Why can't girls ignore my height, looks & appearance and just give me a chance?

[TMifune]

I am telling him that's why. He's got to drop those preconceived notions. Forget those women who say and judge like that, and walk like he could have any woman in the room. Women analyze men minutes and a lot of the time it's all about how he carries himself.

 

I agree that carrying yourself like you could have any woman in the room is more likely to yield positive results, but how empty is it to tell a guy who hasn't had any success that he just needs to have an attitude that he'll be successful. It's like telling him you'll give him a credit card to help him build credit but not until he first builds some credit.

[Caty]

it's not shallow to have a preference. It's shallow to have a requirement. And what you have is a requirement. That is the point of my story. (which was satire btw)

 

I have never met a man who refused to date an otherwise attractive girl because of her hair color.

 

Really? I've read on other forums where men claim that women/girls with red hair are disgusting and that they'll never date a redhead because they prefer blondes. For me its fine that they think that because its their preferences and I tend to stay away from men like that. And as I said, I've dated a short guy before and it didn't work for me, so I talk from experience.

[TMifune]

Really? I've read on other forums where men claim that women/girls with red hair are disgusting and that they'll never date a redhead because they prefer blondes. For me its fine that they think that because its their preferences and I tend to stay away from men like that. And as I said, I've dated a short guy before and it didn't work for me, so I talk from experience.

 

Really, but now that you say that, I do know that there are a small group of people who are basically racist against redheads ("gingers", I don't know if that word is considered offensive, so I apologize if it is). But I wouldn't take that to mean that's how guys in general are with preferences. To me that's like saying "I wouldn't date a ".

 

People like that aren't 'expressing their preference" they're bigots.

 

I don't know many redheads, but the one's I've met have been very attractive!

[TessaLynn5]

I agree that carrying yourself like you could have any woman in the room is more likely to yield positive results, but how empty is it to tell a guy who hasn't had any success that he just needs to have an attitude that he'll be successful. It's like telling him you'll give him a credit card to help him build credit but not until he first builds some credit.

That's women for you....each one has the right answer. That ISwhat I am saying. If I am confident in my self I could pitch a sale for a car and get rejected 10 times and I wouldn't change my attitude. It won't effect my self confidence. I might change my approach, perfect my sales pitch, or even slip on some new heels. As long as I am enjoying life and know that the ones that don't buy the car probably don't don't deserve such a smooth ride then its all good. There WILL be someone interested and when they get there your game will be perfected and you'll be amazed how quickly the deal is sealed.

[TessaLynn5]

But if you get a little more down each time you deal with rejection or someone makes a comment about short men and you take it to heart, let it ware on you a bit more. Then well you know the rest.

[TMifune]

That's women for you....each one has the right answer. That ISwhat I am saying. If I am confident in my self I could pitch a sale for a car and get rejected 10 times and I wouldn't change my attitude. It won't effect my self confidence. I might change my approach, perfect my sales pitch, or even slip on some new heels. As long as I am enjoying life and know that the ones that don't buy the car probably don't don't deserve such a smooth ride then its all good. There WILL be someone interested and when they get there your game will be perfected and you'll be amazed how quickly the deal is sealed.

 

Right but this guy needs something practical not abstract. "Be confident" doesn't give him any kind of roadmap to actually become confident. If you went 20 years without moving a single car I don't think you'd hold onto that same level of confidence. You need some success to build confidence....especially in an arena where you've suffered repeated failure.

[TessaLynn5]

Either except defeat and get off the field, or dig deep I suppose. What would you suggest?

[TessaLynn5]

Accept* my bad....

[Caty]

Really, but now that you say that, I do know that there are a small group of people who are basically racist against redheads ("gingers", I don't know if that word is considered offensive, so I apologize if it is). But I wouldn't take that to mean that's how guys in general are with preferences. To me that's like saying "I wouldn't date a ".

 

People like that aren't 'expressing their preference" they're bigots.

 

I don't know many redheads, but the one's I've met have been very attractive!

 

For some people the term ginger can be offensive but for me its not offensive at all and there haven't been any lack of male attention due to my hair but I'm sure and hope that the OP will find someone. As I wrote before, I have seen several short men who were dating a tall gorgeous woman.

[TessaLynn5]

Right but this guy needs something practical not abstract. "Be confident" doesn't give him any kind of roadmap to actually become confident. If you went 20 years without moving a single car I don't think you'd hold onto that same level of confidence. You need some success to build confidence....especially in an arena where you've suffered repeated failure.

So?? Your answer....what your practical plan???... The road map??

[Sportster2005]

You're well within your right to be frustrated. Too often many women make height an issue. We could argue to the cows come home if this is right or wrong. But it won't change the reality of it. And as much as people like to deny it, looks matter. They matter a lot.

 

We all were born with a combination of strengths and weaknesses. And the combination is different. Some men are tall and handsome and are gifted with great intellect. They will become doctors or rich business leaders. They may have very few weaknesses. They will be in high demand and can and will date lots of beautiful women and have sexual escapades we can only dream of.

 

And the cold hard facts of life are people who were born with less strengths have to work harder to be successful. But to be successful you have to overcome them. And conversely you have to sell your strengths and use them to try and compensate for weakness.

 

But wishing or trying to will the world to bend to you is a fool's errand.

 

The reality is we have to try and to the best with what we have.

[LoveSoDeep]

I'm 37 yrs old and I never had a date or a gf yet. I always ask myself and wonder, why can't girls just ignore my height, looks and appearance and just go out with me and give me a chance? Why does it have to be so difficult? Ok, so I'm 5'2, 115lbs but who cares! I'm active, I love the out doors and being outside and active. I bike, rollerblade, workout, and I run a few miles a day and I'm not lazy at all. I was born with a bone disorder but who cares! What is the big deal? No one is perfect. I wish girls would just ignore my height, appearance, and looks and just go out with me and give me a chance to see that I'm a great active fun loving guy to be with.

 

Here's my practical advice for the OP.

 

He says he's active and fun loving. Those are his strengths. He should lead with those and look for women who value those things. Whatever you hobbies are that are active and fun loving, keep doing those and try to join groups that include women if possible. Or start a new similar hobby or join a meet-up for that activity that might include more women. Then keep an eye out for women that value the active lifestyle and your fun loving attitude and start there. You may have to open your mind a little to age groups or types you hadn't considered before....but really you haven't had a date yet so what you have been considering hasn't been working so maybe a change is in order (it doesn't hurt to try).

 

If I valued an active lifestyle and a fun loving attitude above everything else and I met a guy who was those things while doing some activity that I enjoy....even if he wasn't quite what I usually go for physically I might be more inclined to give it a shot. As opposed to if the same guy approached me cold in a bar/cafe/grocery store (whatever).

 

Don't lose hope OP! You can do this.

[H8Reality217]

if Kyle Maynard can get a girlfriend, then I believe you can as well

[abitbroken]

If you never had a date - then go on a date with no expectation that woman will be "the one". pop your dating cherry by speed dating, signing up for something similar to Lunch Dates if you have that in your area - people meet for lunch and good conversation and if they don't click, it was just lunch,and if they do, they can go out again. I have known people who have done that and they have made the commitment to themselves to at least have lunch with 5 different members of the opposite sex just to go to lunch. They did end up finding out that one of them was not a match but a good profesional contact and they did end up dating another one for a little while. But who they ended up long term with was someone the one that was a professional contact introduced them to. They expanded their network. And that is how they met someone special.

 

The biggest error people make early on is not counting things as a date unless there is candle light and a fancy dinner - so they say they never dated even though they have grabbed a pizza or walked around an art show with a woman who was not a prior friend, etc, which is casual dating. And that makes them feel less confident. Or they won't date someone unless they are the perfect match.

 

I will say that when I wasn't dating my bf yet, I was open to meeting guys for coffee because it was just coffee, so long as I knew they weren't attached, they were a reasonable age for me (not that i would be in a serious relationship with that wide of an age range, but if a guy was between 10 years older and as far as younger, anyone who appeared over 30ish - so I was not robbing the cradle and neither were anyone who went to coffee with me. I would consider going to coffee with him because it was just coffee. It wasn't marriage. Or are you only accepting women who are really hot?

 

Also - consider dating tall women. Some women who are tall to the point of having been teased when they were younger sometimes are open to dating men who are short because they look past that - knowing not being average height was difficult for them, too. Not all tall women, but they are out there and don't care that you are short if you check the other boxes for them,

 

 

 

Not to tie this into another thread, but it's highly possibly that the ladies sense his lack of confidence (which is amplified by the fear of being rejected for being short) and are rejecting his advances because of that perceived lack of confidence. It would then be only indirectly related to his height, basically related to his insecurity about his height.

 

 

I will say women value - even unconsciously - a man that can protect and/or provide if they should become pregnant and are out of commission for awhile, they feel protected by (the guy is a little bigger than them or maybe fit), exhibits signs of health and fertility, is kind and caring, etc. And beyond that are personal preferences of ethnicity,personal interests, etc.

 

A man need not be rich at all - but if he has trouble being constantly fired, has no drive, or work is not consistent, etc, that is one strike, being uncaring and course is a strike, etc, and so forth. So if you have more than a strike - you have possible health concerns and women who are a lot taller than you might not go for you at first - you have to have other qualities to surpass those - either be really successful at what you do whether that means you are not rich, but have achieved some success in your job or hobby, manage money well even if you don't have much of it, are considerate, make her laugh or put her at ease, etc, you can overcome the boxes that you don't check. So in other words, if you hate your career, find something you are happy with. If you run, bike, or play an odd sport, compete in it. Learn to be a good listener.

[H8Reality217]

He's 37 and people will say it is not too late for him

[John John]

I think overall, like Sportster said, looks (unfortunately) are important to and for everyone (to varying degrees, perhaps). I have dated women of all heights, 5'2-5'10". I'm a bit over 5'8" (5'9" in the morning - holla), so not that short, I guess I can come off as "short-average" depending on the crowd. Height is unfortunately the single biggest dealbreaker in the dating world, and this goes for women of MANY types (will give an example below), and no amount of chest beating or complaining is going to change it. Never been called short in real life, but have on online dating sites many times lol (OP - stay far away from online dating sites).

 

I once dated a woman that is your typical NYC feminist. Has a career, is super intelligent and accomplished, attractive, prided herself on never being a "kept" woman. She paid for all of our dates and made me (for a few weeks, anywho) a kept man! This girl was already only like 5'3" so I guess I can understand...but I was shocked to find that she wouldn't be willing to date a guy her size or a bit shorter. I think her Match profile said she wanted 5'9 and up, so I mostly "made the cut." For a woman who, in every other way, was so about not going with the norm...I was very surprised to hear that even she had this height hang up (and in a major way). She just seemed different than other women and more open to lots of things...but not this. Just goes to show, in my opinion, how engrained this is in many womens' heads (I suppose we can't blame them, it's society's fault).

 

OP - your fears and concerns are totally understandable. I wish I knew you personally so I could take you under my wing and take you out with me. Height will of course always be an issue to women. Women also tend to be more vocal about their "list" of what they want/don't want. I was on a date recently, and (politely, of course) ripped a group of women a new one for height shaming a man who wasn't even doing anything to them.

 

Stay away from online dating. Women have told me in real life that they are much more strict with their requirements online (because they can be), and so height is the first filter they will click on. It's just too easy for them not to (who can blame them). Your best bet will be meet-ups, potentially match-making, through friends, volunteering.

 

I have no doubt that you can meet someone. You seem like a good guy who would otherwise do fine. Hopefully all other areas in your life are on point (career, fitness, hobbies, etc.). Hang in there bud

 

P.S. - I know a 5'2" guy that I went to college with that has had several girlfriends throughout his life, including some taller. However, he was a quintessential a**hole. Made fun of everyone, basically, even strangers (I'm sure, due to his complex). Please don't become like him. Always stay a good guy.

[TMifune]

My problem is that same women who are constantly complaining that they can't find a man who "likes me for who I am" (read: all guys are obsessed with looks) are the ones saying "Oh, I'd never date a guy under 5'5"" and they don't realize how hypocritical it is. Either that or they do understand the hypocrisy and go on the attack because arguing why it's "just a preference" or why it's okay because it makes them feel protected helps them rationalize what somewhere internally they know is a completely inconsistent double standard.

[TMifune]

If you never had a date - then go on a date with no expectation that woman will be "the one". pop your dating cherry by speed dating, signing up for something similar to Lunch Dates if you have that in your area.

 

I think OP's problem is that he can't get a woman to agree to go on a date with him, so telling him to go on dates is kinda putting the cart before the horse. Speed dating or some kind of meetup isn't a bad idea, but I don't think simply talking to girls at speed dating is going to help him build confidence unless he can get at least one of them to meet him for some kind of date afterward.

[John John]

My problem is that same women who are constantly complaining that they can't find a man who "likes me for who I am" (read: all guys are obsessed with looks) are the ones saying "Oh, I'd never date a guy under 5'5"" and they don't realize how hypocritical it is. Either that or they do understand the hypocrisy and go on the attack because arguing why it's "just a preference" or why it's okay because it makes them feel protected helps them rationalize what somewhere internally they know is a completely inconsistent double standard.

 

I agree with this. However...height is something that I think sometimes is closer to an unspoken "pre-requisite" as opposed to just a "preference." My preference when it comes to women is fair girls with blue eyes and blonde/red hair (I have many other preferences, but figured I'd take my preference for "waspy" women as an example). However, I am open, and have recently dated many women outside my usual "type." I find that I am attracted to various types of women who may not necessarily look like this. The same goes for "curvy" (not online dating "curvy" which means fat, but J.Lo curvy) girls...used to always just date thin women, but have recently found that I like some curves in the right places.

 

Height is a bit different, I think. In a traditional heterosexual relationship, even though women are more powerful and assertive these days, MOST women still want a man to be a "man." Take from this what you will (I'm not even 100% sure I know what this means sometimes, even after the recend thread we had lol). Women want to be dominated by their men, or at least feel like he could dominate/protect them. I have heard women say in real life that they couldn't respect a man if they were taller. And these were intelligent, accomplished women (not just some stupid teenage women giggling in the lady's room while freshening up).

 

The height hang up for many woman is real....and I'm not sure we can "blame" (for lack of a better term) them, because it's such a primal thing, which has been reinforced by our society/the media to no end. And as has been said many times before (and I'm not trying to be patronizing or say this applies to all women below a certain height), but it does seem like it is the shorter women who are in fact more strict with their height requirements. I've always believed this was some sort of internal "compensation mechanism" so as to have a chance at average/taller children. But the fact remains that, if shorter women were on average more open to dating a man of similar stature, men of OP's height would seldom have anything to complain about (or at least, have less to complain about). Lots of short women don't want to be seen as a "short couple," which is a shame since, who the eff cares??

 

I do my part. I always stand up for shorter guys and have zero qualms about putting women in their place when they are downright mean about this. I also do not respond to women on online sites who make any comments about "must be this tall or higher to get on this ride," even if I make their arbitray height cutoff or they message me.

 

And please don't get me started on the high heels litmus test...lol

[TMifune]

Height is a bit different, I think. In a traditional heterosexual relationship, even though women are more powerful and assertive these days, MOST women still want a man to be a "man." Take from this what you will (I'm not even 100% sure I know what this means sometimes, even after the recend thread we had lol). Women want to be dominated by their men, or at least feel like he could dominate/protect them. I have heard women say in real life that they couldn't respect a man if they were taller. And these were intelligent, accomplished women (not just some stupid teenage women giggling in the lady's room while freshening up).

 

I wonder if that kinda creates inflation. If a man has to be more confident, more assertive, more dominant than a woman to attract her as a partner / spouse, then as women become more confident, more assertive, more dominant, men will be required to reach superhuman levels of these qualities to be viable in the dating pool.

 

I understand that "leaders" are attractive, but in any given organization there can only be so many people in positions of power / leadership.

[John John]

I wonder if that kinda creates inflation. If a man has to be more confident, more assertive, more dominant than a woman to attract her as a partner / spouse, then as women become more confident, more assertive, more dominant, men will be required to reach superhuman levels of these qualities to be viable in the dating pool.

 

I understand that "leaders" are attractive, but in any given organization there can only be so many people in positions of power / leadership.

 

 

This is I believe part of the reason why a good amount of men struggle with dating. Women definitely have more power in many areas, and that's great. I am all for equality, and no one gender is better than the other by default. We all bring different things to the table.

 

But while it's awesome that women are on a more level playing field, it creates this weird situation where men have to find other ways to be dominant. Women have their own career/businesses, are leaders, more aggressive, have their own bank accounts. That's fantastic, but I think what it does sometimes is make women look for men who can dominate them in other areas. I think this is in part why there is often a height hang up among many (not all) women. Height is apparently one of the few differentiators that remains between men and women apparently lol (aside from the obvious).

[TMifune]

The height hang up for many woman is real....and I'm not sure we can "blame" (for lack of a better term) them, because it's such a primal thing, which has been reinforced by our society/the media to no end.

 

That's where I'm not sure I agree. I am challenged on a daily basis to get beyond my more basic urges and make intelligent decisions based on more than just my biology. Society enables women to be shallow in this way. And women go to bat as a collective for the rest of women because they'd rather defend the meaningless to protect their egos than admit it's shallow and take a look at their motives / drivers.

 

On a more gender neutral note, it seems almost universal that everyone's looking for that perfect "attraction" based largely on physical factors and maybe a few initial behavioral traits. It's all: "Hey, I'll start nailing this person because they're hot and they do it for me, and if I'm really really lucky they'll turn out not to have a turd for a soul". Instead shouldn't we be looking for people with brilliant shining souls and then building that attraction?

[John John]

On a more gender neutral note, it seems almost universal that everyone's looking for that perfect "attraction" based largely on physical factors and maybe a few initial behavioral traits. It's all: "Hey, I'll start nailing this person because they're hot and they do it for me, and if I'm really really lucky they'll turn out not to have a turd for a soul". Instead shouldn't we be looking for people with brilliant shining souls and then building that attraction?

 

 

I think you're kind of right about this. But I think while we all want to be with someone that physically excites us, I think height is something that is harder to make some women budge on. For instance, as I said, I have my preferences, but have few hard dealbreakers. Below a certain level, and a man's height will unfortunately almost always be a dealbreaker. Height is a very important component of female attraction. And as I said, I'm not sure where this originates from. Could be "primal," society, the media...I think they all play a part. And everyone is entitled to their preferences.

[journeynow]

Please, I honestly believe this goes both ways. The guys complaining here, would you be willing to ignore women's looks & appearances & any physical issues and just give them a chance? Have you?

[journeynow]

And women go to bat as a collective for the rest of women because they'd rather defend the meaningless to protect their egos than admit it's shallow and take a look at their motives / drivers.

Not me. But I think my comments have been overlooked.