My Co-Worker

[Swanseagirl]

Hi I will try to keep this post short. I've started a new job and in the last month have been come very attracted to my coworker he is quite high up in the company probably more of a boss. He's older than me but he's lovely, he's so caring and kind towards me, and now I find myself attracted to him.

 

He knows when something is wrong with me and asks me constantly if I'm okay he even phones other co workers outside of work to ask if I'm okay he tells them to tell me I can always talk to him. Weather it be work related or personal he wants to know he wants to help or talk to me but recently it was personal and my co worker told him not to speak to me about it.

 

We are hardly ever alone but when we aren't around the other office staff (mostly women who all flirt with him) he stares into my eyes he gets very close when explaining something I'm pretty much leaning on his chest, there's always that one extra second where neither one of us move but really there is no need for us to be standing there.

 

There's been occasions where I've been in his office and a co worker has had to come and find me because we're just caught up talking about everything to do with our personal lives and his childhood. He's also made out to co workers that we have been together the previous night (although we haven't) he's told one of them that he and I are going out to get drunk (she told me he said that and I was confused) she seems suspicious now because of all this and she has picked up on his attentiveness towards me.

 

He's started touching my arm when we speak, accidentally touching my hands when we work on something, last week he put his arm around me and lent down to me (as though he couldn't hear what I was saying) he doesn't move when I need to get past and have to squeeze past him in hall ways etc and we keep having moments where we are really close but not touching and he's staring into my eyes but he seems nervous, jittery, sometimes looks like he's blushing.

 

He winks at me quite often now, we talk about all sorts when given half a chance, he winds me up constantly about everything, I said a guy was good looking once he went on about it for days, weeks after the guy returned and his first reaction was to tell me and then tell me why this guy was a loser. He has started mentioning his attraction to other girls - model type girls I assume judging by the place he was at when he seen them .... And hinting things like chat up lines he uses when he's pissed, he said he needs a young and attractive girl to come with him to a show that's on. All the women are older than him I am the only young one, he jokingly made it very clear he wasn't attracted to them though by joking and saying he said young and attractive and they don't fit the bill.

 

Here's the bit.... He's married... Yet rarely mentions his wife around me unless it's something negative.... He does however speak about his wife to our other coworkers (I've overheard him) when I ask about his weekend plans he doesn't mention her. If on the off chance he does... He follows it up with something negative about her.

 

Sometimes I catch him staring at me, he makes jokes and always looks over at me, he laughs at everything I say, as I mentioned he constantly winds me up so I do the same back. If I say something to another coworker in the room he will have heard and then later at some point will bring it up with me.

 

He makes rude jokes towards me, he has made something I said into an inuendo of us having sex, if there's something mentioned that could possibly be made rude in anyway he looks over at me giggling and pulling a face where you just know when someone is being rude, he tells me rude jokes that usually involve something to do with me or where I am sitting or something.

 

He's always trying to get my attention, if a coworker comes into the office he will start joking saying things like watch her (for no reason) he smiles at me all the time he lingers around like he's about to say something to me then doesn't. But he does joke with other women I work with, and I think he can be a bit flirty but he doesn't touch them, or make sure they're okay all of the time, or talk to them so in depth... I just don't know.

 

Please don't comment lectures and things like that I know he is married but I am curious of what his actions mean.

[sara-pezzini]

His behavior is very inappropriate to say the least!

Stay away from him. He is married. He is sort of a boss and he is probably looking for a bit on the side. Don't go there, don't be that girl

[mhowe]

His attention means he wants to get in your bloomers. And you can be sure you are the only one in the office that hasn't figured that out yet!

[Madamdiva007]

Sounds like he just wants to have sex with you.

[Swanseagirl]

I can't really stay away as I work with him quite closely, he seems quite shy some days I think he doesn't like me, so I doubt he would make a move on me maybe it's all just innocent fun!

[mhowe]

You can't be serious.

 

Someday when your husband tells you about the Chickie in his office...you will die laughing.

[stuka80]

Ok, so you dont want any lectures about him being married and the moral and ethical consequences about any of this and just wanna know what his actions mean? In other words, you dont want any real advice and just want us to reinforce your hope that he's attracted to you? Ok then... heres my take on it...he wants to F you really badly, there you go, do with that what you wish.

[Swanseagirl]

He is fairly flirty with the other older staff too and sometimes I think am I just misinterpreting his actions? However I don't see the attention he gives me given to them... Even though he does laugh and joke with them. I don't think they have realised this extra attention or they have and they just assume that's just him because no one has mentioned anything about it to me apart from one who said it was odd

[mhowe]

Because they all have a bit of moral fiber and realize that shagging the boss isnt part of the employees handbook.

[Swanseagirl]

No not at all I won't make a move on h regardless of the advice I receive! It's just nice to be liked I guess

[Swanseagirl]

I'm not going to shag him

[Deciduous]

I think you know what it means. He has crush...and apparently so do you. Interesting you say he is so kind and generous, yet he ridicules the woman he's married to....

 

• He's quite the gentleman...yet he hints to other colleagues that he's already banging you.
  
• He's caring...but publicly belittles the Mother of his kids.
  
• He's an honourable being...but can't help rubbing up against staff when he is speaking with them
  
• He deep and emotionally profound...yet mentions how he'd like to bang a couple of models.
  
• He's a committed family man...that spends his days winking at you.
  
• He's respectful of women..."but forces me to squeeze past him when I walk down the corridor."
  
• He respects professional boundaries...but phones me up to discuss my personal life.
  
• He's Christ-like in his approach to life...but............
  

 

 

Would you like me to go on Swansea Girl?

 

I suspect if you start speaking to your colleagues, they will say he's had this type of "Office Crush" before... Have you asked them? He has got this game down cold! And very flattering it is too. No wonder he has turned your head. Older man, paying attention, listening to your stories, listening to who you really are. This man is very adept.

 

I realise that you are in love with him. So what quality attracts you most? What are you looking for, that you feel you have discovered in this man?

 

Deci

[stuka80]

i'm not going to shag him

 

I took from your post that it seems you want to. You're attracted to him and you entertain his advances, instead of shutting him down immediately so you can't blame some people around here for thinking that you are down to sleep with him. I've personally seen this happen a couple of times in the workplace, the scumbag boss preying on naive younger women and it never ends well. You will learn a very hard and painful lesson if you continue going down this road.

[itsallgrand]

No not at all I won't make a move on h regardless of the advice I receive! It's just nice to be liked I guess

 

Are you hard up for attention? Honest question.

 

These men have a knack for picking out the weak ones from the herd. If you are finding yourself flattered by his advances, then you either aren't used to men paying you attention or you can't tell the difference between a man whose main focus is to get laid, and one who gives you attention because he genuinely likes you.

 

That's my take. I think he wants to f you, obviously, but how is that flattering in these circumstances?! If all you need to feel special is to know a man wants to f you, you are in for a world of hurt. There are legions of men out there who would be happy to use you for sex if you allow them to.

[Swanseagirl]

Hi Deci

 

I respect your points and I haven't really looked at it like that before, but he didn't call me he called a co worker about me, he doesn't have my number.

 

I have spoken to my colleagues about him but they have never mentioned that he has ever strayed but they also have not had a young woman working there before.

 

I'm not sure this is a game to him I don't think he knows I like him, and I don't know if he's just being nice to me maybe because I'm new. He seems shy and nervous and I can't see him making any type of move!

[Swanseagirl]

Hi Deci

 

I respect your points and I haven't really looked at it like that before, but he didn't call me he called a co worker about me, he doesn't have my number.

 

I have spoken to my colleagues about him but they have never mentioned that he has ever strayed but they also have not had a young woman working there before.

 

I'm not sure this is a game to him I don't think he knows I like him, and I don't know if he's just being nice to me maybe because I'm new. He seems shy and nervous and I can't see him making any type of move!

[Swanseagirl]

Hi Stuka80,

 

I do have respect for myself and other women. But yes it is flattering if not somewhat confusing which is why I posted here! X

[Swanseagirl]

Hi it'sallgrand.

 

Honest answer.... No I'm not hard up for attention, I have plenty of attention at this job from the other male workers. Let alone outside of work. I'm not saying I'm good looking or anything just normal and not a skinny lass either!

 

I guess with him it's what seems like kindness he seems so sweet and lovely that's all

[mhowe]

Hi it'sallgrand.

 

Honest answer.... No I'm not hard up for attention, I have plenty of attention at this job from the other male workers. Let alone outside of work. I'm not saying I'm good looking or anything just normal and not a skinny lass either!

 

I guess with him it's what seems like kindness he seems so sweet and lovely that's all

 

You must have selective sight and hearing. This sensitive shy man is making rude jokes and sexual remarks directed your way...and you think its fun and flirty.

[Swanseagirl]

Oh I know but I think that's like a front he does laugh and joke with others I don't think he would actually try anything with me that's what I meant x

[LC8328]

He's also made out to co workers that we have been together the previous night (although we haven't)

 

Oh my goodness. I really hope that was a joke. Even if it wasn't, that's pretty crude, to say the least.

 

Whether that was a serious comment by him or not, it's pretty disrespectful of him to essentially spread rumors of a personal nature about himself and you.

 

Regardless of the niceties he seems to show you, it really appears that he is focused on getting you in bed, instead of your intelligence, mindset, or spirit. If he were really respectful of you, he wouldn't talk about you in such a brash manner behind your back.

 

As far as him not touching other women in the office, I suspect it's because he's trying to back up the rumors he's started. For example, he's trying to create a situation where someone you both work with will see you two flirting/touching/laughing together, and whisper to someone else, "I heard he slept with her. Do you think it's true?" and they would answer, "I think so. Look how they are together." It's almost like he's trying to put a claim on you even though he himself is taken. Which, needless to say, is simply awful.

 

This in my opinion is also why he was calling all your co-workers to ask if you were okay. He's doing two things: trying to backup his rumor and trying to get into your pants.

 

When he gets flirty, stop him in his tracks and only discuss work. If he gives you a hard time about it, contact human resources. You don't want to get tangled up in this, even in just rumors. Trust me.

[LC8328]

Oh I know but I think that's like a front he does laugh and joke with others I don't think he would actually try anything with me that's what I meant x

 

Well, I certainly hope not.

 

Even if he never tries anything with you, he is still acting very inappropriately. Seriously.

[greta96]

Wow, what a pompous, rude, completely unprofessional dimwit!

I fail to see why his attention is flattering to you, because it should be anything but. What's so great about a married man who hints around the office that he has sex with you, who speaks badly about his own wife, and everyone else for that matter? If anything, you should be embarrassed and wondering what about you made him think he could get away with this silliness! There's nothing to be proud of, especially since it is clear to me that he doesn't have a crush on you, he just enjoys the attentions of the only younger female employee he has, and hopes he can eventually get into your pants. And then gloat in front of his staff, of course. Ewwww.... what a joke of a man, and of a boss! His poor wife...

 

Of course he knows how you feel about him, body language is the biggest traitor there is. Not to mention the coworkers he involves in this circus, and those you yourself are confiding in... If you open your eyes wide enough you will see that you're the talk of the office, and not in a good way.

 

The sooner you realize that his reasons for acting that way has nothing to do with feelings towards you, and that it's only his penis talking, not his heart, the sooner you'll be able to put an end to this silliness and save at least a bit of face, at the 11th hour. We all like to think we are special and able to capture the heart of the off-limits powerful man, but the harsh reality is that we are not. In fact, to guys like him, you mean nothing but a young vagina, to put it bluntly. He even said so, maybe not in so many words, but that was the gist of it.

 

Time to put him in his place, keep your distance, and if necessary, tell him you would prefer to keep your interactions strictly professional. Yes you may be given the boot and have to look for a new job, but this will happen even if you give in and give him what he wants, when you are no longer necessary and he feels it's time to replace you with someone younger and newer.

[Swanseagirl]

Hi CML342, God I haven't thought about it in that way.. I don't want people to think that, he did say it in a jokey manner but my coworker actually then said were you two together last night he took a while before answering no I answered no straight away and then he said well not all night, then after when I wasn't in the room proceeded to tell same co worker he wanted to take me out on the town, who then told me what he had suggested this co worker is in an office with him and myself so hears it all, she told me she was confused by his need to see how I am all the time and that he has never acted that way to any other co worker before so she thinks it's weird, I just shrugged it off and said its sweet of him (because I actually think it is)

[mhowe]

You might as well sleep with him...the whole office believes it anyway by this point.