IAmFCA Posted January 7, 2016 Author Share Posted January 7, 2016 Declined date #2 with a man I met in december. Said I was too tired to go out, so he suggested we stay in and cuddle instead. I think maybe I am covered in plush brown fur and have button eyes, a cute smushy nose and thread sewn on for a smile. Years ago when I was figuring out a lot of things, I went through an Uber alpha stage. Special ops men, senior military, police officers. Maybe now, I am in a cuddle phase. Except, I declined. Lol. Cuddle? Sheesh. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 7, 2016 Author Share Posted January 7, 2016 Scheduled hair cuts. Getting hair cuts, then pedis, and then just for me, a massage. I need a little love! Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 8, 2016 Author Share Posted January 8, 2016 Ice full of compliments and texts tonight. My bestie says "he's just taking his sweet old time". I am supposed to follow up with new candidates for first meets (what, no date with the random cuddler?), but I am going to sleep instead. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 8, 2016 Author Share Posted January 8, 2016 Oh lawdy. Reference to 7 figure income and oral sex was just used as an enticement. Men: do not objectify yourselves for us! You are more than an Amex and a sex servant. Have some respect for yourselves. And that's what I told this fellow, nicely. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 8, 2016 Author Share Posted January 8, 2016 Oh lawdy. Reference to 7 figure income and oral sex was just used as an enticement. Men: do not objectify yourselves for us! You are more than an Amex and a sex servant. Have some respect for yourselves. And that's what I told this fellow, nicely. It strikes me suddenly how this comment may be like a marker on my journey. This fellow knows he's a rescuer. He said to me, "but you're happy. There's nothing to fix." Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 8, 2016 Author Share Posted January 8, 2016 I really want a new car. I keep reminding myself not to buy one. It is not where my money should go, by a long shot. I have school, travel, savings, retirement buckets, all of which need to be filled. This is the flexion point, between ssdd and level jumping. If i.am going to level jump, I need to make choices that set me up for that. So, my car just became a symbol of me doing box jumps. ok, that works. Link to comment
WithLove Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 I really want to be whisked away by a sexy Latino lover. But that really wouldn't be conducive to finding my own inner peace and happiness. So, I tell them all "no thanks". Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 8, 2016 Author Share Posted January 8, 2016 I really want to be whisked away by a sexy Latino lover. But that really wouldn't be conducive to finding my own inner peace and happiness. So, I tell them all "no thanks". This made me laugh out loud! Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 8, 2016 Author Share Posted January 8, 2016 Uggggg. I'd rather walk! Ha, box jumps are the worst. I think I will take my car to get detailed. Then it will be like new. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 8, 2016 Author Share Posted January 8, 2016 ] This article is what I have preached to many and have not implemented consistently... "Do as I say and not as I do?" ... I hope I am doing it now. Its time for me to go on a couple more first dates, since I have now culled through the overtexter, the cuddler, the rescuer, the dull minded. I think I might take the week off. I want to go out with a couple of my women friends next. Then rotate some men back onto my calendar. I appreciate how normal this is for many, and how far I've come to begin to find normal for myself, that reflects more emotional balance, financial security, and self-awareness. I am glad I can look back and appreciate myself. That's important. Link to comment
WithLove Posted January 8, 2016 Share Posted January 8, 2016 Ha, box jumps are the worst. I think I will take my car to get detailed. Then it will be like new. Make sure they put one of those "New Car" scents on the dash... then you'll be fooled for weeks! Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 Why I don't advocate asking "What are your intentions?" Questions We say If a man identifies you as a priority, you will know. He will not let you wonder or wander. Everything else is passing through or doing due diligence, in which case it is up to us to decide how we want to treat them. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Why I don't advocate asking "What are your intentions?" Questions We say If a man identifies you as a priority, you will know. He will not let you wonder or wander. Everything else is passing through or doing due diligence, in which case it is up to us to decide how we want to treat them. I'm an advocate for direct, simple questions that tell me where I stand with someone. For example to me it's a big mistake to assume exclusivity based solely on actions. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 I'm an advocate for direct, simple questions that tell me where I stand with someone. For example to me it's a big mistake to assume exclusivity based solely on actions. Agree it's important to state my own terms. If I expect exclusivity, I expect to say so and get concurrence, or not. Not a fan of questions that essentially say Do you like me, and how much? Often on first dates the topic of how we each approach dating arises: this is helpful and while it prevents me from having many 2nd dates these days, that's fine withe me. Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Ha, box jumps are the worst. I think I will take my car to get detailed. Then it will be like new. I take my car to get detailed 2x a year....after the winter ends, and at the end of summer (sand). Every time I do it I wish I did it more often because it feels so new! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Agree it's important to state my own terms. If I expect exclusivity, I expect to say so and get concurrence, or not. Not a fan of questions that essentially say Do you like me, and how much? Often on first dates the topic of how we each approach dating arises: this is helpful and while it prevents me from having many 2nd dates these days, that's fine withe me. Neither am I, as that is vague. I like specific questions such as my husband asked me when we got back together "do you want to get back together" which is also asking "do you like me/how much" but is specific to what his goal was at the time. I think the "essentially"part is fine -depends on the tone you use, when/how the question is asked. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 Neither am I, as that is vague. I like specific questions such as my husband asked me when we got back together "do you want to get back together" which is also asking "do you like me/how much" but is specific to what his goal was at the time. I think the "essentially"part is fine -depends on the tone you use, when/how the question is asked. Agree - regrettably, there is a difference based on gender norms. So often it is said that when a man knows, he will let you know, as your H did. As a woman, then, why ask? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Agree - regrettably, there is a difference based on gender norms. So often it is said that when a man knows, he will let you know, as your H did. As a woman, then, why ask? Yes, I tend to agree but I know of several examples where the woman had to set the guy on the straight and narrow. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 9, 2016 Author Share Posted January 9, 2016 Yes, I tend to agree but I know of several examples where the woman had to set the guy on the straight and narrow. I hear that. I know someone, a man who is pretty "alpha", yet after dating his gf for 5 years she had to say, so, where are we going with this? He says, "It never would have occurred to me ask her to marry me, unless she said something." Doh. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 I write this as a compliment and based on your recent posts (including about NYE) You know some VERY interesting people! Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 10, 2016 Author Share Posted January 10, 2016 I write this as a compliment and based on your recent posts (including about NYE) You know some VERY interesting people! Ha, my friends certainly run the gamut! NYE holidays included night with friends including someone who has been on a major large arena concert tour, adults and 25 year Olds drinking and dancing together, and the crazies letting it all hang out with friends from BITD. January includes a few play dates with friends who are poised, mannered, and we'll capitalized. I'm lucky to find this diversity. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 Ha, my friends certainly run the gamut! NYE holidays included night with friends including someone who has been on a major large arena concert tour, adults and 25 year Olds drinking and dancing together, and the crazies letting it all hang out with friends from BITD. January includes a few play dates with friends who are poised, mannered, and we'll capitalized. I'm lucky to find this diversity. It's also fun to get all the diversity in one room. I remember one dinner including a well-mannered type and a guy who was strongly advocating that the word "brang" and "branging" should be appropriate grammar as well as bragging that he'd gone to a highly competitive high school and was now looking into doing clinical trials to make some extra money. The well-mannered type was numb because on her other side was a woman sharing her vicarious pain from her friend having gone through an abortion while she was pro-life (no political judgment on my part -just the "diversity" at this one table). That was 10 years ago and all we have to say is "brang" and my husband and I burst out laughing. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 10, 2016 Author Share Posted January 10, 2016 It's also fun to get all the diversity in one room. I remember one dinner including a well-mannered type and a guy who was strongly advocating that the word "brang" and "branging" should be appropriate grammar as well as bragging that he'd gone to a highly competitive high school and was now looking into doing clinical trials to make some extra money. The well-mannered type was numb because on her other side was a woman sharing her vicarious pain from her friend having gone through an abortion while she was pro-life (no political judgment on my part -just the "diversity" at this one table). That was 10 years ago and all we have to say is "brang" and my husband and I burst out laughing. Batya, I can not imagine! We're you b the host? Did you feel.uncomfortable? Brang, lol. Link to comment
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