerk", lol I want to know psychologically what this is and why people do it. I always try to understand why people act the way they do.

[Hollyj]

Don't look for disorders, as that is simply a way to excuse bad behavior.

 

At the very least, there are major communication issues - trap in car for convo. Not good.

[Rockchick26]

Don't look for disorders, as that is simply a way to excuse bad behavior.

 

I don't see it that way, I think understanding people is the key to good relationships. It isn't about excusing, it's about understanding, people always judge what they don't understand, that goes for a lot of things in life and can be avoided.

 

At the very least, there are major communication issues - trap in car for convo. Not good.

 

He just has a hard time expressing his feelings, he says when I ask him questions, he feels pressured to answer them and he doesn't even know the reasons behind his feelings so he doesn't know what to say. I actually didn't talk much in the car, I was very quiet because I was thinking and very emotional and wasn't sure if I wanted to end up fighting thereby ruining his weekend and causing me more stress, so i just spent the time thinking if i really cared. I decided to let whatever happens, happen, and what happened was he talked a moderate amount, there was no arguing, he told some people there I was his girlfriend (I was in the car, he was outside like 15 feet away) so he probably wasn't thinking I could hear him, then he asked me to stay (which i said no to) then he asked for a hug and then he went in for a kiss and I leaned back, I did eventually kiss him but I wanted him to know I have my doubts. He said he loved me and called to see if I got home yet. I think that went way better than probing him with questions demanding an answer. I got my answer anyway. But don't get me wrong, I am still not sure if I will stay with him, I am thinking no, we'll see what happens in the next week. I want to see if this was a one time thing or will become a pattern, the only way to know is to let it happen.

[notalady]

I don't see it that way, I think understanding people is the key to good relationships. It isn't about excusing, it's about understanding, people always judge what they don't understand, that goes for a lot of things in life and can be avoided.

 

 

 

He just has a hard time expressing his feelings, he says when I ask him questions, he feels pressured to answer them and he doesn't even know the reasons behind his feelings so he doesn't know what to say. I actually didn't talk much in the car, I was very quiet because I was thinking and very emotional and wasn't sure if I wanted to end up fighting thereby ruining his weekend and causing me more stress, so i just spent the time thinking if i really cared. I decided to let whatever happens, happen, and what happened was he talked a moderate amount, there was no arguing, he told some people there I was his girlfriend (I was in the car, he was outside like 15 feet away) so he probably wasn't thinking I could hear him, then he asked me to stay (which i said no to) then he asked for a hug and then he went in for a kiss and I leaned back, I did eventually kiss him but I wanted him to know I have my doubts. He said he loved me and called to see if I got home yet. I think that went way better than probing him with questions demanding an answer. I got my answer anyway. But don't get me wrong, I am still not sure if I will stay with him, I am thinking no, we'll see what happens in the next week. I want to see if this was a one time thing or will become a pattern, the only way to know is to let it happen.

 

To be honest, you've knocked back pretty much everything that anyone says, so I'm not really sure what you're REALLY looking for (yes I know what your title says), perhaps a way to justify to yourself why you should stay and give him more chances?

 

Issue with trying to understand why someone behave badly is that it gives yourself excuses to not look at the bad behaviour as a fact, rather just think "oh he has this and that issue, poor him, I should really be more understanding and just work with him".

 

From where I stand, this guy is full of drama for NO REASON whatsoever! Not be mention playing games and manipulative and gaslighting (accusing you of acting like you are in high school simply because you want something that belongs to you that you LENT to him in goodwill, when in fact he's the one acting like he's in high school).

 

Once someone gets over the honey moon period and starts acting like their real selves, you need to pay attention to that, not how well they behaved in the first 4 months when he's trying to win you over / on best behaviour. People can't act forever, it's gotta show up at some point, usually within 6 months, there are at least hints of weird and unusual behaviours and reactions that gives you pause.

 

It's not always a matter of ratio of time that was good vs bad. If you've been together for a few years and he's been a bit weird lately, you know something might be up that made him behave weirdly. This is not the case when you've only been together for 4 months when to be frank, you don't REALLY know him well enough yet. The major difference from my point of view is, over a few years, you would've had a chance to establish the baseline character, personality, value for a person, built through getting to know them through an extended period of time and when they behave out of character, you can tell and you can try and work it out. When it's only been 4 months, you are still in the process of establishing the baseline, it's time for observing and deciding "is this guy compatible? Does his character, values, personality align/ are compatible with mine?" Not just try to work with whatever you get. You should be deciding if this person is right for you to even keep dating, not "because we started dating, I need to stick with this for longer even though he's showing some major red flags after ONLY 4 months." (Yes I know it's only been 2 weeks he's been behaving like this, and no I don't think it matters as to the ratio of good vs bad in this case).

 

Alright, now you can go ahead and refute everything I said

[Hollyj]

I don't see it that way, I think understanding people is the key to good relationships. It isn't about excusing, it's about understanding, people always judge what they don't understand, that goes for a lot of things in life and can be avoided.

 

 

 

He just has a hard time expressing his feelings, he says when I ask him questions, he feels pressured to answer them and he doesn't even know the reasons behind his feelings so he doesn't know what to say. I actually didn't talk much in the car, I was very quiet because I was thinking and very emotional and wasn't sure if I wanted to end up fighting thereby ruining his weekend and causing me more stress, so i just spent the time thinking if i really cared. I decided to let whatever happens, happen, and what happened was he talked a moderate amount, there was no arguing, he told some people there I was his girlfriend (I was in the car, he was outside like 15 feet away) so he probably wasn't thinking I could hear him, then he asked me to stay (which i said no to) then he asked for a hug and then he went in for a kiss and I leaned back, I did eventually kiss him but I wanted him to know I have my doubts. He said he loved me and called to see if I got home yet. I think that went way better than probing him with questions demanding an answer. I got my answer anyway. But don't get me wrong, I am still not sure if I will stay with him, I am thinking no, we'll see what happens in the next week. I want to see if this was a one time thing or will become a pattern, the only way to know is to let it happen.

 

You got nothing out of it, he simply changed his behavior for a bit.

 

I think you settle for very little, as you have been alone for so long. You cannot talk, you walk on eggshells and have a very chaotic relationship with this guy.

 

Your life!

[Rockchick26]

To be honest, you've knocked back pretty much everything that anyone says, so I'm not really sure what you're REALLY looking for (yes I know what your title says), perhaps a way to justify to yourself why you should stay and give him more chances?

 

Not necessarily, I'm trying to get to the bottom of this behavior on a psychological level so I know what I'm dealing with, there are causes to EVERYTHING. And there are solutions to every effect.

 

Issue with trying to understand why someone behave badly is that it gives yourself excuses to not look at the bad behaviour as a fact, rather just think "oh he has this and that issue, poor him, I should really be more understanding and just work with him".

 

The problem with looking at people the way you do is, how does that ever fix the problem in the long run? If women everywhere just kept running away at all these men who had these issues, all it's going to do is make them more bitter towards women for leaving them, for pissing them off, for not loving them, for not caring enough. He has already told me a few times "You'll stop caring, everyone does." That tells me that his attitude about this is kept alive by how the women have treated him. His last few girlfriends cheated on him and that's been a big insecurity of his, along with rejection, because he doesn't understand why they cheat on him. He asked me after we started dating if I knew why that happened. I said I couldn't know because I don't cheat and don't think like one, and that is one of the reasons why he trusts me and wanted to be with me. If women and men don't understand each other, they will never become better people, to themselves and to each other. We can't just fight fire with more fire and think that will make them change, that is part of why they are the way they are.

 

From where I stand, this guy is full of drama for NO REASON whatsoever!

 

Well you wouldn't know the reason unless you knew everything there is to know about him and the situation...I don't know everything about human psychology though but I do have 6 months worth of knowing him so I know his entire life story, and I know the things he tells me and I know his behaviors so I feel like I have to analyze everything so I can figure out the best way to deal with it.

 

Once someone gets over the honey moon period and starts acting like their real selves, you need to pay attention to that, not how well they behaved in the first 4 months when he's trying to win you over / on best behaviour. People can't act forever, it's gotta show up at some point, usually within 6 months, there are at least hints of weird and unusual behaviours and reactions that gives you pause.

 

I understand that, that is probably partly why I don't trust new dating partners right away, with him it felt different though because we were friends first for a few months and he wasn't trying to win me over then. I took things slow too, that's why I didn't have sex until 3 1/2 months in, but that backfired on me because he has insecurities about rejection and no matter what I said, he thought I just didn't like him enough or wasn't attracted to him. He even said the day after we broke up he doesn't want to live like his grandparents who never have sex, and he said I never touch him or want to be intimate and that is a big thing for him. It isn't that I don't want to have sex though, right now it's that I just started the birth control pill which has made me have wierd issues down there but I told him it usually goes away after 3 months. But no matter how much I tell him that, he still thinks it's because I am not attracted to him.

 

When it's only been 4 months, you are still in the process of establishing the baseline, it's time for observing and deciding "is this guy compatible? Does his character, values, personality align/ are compatible with mine?" Not just try to work with whatever you get. You should be deciding if this person is right for you to even keep dating, not "because we started dating, I need to stick with this for longer even though he's showing some major red flags after ONLY 4 months." (Yes I know it's only been 2 weeks he's been behaving like this, and no I don't think it matters as to the ratio of good vs bad in this case).

 

I understand that, and I should add that when we first started dating, we established that we have all the same values and beliefs and interests and things in common to make it seem like it was meant to be. He even asked me my birthday so he could look up my astrology sign and then had me read some articles on how compatible we were. It's like all we talked about in the beginning, how he asked for the Universe to send him the right woman at this point in his life (for the last year he's been bettering himself, including getting rid of bad relationships) and he always told me how it seemed like it was meant to be that I showed up in his life right when he was asking for someone who was right for him.

[Rockchick26]

 

I think you settle for very little, as you have been alone for so long.

 

That's not it at all, if that were true, I would have stayed with the first guy I dated since I became single the first time. Just because I didn't have a relationship for 15 years doesn't mean I wasn't dating. After my first boyfriend, I probably dated about 10 guys. If I needed to settle on anyone just to avoid being alone, I have had ample chances to do that. It was me who stopped dating the majority of those guys.

[Hollyj]

I suggest you look into co dependence. You can't change him, but you can change you.

[Hollyj]

Not necessarily, I'm trying to get to the bottom of this behavior on a psychological level so I know what I'm dealing with, there are causes to EVERYTHING. And there are solutions to every effect.

 

 

 

The problem with looking at people the way you do is, how does that ever fix the problem in the long run? If women everywhere just kept running away at all these men who had these issues, all it's going to do is make them more bitter towards women for leaving them, for pissing them off, for not loving them, for not caring enough. He has already told me a few times "You'll stop caring, everyone does." That tells me that his attitude about this is kept alive by how the women have treated him. His last few girlfriends cheated on him and that's been a big insecurity of his, along with rejection, because he doesn't understand why they cheat on him. He asked me after we started dating if I knew why that happened. I said I couldn't know because I don't cheat and don't think like one, and that is one of the reasons why he trusts me and wanted to be with me. If women and men don't understand each other, they will never become better people, to themselves and to each other. We can't just fight fire with more fire and think that will make them change, that is part of why they are the way they are.

 

 

 

Well you wouldn't know the reason unless you knew everything there is to know about him and the situation...I don't know everything about human psychology though but I do have 6 months worth of knowing him so I know his entire life story, and I know the things he tells me and I know his behaviors so I feel like I have to analyze everything so I can figure out the best way to deal with it.

 

 

 

I understand that, that is probably partly why I don't trust new dating partners right away, with him it felt different though because we were friends first for a few months and he wasn't trying to win me over then. I took things slow too, that's why I didn't have sex until 3 1/2 months in, but that backfired on me because he has insecurities about rejection and no matter what I said, he thought I just didn't like him enough or wasn't attracted to him. He even said the day after we broke up he doesn't want to live like his grandparents who never have sex, and he said I never touch him or want to be intimate and that is a big thing for him. It isn't that I don't want to have sex though, right now it's that I just started the birth control pill which has made me have wierd issues down there but I told him it usually goes away after 3 months. But no matter how much I tell him that, he still thinks it's because I am not attracted to him.

 

 

 

I understand that, and I should add that when we first started dating, we established that we have all the same values and beliefs and interests and things in common to make it seem like it was meant to be. He even asked me my birthday so he could look up my astrology sign and then had me read some articles on how compatible we were. It's like all we talked about in the beginning, how he asked for the Universe to send him the right woman at this point in his life (for the last year he's been bettering himself, including getting rid of bad relationships) and he always told me how it seemed like it was meant to be that I showed up in his life right when he was asking for someone who was right for him.

 

There are not "solutions to every effect." You are deluding yourself. Plus, he does not see any problem with his behavior. Remember, it is you, and other women. He's a big victim.

[Rockchick26]

I suggest you look into co dependence. You can't change him, but you can change you.

 

I don't know how anyone can think I am dependent on anyone, my family, friends and even guys I've dated tell me i'm very independent. I would rather be alone than with the wrong guy which is why I've been single for 40 years of my life.

 

And yeah nobody can directly change anyone, but we can affect people. Ever heard the quote "Don't try to change people, just love them...love changes people." Call me a hippie but I really do believe love can change the world, it's the only thing that really can, fear and hate isn't going to.

[lostlove76]

Rockchick, you remind me so much of myself in so many ways! My ex is a lot different from your guy in many ways, but like yours, he made things difficult when they didn't have to be, because he is full of issues. I spent the past two years trying to understand him, trying to work around his issues, asking everyone I know for help in figuring him out, googling for answers every single day. Sometimes things were wonderful with him, but most of the time I was worried and confused and miserable. I was in love with him, and deeply attached, and I tried dozens of times to walk away and just couldn't make it stick. I finally gained the strength to end things for good about a month ago, and I couldn't be more heartbroken and depressed.

 

I hope you can work things out with him, and I would never tell you not to try. But I would hate for you to be in my position for the next couple of years. When I read your posts, it's like I could have written them if you just switched out your guy for mine. Set boundaries early (now) or he will continue to test and push the limits and have all the power. I don't have any suggestions on setting boundaries, because I could never figure out how to do so with mine.

 

Hugs.

[boltnrun]

Classic co-dependence.

 

You're going to stay with him to make HIM feel better about women. Never mind what you have to put up with (random breakup/makeups, refusals to talk to you, blaming you for how he feels, etc.), it's all about making sure HE'S comfortable. But, see, nothing you do will make him feel better. People like that LIKE having things to complain about, and they like drama.

 

You will continue to have drama from here on out. Never mind that he was nice for 4 ENTIRE MONTHS!!! You've now met the real him, and this is the "him" you'll be with for however long you choose to try to "fix" him.

 

PS: Maybe there was a reason why his other girlfriends cheated on him (if that's even true). Maybe they got tired of playing therapist/nursemaid/coddler.

[Rockchick26]

There are not "solutions to every effect."

 

I guess we will have to agree to disagree on that one, lol I am a problem solver and I have an optimistic view of finding solutions to things.

 

Plus, he does not see any problem with his behavior. Remember, it is you, and other women. He's a big victim.

 

Right, he doesn't see a problem with his behavior right now, but with the right approach and solution, he will either eventually realize he is the problem or he will go through life alone with a string of failed relationships behind him which basically will show him he is the problem unless he stays in the mindset that all women are just crazy. It takes someone to be different to change that view. Most men eventually wake up though, and don't stay in that mindset forever. Unfortunately he grew up without a mom and he got tricked into getting a girl pregnant (she said she was on the pill and she wasn't) because she knew he made good money (at the time he was working in construction), also had girls cheat on him, scream at him in their apt which resulted in her getting kicked out and she never came and got her stuff out, which is a big reason why I told him I wanted the washing machine back because I didn't want him to complain to the next girl how his ex left any of her stuff at his place. He complains about her stuff being there all the time so I didn't want my stuff added to the pile.

 

Anyway, i'm rambling, my point is he has never known a decent woman, apparently, and didn't have his mother after the age of 10.

[boltnrun]

I guess we will have to agree to disagree on that one, lol I am a problem solver and I have an optimistic view of finding solutions to things.

 

 

 

Right, he doesn't see a problem with his behavior right now, but with the right approach and solution, he will either eventually realize he is the problem or he will go through life alone with a string of failed relationships behind him which basically will show him he is the problem unless he stays in the mindset that all women are just crazy. It takes someone to be different to change that view. Most men eventually wake up though, and don't stay in that mindset forever. Unfortunately he grew up without a mom and he got tricked into getting a girl pregnant (she said she was on the pill and she wasn't) because she knew he made good money (at the time he was working in construction), also had girls cheat on him, scream at him in their apt which resulted in her getting kicked out and she never came and got her stuff out, which is a big reason why I told him I wanted the washing machine back because I didn't want him to complain to the next girl how his ex left any of her stuff at his place. He complains about her stuff being there all the time so I didn't want my stuff added to the pile.

 

Anyway, i'm rambling, my point is he has never known a decent woman, apparently, and didn't have his mother after the age of 10.

 

Boo freakin' hoo.

 

I was removed from the only parents I'd ever known at age 3 and sent back to my real parents to whom I had no attachment and with whom I'd never gotten to bond. My mother couldn't stand me (she told me so) and my father first adored then abandoned me and my siblings, refusing to pay child support. And I was sexually abused by a family member for 10 years while my parents stood by and did nothing to stop it. I was also bullied at school for years because I didn't look like the other kids. And yet, I don't treat the people who care about me like garbage.

 

Nope, not buying the "poor me, I had it rough growing up" excuse.

 

But it DOES give you an excuse to stick around despite the awful way he treats you. I wonder what it is that makes you want this. A rescuer complex, perhaps?

[Rockchick26]

Rockchick, you remind me so much of myself in so many ways! My ex is a lot different from your guy in many ways, but like yours, he made things difficult when they didn't have to be, because he is full of issues. I spent the past two years trying to understand him, trying to work around his issues, asking everyone I know for help in figuring him out, googling for answers every single day. Sometimes things were wonderful with him, but most of the time I was worried and confused and miserable. I was in love with him, and deeply attached, and I tried dozens of times to walk away and just couldn't make it stick. I finally gained the strength to end things for good about a month ago, and I couldn't be more heartbroken and depressed.

 

I hope you can work things out with him, and I would never tell you not to try. But I would hate for you to be in my position for the next couple of years. When I read your posts, it's like I could have written them if you just switched out your guy for mine. Set boundaries early (now) or he will continue to test and push the limits and have all the power. I don't have any suggestions on setting boundaries, because I could never figure out how to do so with mine.

 

Hugs.

 

I'm sorry you dealt with a guy like this for years!! I won't make the same mistake, I am on the fence if I even want to stay right now. But I am sure if I left him now, I will always wonder what would have happened if I didn't give him a second chance. The only way i'll know if this is a pattern or a one time bump in the road is if I give it time. But I don't think i'll be able to make it another week, if he keeps up this behavior and avoids me next weekend, I'm done. He tried calling me today but I was mowing my lawn. We'll see how things go.

[Rockchick26]

Classic co-dependence.

 

You're going to stay with him to make HIM feel better about women. Never mind what you have to put up with (random breakup/makeups, refusals to talk to you, blaming you for how he feels, etc.), it's all about making sure HE'S comfortable. But, see, nothing you do will make him feel better. People like that LIKE having things to complain about, and they like drama.

 

You will continue to have drama from here on out. Never mind that he was nice for 4 ENTIRE MONTHS!!! You've now met the real him, and this is the "him" you'll be with for however long you choose to try to "fix" him.

 

Well if this is all right, then I won't be with him much longer. I hate drama, I have anxiety issues the way it is, I have high blood pressure and can barely sleep even without relationship problems. I've even lost 20 pounds because of this. I will have to cut him out of my life just for my health's sake.

 

PS: Maybe there was a reason why his other girlfriends cheated on him (if that's even true). Maybe they got tired of playing therapist/nursemaid/coddler.

 

Well he was on tons of drugs when he was with those girls, and he said one girl justified her cheating because of something regarding the drugs, I forget what exactly it was, but she was on drugs too, they all were. He's never had a decent, sober normal girlfriend, they've all been drug abusing crazy conniving cheating girls, maybe he thinks that is how love is supposed to be, maybe he thinks I will be like that and he's either trying to end it before I get "crazy" on him, who knows.

[Rockchick26]

Boo freakin' hoo.

 

I was removed from the only parents I'd ever known at age 3 and sent back to my real parents to whom I had no attachment and with whom I'd never gotten to bond. My mother couldn't stand me (she told me so) and my father first adored then abandoned me and my siblings, refusing to pay child support. And I was sexually abused by a family member for 10 years while my parents stood by and did nothing to stop it. I was also bullied at school for years because I didn't look like the other kids. And yet, I don't treat the people who care about me like garbage.

 

Nope, not buying the "poor me, I had it rough growing up" excuse.

 

True, not everyone turns out the same with the same circumstances, there are a lot of factors involved. I just know for a fact he is still bothered by all of these things, his mother killing herself, him not getting to see her daughter enough, the cheating ex gf's, they're all female-related issues, no wonder he is the way he is...clearly he can't handle all this stuff because he still has panic attacks and anxiety, he said he was on a perscription for Xanax for 10 years and still takes them. This is probably what he's talking about when he tells me he has personal stuff to work on. He still hasn't told me what that is, so at least he's admitting he has issues, even if he isn't saying exactly what they are to me. I think I already know, lol

 

But it DOES give you an excuse to stick around despite the awful way he treats you. I wonder what it is that makes you want this. A rescuer complex, perhaps?

 

Not so much rescuer, I guess I just believe in treating people how I want to be treated, and I believe that love really does change things/people/the world, etc. I don't like to fight and I don't like drama and I don't like deserting people I care about, I would feel horrible if we broke up and he got depressed (if he isn't already) and never fixed his life the way he talks about now.