This is what I don't understand about online dating

[renter]

If we establish online that there is a mutual attraction, why all the emailing back and forth? When a woman is approached in public by a guy she likes she has no issue giving a phone number so why not online? I should not be sending more than 4 messages once it's established we are physically attracted to each other. If I am home why would I want to keep typing messages when I can get offline and talk on the phone briefly and set up a face to face meeting?

 

Sometimes I get the feeling a women is just bored and sending messages to men online is her entertainment for the evening which does not fly with me. After the 4th or 5th message I am ready to transition to the next phase and get to know her

 

 

Any other guy feel this way?

[Asb682]

I'm a woman and I agree with you, after a couple of messages if I'm still feeling the guy I'll give him my number, typically I offer it before they even ask. It's a pain to keep logging on to the site to reply to these messages.

 

I suggest just asking or offering up your number, if she declines she's probably not all that interested.

[SoulTaker]

If we establish online that there is a mutual attraction, why all the emailing back and forth? When a woman is approached in public by a guy she likes she has no issue giving a phone number so why not online? I should not be sending more than 4 messages once it's established we are physically attracted to each other. If I am home why would I want to keep typing messages when I can get offline and talk on the phone briefly and set up a face to face meeting?

 

Sometimes I get the feeling a women is just bored and sending messages to men online is her entertainment for the evening which does not fly with me. After the 4th or 5th message I am ready to transition to the next phase and get to know her. Any other guy feel this way?

 

Renter, it's only a lot of emailing because you're allowing it. You have as much control of the situation as she does. You call her (not text) to set up the date, and that's about it.

 

If she starts texting you after that, then you just let her know that you're saving the communications for the date. BTW - physical attraction is not established until you see her in person. Pictures can be deceiving (e.g. taken years ago).

[renter]

I'm a woman and I agree with you, after a couple of messages if I'm still feeling the guy I'll give him my number, typically I offer it before they even ask. It's a pain to keep logging on to the site to reply to these messages.

 

I suggest just asking or offering up your number, if she declines she's probably not all that interested.

 

 

Right, and the fact that the weather is breaking and we are heading into May I want to go out and meet. Now text and text and email. I will admit in the winter I am not as quick to meet for obvious reasons but we are going to have some nice days in May and I like to exchange numbers after about 5 messages

[renter]

Renter, it's only a lot of emailing because you're allowing it. You have as much control of the situation as she does. You call her (not text) to set up the date, and that's about it.

 

If she starts texting you after that, then you just let her know that you're saving the communications for the date. BTW - physical attraction is not established until you see her in person. Pictures can be deceiving (e.g. taken years ago).

 

 

True it's not established until the actual meet but if there is attraction based on the photos I see no need to keep chatting online

[ambreaux405]

Renter, it's only a lot of emailing because you're allowing it. You have as much control of the situation as she does. You call her (not text) to set up the date, and that's about it.

 

If she starts texting you after that, then you just let her know that you're saving the communications for the date. BTW - physical attraction is not established until you see her in person. Pictures can be deceiving (e.g. taken years ago).

 

I agree with this. Ask for her number if there is mutual attraction. If she doesn't seem like she wants to give you her number, back off. She's either not as interested in you, or hiding something.

[renter]

I agree with this. Ask for her number if there is mutual attraction. If she doesn't seem like she wants to give you her number, back off. She's either not as interested in you, or hiding something.

 

Or not serious about meeting

[lostandhurt]

You are thinking like a man and not a woman that may feel vulnerable. Some women are more brave than others, some women have had some seriously crazy and dangerous first meets and some have a lot of men they are talking to at once and can't logistically meet them all so they message back and forth more than you might prefer to try and make a choice.

 

And of course like you said there are some that just use interested guys as a distraction and enjoy the attention they get so it comes down to reading them to decide how much effort you are willing to put in before you bail.

 

On online dating sites attractive women pretty much hold all the cards so if you aren't willing to accept that then real life dating is probably your best bet.

 

Lost

[renter]

You are thinking like a man and not a woman that may feel vulnerable. Some women are more brave than others, some women have had some seriously crazy and dangerous first meets and some have a lot of men they are talking to at once and can't logistically meet them all so they message back and forth more than you might prefer to try and make a choice.

 

And of course like you said there are some that just use interested guys as a distraction and enjoy the attention they get so it comes down to reading them to decide how much effort you are willing to put in before you bail.

 

On online dating sites attractive women pretty much hold all the cards so if you aren't willing to accept that then real life dating is probably your best bet.

 

Lost

 

 

The point I am making is tonight is Monday so let's say I connect with someone tomorrow on Tinder or OKC, If I decided to send messages all day tomorrow by wednesday I want to talk on the phone so we can set a date for this weekend. I am definitely not going to still be chatting beyond this coming weekend if we started talking tomorrow. I think what I will start doing is exchanging emails online while I am at work so if we talk most of the day then I can suggest a phone conversation.

 

It's hard for me to chat through email on the dating when I am home because I am normally watching TV and on my computer my two main distractions

[missmarple]

When a woman is approached in public by a guy she likes she has no issue giving a phone number so why not online?

 

1. I've never given my phone number to someone who approached me in public unless I was among friends who already knew the guy.

2. When you meet someone 'offline', you have no other way to contact them except a phone number. Not the same when you meet online.

3. I think that there's a happy medium. 4-5 messages seems too little to me....20 emails, on the other hand, sound too many.

 

Everyone has their own style.

[notalady]

4 messages seem like an arbitrary number. A lot could be said in 4 messages or very little could be said. It could be done all in one day or span over days or weeks. I think that if you've sufficiently introduced yourself in message, feel free to ask to speak on the phone. If they say no, it's up to you to decide if you can give them a bit more time to feel comfortable with giving out their number (everyone has different pace and comfort level about moving things offline), or decide they are a waste of time and move on.

[mrsin627]

1. it's EXTREMELY easy to lie about who you are online because you have the option to type/read/edit/repeat until your message is molded how you want it to be... Same with texting... So understandably people will wait to feel you out a bit before exchanging numbers.

 

2. Plenty of people are online dating cuz they think it's entertaining and have no intention of dating anybody at all.

 

3. Your online dating site choices (I see tinder and okc) might increase the likelihood of number 2.

 

4. Messaging all day, but not being available at night cuz you're "watching tv/on your computer" might send the message that you're unemployed or that you are already involved and sneaking around during the day... Just a random thought there.

[SooSad33]

You also need to remember, I'm sure women are continously getting bombarded with messages. Just because YOU decided to contact her, doesn't make HER think 'This is the one'.

Of course everyone is going to be a bit weary of everyone else out there.

 

Because there ARE numerous liars, cheaters. fakes, etc out there!

 

So.. maybe you should learn to give it time. Let her get her feelers out there and feel she CAN get some positive with you, she can be comofortable,.. then she'l most likelt begin to respond in a more positive manner and keep up the interest.

 

With the crap out there today, you cannot EXPECT all of these women to just JUMP right into YOUR zone, immedietly. Won't happen.

 

Ease off with the expectations and give it time...

[j.man]

Four is an arbitrary number, but it's pretty much how I ran my successful OLD campaign. Two back and forths and if I'm still interested, I ask for a number. Not interested in a pen pal and if it's anything I learned from OLD, it's that emails tell you jack **** about the person's personality.

[bulletproof]

The point I am making is tonight is Monday so let's say I connect with someone tomorrow on Tinder or OKC, If I decided to send messages all day tomorrow by wednesday I want to talk on the phone so we can set a date for this weekend. I am definitely not going to still be chatting beyond this coming weekend if we started talking tomorrow. I think what I will start doing is exchanging emails online while I am at work so if we talk most of the day then I can suggest a phone conversation.

 

Why are you chatting all day in the first place?

Most emails I sent/received via online dating were pretty to the point: "Hey, I liked x, y, or z about your profile. Would you be interested in a phone conversation or meeting up?"

 

There's no reason for all the back and forth. Typically it only leads to a false idea that you know someone.

[faraday]

Why are you chatting all day in the first place?

Most emails I sent/received via online dating were pretty to the point: "Hey, I liked x, y, or z about your profile. Would you be interested in a phone conversation or meeting up?"

 

There's no reason for all the back and forth. Typically it only leads to a false idea that you know someone.

 

This^

 

If she's not ready to meet yet, give her a few more emails, and ask again...and if she's still not ready, she probably won't ever be....and that's your cue to move on.

[renter]

1. it's EXTREMELY easy to lie about who you are online because you have the option to type/read/edit/repeat until your message is molded how you want it to be... Same with texting... So understandably people will wait to feel you out a bit before exchanging numbers.

 

2. Plenty of people are online dating cuz they think it's entertaining and have no intention of dating anybody at all.

 

3. Your online dating site choices (I see tinder and okc) might increase the likelihood of number 2.

 

4. Messaging all day, but not being available at night cuz you're "watching tv/on your computer" might send the message that you're unemployed or that you are already involved and sneaking around during the day... Just a random thought there.

 

When I get home from work the only way I want to communicate with a woman is by phone or face to face. Sending emails back and forth while watching a game or being on my computer will not work at all. Only when I'm at work

[Sportster2005]

If we establish online that there is a mutual attraction, why all the emailing back and forth? When a woman is approached in public by a guy she likes she has no issue giving a phone number so why not online? I should not be sending more than 4 messages once it's established we are physically attracted to each other. If I am home why would I want to keep typing messages when I can get offline and talk on the phone briefly and set up a face to face meeting?

 

Sometimes I get the feeling a women is just bored and sending messages to men online is her entertainment for the evening which does not fly with me. After the 4th or 5th message I am ready to transition to the next phase and get to know her

 

 

Any other guy feel this way?

 

First I'll challenge your assertion women give out there number so easily publicly.

 

Secondly ask them out after a few emails. If they don't go out they're really not interested and/or serious. Women that want to date and are serious will have no problem going out after a few emails. Sounds like you're just not meeting the right women yet. Keep at it.

[Batya33]

I don't think physical attraction has any place in communicating with a stranger on line -you meet, in part, to see if there is enough of a spark -or potential for a spark -to get to know each other on a real first date. No need to ask anyone out. Exchange a few messages, have a phone call and then if it makes sense meet in a public place for an hour or so. If she won't have a phone call (even by calling you and blocking her number) then move on because that means she is not on a dating site to meet people in person (safe to assume).

[renter]

I don't think physical attraction has any place in communicating with a stranger on line -you meet, in part, to see if there is enough of a spark -or potential for a spark -to get to know each other on a real first date. No need to ask anyone out. Exchange a few messages, have a phone call and then if it makes sense meet in a public place for an hour or so. If she won't have a phone call (even by calling you and blocking her number) then move on because that means she is not on a dating site to meet people in person (safe to assume).

 

Thank you, I prefer one or two calls before meeting

[Batya33]

Thank you, I prefer one or two calls before meeting

 

Sure - that's understandable.