How many people still stay in crappy, unloving marriages?

[yeawutever]

That's the way how my parents' marriage is like as of this point. It has been deteriorating more as the years passed by and they are just pretending to be happy in front of others by posting exciting pictures of them smiling on facebook. It's all fake.

 

Well my father has such a controlling personality no wonder my mother has long stopped loving him and in return, my mother tends to sometimes throw tantrums. Both of them are unstable with their own anger issues (only it's worse when it's my father losing control). How many marriages in this age are like that? I hate to admit this but I have a pessimistic view towards marriage.

 

I still want to move out but I'm in my last year of college and can't afford an apartment yet, but it's been in my mind for the longest.

 

The excuses my mother gave me for not divorcing him:

1) She's afraid of what will others and her cousins think of her as a divorced woman and downgraded back to the start when she met my father; poor

2) She'll afraid of being poor all over again

3) Her famous lines ''If I do, where would I live, he'll take over all the money''?

[Snny]

The excuses my mother gave me for not divorcing him:

1) She's afraid of what will others and her cousins think of her as a divorced woman and downgraded back to the start when she met my father; poor

2) She'll afraid of being poor all over again

3) Her famous lines ''If I do, where would I live, he'll take over all the money''?

Women who say this are extremely dependent on their husbands to make the living. Fortunately for many of us, we live in the 21st century where women can obtain higher education/job training, and either make the same salary amount as men or become the breadwinners. And in most cases... the women who are the "breadwinners" have a higher chance of divorcing if things go sour because they can take care of yourself.

 

This is why you need to finish your education first before getting married. That way if your husband cheats or the relationship isn't working... you can support yourself and have a way out.

[yeawutever]

Thank you for the reply and yes, it's unfortunately that she's only staying for security purposes; basically she's trapped. Yes, that's exactly why I would rather finish my education than rush towards marriage. There is still that 50/50 chance that even if I were with the most wealthiest man ever, what if he turns out crappy and I end up miserable? Then it would mean I've wasted all my years for nothing.

 

Recently, my mother has expressed regret about marrying young. In her own words, she was in love at the time and had no idea who she would deal with (she didn't know he was a control freak when he can't get his way) and what she would deal with. She feels he made her waste her time and youth. Basically she feels like the marriage was nothing but a waste of lost opportunities.

[Hollyj]

If she hires an attorney, she will receive alimony. If it's a community property state, she will get half.

[faraday]

Stats aren't at a 50% divorce rate anymore.

 

It's around 30%. And the older you are when you marry, and the more education you and your partner have, the more likely you are to stay married.

 

 

My parents are happily married after 35 years together. They have fights, don't get me wrong...but they love each other, and they have a dedication to respecting their marriage that I quite admire. I aspire for that. There are good marriages...try to find positive examples to model after

[Fudgie]

Stats aren't at a 50% divorce rate anymore.

 

It's around 30%. And the older you are when you marry, and the more education you and your partner have, the more likely you are to stay married.

 

 

My parents are happily married after 35 years together. They have fights, don't get me wrong...but they love each other, and they have a dedication to respecting their marriage that I quite admire. I aspire for that. There are good marriages...try to find positive examples to model after

 

Yeah, the divorce rate seems high because you have to remember, it takes into account all of the "high risk" groups, like people marrying at 18/19, people without much money and/or education, people with multiple marriages, all of that jazz. So when you factor ALL of that in, of course the rate is 50% or a bit lower....but other age groups, like 30+, college-educated, employed, etc. Well, they aren't at such a high risk for divorce.

 

My parents have been together for almost 30 years. They have their problems but they are still together.

 

I am currently pretty ambivalent and a little cynical about marriage. If it leaves a bad taste in your mouth, you don't have to get married. You can find love and stay together without the legal part.

[faraday]

Well...not quite what I meant

 

The divorce rate peaked in the 80s and has been declining since then. In the last ten years it's been sitting around 30%...including kids that marry out of high school and lower incomes.

 

Within that 30% they can break it down- if you're under 30 years old, uneducated and lower income, your likelihood of divorce is much higher than what a 30 year old with a degree, making decent money's divorce risk is.

[faraday]

As for how many people stay in crappy marriages? I think that happened a lot more before the 80s because...that was when women in the workforce really started to pick up...so women could leave. Also, as birth control options got better, women could leave easier- they didn't have families with 5 children as often.

 

Idk, I know way more people that get divorced than stay. I can't actually think of anyone that's unhappily married that I know...I know a few that were...but they aren't married anymore *shrugs*

[Hollyj]

Stats aren't at a 50% divorce rate anymore.

 

It's around 30%. And the older you are when you marry, and the more education you and your partner have, the more likely you are to stay married.

 

 

My parents are happily married after 35 years together. They have fights, don't get me wrong...but they love each other, and they have a dedication to respecting their marriage that I quite admire. I aspire for that. There are good marriages...try to find positive examples to model after

 

It depends on the state. I come from a state where assets are divided equally.

[redswim30]

There are many people who stay in bad marriages. I think the primary reason is actually social. They are afraid of what other people will think. Which is ridiculous if you think about it. Those people don't live your life.

 

I was in a bad first marriage. It looked perfect on the outside, but what nobody knew is how awful it was behind closed doors.

 

We got divorced. Years later, I got remarried. We look a bit mismatched on the outside, and while some people may judge us, we have a wonderful marriage and I have never been happier.

 

I think it's sad that people fear divorce or look at it as a failure. I think your happiness should far outweigh the opinions of people who don't even matter in the grand scheme of things.

 

The good news is that I think more people nowadays are realizing that you don't have to stay in a bad marriage.

[Snny]

It's around 30%. And the older you are when you marry, and the more education you and your partner have, the more likely you are to stay married.

Not true according to recent results:

 

link removed

 

New studies have found that as people age, they are divorcing later. It also states that younger people are delaying marriage or are marrying much later. This article was written less than a month ago.

[Seraphim]

Statistics are going to change depending upon the country. Statistics for Canada state around four in 10 first marriages will end. In Newfoundland and Labrador it's only about 21%. In Quebec it's 48%. Evened out over the whole country it's about 37%.

[Lester]

It's a waste of your time trying to figure out your parents, [marriage].

You may be unknowingly adding to the stress with your direct/indirect involvement.

 

Your time would be better spent getting your life together.

Doing so would make them proud of one of marriage's greatest achievements.