catfeeder Posted December 7, 2014 Share Posted December 7, 2014 Why not just dive in, apologize for being insecure, tell her you're seeking therapy for it and will back off with the questioning, offer her a place to live and see if she wants to start looking for one--and if she finds one, spring for it. Then get your act over to her as soon as you are able. I'm concerned that your therapist is willing to step in as a decision maker in your life. I hope I've misunderstood, because any therapist worth their certification will not 'advise' you on your major life events. You may have stumbled into a quack, and I'd consider researching for one who's more about empowering YOU to trust your own choices rather than one who's willing to make those FOR you. That's horrible practice. Head high. Link to comment
1a1a Posted December 7, 2014 Share Posted December 7, 2014 However it goes, if you've lost her, you probably lost her when she was home and you were at work. There will be some for whom that works but for others, I can imagine it being pretty hard. It was good of you to invite her to travel with you and good of her to try it, but when it didn't work, there were bound to be problems. Link to comment
bhbull Posted December 7, 2014 Author Share Posted December 7, 2014 1a1a, yes its been hard on both of us...that's why I am doing going to do what catfeeder said....dive in...may I get hurt...Yes..but if I don't try how will I know??? At least if I try and it doesn't go as I hope there will be an actual closer. Link to comment
bhbull Posted December 7, 2014 Author Share Posted December 7, 2014 So hear is what I am thining for today...later today send her a text as I have not heard anything from her...simply say......"Hi, how are things going?? Have not heard from you in awhile, just wanted you to know I am still seeing the counselor and working on my issues. I apoligize for the accusations of you wanting your ex back and working on my insecurities. This has taught me alot...take care and call when you can"....so whats your thoughts and if you would change things what would you say?? Link to comment
faraday Posted December 7, 2014 Share Posted December 7, 2014 Hi ____, how are you? I miss you! Can you give me a call when you're free? Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 7, 2014 Share Posted December 7, 2014 So hear is what I am thining for today...later today send her a text as I have not heard anything from her...simply say......"Hi, how are things going?? Have not heard from you in awhile, just wanted you to know I am still seeing the counselor and working on my issues. I apoligize for the accusations of you wanting your ex back and working on my insecurities. This has taught me alot...take care and call when you can"....so whats your thoughts and if you would change things what would you say?? No apologies or issues in a text...ever. Link to comment
bhbull Posted December 7, 2014 Author Share Posted December 7, 2014 Thanks...so if she calls...keep it light and short??? ask hows been and ask about the kids and grandkids..keep it short like 5 minutes or let her talk?? at the end say call me when you can?? Any ideas and help is appreciated..thanks Link to comment
Doofus Posted December 7, 2014 Share Posted December 7, 2014 Send her an email, or, even, an actual letter. In it, apologize only. Don't mention getting back together, or anything other than you obsessing over her and her ex. Tell her you've been doing a lot of thinking and that you realize that you were out of line, and that you really regret your behavior. ( Unless, of course, you've already done this - then, I'm afraid, you're just going to have to wait for her to either decide to forgive you, or, decide to move on. If she does move on, then, at least you've learned something and the work you're doing now will help make your next relationship better.) Link to comment
faraday Posted December 7, 2014 Share Posted December 7, 2014 Ugh, no emailing serious things. Do it in person or on the phone. She needs to see your sincerity....and text is flat...it won't convey what you want to say to her. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Link to comment
bhbull Posted December 8, 2014 Author Share Posted December 8, 2014 UPDATE....ok so I sent the text....."Name......I miss you, Call me sometime".....she responded....."I'm working" .....so at least a response....will see what happens. and will continue with the space she wanted till she calls now.. Link to comment
bhbull Posted December 12, 2014 Author Share Posted December 12, 2014 ok so now yesterday I find out a bit more about what is going on.....The gf is addicted to Adderall...she can not use it at her parents house...can at her ex's also before she told me "I need space" she was telling me about cleaning house there all night with no sleep for 2 days...feeling anxiety...and almost all the symptoms of an Adderall addict when I researched it on the internet...Looks like I have 2 options....go to her and see if I can help or walk away forever...thinking of making the trip there for her??? Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 Adderalll is basically prescription amphetamines....cocaine. Your gf is addicted. There are so many red flags here: Living with ex Pill dependency Over interest in one Branson and daughter Need for space Link to comment
bhbull Posted December 12, 2014 Author Share Posted December 12, 2014 mhowe...yes after I found out yesterday...I did a ton of research.....now I am lost as what I should do.... Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 She is living with her ex instead of her parents so she can feed her addiction. This isn't about her daughter or the grand kid. This is addiction. And until she decides it is running her life...you won't change it. Link to comment
bhbull Posted December 12, 2014 Author Share Posted December 12, 2014 With being together for the 4 years its kind of like being married....In sickness and in health...hard to just up and walk away when I now know why....like mhowe said..all the red flags Link to comment
bhbull Posted December 12, 2014 Author Share Posted December 12, 2014 I am guessing the exhubby doesn't even know she is addicted to it Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 With being together for the 4 years its kind of like being married....In sickness and in health...hard to just up and walk away when I now know why....like mhowe said..all the red flags No it isn't. I dated/ relationship with a guy for 8 years. And when addiction walks in the door...it isn't like being married. I wasted 2-3 years trying to save him. He is still addicted 15 years later...regardless of the 3-5 years of empty promises and "acknowledging" the problem. Link to comment
bhbull Posted December 12, 2014 Author Share Posted December 12, 2014 mhowe...yes I know your right about that....its her problem but hard to just walk away without trying...like you said you tried and wasted your time...still have not decided what to do...may get her sister involved as she is a nurse and lives just 4 houses away from the GF Link to comment
bhbull Posted December 12, 2014 Author Share Posted December 12, 2014 mhowe....thanks for all your advice...as you know its hard to walk away from someone you love...as my counselor told me..your addicted to her...and the counselor is the one that told me the GF is an Adderall addict...so after doing a bunch of research...I feel the counselor is coorect....so I want to go up to see her to sit and just talk her on this....see if she will admit to it and see if she will let me help her...whats everyones thoughts on this...good or bad??? Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 Its a waste of time but you will do it anyway. Link to comment
bugatti Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 Like mhowe said. I wanted the same thing and I did the same thing that you're going to do - just one last talk, just one last text, just one last email. And what is the result? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just waste of time, emotions, self respect... Just walk away, let her go... Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 mhowe....thanks for all your advice...as you know its hard to walk away from someone you love...as my counselor told me..your addicted to her...and the counselor is the one that told me the GF is an Adderall addict...so after doing a bunch of research...I feel the counselor is coorect....so I want to go up to see her to sit and just talk her on this....see if she will admit to it and see if she will let me help her...whats everyones thoughts on this...good or bad??? Of wasn't hard to walk away from the alcoholic. What was hard was accepting that he preferred the addiction to me. Link to comment
bhbull Posted December 15, 2014 Author Share Posted December 15, 2014 Ok...so have been thinking about what all you have said...Don't go there...walk away.....I have decided to walk away.....here's my question...if she text me on Christmas to have a Merry Christmas...do I text her back...would that be considered her reaching out to me?? If I texted her back would that be a good thing?? Link to comment
faraday Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 When you end things with someone, you shouldn't talk to them anymore. It delays healing and sets you back. It's best to block her number Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Link to comment
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