Opinions on opposite sex texting boundaries in monogamous relationships

[StrcPrstSkrzKrk1903]

I think the only question here is whether sexting is considered commensurate with physical cheating. I would agree with most people responding here that it is.

 

Beyond that, what's the understanding you have with your partner regarding flirting, or any other suggestive communication, in real life? I've found that some monogamous couples are fairly loose about that as long as it doesn't go anywhere. Any agreements you have about such communication should extend to texting. Most often, I don't see it as "cheating"/grounds for terminating the relationship given an isolated incident, but I would consider it hurtful and problematic, and something that would need to be discussed, and something that probably would justify terminating the relationship if it kept happening nonetheless. However, both texting and real-life instances of this are relatively unenforceable, in roughly equal degree. There's not much that would differentiate how easily the other partner would find out about it. I think it's wrong to invade your partner's privacy by, say, looking at his or her cell phone.

 

In short, beyond sexting, if feeling bad about suggestive communication would prevent you from doing it in real life, don't do it by text.

[Unreasonable]

Sorry, back from the weekend.

 

I kept this open-ended as I did not want to present a bias.

 

The reason I posted this is, my wife and I indeed are having some problems. We are going to couple's therapy and I feel like we've progressed greatly.

 

One sticking point, is texting. A couple years ago, I would get on her case cause she never could remember to bring her phone with her. Now she's addicted to it. She's back in the workforce after a long time of being a stay at home mom with few friends. She is feeling a desperate need to build a network of friends, and has made quite a few, which is great.

 

The issue is, is she wants to build close friendships with guys as part of her "network". My feelings on that topic are pretty well summarized here (and I consider texting "alone time"):

 

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She agrees with the main points of the article, however, she wishes these were established at the beginning of our relationship. I can understand if some of you don't. As has been pointed out, each couple is different. I feel like part of the reason we drifted apart is because she was supplementing her emotional needs with other men, not me. I can see why she did that, since I had been less emotionally available (I am fully available now).

 

So, right now, if she doesn't try to cultivate close friendships with men through texts, she's doing it for me. I don't want her to do it for me (as that can cause resentment), I want her to do it for our relationship. Her track record with keeping texts with guys at a cursory level is not very good.

[Unreasonable]

Well, thanks for the replies.