i dont know if i can trust him or not

[sailsup555]

We've been seeing eachother for 14 weeks. I really am starting to be unsure though but i cant tell if it is my own issues or just things i am picking up on. I am starting to feel like he basically would have dated anyone and i just happened to meet him first. This past weekend i asked him why he liked me and if he thought it had potential. He said because we get along good and bc i like to have sex with him. He was the one moving it quick, he said i love you after 1 month, asked me to take my online profile down after 3 dates (we met through OKcupid)

 

The instances that have bothered me:

 

1 ) At a basketball game, sitting near player's wife (who is a model) he says to me her husband wouldnt even know what to do with her (sexually)

 

2)About a month in he came over and i got nervous with him around my roommate. It doesnt bother me anymore but i felt like he was looking at her too much and then he pushed for her to watch a movie with us.

 

3) I introduced him to more friends this past weekend. One girl has a lot in common with him (both like to golf, like to snowboard) On the way i told him where she was from. Then at dinner he asked her where she was from and continued asking question but didnt ask anyone else even when another girl said she was from same place. He also made a point to go up to her after we were bowling to say something to her. He then pushed for them all to go out with us after which they declined

 

4) Later this night, me and him and two of his friends went to a bar. It is about 5 min walk from bowling and somehow he disappeared in the middle of it. When i called him to see where he was he said we ditched him and he was in a cab going home. I called back again and told him to come to bar we were at and he said he didnt want to and hung up. 5 mins later he showed up and went into line in front of us. We had a minor argument about it and i just walked away and went with his friends gf to get a drink. Then i see that he is chatting with some girl and she buys him a drink. (Turns out she was in a bachelorette party scavenger hunt and needed a pic with him and he said he was in the "doghouse" with me so she had to buy him a drink to make it worth it) When he walks over to me again the first thing he says is he doesnt understand why the girl (from bowling) is dating her boyfriend. The next morning he went on to ask me how long they've been dating.

 

Also just a random thing. One of his old profile pictures is of Charlie Sheen with his wife, girlfriend, and nanny - with all the labels there. So im not sure if that is the sort of thing he finds "cool". He makes a lot of comments about different actresses as well and says how hot they are and how Taylor Swift is his dream girl. Also he is 28 if that helps.

 

 

Is this reason to worry? i really cant tell if i just look into things or if he is being weird. We are going away this weekend together too and id like it to be fun. When i first met him it was fun and easy but lately i've been confused on what i think. In the beginning of the relationship he was always telling me im amazing and beautiful but that never happens now.

[jobelle]

I'll go ahead and assume that you don't normally don't have huge issues with jealousy and a tendency to magnify things out of proportion (which could be the case with #1, #2 and #3, especially the first two). He does behave oddly, and you should not ignore your intuition.

 

#4 - he pretty much behaved like a nutcase. He left you alone with HIS friends? Really? Also, why is he accepting drinks from other girls?

 

The good news, you haven't date for so long so ending this should be fairly easy even if feelings are involved. Trust your intuition!

[Clinton]

Kind of weird. I'd take a pass

[Andrina]

He was supposed to be with you and disappeared. You continue to date him, so he knows this isn't a deal breaker to you and he can do this whenever he feels the urge to do so. He is speaking what's on his mind. He sees other attractive women and imagines himself with them instead of who they are with, that's why he's badmouthing their partners. If this is your dream man, I'm perplexed.

[missmarple]

In the beginning of the relationship he was always telling me im amazing and beautiful but that never happens now.

 

Just for this, I'd walk. After just 3-4 months in a relationship, people are still in the honeymoon phase..and this guy clearly isn't.

[ThatwasThen]

Well, if anything, he's an inattentive partner who doesn't seem to care how his actions would affect you. From what you've listed, it appears that he's not very good boyfriend material for YOU. He's a natural flirt and he pays far too much attention to members of the opposite sex for your liking. He won't change and you'd be foolish, IMO, to try and morph him into who you would like him to be.

 

Your decision to stick it out but if I were you, i'd be telling him: "we are basically incompatible in romantic boundaries and the relationship is just not going to work out for the long haul."

[DoF]

You get intimate early, you set the stage for SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP.

 

You also disable yourself from filtering out Boys/dogs/players from MEN that are long term relationship potential.

 

Actually, smart man that has a clue will NOT get intimate with your early.

 

You failed at #1 job of a woman, getting to know the person well and figuring out if they are LTR material.

 

Hope you learn from this and good luck

[DancingFool]

What you describe is not bf material but a dog in heat acting like a dog in heat. Sorry. I'd cancel that trip and drop him immediately. The way this guy is rolling.....in a few more months you'll be back here asking how to deal with being cheated on. Maybe quit this game while you are still ahead so to speak.

 

Next time you start dating and a guy gets too pushy too fast too soon, treat that as a huge red flag slapping you in the face. Instead of going along with it, take a huge step back if not actually sprint for the hills.

[Ms Darcy]

I think it's sad you are saying early on in the relationship he did this and that. You are STILL early on in the relationship. Basically, you are still getting to know who he is.

 

I tend to think that things were rushed (the early "I love you" etc.) because he was simply very infatuated. Now he's losing interest and gaining strong crushes on other women. That's what it sounds like from what you wrote.

 

Can you trust him? Only you can answer that.

[HeartGoesOn]

Yes, I would say you have reason to worry. He hits on numerous women, takes a cab home leaving you alone in a bar, etc, yet you're sleeping with him and going away together for the weekend.

 

It's time to ask yourself, what's wrong with this picture.

[Sportster2005]

When he is with you, you should be the center of his universe. Not other women. I don't think he's behaving like a man that's into you. Talk is cheap, his behavior tells a different story.

[youareworthy]

Dear sailsup555,

 

The advice votes from ENA look unanimous to me. I think there are so many red flags that you would be very wise to cancel the trip and break up with him. If this is how he behaves when you have only dated for 3.5 months, you would be in for a very unhappy LTR.

 

At the recommendation of another ENA member, I am now reading a book called Men Who Can't Love (also applies to women in part), which describes men who are commitment-phobes. Your description of him sounds like it is lifted directly from the book! I got my copy of it for about $2 online. I think you would get a lot out of it. I know that I am.

 

Also look into maintaining good boundaries in dating. In fact, there is a book called Boundaries in Dating which may help you spot the red flags even more quickly, and get rid of undeserving fellows sooner.

 

I am sorry he is not behaving in a gentlemanlike manner!

 

You can find someone much better than this man.

 

Youareworthy