Is He Being a Good Friend or Attempting to Seduce Me?

[Ms Darcy]

This is how I feel, too. Dangit! I wish we could observe this guy in action, Hermes, because if I could see him interacting with Naomi in person, I'd be able to tell for sure.

 

I was at a Barnes and Noble Starbucks with my husband (then boyfriend). We saw a man and woman dining and I said - "They are on a first date. He's interested, she's not. In a few minutes, she's going to excuse herself. He'll express interest in meeting again but she'll start talking about being busy."

 

Sure enough, that's how it played out. My husband looked at me and called me a witch (as in witches and warlocks).

 

It's far easier for me to know what's happening too when I can see it and read body language.

[Ms Darcy]

Because they told me, or kissed me (or tried to), or made some kinds of moves on me physically. There was always a clear indicator. I mean, my platonic friends don't ask me questions like, "So...do you want to date me?" or try to put their tongues down my throat. Granted, Naomi's guy hasn't done this. I could be wrong about him, but....I dunno. I just feel pretty strongly that even though he hasn't said anything yet, he's interested. If it turns out that he's just looking for a platonic hang-out buddy, I will be surprised, but...I guess you never know!

 

You had male friends try to kiss you out of the blue? What happened there?

[Hermes]

All the time, Ms. Darcy, all the time. Lol.

[Ms Darcy]

I should gift him a bag of pumpkin seeds and earl grey tea.

 

... and a treadmill

 

Bad Darcy.

[Naomi99]

... and a treadmill

 

Bad Darcy.

 

 

No, not bad. Truthful.

 

It makes me angry that he treats his body the way he does. Since his area of expertise involves the mouth, you'd think he'd have more control over what goes into it.

 

If he took care of himself, he'd be so much more attractive, then maybe I wouldn't even be posting here. His attractiveness is completely under his control but it's almost like he's being defiant and purposely doing this to himself to prove a point. I've seen photos where he is younger, healthier, and much thinner. He was cute.

 

His grooming is terrible too.

[reinventmyself]

I was at a Barnes and Noble Starbucks with my husband (then boyfriend). We saw a man and woman dining and I said - "They are on a first date. He's interested, she's not. In a few minutes, she's going to excuse herself. He'll express interest in meeting again but she'll start talking about being busy."

 

Sure enough, that's how it played out. My husband looked at me and called me a witch (as in witches and warlocks).

 

It's far easier for me to know what's happening too when I can see it and read body language.

 

Thank you for sharing this. All this sparing about `how do you REALLY know someone's intentions?'.

Well, if you want to split hairs . . then no one REALLY knows.

 

We are not mind readers or witches like Mrs. Darcy

 

We take in clues, suggestions, actions and body language and make a judgment call and act accordingly . .that's all you can do.

Or you come and post on ENA.

[Naomi99]

I was at a Barnes and Noble Starbucks with my husband (then boyfriend). We saw a man and woman dining and I said - "They are on a first date. He's interested, she's not. In a few minutes, she's going to excuse herself. He'll express interest in meeting again but she'll start talking about being busy."

 

Sure enough, that's how it played out. My husband looked at me and called me a witch (as in witches and warlocks).

 

It's far easier for me to know what's happening too when I can see it and read body language.

 

Were you eavesdropping too or was this purely body language, or both?

[reinventmyself]

No, not bad. Truthful.

 

It makes me angry that he treats his body the way he does. Since his area of expertise involves the mouth, you'd think he'd have more control over what goes into it.

 

If he took care of himself, he'd be so much more attractive, then maybe I wouldn't even be posting here. His attractiveness is completely under his control but it's almost like he's being defiant and purposely doing this to himself to prove a point. I've seen photos where he is younger, healthier, and much thinner. He was cute.

 

His grooming is terrible too.

 

OK. . gotta ask. . So what is the draw with these guys, who you describe to be so unattractive and other not so polite characteristics, yet you seem to get so stuck on how you feel about them?

 

Just curious. If they were a mail carrier or a computer programmer would you be this torn?

[Naomi99]

OK. . gotta ask. . So what is the draw with these guys, who you describe to be so unattractive and other not so polite characteristics, yet you seem to get so stuck on how you feel about them?

 

Just curious. If they were a mail carrier or a computer programmer would you be this torn?

 

 

Doc1, impossible to answer.

 

Doc2 is an established friend. If he was a computer programmer, of course, I'd still spend time with him.

[Ms Darcy]

Were you eavesdropping too or was this purely body language, or both?

 

Both. We were two tables away so we could hear some stuff. When we realized it was a first date, then we really started listening.

 

But the body language was the first clue.

 

He was leaned in, relaxed, smiling, touched her arm a couple of times. She was sitting straight up and stiff as a board and looked like she was trying NOT to be read. She had a little tell. She kept tapping her right index finger to her thumb when he was talking. It was like she was trying to speed him up subconsciously.

 

Edited to add more details.

[Hermes]

Body language is ALWAYS the clue. Watch for it. It speaks long before actual words are spoken.

[boltnrun]

Grooming as in, doesn't comb his hair, doesn't dress well or doesn't trim his beard?

 

Or, grooming as in hygiene?

[Naomi99]

Grooming as in, doesn't comb his hair, doesn't dress well or doesn't trim his beard?

 

Or, grooming as in hygiene?

 

Always looks like he just came back from a tennis match and does not smell right to me.

 

He does not care what he wears. It is not important to him. It seems like he has zero desire to make himself attractive to the opposite sex, or even for his own health.

[Naomi99]

She kept tapping her right index finger to her thumb when he was talking. It was like she was trying to speed him up subconsciously.

 

Edited to add more details.

 

OMG my therapist does this. HAHAHHA!! Is she trying to speed me up???

[boltnrun]

Always looks like he just came back from a tennis match and does not smell right to me.

 

He does not care what he wears. It is not important to him. It seems like he has zero desire to make himself attractive to the opposite sex, or even for his own health.

 

That might be your opportunity!

 

Tell him you want to give him a Straight (Female) Eye for the Straight Guy makeover so he will be attractive to the ladies! Tell him you think he'll be a real hit with the single ladies with the right haircut, clothes, etc. Tell him as his friend, you want to see him put his best foot forward so the ladies will flock. That way, you make it clear you want to doll him up for other potential ladies so he'll realize you aren't interested in dating him.

 

That is...only if the experiment is over and you're sure you don't want him for yourself.

[Naomi99]

That might be your opportunity!

 

Tell him you want to give him a Straight (Female) Eye for the Straight Guy makeover so he will be attractive to the ladies! Tell him you think he'll be a real hit with the single ladies with the right haircut, clothes, etc. Tell him as his friend, you want to see him put his best foot forward so the ladies will flock. That way, you make it clear you want to doll him up for other potential ladies so he'll realize you aren't interested in dating him.

 

That is...only if the experiment is over and you're sure you don't want him for yourself.

 

Do you know how clownt I'll be if I encouraged him to lose 100 pounds, forced him to eat celery and worked out together, and he six months later he started looking like Jon Hamm and found a hot GF?

[boltnrun]

Do you know how clownt I'll be if I encouraged him to lose 100 pounds, forced him to eat celery and worked out together, and he six months later he started looking like Jon Hamm and found a hot GF?

 

Sooo...you don't want to encourage him to get fit and dress well because you'd rather keep him the way he is because if he DOES get fit and start dressing well you'd lose out?

 

Failing to see logic here...

[Naomi99]

 

But the body language was the first clue.

 

 

Edited to add more details.

 

You know what is weird? I'm recalling his body language. He never ever ever touches me unless it's to say hello or goodbye. Quick peck on cheek and a bodiless hug. Arms only. It's almost as if I am in a hamster ball and he won't penetrate that boundary. This is why I say it is impossible imagining him tring to kiss me.

 

I, on the other hand, am all over him. When we went out, my hands kept getting dirty from food and there were no napkins, and he said I can wipe them on his sweatshirt which he was wearing, so I did throughout the night. When I'm in heels and we are going down stairs, I'm grabbing onto his arm for support, throwing my jacket on his lap, eating off his plate, swigging his cocktail, making him hold my purse. But I have ALWAYS been like that with him when we go out. Nothing new. He never ever does the same to me though.

[Naomi99]

Sooo...you don't want to encourage him to get fit and dress well because you'd rather keep him the way he is because if he DOES get fit and start dressing well you'd lose out?

 

Failing to see logic here...

 

I never thought about it until now. Not my responsibility. Anyway how does one bring up a touchy subject like weight?

[boltnrun]

I never thought about it until now. Not my responsibility. Anyway how does one bring up a touchy subject like weight?

 

With a friend? Shoot, my friends and I always get on each other about that. We've even said "Honey, you're blowing up like a balloon. Time to step away from the chili cheese fries."

 

If you can burp and wipe your dirty hands on his clothes and swig from his drink, you can certainly bring up weight. As in "How do you feel about working out? Is it something you'd consider to get fit? As your friend, I'm concerned about your health".

[Naomi99]

. We've even said "Honey, you're blowing up like a balloon. Time to step away from the chili cheese fries."

 

HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!! OMG!!!

 

I can't do it. I would be mortified if someone said that to me!!!! I can't say that to him!!!! Anywya he HAS to know he's overweight!

[boltnrun]

HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!! OMG!!!

 

I can't do it. I would be mortified if someone said that to me!!!! I can't say that to him!!!! Anywya he HAS to know he's overweight!

 

What about my second suggestion?

[j.man]

That might be your opportunity!

 

Tell him you want to give him a Straight (Female) Eye for the Straight Guy makeover so he will be attractive to the ladies! Tell him you think he'll be a real hit with the single ladies with the right haircut, clothes, etc. Tell him as his friend, you want to see him put his best foot forward so the ladies will flock. That way, you make it clear you want to doll him up for other potential ladies so he'll realize you aren't interested in dating him.

 

That is...only if the experiment is over and you're sure you don't want him for yourself.

Perfectly logical but unfortunately not how many men like this guy think. There's just as much, if not more of a chance that he'll hear it and think she's trying to groom him for what she wants.

[ThatwasThen]

I think Naomi has been put in the.... wait for it ... "Friend Zone" What guy who is trying to get with a girl more then platonically never cares how he looks/smells around her and has never made a move romantically or even shown in body language that he is "into her" in 4 years?!!?

[mhowe]

Sooo...you don't want to encourage him to get fit and dress well because you'd rather keep him the way he is because if he DOES get fit and start dressing well you'd lose out?

 

Failing to see logic here...

 

Failing to see friendship here.