Darksoul26 Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 I recently started seeing this guy. We went on a few dates and then hooked up a few times. But the weird thing is he refuses to spend the night at my house after sleeping over. I also feel like he will only message me if he needs something, never just to talk or whatever. Recently his friend passed away, and altho I really want to support him and help him out I still feel sort weird to be giving so much support to someone who doesn't even want a committed relationship? I'm sorry if this sounds really bad, it's hard for me to explain exlactly the situation over the Internet. Any thoughts ? Link to comment
alc16 Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 You are being used for sex. Link to comment
Darksoul26 Posted February 25, 2016 Author Share Posted February 25, 2016 And emotional support ? Cuz he also messages me alot for advice about things in his life etc. Weird but ya I agree with you Link to comment
petite Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 Do you want a committed relationship? If you are not getting what you would like from the relationship then perhaps it is time to decide if he is right right person for you. Link to comment
Darksoul26 Posted February 25, 2016 Author Share Posted February 25, 2016 Of course I want a commited relationship. I feel like he just wants a booty call that will bend over backwards for him though Link to comment
Clinton Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 Have you talked to him about where this is going? You're sleeping together so it's not too early to have the talk. People are often too afraid to voice their needs because they are afraid of scaring off the other person. But if you've been dating for a bit by now and are being intimate it's a good idea to see if you are on the same page. Talk to him. Link to comment
Darksoul26 Posted February 25, 2016 Author Share Posted February 25, 2016 I think I will Link to comment
petite Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 Express your thoughts and wants with him. Be very clear when you talk to him and see if you are on the same page. If he's not that into it then make your decision based on hat happens once you discuss everything. Link to comment
LB16 Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 Of course I want a commited relationship. I feel like he just wants a booty call that will bend over backwards for him though You teach people how to treat you.. stop allowing him to sleep with you with no commitment. Youre allowing him to use you & letting him know this is okay. A man who cares for you & wants to be with you will a actually commit to you. He won't ever leave you feeling used or unsure about your relationship. If you want a relationship & a commitment you need to find someone who wants just that. Link to comment
DoF Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 You set the tone with early intimacy and now that is all he cares about. Of course you are being used. Second you sleep with a guy few dates in, he assumes you are not LTR material and you do it with other guys. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 How are you being "used" after you consented to be intimate with him after he clearly stated he wasn't interested in a relationship? No one can use you without your permission, therefore it's time to own your part here. At any rate, you do have the ability to choose wisely... Link to comment
Clinton Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 I'd disagree that early intimacy just means he's interested in one thing only and that means you are being used. I think waiting does tend to weed out players but it's not always the case. I know two married couples who hooked up almost right away. So not a hard and fast rule. Link to comment
DoF Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 I'd disagree that early intimacy just means he's interested in one thing only and that means you are being used. There is always exception to the rule. It's all about minimizing the risk, CHANCES ARE that a) he isn't too smart if he wants LTR and even hints are early intimacy and b) chances are he is just after one thing if he just wants one thing. I think waiting does tend to weed out players but it's not always the case. I know two married couples who hooked up almost right away. So not a hard and fast rule. You are correct, but 90% that is the case. So take your picks, choose your risks carefully. Look, just the fact that a person is willing to be intimate with a stranger is enough for me. That should tell you a lot about them. Link to comment
Clinton Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 In this day and age I honestly don't think it tells you anything about them. Link to comment
DoF Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 In this day and age I honestly don't think it tells you anything about them. Clearly you haven't met or have been around club goers......I have and used to be. Link to comment
Clinton Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 Clearly you haven't met or have been around club goers......I have and used to be. Oh, I've been around club goers. I used to love the bar scene. And all I can say is that they are no better or no worse than the public in general. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 Of course I want a commited relationship. I feel like he just wants a booty call that will bend over backwards for him thoughIf you don't want to be booty, then stop being booty. It's really that simple. Next time he calls you to come over for sex. Tell him you'd love to see him but you'd like to invite him out to do something fun. If he declines then you decline seeing him, you block and delete him so that he can't reach you and so that you can get on with your life without him in it. You've just met him "recently" and you're already sexually involved without having seen what his motive to being with you is. Now you know. And emotional support ? Cuz he also messages me alot for advice about things in his life etc. Weird but ya I agree with you I wouldn't count on that conclusion that he uses you for emotional support. He hardly knows you so to compensate and actually have a subject of conversation with you, (to keep you hooked?????) he tells you personal things that make YOU feel more important to him then you actually are. Take his words with a grain of salt and look at his actions. That's where his truth is. Of course I want a commited relationship. I feel like he just wants a booty call that will bend over backwards for him though Well the fact is, he doesn't have to do much and you volunteer to bend over. Stop giving and he can't take. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted February 25, 2016 Share Posted February 25, 2016 Your actions don't line up with someone who wants a committed relationship and has that to offer. I agree with HeartGoesOn 100%. Being used implies being deceived into it - not the case here at all. You have chosen deliberately to enter a screw first ask questions later situation. Link to comment
Darksoul26 Posted February 26, 2016 Author Share Posted February 26, 2016 So what would be you're advice to avoid this in the future? Wait like how many dates till you sleep with a guy? Or wait till you're actually in a relationship? Link to comment
Darksoul26 Posted February 26, 2016 Author Share Posted February 26, 2016 Well he never told me he doesn't want a relationship I just assumed that Link to comment
Darksoul26 Posted February 26, 2016 Author Share Posted February 26, 2016 So would you're advice to be to ask what someone is looking for before sleeping with them? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 So would you're advice to be to ask what someone is looking for before sleeping with them? uhhmmm . . YES! Link to comment
Darksoul26 Posted February 26, 2016 Author Share Posted February 26, 2016 I don't know why I have such a hard time asking that, I'm so dumb when it comes to dating Link to comment
j.man Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 Really wish certain women would stop infantilzing themselves. You're not being used any more than me getting knocked out in a boxing ring counts as being abused. Plenty of women out there enjoy no-strings-attached sex just as much as the next guy, so it's not fair to charge men with the responsibility of sparing your feelings by making the decision for you whether or not to have sex. You alone know in what conditions you're comfortable having sex. Don't have sex until those conditions are met. It's really that simple. Link to comment
Darksoul26 Posted February 26, 2016 Author Share Posted February 26, 2016 Ya well I should of just asked straight up before sleeping with him that seems to be my problem I am too scared to ask what the other person is looking for Link to comment
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