BlackPetunia Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 I am a 25 year old woman dating a 26 year old man. He is a college grad and is now on his way to a high level job. He says that he wants to get engaged by this February. We have been living together for nearly 6months and I expressed that we should live together for at least a year before I feel comfortable. He said that he is ready to get on with his life and that if I didn't want to get with his program then he will find someone else who will. We got into a discussion about why he never takes my feelings into account. He said that the real world does not have feelings and neither does he and that basically what I feel doesn't make a difference. I feel like I want to move on but I love him but I don't want to be pressured into anything . Help!!!! Link to comment
sargon Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 Don't ever let anyone pressure you into marrying them. It's just wrong, on so many levels. Too bad this guy is putting an ultimatum over your head, he's going to lose a woman with whom it could have been very happy if he was only a bit more patient and understanding. Good hunting. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 After reading your other thread about this guy, he sounds really controlling and that, right there, is HUGE red flag. In that thread you clearly are not happy with the situation and now in this thread it just continues in the same way. Heed the warning signs. Unless you like the idea of having the rest of your life controlled/emotionally abused, then I say cut your losses and get out - the sooner the better. The writing is on the wall. Link to comment
HLnoelle Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 He sounds like he just likes the idea of marriage. In that on the outside it may give him the persona he wishes others to see. College degree, successful job, married, onto probably starting a family. He's just going through the motions and taking off boxes. Is that someone you want to be around period, let alone be married to? Life shouldn't necessarily be comfortable. It's about change, evolving, sometimes taking risks, and constantly learning. What he wants not only sounds boring, but most importantly it sounds very superficial and surface level. He doesn't really appreciate what a marriage actually means, he just wants the image of it. I would not continue in the relationship if it were me. Link to comment
BlackPetunia Posted October 29, 2015 Author Share Posted October 29, 2015 I often feel that he wants to be like his colleagues. They are all married with children. And we have only been together going on 2 years and I tell him that we don't have to be like everyone else. I just don't want him to be a follower. I despise that Link to comment
journeynow Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 He said that the real world does not have feelings and neither does he and that basically what I feel doesn't make a difference. {Cringe} Does he live in his own world? I've been around awhile, more than twice as long as he, and believe me the world is FULL of people with feelings. And your feelings do matter. They should matter to the person you choose to share your life with, otherwise, why commit? What do you love about him? What does he love about you? Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 What you feel doesn't make a difference??? What do you see in this guy??? Link to comment
journeynow Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 This snippet from your post from last week We now live together and he pays most of the bills and when money is tight he gets frustrated with me because i go to school full time and work part time as a customer service representative. I don't mind giving my last dime to help pay the bills but I cannot stand for being degraded for not having enough "real world experience" or "education". It makes me feel very low and I have even had thoughts of self harm. I feel as thought I want to leave but I'm scared of having nowhere to go. I need advice help!!! Can you move in with relatives for a bit? I don't think you should stay with him. Link to comment
BlackPetunia Posted October 29, 2015 Author Share Posted October 29, 2015 I love him because he is very ambitious, helped me get back into college and provides for me. We came from a one room full size bed living arrangement with a roommate. But through providing for me I feel that he has become controlling and I'm really not liking it. But I have no where to go. I work a part time job and go to school. I want to move on but I. Financially devastated Link to comment
BlackPetunia Posted October 29, 2015 Author Share Posted October 29, 2015 I want to go back to my mother's house ...I guess I'm stalling because I don't want to seem like a failure for having to go back home...But it's what I need to do aparently Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 Find a roommate and get yourself out of there asap. A control freak never gets over being controlling, they just get worse. Link to comment
Snny Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 He said that he is ready to get on with his life and that if I didn't want to get with his program then he will find someone else who will Translation His way or the highway. This is not how a healthy relationship works. There will be major problems ahead if he carries this mentality. He said that the real world does not have feelings and neither does he and that basically what I feel doesn't make a difference. Run. Don't walk to the nearest exit. Please reconsider your future marriage with this man. Link to comment
BlackPetunia Posted October 29, 2015 Author Share Posted October 29, 2015 He makes me feel so bad when i don't agree with him.....he has a golden tonuge and a way with words.....he is just manipulative Link to comment
Abbey729 Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 This guy is selfish and wants a doll wife to slot into his plans. It doesnt sound like he cares about YOU as a person. Especially as he threatens to replace you. Get out while you can and find someone who loves you for you, not just that you're a potential piece of his soulless existence Link to comment
Movingforward3 Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 Seems very controlling to me. I can't imagine an ultimatum like this. Run. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted October 29, 2015 Share Posted October 29, 2015 He said that the real world does not have feelings and neither does he and that basically what I feel doesn't make a difference. If this is the kind of emptiness you want to settle for, it's your future and nobody here can make that decision for you. Link to comment
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