Woke up to her going through my phone. Is this normal?

[IAmFCA]

This is how un-normal it is:

 

My very normal BF of 4 - 5 months, to whom I handed my phone and then absent-mindedly walked away, put my phone down on the table with the picture still up exactly as I had shown it to him, without any clicks, links, scrolls or anything having happened in my absence. This was a legitimate temptation that he didn't take.

 

In your case, yikes. No boundaries, no self-respect nor respect for you, no trust, no honor. Run run run run and maybe even shut down any open channels of communication. That would freak me out.

[wondering731]

Everything is protected.

 

The relationship I had prior to this involved the gf asking me if there was anything going on between me and a superior at my job. I justified it to myself to say no (the superior was a close friend for a while who now gives me the silent treatment for everything other than work... A lot of posts prior to this regarding the situation). When I told her after a few times of her asking, she dumped me.

 

On one hand I feel like I shouldnt hide anything. On the other hand I need to make sure I'm not dating a lunatic. I felt some red flags but the idea that I want to go about not hiding anything made me second guess this.

[SooSad33]

You're just getting to know each other and she's already showing trust issues!?

No, this is not normal..

[mhowe]

It isn't an issue of you hiding anything. She asked...you answered.

 

The issue here is she BROKE INTO YOUR PHONE USING YOUR FINGERTIP!!!!?!??!??!

[ParisPaulette]

No, using your finger while you're asleep to gain access to your phone when she has zero right to do so is just crazy. Like I said, okay if you've both been dating, you are in a committed relationship, time has passed, and your behavior suddenly changes etc. and even there she should at least ask first--fine.

 

But what you describe? Nope, that's straight up crazy. And you were already not hiding anything from her--she was at your place. She could see for herself you did not have a wife or a live-in girlfriend stashed in a closet or your bedroom. And she still felt the need to snoop.

 

Sorry, this is her song. [video=youtube;Yh0AhrY9GjA] ]

[Seraphim]

^ yeah I was going to say that... Lol

[sadchick83]

I can't believe she actually used your fingerprint to break in....Something Apple should have thought about I don't think going through the phone is that bad....yes strange for the first night, but who knows, maybe her last boyfriend cheated on her. I would not be that disturbed if a partner looked at my phone well into a relationship, but right away seems odd.\

[wondering731]

I can't believe she actually used your fingerprint to break in....Something Apple should have thought about I don't think going through the phone is that bad....yes strange for the first night, but who knows, maybe her last boyfriend cheated on her. I would not be that disturbed if a partner looked at my phone well into a relationship, but right away seems odd.\

 

I've heard of so many stories to the point where it almost seems like a natural for someone to look through the phone of someone they're with. I realized it's really early. The being cheated on sounds like a good possibility... the forum thinks these are early warning signs for a crazy person

[mhowe]

Dude...it isn't about looking they your phone that is alarming. It is that she had to use your finger...attached to your unconscious body to do so?

 

Are you seriously OK with this?

[wondering731]

Dude...it isn't about looking they your phone that is alarming. It is that she had to use your finger...attached to your unconscious body to do so?

 

Are you seriously OK with this?

 

Normally I think it would disturb me to a great extent. I think since the summer though I feel like everything is going over my head. Went through a lot of pain after a close friend (the superior I've been talking about endlessly) gave me the silent treatment. Nothing feels the same or really bothers me anymore like it used to.

[mhowe]

Then you should look into some therapy because this level of apathy toward something/someone is not healthy nor within the normal spectrum of reactions.

[greta96]

Wow...now I feel stupid for not looking through my ex's phone when I had a chance...one morning while he was in the shower....after seeing him texting someone at 3 am while he thought I was fast asleep! Had I looked, I would have probably saved myself lots of heartaches for the following month or so, I would have found out about his deceit sooner! Silly me, doing the "right thing" when the phone was right there on the nightstand and the man was taking a shower!

Maybe doing what this chick did IS the best thing to do in relationships after all, seeing how accepting OP (and other guys on the forum) are! Hmmm....

[jetsuo]

She isnt crazy, just insecure. Probably been cheated on like crazy before.

 

I'm thinking though its a red flag and this one could be a tough one. She will need a lot of reassuring, but be aware that her insecurities may become more intense later in the relationship.

 

I wouldnt confront her directly on this, just be a trustworthy character and non defensive.

[Fudgie]

She isnt crazy, just insecure. Probably been cheated on like crazy before.

 

I'm thinking though its a red flag and this one could be a tough one. She will need a lot of reassuring, but be aware that her insecurities may become more intense later in the relationship.

 

I wouldnt confront her directly on this, just be a trustworthy character and non defensive.

 

No, it is crazy. She barely knows this guy and she is already going through his phone, using his finger to open while he's asleep. That's insane.

 

Just because she was cheated on is no excuse. She needs serious therapy and help to get over this, not a boyfriend. It is not OP's responsibility to play therapist through her nutty issues while she grapples with her past traumas. If she acts like this with new men in her life because of what someone did to her before, she needs therapy. And she should not be in a relationship until those issues are worked out.

 

OP, drop her like a hot potato. Tell her why, too. Women like this are insane. I'm talking key-logger-follow-you-in-my-car-listening-to-you-as-you-use-the-bathroom kind of insane. Are you really that desperate that you'd be willing to sacrifice your sanity for a nutter like this? There are so many available women out there. Don't waste your time with this one.

[itsallgrand]

It's no different than waking up and she had gone through your wallet and taken your ID. Would you be alright with that?

 

This is a serious flag in my opinion. Breaking trust already. In a serious way. Basic trust.

[wondering731]

I didn't tell her why. She seems cool and fun to hang out with, but I don't know what she's capable of and it hit me a little more the next time I saw her. Do you think telling someone why you don't want to see them again makes it any better, or is helpful to them so early on?

[mhowe]

Are you saying you broke it off with her?

[wondering731]

Are you saying you broke it off with her?

 

Yes, I am. I saw her one more time, and I left my stuff down to go use the bathroom and was asking myself what she was looking through this time. I did have a text from the superior I had mentioned, where she had sent me a selfie at 1:30 am the night before showing her still in the facility. She used to heckle me all the time because she knew I enjoyed it and this was the first time in a while that she had done it. The message was "I am still here because I have to clean up your mess Not sure why her finding that might bother me, but definitely taking your suggestion of therapy a little more seriously now.

[Unreasonable]

I wouldn't mention it to her... unless she asks. Not really your problem anymore. Expect some BS answer if you do tell her.