Unreasonable Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Where do you think they should lie? Link to comment
Hermes Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Depends on the content of the texts exchanged. The weather, the state of the nation, when do you think we'll all be able to travel to mars..... Link to comment
overthemoon86 Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 it depends on the relationship...everyone is different. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 It depends on the emotional intimacy...frequency plus what they talk about. I talk to a few male friends through text and my SO could look at those text convos if he wanted and I wouldn't be bothered. Link to comment
Hermes Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 As happens with some frequency here, the poster does not disclose what is driving the question...... Link to comment
morrowrd Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Any type of communication with the opposite sex that has to be hidden, in my opinion is wrong. Unless they are planning a surprise party for you, if the relationship excludes you, it is a problem. Link to comment
Stay_home Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Be more specific. Who are these people? Link to comment
thejigsup Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 I don't believe in setting "limits" on other adults. That is a bit childish. What I do is give someone complete freedom to do what they want, they are adults after all, and you can't really control anyone's actions except your own. If they are up to no good, you will find out soon enough without having resorted to petty "controls". Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Opinions on opposite sex texting boundaries in monogamous relationships Oh this one is actually very easy. Sexting between the two partners in a monogamous relationship--totally fine, I'm all for it if it adds spice. Knock yourself out. Sexting between one partner and anyone outside of their so-called monogamous relationship? It's cheating, flat out no bullship, no lying, no "I didn't touch her/him so it doesn't couuunnnnnttt" IT IS CHEATING. 'Cause let's face it ladies and gents, we all know sexting isn't about exchanging recipes or jokes or how to please your partner in bed. It's about setting up someone to cheat with and/or get your sexual jollies from. And if you're doing that and they aren't your partner there's a big problem. And anyone who says otherwise is a frankly a liar who's trying to justify cheating. I swear why does this question come up and over and over? If you wouldn't be okay with your partner walking up to someone in a bar and saying the things they say in sexting to them with you standing right there then don't put up with it. Ever. Or you will yes be cheated on even more. My two cents and I don't want to hear from anyone how it's otherwise. Been there, had that done to me, the t-shirt doesn't fit and it itches like hell. My boundaries lie in the realm of "If you feel the need to sext with someone other than me and we are exclusive there's the door. Do please let it hit you in the bum on the way or out here let my boot do it for you." I have zero tolerance for that crap. I can't control another's actions, only my own. And I choose to control that I do not tolerate such actions from a partner UNLESS I were okay with it and got to do it too. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 I don't believe in setting "limits" on other adults. That is a bit childish. What I do is give someone complete freedom to do what they want, they are adults after all, and you can't really control anyone's actions except your own. If they are up to no good, you will find out soon enough without having resorted to petty "controls". I don't think you can limit it either. It's all about what your personal boundary is. If they do something that surpasses it, you can't stop them but you can say "buh bye" Link to comment
Hermes Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 The OP asks: Opinions on opposite sex texting boundaries in monogamous relationships As in, persons of opposite sex texting to "outsiders" even if they are in a monogamous relationship. Link to comment
Snny Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 I must be old school. I pick up the phone and call people. I only text if I need my husband to meet me somewhere or to pick up something at the supermarket before coming home from work. Link to comment
Hermes Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Indeed, Snny! LOL. Where are we going wrong? Just imagine, actually SPEAKING to a person on the PHONE. Brave new world.... Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 I must be old school. I pick up the phone and call people. I only text if I need my husband to meet me somewhere or to pick up something at the supermarket before coming home from work. Ditto! I thought I was the only one left, lol. That said, OP, can you be a little more specific please? Is this an issue in your own relationship? What exactly is going on? It really would be very helpful if you could give more info otherwise, before you know it, this thread will take on a life of its own. Link to comment
Hermes Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 Maybe this will provide a clue: Some time back the OP wrote: "I don't know what stage she's in. She keeps telling me that it's a "process" that's going to "take time" but she can't or won't put a label on what this process is. Reconciliation? Impressing her? I'm going to ask her that question next time I'm at the counselor. I feel like I may have caught this before it's too late. And I can't say that I'm 100% alone in the marriage. We're cordial to eachother. We go on dates. We have good sex. We take care of our responsibilities. But it feels like we're going through the motions and that the "I'll be there for you" marital bond seems severely lacking." Link to comment
Dottieflanogon Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 If the text is innocent and appropriate, and you would be ok with showing the text to your spouse, then it is ok. Sexting is not ok. I consider it to be cheating. If you're sending texts that you can't show to your spouse, then something is seriously wrong. Sexting is definitely inappropriate for anyone in a relationship (who is sending mssgs to someone other than their partner) Link to comment
Hermes Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Aaahh Dottie, you will have to define not innocent and INappropriate. LOL. I am intrigued. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 For me, innocent/harmless is anything non-sexual, non-romantic, non-intimate. That's quite a wide range. Weather, "hey how are you", talking about work/hobbies, exchanging positive stories about the people in your life, telling jokes, etc. For me, inappropriate = sex talk, gushy compliments, complaining about your partner a lot, confiding something that you wouldn't tell your partner, etc. Link to comment
Hermes Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Aaah, Fudgie, when matters have reached that point they've gone far beyond the setting of boundaries. sex talk, gushy compliments, complaining about your partner a lot, confiding something that you wouldn't tell your partner, etc. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I don't think the last two are that obvious. It's easy to slip into them. Link to comment
Hermes Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 It is indeed, Fudgie. "complaining about your partner a lot, confiding something that you wouldn't tell your partner, etc." Mainly I hear that sort of stuff when a gaggle of men-bashing women get together........ Link to comment
Fudgie Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 I think it's different when you're complaining to a friend, like a female friend, about it and you're commiserating together, like "woe is us, our husbands won't clean up after themselves", etc. The danger is when you are communicating with an opposite sex member who may or may not be attracted to you, and you're bashing your partner to them. I don't mean something like "Well, laundry night tonight, and I know my husband can't be trusted not to mix the whites with the darks!" or something like that. I mean saying things over time like "he doesn't understand me, I hate x, y, z about him" and his personal flaws, intimate details about your relationship and its problems. What happens is that you should be going to your partner with this stuff, not to someone else. Also, it allows the other person to put themselves in as a wedge. "Aww, that sucks! I think that's awful....I'd never do that to you!" and over time, this could lead an increased sense of intimacy with that person, and less with your partner. I do text some men and I wouldn't badmouth my SO to them like that. Link to comment
Hermes Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 Believe me Fudgie, I am not talking about commiserating together. I listen a lot, and I hear a lot. And just what you said, that's how the men-bashing ladies go: ".....he doesn't understand me, I hate x, y, z about him" and his personal flaws, intimate details about your relationship and its problems." And believe me that is mild.! Link to comment
Fudgie Posted October 31, 2015 Share Posted October 31, 2015 That's sad Hermes. I have to say, I've never experienced that. Link to comment
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