Out with OLD and in with....older. Or....Matchmakers, why not?

[saluk]

Of course they CAN but how is she/he to know whether or not it is a risk? Especially if he has a cheating history!

 

This matchmaker process sure seems slow.

[LoveSoDeep]

Of course they CAN but how is she/he to know whether or not it is a risk? Especially if he has a cheating history!

 

This matchmaker process sure seems slow.

 

True. No one really knows if there's a risk of anyone cheating on them with me except the two people involved - the cheater and the other man/other woman. She (my exes now wife) has no reason to trust or mistrust me, I get that. BUT she chose to marry him, so she needs to trust him. I just don't understand why anyone would marry someone they think they have to keep tabs on 24/7. It's unhealthy.

 

Agreed. This matchmaking thing does seem to be slow moving, but I guess the idea is quality over quantity. Although I kinda got used to OLD and the quantity thing.....so I'm feeling kinda bored and restless. lol

[thejigsup]

I have had only one friend who tried a matchmaker. 3 dates per year was about right. When she didn't click with any of them, they dropped her. I vote for meeting IRL not with matchmakers or OLD.

[saluk]

He may have done it to remove temptation/memory of past events just in order to give this next attempt a better shot. Or, considering you never comment or like each others stuff, he may have done one of those purge things people do these days, where they just prune it down to the people they actually contact. Who knows! It's always a little odd to find that you are no longer fb friends with somebody though. FB is so passive.

[LoveSoDeep]

I have had only one friend who tried a matchmaker. 3 dates per year was about right. When she didn't click with any of them, they dropped her. I vote for meeting IRL not with matchmakers or OLD.

 

Hmmm need to re-check my contract I don't think they can drop me - unless I blatantly break their rules. I think at this rate maybe 4-6 matches a year is about their pace.

 

I'm not giving up on meeting men IRL.....I'm going to meet-ups and other activities like playing new sports and things. So I'm not relying 100% on the matchmaker.

 

Actually I haven't given up on OLD 100% either. I still do Coffee meets Bagel but it's one prospective match/bagel a day, so also fairly slow. Plus I still have an OKC account which I log into maybe once a week, but I haven't even had a good message there for months.

[Batya33]

Tell the matchmaker you're fine with the knee issue since you assume the delay is so he can get down on one knee and propose. That will light a fire under them!

[LoveSoDeep]

He may have done it to remove temptation/memory of past events just in order to give this next attempt a better shot. Or, considering you never comment or like each others stuff, he may have done one of those purge things people do these days, where they just prune it down to the people they actually contact. Who knows! It's always a little odd to find that you are no longer fb friends with somebody though. FB is so passive.

 

No I don't think he would do it to remove temptation. It's been years since we broke up if he wanted to remove temptation he would have to have done that when we at least lived in the same city. lol Now we live almost 4K miles apart. To me fb seems the most suitable way to keep barely in touch with someone you most likely will not see again... at least for many years. He's also not on fb enough to care to prune anyone from his friends list without prompting. lol It's fine though...it's just a weird thing to notice.

 

It may also be a blessing in disguise. last I heard they were looking to buy a house, so maybe I'll be saved from the myriad of happy new house pics to come. I mean I'm happy for him if he's happy, but maybe I don't really want to see all that. lol

 

 

Tell the matchmaker you're fine with the knee issue since you assume the delay is so he can get down on one knee and propose. That will light a fire under them!

 

YES! This is exactly what I should tell her. She has a sense of humor, I think she'd get a kick out of it. lol

[Batya33]

I used that line once when a man who had ended things with me then wanted me to come over after he had knee surgery and basically play Sexy Nurse. 4 months later he met his future wife on line on a dating site.

[LoveSoDeep]

I used that line once when a man who had ended things with me then wanted me to come over after he had knee surgery and basically play Sexy Nurse. 4 months later he met his future wife on line on a dating site.

 

Hmm so maybe there is something to the injury thing. My mom loves to tell a story about how my dad had a broken wrist on one of their early dates (Homecoming dance I think) and she had to cut his steak for him at dinner. Tomorrow is their 41 year anniversary.

[PH Suite]

>>> I'm torn as to whether I should text him tomorrow asking how the trip was or just leave it to him to reach out if he wants to. Any advice there?

 

Yes. Text. Something simple with no hint of pressure or possibly being the clingy type.

 

Women that show initiative *and* respect for my schedule & endeavors score huge points with me.

[thejigsup]

Hmmm need to re-check my contract I don't think they can drop me - unless I blatantly break their rules. I think at this rate maybe 4-6 matches a year is about their pace.

 

I'm not giving up on meeting men IRL.....I'm going to meet-ups and other activities like playing new sports and things. So I'm not relying 100% on the matchmaker.

 

Actually I haven't given up on OLD 100% either. I still do Coffee meets Bagel but it's one prospective match/bagel a day, so also fairly slow. Plus I still have an OKC account which I log into maybe once a week, but I haven't even had a good message there for months.

 

No worries. This was 30 years ago. I hope you find the right partner soon. Between OLD and CMB, plus the matchmaker, you will find him!

[LoveSoDeep]

>>> I'm torn as to whether I should text him tomorrow asking how the trip was or just leave it to him to reach out if he wants to. Any advice there?

 

Yes. Text. Something simple with no hint of pressure or possibly being the clingy type.

 

Women that show initiative *and* respect for my schedule & endeavors score huge points with me.

 

I did text him this afternoon. I asked how his trip was and he answered fairly quickly telling me it was good with a few extraneous details. Then kinda as an afterthought but almost immediately after his first text he added "How was your week?" I said it was uneventful really but in a good way. then nothing so I add a question...where did he go again. He replies with the location and more about how great it was. I agree that area is very scenic and pretty. He asks again about my life and then says "Tell me some exciting news" Well I have no exciting news right now, sorry! lol It's only been a week and a pretty boring one at that. So I tell him all is good nothing too exciting, but it's only been a week and he says "Is it wrong to have wished excitement for you?" I say of course not.....AND that's it.

 

I dunno I'm not super pumped about this conversation. I'm not really into guy who want me to be exciting all the time....maybe they are used to drama queens or something but that's just not me. I like having a boring life occasionally. lol

 

Maybe he thinks it's my turn to extend an invite....he asked me out several times (last minute to a daytime baseball game and maybe two days before to a lunch concert thing that I couldn't go to that got cancelled anyway) before he left town and I had to decline because I was busy then I suggested I'd have time for a quick dinner which was our first real date and I picked the restaurant and I called all the shots on when and where to meet etc (I don't count first meets as dates)....I don't feel like it's my turn. lol Should I?

 

I want to just sit back and see if he's really interested....he knows I'm still here. Ball's in his court.

 

Good thing I have a fun meet-up planned this weekend and one of the guys ho I thought might have shown some interest in me form before has also RSVPed.

 

No worries. This was 30 years ago. I hope you find the right partner soon. Between OLD and CMB, plus the matchmaker, you will find him!

 

Thanks! I hope so too.

 

Today CmB had no Bagel for me. lol That the first time that's happened.

[PH Suite]

That's certainly an awkward exchange. Perhaps he meant well, or he was hoping you'd open up a bit and share more. In any case he should've at least said he wants to see you again even if he isn't sure when he'll have the chance.

 

I think if you're attracted to him, think he's a potential long-term partner AND you two get along great in person then take the initiative and ask him out at least once more. If not, then why bother?

 

Good luck at the meet-up!

[notalady]

I want to just sit back and see if he's really interested....he knows I'm still here. Ball's in his court.

 

This would be my approach with this guy. Unless he had invited you and you said no without a counter offer, in which case ball's in your court. But otherwise, if he's interested, he should ask you out again.

 

Have fun in meet up!

[Batya33]

I think it was awkward but exacerbated awkwardness on text. I think at this point it doesn't matter if it is technically your turn - if he was interested in getting together he would have seen your text as more than sufficient interest. Sorry! It also could be that he pops back in next week. The "exciting" part was just idle chatter. I would have made something up like "I found two socks that match and I a coupon for paper towels that doesn't expire till tomorrow!!"

[IAmFCA]

I think it was awkward but exacerbated awkwardness on text. I think at this point it doesn't matter if it is technically your turn - if he was interested in getting together he would have seen your text as more than sufficient interest. Sorry! It also could be that he pops back in next week. The "exciting" part was just idle chatter. I would have made something up like "I found two socks that match and I a coupon for paper towels that doesn't expire till tomorrow!!"

 

I agree. I think he was trying to share the spotlight.

 

If uou want to see him, I'd ask; if you meh, I'd wait to see what he does.

[LoveSoDeep]

Thanks everyone!

 

It's not that I'm "meh" but it's just way to early to get all that excited so I'm better off where I am now in many regards which is I'd see him again but I'm not going to push it.

 

He was out of town last weekend which means he will likely have his daughter this weekend. Our offices are close enough that we could easily do lunch or dinner after work any day so i'm just going to see what he does.

 

I love the matching socks and coupon response! lol I was to busy at work to come up with a witty response but that was a good one.

 

I also think he could be on the fence too....which is what it is. If I had to wager a guess as to why it would be that he's 6'3 and I'm 5'1 and sometimes guys think it's cute and then they walk next to me or hug/kiss me standing up and realize there's a pretty significant difference. Last time we saw each other we walked quite a bit and I wore flats....so if he was going to notice the height difference that would have been the time. It's no biggie....obviously it happens to me enough that I can notice it sometimes. If he's not comfortable with it then we're not a match. Simple as that, no hard feelings.

 

Thanks it's supposed to rain during the meet-up so I'm going to order a slicker today. lol

[thejigsup]

My ex husband was 6'3" and I am 5'8" and that seemed about right. I don't think very tall and very short go together very well. There I go, being shallow, but there is some truth to the practicalities you mentioned.

[MisUnderstood9]

My ex husband was 6'3" and I am 5'8" and that seemed about right. I don't think very tall and very short go together very well. There I go, being shallow, but there is some truth to the practicalities you mentioned.

 

My fiancé is 6'3" and I'm 5'3", I think we go very nicely together. He always says I make a nice rest for his head if he's standing behind me at concerts lol but, he has lost me before in a concert with me standing right in front him.

[LoveSoDeep]

My ex husband was 6'3" and I am 5'8" and that seemed about right. I don't think very tall and very short go together very well. There I go, being shallow, but there is some truth to the practicalities you mentioned.

 

My fiancé is 6'3" and I'm 5'3", I think we go very nicely together. He always says I make a nice rest for his head if he's standing behind me at concerts lol but, he has lost me before in a concert with me standing right in front him.

 

I agree with both of you....it's really no big deal but both people have to agree that it's fine.

 

I dated a guy once who was 6'3" or 6'4" and like 240lbs. We were complete opposites physically (I'm Caucasian and he's African American...trust me in our mid-west town we were a site!) but somehow it just worked and we were an adorable couple. But that was because he really liked petite women ....I think he thought it was cute that he towered over me. Some guys don't think it's cute. I guess what I'm saying is maybe CmB guy doesn't think the difference is cute....it's totally plausible and I get it....so it's okay if that's the case.

[thejigsup]

Yeah, I'm not much for men shorter than 6', but that's just me. One of my best friends dated a jockey. Of course, she is only 5' tall, but still...different strokes.

[LoveSoDeep]

Yeah, I'm not much for men shorter than 6', but that's just me. One of my best friends dated a jockey. Of course, she is only 5' tall, but still...different strokes.

 

Well at 5'8" that makes perfect sense for you.

 

Actually I think fit wise 5'10" to 6' is my preference. I've dated taller and shorter but 5'11" is just about perfect in my book. So 6'3" is a stretch (pun intended) but it's not out of the question. Absolutely nothing from him today though so maybe it's a mute point.

[Lucia Amman]

I'm 5'3" and my ex is 6'3" so same as misunderstood I never noticed the height after while anymore. My now boyfriend is 6'1" and I consider him on the smaller side lol but then again: I'm from the Netherlands and I'm considered a dwarf here and my boyfriend is about average and my ex is 'tall' but not a giant or very tall at all. I've always felt comfortable in foreign countries and suddenly feel average for once! But living in the Netherlands left me with only tall guys. The only time I dated smaller guys was when I was in foreign countries!

Most guys like me be so small. Most girls here are a far but taller than me and I in all shallowness I do think guys like to be a far amount 'bigger' than the girl. But yeah, some like bigger girls, some like smaller guys. It all happens.

[saluk]

I don't get why people so often have such a restrictive height filter. Also, I hope that she is at least a head shorter than me, 5'4'' is ideal.

[PH Suite]

I don't get why people so often have such a restrictive height filter. Also, I hope that she is at least a head shorter than me, 5'4'' is ideal.

 

Physical fit, attraction to body types which are more prevalent at certain heights, sometimes simply a greater ability to take the person seriously - be politically correct all you want, but a tall fit person with a deeper voice is much easier to take seriously than a small out-of-shape or pixie-looking person with a high-pitched voice, and while those traits don't always correlate to height let's not pretend there isn't a common correlation. Many women like to feel "protected" in general and even "manhandled" at times (I'm talking sexually, not abuse).

 

Very tall and strong women also encounter prejudice.