Why can't girls ignore my height, looks & appearance and just give me a chance?

[Ms Darcy]

Awesome and honest rant, Mrs. Darcy

 

I feel horrible for OP. I wish I knew (no pun intended!) this guy personally so I could help him out. 5'2" is very rough, yes, but it's not impossible. He CAN find love, I know he can. He just has to work harder and get in front of as many women as possible, as tiring as it may be.

 

It just rubs me the wrong way sometimes how unfair life can be...sheesh...

 

Agree. I think the OP also has a bone disorder that makes things more difficult.

[WithLove]

I think he needs to use the reverse search option like you mentioned, MCJD.

 

I'm 5 ft 2 also. So we do exist, trust me!

[Rosti87]

I'm with MCJD and others.

 

OP,

 

The real world is the best place for you to find someone. Getting involved in charities for the disabled such as special Olympics or other charities that advocate for the less fortunate may open up a world of people who may have a more empathetic view of humankind. I could be wrong but I would imagine women who have a more equitable view of mankind would be more open to people who are different in general and may also be attracted to people beyond their physical conditions.

 

I'm brainstorming here, but I would give it a gander if I were you.

[arjumand]

Of course the fact that in previous postings we mention men we know, several, who are in the 5'2" range who have no problems attracting and keeping women and the response is always something along the lines of "everyone always says that, but no one ever show them to me!" Since I am not going to put my brother and cousin and friend on the Internet for perusal, I chose celebrities this time.

[Ms Darcy]

Of course the fact that in previous postings we mention men we know, several, who are in the 5'2" range who have no problems attracting and keeping women and the response is always something along the lines of "everyone always says that, but no one ever show them to me!" Since I am not going to put my brother and cousin and friend on the Internet for perusal, I chose celebrities this time.

 

That's a very fair comment.

[notalady]

Ms Darcy lol at the rant

 

I'm in no way ignoring dating life is harder for the OP and obviously I have it easier than he does so I don't know how it feels. But if you did watch that video, Nick Vujicic made many very good points about the mentality to deal with bad situations in life. Instead of thinking of all the things you don't have and blaming your circumstances and everyone around you for not getting what you want, or blame life for dealing you a sh*t hand, focus on what you do have and what you can do to get what you want.

 

Of course the OP has it hard, of course it's going to take more effort to find someone, but his original question is why can't girls ignore his height and looks (something he can't control and will sadly remain a fact), not what he can do about it, which is what he should be asking and focusing on. In fact everyone here has been discussing this and he has yet to jump in and brainstorm for ways to help himself. Hence my offer of a little perspective.

 

If a guy like Nick can find a beautiful wife, which I'm sure is harder than someone just being shorter, and if the OP has so many things to offer and is indeed a catch, he too will be able to find women who can see and appreciate that. He has yet to tell us exactly what happened when women turn him down in the past as one poster queried. That will be an important consideration. OP thinks it's because of his height and appearances (which no doubt doesn't make things easy for him), but is it really the reason he hasn't found someone though? Have all the women he met rejected him because of his height or were there other reasons too which he can do something about? (Eg his approach to finding and talking to women)

[TMifune]

Not to tie this into another thread, but it's highly possibly that the ladies sense his lack of confidence (which is amplified by the fear of being rejected for being short) and are rejecting his advances because of that perceived lack of confidence. It would then be only indirectly related to his height, basically related to his insecurity about his height.

[BigKK]

Not to tie this into another thread, but it's highly possibly that the ladies sense his lack of confidence (which is amplified by the fear of being rejected for being short) and are rejecting his advances because of that perceived lack of confidence. It would then be only indirectly related to his height, basically related to his insecurity about his height.

 

Or he's not making advances. I've read hundreds of threads of guys talking about how it's impossible to find a girl. But when asked how many they talk to and interact with, the answer is zero.

[John John]

Not to tie this into another thread, but it's highly possibly that the ladies sense his lack of confidence (which is amplified by the fear of being rejected for being short) and are rejecting his advances because of that perceived lack of confidence. It would then be only indirectly related to his height, basically related to his insecurity about his height.

 

That could potentially be it, or at least part of the story. Not sure if he's approaching women, it sounds like he is (he said he makes eye contact and is confident, not getting into the "confidence" discussion again, too tired).

 

But the OP is 5'2". Let's call it what it is. Honestly, at that height, even with a sh*t ton of confidence, he's gonna struggle. NOT saying it's impossible or that other non-Hollywood celeb men of that height haven't found love...but I would imagine they had to endure a lot more rejection than the average guy. Unless, of course, they were super lucky and married their childhood sweetheart or something like that.

 

I do know of one guy who is about that height (and unnattractive as well) who eventually managed to get a cute gf. He was super outgoing and funny, but his brand of "funny" was kind of being a jerk to others. I think he had a major complex...but he eventually found love.

 

OP - as I said, I know it might be harder for you than the average guy, but please don't give up. Stay off online dating, or just use Match for the reverse search option. Join clubs and try to get in front of as many women as you can in real life.

[TMifune]

I really can't understand having a height requirement for relationships. It just doesn't make any sense to me at all.

 

I knew a girl in college who was like 5'11" maybe 6' tall, and she was basically depressed that she'd never be able to find a man because she had to have a man who was taller than her. Unfortunately this pressure she put on herself made her personality a little more abrasive, so she really wasn't doing herself any favors.

[Ms Darcy]

I really can't understand having a height requirement for relationships. It just doesn't make any sense to me at all.

 

In many cases (taking online dating out of the equation and just thinking about people you see on the street), it's just an attraction/preference thing. People have race, weight, age, gender requirements.

 

I DO think there is some psychology around this particular attraction (women liking men who are bigger and make them feel protected).

 

Not for every woman of course. And that's where finding his niche is really important for the OP.

[TMifune]

In many cases (taking online dating out of the equation and just thinking about people you see on the street), it's just an attraction/preference thing. People have race, weight, age, gender requirements.

 

I DO think there is some psychology around this particular attraction (women liking men who are bigger and make them feel protected).

 

Not for every woman of course. And that's where finding his niche is really important for the OP.

 

Preferences are basically choices though, so you'd think instead of choosing to be alone and miserable because nobody in your designated height range is interested, you'd go outside your designated height range.

 

When it comes down to it preference in that way is just shallow.

[Ms Darcy]

Preferences are basically choices though, so you'd think instead of choosing to be alone and miserable because nobody in your designated height range is interested, you'd go outside your designated height range.

 

When it comes down to it preference in that way is just shallow.

 

Well, let's say I have a preference for Asian men who are 33-40 years old, never married, college degree, athletic body type, and 5'8" to 6'0". If I have no problem finding my preference, then why would I change it?

 

If you think the height thing is shallow, then I should assume you would also find the race, age, status, education, and body type preferences shallow too?

[TMifune]

Well, let's say I have a preference for Asian men who are 33-40 years old, never married, college degree, athletic body type, and 5'8" to 6'0". If I have no problem finding my preference, then why would I change it?

 

If you think the height thing is shallow, then I should assume you would also find the race, age, status, education, and body type preferences shallow too?

 

Your ability to find it doesn't make it less shallow. Just like if I could date my way through the Victoria Secret Models and only did it because they're pretty. The fact that I could do it wouldn't make my attitude less shallow, would it?

 

Age - Shallow if it's a hard and fast rule, but usually an age requirement has to do with sharing certain experiences and being at a similar place in life.

Race - Shallow if it's a hard and fast rule.

Status - If you mean social standing, then yeah, i'd say that's shallow. If you mean marital status, again, shared experience and avoiding baggage, not so bad.

Education - If you have a college degree then again, that's playing to similar experiences. If you don't have a college degree, then I'd say expecting someone else to bring something to the table that you don't have yourself would be a mark of shallowness.

Body Type - Isn't that the definition of shallow? Putting looks first?

 

Maybe it's a gender difference and completely acceptable, but I've never thought about rejecting someone because of their height. It'd be like saying "nah, i'd rather be alone than with someone who wears a B-Cup. It'd consider that shallow too.

[pippy longstocking]

To give you a different perspective on this op ...

 

I went out with a man the same height as me .. I was 5ft 6 then ..( I have shrunk now to just over 5 5 ) he made me suffer for my height so much that I swore I would never ever be with another man who was my height or smaller again . He ridiculed me , he told me he was used to lovely petite girls who look like women , not women like me who look like men !!!!! my pic is right there on the left ..I would harldy say I look like some hairy arsed geezer haha he used to call me a geezer bird ... he knocked me down and made me feel like crap ..I felt like one of lifes misfits .. The day I wore heels in his company was the last day I ever wore heels for years .. my god did he make me pay for that one !!!!!!!

 

It all became clear when I finally met all his family , namely his brothers , all tall , he was the short one ..it was then that I realised that I had been mentally tortured over how I looked because of how he felt about his height . Now I wouldnt tolerate that kind of crap but at the time it was slowly destroying me . I would like to end this by saying I went on to date men my height after that and never had to deal with anything like that again .

[TMifune]

Did you just say people are individuals and you can't make sweeping generalizations about personality based on something like height?

 

(Guys sounds like a douche....it sucks when people transfer their issues onto someone else that way)

[pippy longstocking]

yeah he was a douche TM .. a cruel abusive man whose actions haunt me to this day , I just didnt realise it when I got with him ... abuse comes out slowly and carefully !!!

 

and yes thats right , I never went on to presume men who are my height or smaller would be cruel or unkind ..although I must admit with my last ex , who was about 5ft 7 , I asked him if he was ok with me wearing heels or was it going to make him feel whatever chaos I made the other nutter feel like .. so I guess it did stick with me enough to check ..he couldnt have cared less if I was 6ft in 9 inch heels or a gnome wearing flip flops . It was just that one mans particular problem .

[Ms Darcy]

Maybe it's a gender difference and completely acceptable, but I've never thought about rejecting someone because of their height. It'd be like saying "nah, i'd rather be alone than with someone who wears a B-Cup. It'd consider that shallow too.

 

Well, I definitely respect the fact that you are consistent. But yes, many many men and women do date based on those factors you would consider shallow.

[Caty]

Oh please! Of course looks matters, no one is going to be intimate with someone who they don't feel attracted to. If you says that looks doesn't matter, you are lying... I personally prefer tall men like some men prefer blondes over redheads (I'm a redhead). However, I've seen several short men who were women who were one head taller then the men.

[TMifune]

Oh please! Of course looks matters, no one is going to be intimate with someone who they don't feel attracted to. If you says that looks doesn't matter, you are lying... I personally prefer tall men like some men prefer blondes over redheads (I'm a redhead). However, I've seen several short men who were women who were one head taller then the men.

 

Nobody said looks aren't important. I'm just saying that the height requirement is shallow.

 

I see your point though. I won't even look at any girl who's not at least a D-cup. I knew this girl once, she was petite, conventionally pretty, and just generally the sweetest person you'd ever want to meet. But she was like a 34-B so she wasn't even on my radar. She came up to me once and suggested we should maybe go out sometime. I almost threw up in my mouth. God she was disgusting. The nerve of her. She thought I'd lower myself to be with someone who was conventionally everything I should want in a mate but who's breasts weren't quite as large as I "prefer". Ugh, I still have nightmares.

 

After that she acted angrily toward me which was so weird. I mean, I told her that I really liked her and she'd probably be perfect for some other guy, but I'm only attracted to girls who are more well-endowed. I don't understand why she didn't want to be my friend after that.

 

I just wish I could meet someone who really likes me for me while I reject everyone who doesn't meet some ridiculous physical ideal I have concocted in my brain.

[TessaLynn5]

Plenty of short men find relationships. I think this is more about how you are projecting yourself then anything else.

Harsh but true its your attitude. Women like self confident men. I didn't here anything in your statement that would make me want to date you. You need an overhaul and not on you looks or your height.

[TMifune]

Harsh but true its your attitude. Women like self confident men. I didn't here anything in your statement that would make me want to date you. You need an overhaul and not on you looks or your height.

 

So OP says:

 

I'm confident, I make eye contact, I smile when I talk, I dress up nicely. I shower and I don't smell.

 

We don't know what this guy is like in person. If what he says here is true, he's not necessarily giving off negative attitude cues in real life.

 

It's hilarious to me that a guy expressing frustration about experiencing rejection is automatically cast into some lower-tier social caste. It's an anonymous internet forum where he expressed his frustration. I highly doubt he's going up to girls half in tears saying "wh...wh...why won't you go out with me!?"

[Caty]

Lol, what this your failed attempt on being funny? That was the dumbest thing I ever read. I don't think its shallow to have a preference... Go and date a girl who has DD for all I care. You prefer women with big breasts and I prefer tall men. I dated a short guy before and for me it was awkward when we kissed and I was a head taller than him, and it just didn't work for me. Shall I force myself to date a person that I don't feel attracted to just because you and society that it's shallow to have preferences? I don't think so. By the way, you should go and preach to men who ONLY date blondes with long legs....

[TMifune]

Lol, what this your failed attempt on being funny? That was the dumbest thing I ever read. I don't think its shallow to have a preference... Go and date a girl who has DD for all I care. You prefer women with big breasts and I prefer tall men. I dated a short guy before and for me it was awkward when we kissed and I was a head taller than him, and it just didn't work for me. Shall I force myself to date a person that I don't feel attracted to just because you and society that it's shallow to have preferences? I don't think so. By the way, you should go and preach to men who ONLY date blondes with long legs....

 

it's not shallow to have a preference. It's shallow to have a requirement. And what you have is a requirement. That is the point of my story. (which was satire btw)

 

I have never met a man who refused to date an otherwise attractive girl because of her hair color.

[TessaLynn5]

So OP says:

 

 

 

We don't know what this guy is like in person. If what he says here is true, he's not necessarily giving off negative attitude cues in real life.

 

It's hilarious to me that a guy expressing frustration about experiencing rejection is automatically cast into some lower-tier social caste. It's an anonymous internet forum where he expressed his frustration. I highly doubt he's going up to girls half in tears saying "wh...wh...why won't you go out with me!?"

I am telling him that's why. He's got to drop those preconceived notions. Forget those women who say and judge like that, and walk like he could have any woman in the room. Women analyze men minutes and a lot of the time it's all about how he carries himself.