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Out with the old, in with the now

IAmFCA

By IAmFCA
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IAmFCA Grand Master

IAmFCA

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I think being authentic certainly can include considering the long term consequences of actions.

 

I agree.

 

Maybe the mantra I need to tell myself is Think Long Term, Think Long Term...

 

I'm kinda done with growing up... but this turn in my thread is a sign that I know I need to double down and take another leap forward, so I am doing that. This requires a renewal of my faith that if I keep moving forward, I will get where I am going.

 

Eyes shut, clicking my slippers together...

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IAmFCA Grand Master

IAmFCA

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Lol this is exactly why I block them. Then I can pretend that they're desperately trying to reach me (I mean, they might be, right?). More better that way.

 

Oh, yes. My phone doesn't block texts, just calls. I've tried. It's because Verizon has a service I can buy or somesuch.

 

Im still ready! I'm like, in position for the ball to come over the net, and to stand sideways so it goes right past me. Yes!

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IAmFCA Grand Master

IAmFCA

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Do you have an iPhone?

 

No, Samsung..

 

I made myself comfortable, sent him back his own funny selfie, which drew an immediate reply, which reply did not require a response. So now, the playing field is level, there are no hanging chads (lol, only for US readers!), and I feel I can stop engaging while still being respectful to myself.

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IAmFCA Grand Master

IAmFCA

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No, Samsung..

 

I made myself comfortable, sent him back his own funny selfie, which drew an immediate reply, which reply did not require a response. So now, the playing field is level, there are no hanging chads (lol, only for US readers!), and I feel I can stop engaging while still being respectful to myself.

 

And two more texts tonight. Hey What are you up to? type.

 

Just letting it sit. Thumbs are tired.

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IAmFCA Grand Master

IAmFCA

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Also, the universe is rather funny. I've not responded to Ice; there is no substance in what he texted; its like ground hog day. Meanwhile, there are substantive things that could be raised - a business topic he raised previously etc. So, what gives. Ground hog day is for ground hogs.

 

So, fine, I am all good with that. I go to bed. I get a call after midnight from someone who NEVER calls me, a man I dated years ago, at 1230 at night. I get a call this morning before 6 from MWFN (which I didn't answer).

 

Often I think there is a puppeteer and a stage, and we humans are the puppets. This is one of those times.

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IAmFCA Grand Master

IAmFCA

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This is how to block numbers. I'm not sharing this with you at this particular time for a specific reason, but more because I was curious why you couldn't block texts, but you could block phone calls.

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

Thank you Faraday. The screens underneath my Messaging app are different than the screens displayed. When I last looked into this, it was because the app for Verizon had been adjusted in some way and certain providers were trying to offer work arounds. By now maybe there is a work around available; I'd have to go out into the web and see what the current scoop is.

 

In any event, I did not respond to Ice at all, so guess who called. I was in the middle of a deal and misunderstood who was calling so I picked up, which is okay anyhow because it was a phone call, not a text. We chatted for a bit. He suggested lunch tomorrow - as always, with an out if our work lives permit - I can't blame him for using the out because I used it too. I am in no position to commit to anything after my nutty evening of phone calls and broken refrigerators.

 

That event having occurred, I am now back to my work day. If lunch happens, or if not, is something I will think about tomorrow. I told him I didn't even know which office I would be in, much less available, so the onus is on me to check in in the morning with my whereabouts.

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IAmFCA Grand Master

IAmFCA

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Lunch was just right. Talked about topics that showcased my critical thinking, felt the quiet simmer of attraction, know that he felt it also; nobody flirted. Perfect little placeholder.

 

This was the first thing we did together since the friends conversation. I don't think he will text me daily hereafter; if he does, I'll ignore it. He knows me enough now to treat me like a grown up.

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IAmFCA Grand Master

IAmFCA

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Hey guys something beautiful is starting to bloom. I am starting to love my friends. Not my oldoldold BITD friends, but my new ones, formed as an adult. There is a new layer of attachment and affection for them. I haven't been available for that in years. Much healthier now, too.

 

I think this says a lot.

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IAmFCA Grand Master

IAmFCA

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That's awesome

 

I know what you mean about being unavailable...I haven't been available in a meaningful way to my friends since I had my daughter. I miss that.

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

 

Thank you Faraday. Helpful to know I'm not alone.... lol hence eNA I guess.

 

 

I asked Ice if he's distracted of late, and he said "a bit of a rough time lately". Not sure what's going on there but appreciate that he is keeping me on the outside of it and also keeping me attached in some way. I have a couple of clues, an exW clue and a business clue; nothing with which I need to concern myself. If I need a proper date, ironically, I intend to ask New Guy or for the various corporate events, simply go alone. Wish I could bring Ice around, but still feel good about my path. In a sense, unless I land the Big Kahuna, all I really want at some deeper level is a guy on a shelf to think about. Having him in too close without proper vetting would make me uncomfortable anyhow. So, like always happens, I have what I want, whether I know it or not.

 

All things in time.

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IAmFCA Grand Master

IAmFCA

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Long healthy convo with MWFN today. He is addressing certain issues. Talking and thinking clearly. Drinking less. Preparing himself to have more difficult conversations in advocacy for himself. Still not sure about his GF, but laughed when I said, It turns you on that she has the power to hurt you. He said, If you and I got married, would you let me go to a dominatrix once a week so she could whip me and beat on me? Of course I said, Yes, but couldn't I also learn to do that myself? Such a silly conversation that also reflected a certain acceptance between us, which is useful. Talked business, talked mutual friends, just all around an easy conversation.

 

That was fun.

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IAmFCA Grand Master

IAmFCA

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Yesterday, ice and I were talking (with voices!). He expressed an interest in being business partners in something; that was a compliment that I received as just business. I said something about the fact that we aren't involved physically, that it was annoying because I wanted to invite him to something helse wold like . It requires an overnight stay. He wants to go. I expect he will discover he has a conflict, as well he might as its holiday season. Still kind of ironic. If he says he is in, we'll go. We can handle the overnight stay any number of ways and I'm fine with most options. We had a conversation about someone we both know, and how that person interacted with me ( married man seeming to want to date). Also about a woman he dated before me, wanting him for a night. I like how he parsed my situation and how he handled his own.

 

Are our expectations aligned? Hard to tell, of course. Seemingly, they are; there is potential there and nothing more than that. If I have a need for a proper date, I intend to ask New Guy first. I have several wonderful dates that I am letting go to waste so that I can go alone; nobody has earned the honor of being my guest. Meanwhile, the daily texting has stopped, but the phone calls are more frequent. I am open to new dates, but have only one or two on line candidates and generally, don't have a deep desire to date. On line presence is shutting down when the subscription runs out. Am enjoying my life quite a bit as it is and am focused on doing more of that.

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IAmFCA Grand Master

IAmFCA

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Ok, it's sunday. Time to exercise to prepare for tomorrow. Calendar. Xmas cards. Mail. Saw. Yes, saw.

 

Also, repair my daughter, who trusts me nil atm.

 

Last night, friends. Night before, Ice time, and again for late breakfast yesterday. And Friday, run with friend, hike with other friends and gaggle of younguns, food with fam.

 

Lots of walking about, not a lot of getting serious about responsibility.

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