IAmFCA Posted January 16, 2016 Author Share Posted January 16, 2016 As a whole, white lies are OK. They’re even beneficial — if they’re about being sensitive to your partner, she said. “White lies are not OK when they’re meant to protect you, to hide things or cover up. There’s a big difference.” From Psych Central Relevant to recent discussion. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 16, 2016 Author Share Posted January 16, 2016 Heard back from Ice before dawn this morning and again later today and then by phone. Why is this remarkable? Because at 430 this morning I had reasoned out a scenario in my head that characterized him as cad and me as gullible, self righteous, and done. But none of what I imagined was true, as seemed likely by the time I was up and out. This instinct in my brain ends me that when I was 18 my mom said I was only moderately trusting. And before that, all of my childhood, boys were characterized as lacking in character and judgment, and nothe to be trusted or respected. And my father spent much of his time with us telling us of the numerous people around him who couldn't be trusted. Its time I leave all of these old messages behind. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 16, 2016 Author Share Posted January 16, 2016 Ahhh and if I am carrying around vestiges of these old messages in my dna, I will find and attract people who fulfill those ideas. We see what we are looking for. It could be a lifetime of MWFN x 10 in a row. How about, let's not do that. New guy has no game in his texts. Short hellos, no advance to talk by voice or meet in person. I don't know that I want to take that step. I mean, how hard is it?? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 If you don't want to waste time chatting with a stranger then simply suggest a phone call. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 16, 2016 Author Share Posted January 16, 2016 If you don't want to waste time chatting with a stranger then simply suggest a phone call. Alright, I'll take your suggestion. Thanks. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 16, 2016 Author Share Posted January 16, 2016 OMG he complained the whole time about the postal service. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 16, 2016 Share Posted January 16, 2016 OMG he complained the whole time about the postal service. LOL! Did they misdeliver his mail order bride? Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 17, 2016 Author Share Posted January 17, 2016 LOL! Did they misdeliver his mail order bride? Hahaha precisely. At least that call was efficient... Next! Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 17, 2016 Author Share Posted January 17, 2016 Later this week I will make an assessment of my OLD candidates. I think I'm down to a handful of men whom I've chosen but haven't yet explored - because they seemed 2nd tier, or they didn't initiate. I'll make it a point to contact each one and explore. After that... I'm done unless some new people show up on there. Slushie is still sick. He sounds awful. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 17, 2016 Author Share Posted January 17, 2016 Later this week I will make an assessment of my OLD candidates. I think I'm down to a handful of men whom I've chosen but haven't yet explored - because they seemed 2nd tier, or they didn't initiate. I'll make it a point to contact each one and explore. After that... I'm done unless some new people show up on there. Slushie is still sick. He sounds awful. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 18, 2016 Author Share Posted January 18, 2016 Slushie texts tonight... well hot damn. Compliments my judgment. Sends me a recipe. How do you not dig a man who sends you a recipe? Warm and fuzzies before bedtime. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 18, 2016 Author Share Posted January 18, 2016 He's quiet today, so I'm leaving him alone. The fellow who complained about the mail texted. And guess what. He complained about the weather. ! I thought I was going to like this one, because he is an athlete with coaching experience. I have a pattern of digging men who coach. How the heck can he coach if he's always pointing out things that make life harder? I offered a positive, to see if he would change course, but no, he stuck to his point. Phhht. Not replying. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 19, 2016 Author Share Posted January 19, 2016 He's said hello but is keeping to himself. I want attention! I'm keeping my mouth shut. I am learning not to be a 5 year old. Yay me! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 He's quiet today, so I'm leaving him alone. The fellow who complained about the mail texted. And guess what. He complained about the weather. ! I thought I was going to like this one, because he is an athlete with coaching experience. I have a pattern of digging men who coach. How the heck can he coach if he's always pointing out things that make life harder? I offered a positive, to see if he would change course, but no, he stuck to his point. Phhht. Not replying. I am not sorry you're in contact with him because these posts are classic. Selfishly, I think it's worth the entertainment value. What's next, complaining about garbage pick-up on snow days of his junk mail? Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 19, 2016 Author Share Posted January 19, 2016 I am not sorry you're in contact with him because these posts are classic. Selfishly, I think it's worth the entertainment value. What's next, complaining about garbage pick-up on snow days of his junk mail? You make me laugh, Batya! Slushie texted more conversation. Two first meets in planning. Can't tell how promising they are. One has every bit of what I want, on paper. With him as a foil, I imagine I will feel like a bull in a china closet. Maybe I will rise to the occasion. Slushie has gained some ground of late but not enough to earn an interruption in my dating. However, I am starting to have that twinge of conflict. Its a small thing, and i am ignoring it for now. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 19, 2016 Author Share Posted January 19, 2016 First meet later today. I'll check in after. Am hoping to see Slushie in the next two days, but no plan on the table (shocker). I will not make a plan; he will make an opportunity if he wants one. He has shared with me what he thinks of me, so I know its time/energy/head space. Those aren't my challenges to solve. For myself, I need to make a work plan. My mind is completely unmoored. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 Sorry but.... is Slushie "Ice?" Link to comment
WithLove Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 My appetite is coming back after weaning off my weight loss meds. All I can think about is food. It sucks. I need to concentrate on other things, too. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 19, 2016 Author Share Posted January 19, 2016 Sorry but.... is Slushie "Ice?" Yup. I am getting confusing... I was writing Ice the other day and it just didn't fit. Sometimes I still say Ice but since he has been melting... I mean, I get some kind of positive reinforcement almost daily now "that's impressive", "I love that", "I like your thinking", and the recent "that's one of the things I like about you...". So he got upgraded. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 19, 2016 Author Share Posted January 19, 2016 My appetite is coming back after weaning off my weight loss meds. All I can think about is food. It sucks. I need to concentrate on other things, too. Somehow I think that killing off the package of Oreos now in my office trash can is an effective means of getting rid of the Oreos. Hmm, is that not logical? My own standard and goals - undermined. And a guy on my horizon with no sweet tooth and even less body fat. Glad I love myself, because perfection is damn hard to come by. Seriously, WL - water with the juice of 1/2 or 1 whole lemon helps me feel better on a lot of fronts. Recently, I realized it helps me make better eating choices too. Link to comment
WithLove Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 Too late. I had cookies during my lunch. I drink water all day long. I just need to get over the initial hurdle of controlling my appetite. I need to get some good, healthy things to snack on that won't make me feel guilty. I'll probably do that tomorrow. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 20, 2016 Author Share Posted January 20, 2016 Good guy it seems, smart, well connected, close ties with family and childhood friends, knows how to run the date, one woman man and interested in taking me out again later this week. I enjoyed myself, I admit to a concern about breath but then he was drinking a dry red wine and that can happen. I get to this place, I've been here before... but I'm different now and not sure what to make of it... anyway, this place where a man digs me and I want to run. And I can't put my finger on it. Why run? If this man were smoking hot, would I have felt the same response? I mean, he was good looking enough... he's not a fitness model, but I've never dated for looks before, not even in my 20s. I don't know if my instincts picked up on something that I've not yet articulated, or if I am being avoidant. I think it's because I am not trying to pick one guy at a time, and he is, so I feel he singled me out too early. In truth though, he may be done with me in 4 dates, say, and then he can move to Next, I guess. Hmm. I will let this percolate. Also have to decide what to do about Thursday. So, he gets date #2. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 20, 2016 Author Share Posted January 20, 2016 Hmm. I just declined Thursday. I went to fb, and it's fine... but I didn't feel like I fit in. But I didn't offer an alternative. This site taught me that, so I'll say something soon. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 20, 2016 Author Share Posted January 20, 2016 Updates: Sweet text from slushie. Texts from last night's date encouraging me to go out tonight. I declined. Not feeling well. Ignored his subsequent texts meant to make me laugh, and ignored his request to call. Text from a first date from before christmas... anyone remember me being offered a massage??? Yeah, not responding. And, a thank you to my counselors here who advised me not to judge MWFN or his gf. Like a still-flopping dying fish, I had a flurry of activity last week, sending him emails that sounded reasonable but were written with a certain fervor, as if i could make him see some new truth. I followed them up with an apology for making judgments. That email allowed me to recover my calm voice, and take my leave. I received an email from him today, thanking me for what I had sent him, telling me he printed something I sent and hung it in two places in his house, and that he is doing a lot of work on himself. He was graceful enough to say no more, and I feel no need to reply. I am grateful for the counsel I got here, because you all helped me calm down, bow out, and move on. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 20, 2016 Author Share Posted January 20, 2016 Going out with last night's guy on Sunday... I guess I had better give him a nickname soon... Link to comment
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