My Co-Worker

[greta96]

^^^ yep...and yet there is always that gullible young woman who falls for it and thinks she's 'special' and he 'adores' her.

[mhowe]

I don't think OP is a gullible as her first few posts led us to believe.

[Swanseagirl]

I think if you respect yourself, and you respect men, you won't be going around trying to seduce married dudes. Simple.

I don't think OP is even trying to seduce him, she is being seduced, and she likes it. She's worried it won't continue. Then how will she feel good about herself?

 

And Sarah's suggestions for focusing on yourself were good.

 

I'd take it one step further though....something in you, whether you feel crappy about yourself or not, can stop you from getting sucked into situations like this. Some might call it morals, I just call it good sense.

 

I'm really not trying to seduce him at all sometimes I literally ignore him and turn the other way! Or I don't answer him, I don't know how else to handle it but by ignoring him

[Swanseagirl]

Gullible? I don't think I am gullible but I'm not a nasty coniving person x

[Swanseagirl]

I think if you respect yourself, and you respect men, you won't be going around trying to seduce married dudes. Simple.

I don't think OP is even trying to seduce him, she is being seduced, and she likes it. She's worried it won't continue. Then how will she feel good about herself?

 

And Sarah's suggestions for focusing on yourself were good.

 

I'd take it one step further though....something in you, whether you feel crappy about yourself or not, can stop you from getting sucked into situations like this. Some might call it morals, I just call it good sense.

 

But she's a cheater herself who's itching to have sex with a married man. So by giving her support, you are enabling cheating, which tells me lots about you too.

Listen, I know crushes happen, and sometimes they happen with married people. But it only takes an ounce of common sense and moral compass to tell yourself it's just a crush that will go away, and keep it at that. This woman is going nuts about this married man, and feels she won't be able to calm down the ants in her pants unless she has sex with him. While cheating on her own boyfriend.

This is what you're supporting. And later on, when you're married and think your life is peachy, she or another woman like her may get the hots for your own husband, are you going to support that as well?

 

I may have said I wanted to but I never said I actually would do that to myself, Him or anyone involved I don't think it's thar fair to be nasty to someone because of their feelings I said I feel like that so I will leave my job I can't do much more than that.

[mhowe]

I think your right mhowe, because I fail to see how this 'crush' will go away without me doing something stupid!

 

I am sorry...this sounded like doing something stupid was a real.possibility.

[Swanseagirl]

Chickadeedee,

 

I imagine that does happen in places where you are from, but it doesn't where I'm from, and work relationships are not frowned upon as its people's personal lives as long as the work gets done at the end of the day the company could care less. Also my story is nothing like the one you portrayed there's not a million stupid girls coming in and out its not a massive company and I'm not stupid either thanks. I have a crush and that is literally it, you can't help who you are attracted to. I can't be bothered to argue with you but my story has no resemblance to the one you have told. Thanks for you input though.

[Swanseagirl]

Mhowe, all I meant was if I don't leave, the situation will get worse and will end up doing something stupid which ultimately will hurt everyone including myself I don't want that!

[Swanseagirl]

I think if you respect yourself, and you respect men, you won't be going around trying to seduce married dudes. Simple.

I don't think OP is even trying to seduce him, she is being seduced, and she likes it. She's worried it won't continue. Then how will she feel good about herself?

 

And Sarah's suggestions for focusing on yourself were good.

 

I'd take it one step further though....something in you, whether you feel crappy about yourself or not, can stop you from getting sucked into situations like this. Some might call it morals, I just call it good sense.

 

No. He's not married whatsoever. I'm not looking for a lecture or to enable. Just to provide support.

 

I'm sorry your getting hell for trying to be nice to me. I can't PM you because you haven't posted 100 times yet but when you have I will do, thank you again. X

[Swanseagirl]

Again I am NOT planning anything I ignore him for god sake and I'm looking for another job what else am I meant to do!!!!!!!! 😡

[greta96]

Again I am NOT planning anything I ignore him for god sake and I'm looking for another job what else am I meant to do!!!!!!!!

 

Fine, if that's your true intention, then it's the right one. Or you can stay at this job and tell the creep to behave professionally with you, because you won't put up with the garbage he's been doing and with making you the joke of the office. You're not a powerless victim, you don't sound stupid at all, so I'm sure you have it in you to stand up to an idiot! You'll meet many more like him throughout your life, there's plenty like him going around. The key is how you handle them, and no, you don't need to run away every time you bump into one. All you need is put him in his place, and give up on the fantasy you're living. Married = off limits, that's all you need to know and respect.

[chickadeedee]

>> I know he is married but I am curious of what his actions mean.

 

I told you what his actions mean but you don't like my response. He's the office's middle aged lecher playing off your youth and your naivete. I didn't say you are stupid, but you are being naive if you don't just shut down this lecherous old fool. And your reputation at work will be harmed if you don't. He doesn't 'like' you, he's hoping you're gullible enough to agree to a nooner at your place or business trip with him someday to bang him in a hotel like a free hooker. He's already dropping some REALLY big hints about that to see if you'll bite.

 

Don't fall for it. You need to learn the art of shutting down unwanted and inappropriate attention from an old lecher. I wouldn't find this kind of attention flattering, i would find it creepy and annoying because he's so clearly a lecher by the way you describe what he says and does.

[chickadeedee]

And practical advice on how to shut him down? Next time he mentions a business trip with a young girl, you just roll your eyes as him and say, 'Sorry X, i don't date men old enough to be my father... and with wives!' Then laugh and walk away.

 

And if he keeps brushing up against you, you just step back and say, 'Really, give me some space here would you.' and if he tries to linger when touching your hand, snatch your hand away.

 

And if you see him headed your way, yawn and tell him you need to go to the ladies room, or have work to do, or pick up the phone dial your BF and say, 'Hi sweetheart, i was just missing you and thinking about our plans for tonight' and make sure he's hearing that.

[Deciduous]

This is what I was referring to. You clearly state that you don't think your crush will go away without you doing something stupid (aka sex cause what else would he want from you?). Yeah, there is need for nastiness, most people come on this forum because of others like you, who have nothing better to do than mess with and ruin their relationships, just because they feel like it. You keep dwelling on whether he likes you or not and what his every gesture means, but I don't see the fact that he's married having much weight on your agenda. Whatever...to each his own I guess.

 

Greta, my dear!

 

It seems, by telling the OP she is a "bad, bad evil person", - you feel - is the quickest route to helping her make emotionally healthy decisions and become a "good person."

 

An interesting approach.

 

As for 'enabling'? Clearly you believe the Community of Pyschiatry are a bunch of enablers, who should know better than to empathise with human frailities - and their wisest course of action is a large dose of "nastiness" which belittles, rubbishes a person's self esteem and denigrates their self worth. Clearly you have strong evidence that this is the best way to build up a persons emotional strength so they are in a healthy position to make emotionally sound and strong choices.

 

Well! It's certainly an original theory!!!! Not one I'm familiar with. Do tell me more.

 

Wouldn't be more accurate to say, you are working through your own issues, with Swansea as the convenient punching bag. Are you quite sure this thread is the healthiest place for you to be?

 

Swansea Girl, can I ask your age and the age of the guy?

 

I don't think you are dealing with the core issue here. The core issue is your sense of emotional isolation and lack of emotional support at a very troubling time for you. Can you talk us through that? I think you need to focus on that. Your crush on your co-worker is merely a symptom. It is not the core issue that needs to be addressed.

 

As long as we focus on the symptoms, we move further and further away from offering real assistance

 

Take care

 

Deci

[Swanseagirl]

I can't tell him to stop because it will cause tension and awkwardness plus he will probably just say he was just being friendly I'm better off just leaving

[chickadeedee]

^^

That is a good alternative too... Most people only stay at a particular job 2 - 4 years regardless, so if you are in an uncomfortable situation, then going ahead and looking for another job is probably a good idea.

[Capricorn3]

I can't tell him to stop

Actually, you CAN, but I don't think you want to. I think you enjoy the attention, right? Keep reminding yourself this guy is MARRIED. Back off completely and don't encourage him anymore.

[Sarah691607309662]

Deciduous, it was a relief to see your post. I agree with my whole heart. From a little that i grasped about OP situation, she still has to comprehend whether her crush likes her. Only when she will realize that he is not reliable, she will be ready to move further through this. And it will happen.

 

As for a wife if this man.... and that OP is evil who is hunting down a married man... This is not true. He himself chose to pursue her. If that would not be OP it will be someone else. The key of his wife's misery (or may be she just can't wait until he will find someone and leave her alone???? I have seen those marriages too) is not in OP, it is in him. So I would not put on OP's shoulders the weight of responsibility for his wife. She has to figure out her own situation, which is delicate and dangerous as well.

[Rosti87]

Just to piggyback on this a bit. The gentleman is the violator infidelity. But the OP needs to protect herself and take responsibility of her life. She seems to be allowing this guy to control her fate.

 

I hope she does not allow this to happen

[greta96]

Deci, in a way you're right, I did have my life turned upside down a couple of times by women like the OP (not saying that the guy is guilt free of course, in fact the guy is the main culprit). But I don't think sitting here and listening to her complain about how she's going crazy obsessing about this married man (while she has her own boyfriend I might add), sympathizing with her and pretending what she's feeling is normal is going to help her much. After all, I have no doubt in my mind that she will not listen to one word that's been said on this forum, and if the dude does the right things to convince her that he does indeed have a crush on her, she will jump all over him - since she fancies him so much. So I do think she needs to be made aware of the fact that if she does go through with what she wants to do, she will become a part of the low lives that unfortunately populate this planet. I don't feel bad belittling someone who selfishly, knowingly and willingly disrespects another woman who hasn't done anything to her and messes with her marriage. If he wants to cheat, yes, he'll cheat. But nobody with an ounce of self worth is going to even consider helping him cheat - it takes a new level of low to even entertain the idea.

 

But you're absolutely right, maybe I should stay out of threads where the OP doesn't seem to give a flying f*ck on the fact that the object of her crush is married, and she herself is disrespecting her own relationship. Ugh. I'm out of this thread.

[itsallgrand]

I can't tell him to stop because it will cause tension and awkwardness plus he will probably just say he was just being friendly I'm better off just leaving

 

I think it's important to learn to stand up for what you believe in. Even when it's not easy.

 

Does this go against any of your values - to get be allowing yourself to be seduced by a married man who does not have genuine concern for your well being?

 

Your values may not (are not,I can tell) be the same as mine, or various other posters, but I'm really interested to hear if this situation has caused any conflict for you regarding values? And if so, which ones?

 

Because it's not only about what you feel; we all, and many many times in our lives, are going to face challenges that ask of us to choose between whatever our North Star is (values, morals, core beliefs, principles, ...) and what we feel like doing in any given circumstance.

 

You can leave the job, and that's fine, but might as well learn something in the process, no??