Why do some men...

[speak]

So this is in now way a sexist post but I'm curious... I know a guy that started seeing a girl in March. They are an official couple. But he knows me and is trying to get with me. Says he really likes her and gets butterflies when he is around her. And tells me ALL THIS but wants to hook up with me, texts my phone, calls. I WILL NOT do it we were just friends. Why do SOME men do this? I'm confused!

[mhowe]

Because he thinks you will have sex with him. You are capable of shutting it down, aren't you?

 

Btw....you need better quality friends. He has no respect for you.

[speak]

Yeah, I've stopped talking to him. But if a man likes someone so much why would they do that!? When I like a guy, I have tunnel vision for just him!

[mhowe]

It isn't a gender thing. He just happens to be an a$$.

[speak]

And this all happened Wednesday. And he told me he was going to meet her parents Today when he was talking to me Wednesday!! No respect for her either? Once a cheater always one?

[ParisPaulette]

Because he wants you to know that a) you will never be his girlfriend or wife or anything to him besides a side piece and b) he's pushing boundaries to find out just how much of a doormat you might be and how much control you'll be willing to hand over to him unquestioningly, how much abuse you'll put up with.

 

That you didn't tell him to go bleep himself and block and delete him told him all he wants to know. Show yourself some self-respect and do it now. He doesn't really love the other girl either, but she is more "suitable" to be his partner even if he's going to cheat on her every chance he gets.

 

Lovely guy this one, not.

[dave_1966]

Yes, once a cheater always a cheater. If his girlfriend is in your social circle you should consider telling her about him. It could do her a favour.

[mhowe]

Edits...misread.

[Hollyj]

Because he thinks you will have sex with him. You are capable of shutting it down, aren't you?

 

Btw....you need better quality friends. He has no respect for you.

 

I agree! He sounds like a complete douchebag! You should seek out people that have a better value system.

 

Also, he doesn't respect you, or her.

[Blue Spiral]

Because we want to.

[HeartGoesOn]

If you know he's trying to hook up with you, why haven't you blocked him?

[Tinydance]

Well this guy that had a fiancee constantly kept trying to hook up with me, wanted nude photos, randomly sent me pictures of his penis and told me how he did all that stuff with other girls too and got nude pictures and kissed another girl. I didn't participate in anything of course and threatened to tell his fiancee. I asked him, "Why did you get engaged if you just want to hook up with other women? Why not be single?" He said exactly the same thing, "Because I do love her but I still want fun with other women". I've had some other men do the same to me, some were even married. One guy told me he had cheated on his ex wife and was scared he couldn't be faithful to a new girlfriend. By the way, men please don't go off at me because I DIDN'T say this myself, but that man told me "It's a guy thing, wanting sex with many women". Also years ago one guy told me "All guys want is sex". BUT that particular guy was an absolute low life who actually later took advantage of me. So my own opinion is that not ALL guys are like this, there ARE nice guys out there. But there are also bad guys out there (just as women) and OP you are dealing with one of them. Can you tell his girlfriend do you think? Or you don't want to get involved?

[Tinydance]

Because we want to.

 

So you think it's fine then? You are like this too? That's the only way we can really interpret your post....I like to believe there are nice guys out there but you're seriously ruining the image for all men.

[speak]

He blocked me from viewing his FB page... We were never even friends on there though. His gf is not in my line of communication. I no longer communicate with him.

[HeartGoesOn]

He blocked me from viewing his FB page... We were never even friends on there though. His gf is not in my line of communication. I no longer communicate with him.

 

So, what's the problem?

[speak]

Umm, HeartGoesOn, excuse me for just being curious as to why some people do this! Smh.

[mhowe]

Umm, HeartGoesOn, excuse me for just being curious as to why some people do this! Smh.

 

Because they can. Simple really.

[Batya33]

Because they can. Simple really.

 

I agree with this -different people have different values and standards and if they can find someone with compatible values and standards they will act on them.

 

One way to handle this situation internally is to remind yourself of the large and small kindnesses people do and how they show compassion and act ethically, etc. Provides balance.

[IAmFCA]

For an ego boost. For self affirmation. For self-indulgence. Because they don't respect themselves. Because they don't have the strength to believe in the thing they want most, and so constantly keep one foot outside.

 

Women can do that too, if we want. Why don't you? Invert that; that's why they do.

[Blue Spiral]

So you think it's fine then?

 

I'm not in the business of imposing moral judgments.

 

You are like this too?

 

I cheated emotionally, but never physically--but only because my relationships didn't last that long. Both of my relationships lasted less than six months (I think, it was a long time ago), and even then, it was a struggle for me to just be with one woman. I don't think I could be faithful for any serious length of time.

 

I feel badly for women, frankly, because men don't have this problem. If we want a relationship, well, most women want relationships, too. Whereas you guys (er, girls) are basing your "forever commitment" on a man's ability to be monogamous for life, and the track record there...ain't so great.

[Batya33]

It's not about ability to be monogamous -it's about desire and that can be based on lots of things or a combination including love, commitment and/or marriage vows, values etc.

[TwixSense]

I feel badly for women, frankly, because men don't have this problem. If we want a relationship, well, most women want relationships, too. Whereas you guys (er, girls) are basing your "forever commitment" on a man's ability to be monogamous for life, and the track record there...ain't so great.

 

For this reason, I am seriously considering being polyamorous.

[Batya33]

For this reason, I am seriously considering being polyamorous.

 

The two times I had difficulty getting a man I wanted to be exclusive with to be exclusive with me was because they simply weren't that into me. I met many men who had no issue being in a serious relationship -monogamous - in general - and the men I had long term relationships with all wanted exclusivity with me within 1-2 months of dating and did not expect sex by that point.

[Blue Spiral]

It's not about ability to be monogamous -it's about desire and that can be based on lots of things or a combination including love, commitment and/or marriage vows, values etc.

 

A gay person can't will themselves to be straight, someone that's only turned on by a certain type of person can't will themselves to be turned on by a different type of person, and a monogamy-challenged person like me can't will themselves to be faithful to just one woman, even if he loves her. You can trust me on that one.

 

We've seen plenty of cases where someone convinces themselves that they're capable of having casual sex with no emotional ramifications...but they can't do it, because, deep down, they're inherently monogamous. Why is it so hard to believe that the opposite type also exists?

 

The two times I had difficulty getting a man I wanted to be exclusive with to be exclusive with me was because they simply weren't that into me. I met many men who had no issue being in a serious relationship -monogamous - in general - and the men I had long term relationships with all wanted exclusivity with me within 1-2 months of dating and did not expect sex by that point.

 

You have to admit, you're an outlier in many ways. Do you think an average young woman could pull that off nowadays?

[Batya33]

A gay person can't will themselves to be straight, someone that's only turned on by a certain type of person can't will themselves to be turned on by a different type of person, and a monogamy-challenged person like me can't will themselves to be faithful to just one woman, even if he loves her. You can trust me on that one.

 

We've seen plenty of cases where someone convinces themselves that they're capable of having casual sex with no emotional ramifications...but they can't do it, because, deep down, they're inherently monogamous. Why is it so hard to believe that the opposite type also exists?

 

 

 

You have to admit, you're an outlier in many ways. Do you think an average young woman could pull that off nowadays?

 

I was absolutely not an outlier "back then" (I stopped dating 10 years ago and I know of and know many women ages late 20s-40s dating right now and within the past 5 years) and I know of many committed and married couples where the decision to be monogamous and exclusive was basically a given -natural progression in the relationship.

 

I completely agree that someone who isn't into monogamy won't choose monogamy - no big deal because as they say there's a cover for every pot. Where we disagree is that this is a majority of adult men. I would think that a larger percentage of teenagers/college-age guys are not yet ready to settle down and might want to explore multiple partners, etc but I'm referring to adult guys in their mid 20s and up.

 

It's not about willing yourself to be faithful -it's a choice and it's not just about love although it can be. Usually it's a combination of being in love and in general wanting to be with one person long-term. Of course some people are not into being monogamous for whatever reason but without splitting hairs my guess is that being gay is not the right analogy - I think that it's far more unusual to be born not wanting a monogamous relationship and far more typical to know from childhood that one's sexual orientation is same-sex. I'm no expert on it, just based on what I've read about the process of realizing one prefers same sex for romantic relationship.