starla95 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I'll make this short and sweet. I met a guy online, we've been texting all week. He finally asked me out and we set our first date for tomorrow. In our last conversation, I asked him to pick what he wanted to do, which he did. But...its now the night before and I still don't know when/where we're meeting up. I know he expressed concern about me not liking him as well as the fact that he usually lets the woman take the lead. Should I confirm with him our plans, or wait for him to relay them to me? In the event that he doesn't follow through until the last minute, should I go anyway? Thanks! Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Why would he have concern about you not liking him if youve been texting all week? Link to comment
starla95 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 He thinks a girl like me wouldnt be interested in a "nerd" ( his words) like him Link to comment
Andrina Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 We teach people how to treat us. A mature, put-together, thoughtful guy would have definitely called you by now to let you know where to meet. If he contacts you tomorrow, I would tell him since you didn't get a call the previous night, that you made other plans. He doesn't sound like the greatest prospect so far. It sounds like he lacks self esteem. There's a chance he will stand you up, because of either his fear that he won't live up to your standards, or he's involved with someone else and is chickening out. He also doesn't sound very masculine, wanting the woman to make the decision of where to meet. It should be a team effort, and I recommend only meeting for something that doesn't cost much, like a cup of coffee or a smoothie. If he sounds like a good guy and apologetic and clueless, you can recommend another day that's good for you, and tell him you expect a phone call the day before to confirm. You should have standards, and if a person doesn't treat you with common courtesy, it's no loss to you if you don't even make it to the first date. Let us know how it goes. Link to comment
Realitynut Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 There are a lot of young guys...and girls...who don't know dating 'rules'. If a guy made a date with me...he never had to 'confirm' cuz i just automatically assumed he was going to follow thru! I was only stood up once in my entire life....and that was a couple of years ago from an online date. And that was ALSO because of a mix up with 'confirming'...my phone was down and i couldn't txt...and when i called..he didn't answer! When i finally got a hold of him...HE ACTED MIFFED WITH ME! So I then said to meet where we had planned a couple of days before.... I went. He didn't. ugh. If you guys are txting all week...i would assume that he will contact you. Did he always initiate all the txting...or did you txt him first some times? Are you guys young? He may be inexperienced. I would txt and just say...Hey, are we still on for tomorrow? That way you aren't sitting around and wondering....and getting pissed. He probably is sitting at home not having a clue that you are wondering what the heck is going on..... Link to comment
BentGattling Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I agree with Adrina who made some great comments. I would say 1)Don't confirm...if you confirm and he doesn't want to do it, its pressure. If he wants to do it but needs reassurance he's kind of unworthy. Letting the female take the lead sounds more like laziness to me than gender choice subordination. Also insisting on confirmation traps you in the responsible role. You don't want to have to be his mom. 2)If he calls last minute that's up to you. Adrina has a great point but so does REalitynut in that he could just be clueless. If you do go I'd admit that you were surprised he followed thru but I'd have something active to do so you don't get too disappointed. Link to comment
missmarple Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Wait for him to confirm and if he calls at the last minute, tell him you've made other plans but you'd be happy to reschedule. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I'll make this short and sweet. I met a guy online, we've been texting all week. He finally asked me out and we set our first date for tomorrow. In our last conversation, I asked him to pick what he wanted to do, which he did. But...its now the night before and I still don't know when/where we're meeting up. I know he expressed concern about me not liking him as well as the fact that he usually lets the woman take the lead. Should I confirm with him our plans, or wait for him to relay them to me? In the event that he doesn't follow through until the last minute, should I go anyway? Thanks! There is not downside to following up in this context. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Wait for him to confirm and if he calls at the last minute, tell him you've made other plans but you'd be happy to reschedule. Unless she actually has other plans she's being deceitful. I wouldn't recommend this. Be honest and straightforward. Games are for kids. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Since you already have a specific activity and specific time of day ask him what time he wants to meet. If it is not as specific as that then you don't have an actual date planned and if he then calls at the last minute you can tell him that since he kept it tentative you assumed the date was off. Link to comment
Mari Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 He thinks a girl like me wouldnt be interested in a "nerd" ( his words) like him I'd call him and confirm now, then tell him that he needs to confirm from now on the day before. Link to comment
faraday Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 There is not downside to following up in this context. I agree with this. I think more like a dude...I might be broken Link to comment
abitbroken Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 If he set up a date and a time, then call him to confirm the location or suggest one. Some people are the type to make it up as they go along and will call you right before meeting and you'll pick a spot. If you decide to tell him you have plans since he didn't call you back to confirm where you would meet, suggest a date and a time as a do oever--- and a place. And if he flakes on the second try move on. Link to comment
starla95 Posted March 7, 2015 Author Share Posted March 7, 2015 He totally stood me up...Not a single word from him at all. No text, no call...just silence. I think someone wanted to know our ages: hes early 20's, I'm late 20's and I guess his age showed. No time/location had been set; just what we were going to do and that it was supposed to be today. He did assure me hes not like most young guys/doesn't play games and silly me fell for it. Glad I didnt waste my time with him, but it still hurts to be rejected Link to comment
missmarple Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 I'm sorry that happened to you but maybe it's for the best. I'm usually wary of guys who ask to meet without making solid plans. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 I'm sorry that happened to you but maybe it's for the best. I'm usually wary of guys who ask to meet without making solid plans. Same here unless they also say "we'll talk [at x-time] to confirm time and place". Glad you weren't waiting for him somewhere and sorry! Link to comment
faraday Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 He totally stood me up...Not a single word from him at all. No text, no call...just silence. I think someone wanted to know our ages: hes early 20's, I'm late 20's and I guess his age showed. No time/location had been set; just what we were going to do and that it was supposed to be today. He did assure me hes not like most young guys/doesn't play games and silly me fell for it. Glad I didnt waste my time with him, but it still hurts to be rejected It's funny....I've noticed in my life that...the people who write, "no drama/I'm not into games" are usually the worst offenders! They either create it or draw it to themselves more than the average person...to the point that I would pass by profiles that said that. Just a thought to ponder on your online dating adventures Good luck Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Link to comment
Misskitty16 Posted March 8, 2015 Share Posted March 8, 2015 I am sorry this happened to you - unfortunately, it seems to happen to people pretty often these days. Yes, it does hurt - even if we just met someone, it is surprising how badly rejection can feel. You are not alone in feeling that way, I promise. I think I will take Missmarple's advice and be wary of men who suggest meeting without any definitive planning. Link to comment
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