Out with the old, in with the now

[mhowe]

He cannot fill the loneliness. And my experience, that isn't the need he wants to fill.

 

"Life is more fun with you...lets go play" is a need they LOVE to fill.

[IAmFCA]

He cannot fill the loneliness. And my experience, that isn't the need he wants to fill.

 

"Life is more fun with you...lets go play" is a need they LOVE to fill.

 

This is helpful. Thank you.

[IAmFCA]

Unexpected waves tonight. The feeling of I am arriving, but he's missing. I blocked. Was afraid earlier that I won't forget. Of course I won't, but I will get to a place where I remember but the story stays in its place, a tale of my past. It's okay to remember, once I put the story back in its place. It snuck out today, after I accomplished a few things that have been on my horizon for two years. I decided to dive into the feeling, swim in it. Glad I did. The rest of the weekend is mine.

 

I feel satisfied, like I respected and took care of myself by letting myself feel.

 

Apologies to all whose patience is long gone.

[mhowe]

It is your journey, traveled at your pace. Complete with rest stops and break downs. All part of the journey.

[IAmFCA]

It is your journey, traveled at your pace. Complete with rest stops and break downs. All part of the journey.

 

Ahh, thank you for your kindness!

 

I kicked butt on Xmas decorations and clean up projects last night, and woke today owning my weekend. Off to a run, Goodwill, consignment shops, and maybe, maybe, a dreaded shopping trip. But, maybe not the last thing. Yay Amazon for saving me from the parking and shopping among the masses.

[IAmFCA]

Logged into OKC after a hiatus. I feel like we should all wave to each other. Hi, I went on a date with you, and with you. May I offer you a drink, a crudite? Have you two met? Maybe I will announce a cocktail party on my profile and invite the whole lot of em. Ice can say hello to New Guy, and so on.

[IAmFCA]

Logged into OKC after a hiatus. I feel like we should all wave to each other. Hi, I went on a date with you, and with you. May I offer you a drink, a crudite? Have you two met? Maybe I will announce a cocktail party on my profile and invite the whole lot of em. Ice can say hello to New Guy, and so on.

[IAmFCA]

1. I told ice he ticked me off, he said Fair, then he chatted me up and prepared to ask me to lunch but no opportunity for that. We ended on a friendly note, I said Don't tick me off again, he said I won't. That's better resolution for me than my instincts to burn and flame.

 

2. Lunch date today was really fun. He is very excited. More than I am. I hate that.

 

3. Man of interest on OKC but limited opportunity to meet him until after the holiday. Drag, because today's man is gearing up to keep the connection strong, which is super sweet, but I want to check this other guy out first.

 

Ok. I am off on vaca.

[IAmFCA]

MWFN sent text Hi, not responding obviously. He has been really good about not engaging, not arguing when I called for NC etc. Guess he was struggling. Oh well. His gf can help him with that.

[IAmFCA]

OK, here is where I am at. Rolling forward with whatever is next on my plan, which takes me right into January. Meantime, the man roster is getting a little busy. I am going to have to write about it a bit.

 

I stopped by Ice's house for a drink the other night, and it was warm and comfy and affectionate and I kept it non sexual. It occurred to me in retrospect he was trying to get me to move it forward, but I am just not into it now. Now I am like, OK, if it is going to take you two years to figure out you love me (or not) then we are on a two-year pace. I think he is testing me; he wins either way which is exactly how he thinks. So, fine, then he called me today to check in on vacation, to say hello by voice. My reward for remaining in command of myself. Moving on...

 

The man I call New Guy and I will likely go out for a beer just to say hello, in January.

 

The lunch date I went on, he is like I am all in. Oh boy, I am not all in to anything except, well, kids. He seems fun and cute and I think we've met before... I am going to try to go with it.

 

Phone call with guy on line was fun and he is attentive now, but I am not hooked. Very easy and long conversation, but something is a quarter point off kilter.

 

A few less developed OLD conversations.

 

Meanwhile lunch guy is all in, and of course he can see me on there. Sigh.

 

I am going to have to narrow my filter again.

[IAmFCA]

It's weird not to send MWFN a Christmas card. It's even weirder to still have communication enough that he sent me that text hello a few days ago. It will always be something, no xmas card for sure. Breaking a connection means exactly that. It's not the meaning of xmas, but then, ILY while having a gf isn't exactly the meaning of xmas either.

[IAmFCA]

Reating this again it's already weird to read it. Moving fast forward.

[WithLove]

ITIC, I still don't get why you're remaining in contact with Ice and MWFN. I don't suppose I ever will. You may have answered this awhile back; but sometimes I can't understand your style of writing (you think very abstractly and it's hard for me to follow at times). But know that I check in and read every day.

[IAmFCA]

ITIC, I still don't get why you're remaining in contact with Ice and MWFN. I don't suppose I ever will. You may have answered this awhile back; but sometimes I can't understand your style of writing (you think very abstractly and it's hard for me to follow at times). But know that I check in and read every day.

 

I think VERY abstractly. Plus, I am back off my ADHD meds to try another med trial; the last one was a success and the next one is shorter. I learn about my brain each time. It makes me more abstract, even. Thanks for checking in.

 

I am not in contact with MWFN. He sent me a "Hi" and I ignored it. The switch flipped for me a couple of weeks ago, and I haven't been in contact since, short of telling him I was severing contact of all kinds.

 

Ice, I don't know myself, altogether. Not sure why he is in touch with me either. We are not dating, not FWB, not anything. Frequency of contact has declined so that there are a few days in between.

 

 

Adding... MHowe made a great point recently, that I know where I need to go and how to go there, its up to me to stay on my own road map. Something for me to think about.

 

Re Ice: He has certain traits that I imagine would be shared by a person I choose for long term, principally intellect and athleticism. I let contact continue because its a way of observing and learning from someone who resembles somebody I might want.

[IAmFCA]

Ice has sent me a series of texts tonight. Meanwhile, we are all cozy having family time. Love this kind of time.

[IAmFCA]

Lunch guy is completely in. He says, I find one woman, and focus solely on her. Obviously, I am not used to this. I dig it. Don't know if I dig him, we just met. We'll go on date #2 in a few days.

[IAmFCA]

Here's the thing. Ice is super smart. I really like that, a lot.

 

There are a few people in my life who remain just because of their intellect. He's not one of them, but it helps.

[IAmFCA]

Ice: merry xmas text before 7 xmas morning.

 

Lunch guy texts conversation. He has told his siblings and parents about me. His enthusiasm is infectious, yes, but I don't know this man but one date. Nor he me. Still, I am enjoying his level of interest and availability.

[IAmFCA]

Goodness. Lunch guy sends umpteen texts to my occasional reply. God sent him to me as an extreme example of available. Ha. Now unavailable looks righteous healthy. Had a second date planned with lunch guy but I think I'm going to cancel. So much affection in those texts. It's a bit much.

 

Ice texted a few times tonight as well.

 

And, for the trifecta, mwfn texted again. For no effing reason. Presuming he's still with his gf etc or he would say, I would think. Just, ugh. Stop it.

 

K.

[IAmFCA]

How I wish I could post the entire stream of texts from lunch guy. It is absolutely over the top, wouldn't believe it if I wrote it in a script or a novel. I haven't responded since yesterday because I've been with family and the stream became a whole arc of affection then quiet then it picked up again, then pure attraction, then an accusation of dishonesty and an invitation to come over for sex - a weird combo! - then some stuff I don't understand. Oh my goodness yikes. No date #2 obvi.

[faraday]

Glad you're not meeting him again...he sounds unstable.

 

 

______________________

Learn to be all that you are, and accept with good grace all that you are not.

[IAmFCA]

Glad you're not meeting him again...he sounds unstable.

 

 

______________________

Learn to be all that you are, and accept with good grace all that you are not.

 

And has been single - well, unmarried - for 10 years. Yikes.

 

Lunch date with new and more promising candidate on Tuesday.

[IAmFCA]

And has been single - well, unmarried - for 10 years. Yikes.

 

Lunch date with new and more promising candidate on Tuesday.

 

(By single for 10 years, my point is, by now he should know better... )

[hidden_kitten]

How I wish I could post the entire stream of texts from lunch guy. It is absolutely over the top, wouldn't believe it if I wrote it in a script or a novel.

 

Eek! How do you shut stuff like this down, IThinkICan? Do you just ignore it and hope he gets the hint? Sorry, I'm a bit of a lurker but have been nosey going through everyone's dating journals, so I can brace myself when I get out there again lol. Being half your age, I hoped people would grow out of barranging with texts, but evidently some don't!

[IAmFCA]

HiddenKitten, the behavior of a bunch of 45 and 50 year olds sprung from bad marriages is akin to the array one finds in a college dorm (American culture reference of certain limitations, granted). There are random NSA hookups, people who won't let go, people who call you at 11 pm for a hook up, people who date so slowly you don't know what their deal is. It's the wild west and Victorian England all smashed together. This guy was extreme. Still, i have been ed at for not inviting men inside for sex, I have been lied to, i have been stood up, i have been broken up with when i didnt know we were going out. Its gotten less chaotic as ive gotten better at this. With this fella, i didn't respond, and when I finally had a free moment I texted to cancel the date. He seems to have gone away. He may have hurled an insult but I don't even know what the word means so I have no idea.

 

I did tell ice about this today, and he went and looked up the insult. We had a laugh, it seems to be either he called me a jerk or said he wants to have sex with me, if he used the slang as described; if so, he used bad grammar. Ice and I had a laugh about that. Ice described being hit on by a guy; also, resorting to lying to get a woman to go away. So, I guess both genders have to deal with the same stuff we have since we came of age.

 

Sorry i cant promise better. The only time in my life it was different is when most everyone wanted marriage and/or kids. Without a pluralism of daters wanting that singular goal, behavior is all over the place.

 

This is the first time I told ice of another date. He seemed to have fun with it as I was. It's curious. It's like friend zone but different. I really don't get it. Maybe he is going for FWB with me. If that's true, he'll give up eventually. I gave up trying to date him, so I am using the same techniques he used with me, just dodge and roll, so it's a gentle "no". He invited me over to watch sports; I said yes because that's fun for me.

 

In other news... candidate tomorrow as previously reported. Candidate Friday morning. A few people on deck pending phone screen. No plans for NYE, which is fine with me. Plans every other night till sunday.

 

In mwfn news, he is respecting my boundaries, no more entreaties to say hello, however, I did get a text thanking for an article I had sent some time back. Of course I didn't respond and he didn't solicit one, it was a simple thank you.

 

I miss my adhd meds a lot. Having a hard time staying on schedule.