Batya33 Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 why am i feeling so guilty for texting him last week about the money and with his kids messages i feel awful now as his dad would have been dying Because you're choosing to indulge in beating yourself up over sending him a text when you didn't know his dad was ill. Choose not to react to those feelings and get busy living your life. You're probably reacting this way because you had strong feelings for him including anger that he did not return your money so it's normal. But choose not to indulge in those feelings and get busy (maybe a really good workout if you can go for a brisk walk or run). Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 Look, he owed you that money and should have already paid you, and there is no way to predict when his father would die, so don't dwell on it. You had a perfect right to ask for the money. It is time to let him go and let this whole situation go and starting focusing on you rather than him and his problems. He's not your BF anymore, and it ended really badly with his whole family harassing you, so you need to let go and start focusing on your needs rather than his. and it is bad form at this point for you to contact him if you have broken up and he is still a married man and not yet divorced. He and his wife and kids will be at the funeral and dealing wtih that, and you need to butt out of their lives now and focus on your own and healing and finding a truly available man to date. It is time to go totally no contact with him and get on with your life and let him continue with his any way he pleases. Link to comment
aussielis Posted October 24, 2014 Author Share Posted October 24, 2014 saw pics on fb of the funeral/wake, they are all laughing and drunk? taking selfies, at your dads funeral? my x has changed his profile pic to cuddling that feral kid so its all back on again after everything that kid did to him. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 24, 2014 Share Posted October 24, 2014 saw pics on fb of the funeral/wake, they are all laughing and drunk? taking selfies, at your dads funeral? my x has changed his profile pic to cuddling that feral kid so its all back on again after everything that kid did to him. None of this is any of your business and looking at his photos is not going to help you move on. And you're making huge assumptions based on photos on social media. He and his family are not people you know right now -just some people you used to know or be acquainted with. It sounds like you care far more about ferreting out the drama than that he lost his father anyway so there's no good reason to be checking out his facebook. Link to comment
aussielis Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 i just dont seem to be moving on and blaming myself for our breakup Link to comment
aussielis Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 i just dont seem to be moving on and blaming myself for our breakup saw photo's of the funeral on a mutual friends fb page, its all back on with the son and they are laughing and taking selfie's drunk at the wake of his dads funeral.hmmm Link to comment
abitbroken Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Stop it. You need to BLOCK him on Facebook and you also need unfriend your mutual friends right now. I bet some of these mutual friends were his friends that befriended you and not all of these people are true friends of yours that happened to know him. If they truly are your CLOSE friends, then you can friend them again down the road when you have established that they are truly close to you in real life outside of Facebook. For your own health and sanity, please do this. Now its not even HIM doing things to you - you are doing it to yourself. So stop it. Cut it out. ANd don't ask for the money EVER AGAIN. Write it off. Forget it. If he ends up sending it to you, great, but take it as a lesson learned. If you are really hurting without the money, wait tables temporarily or babysit or do something but DO NOT CONTACT HIM. Got it?? Link to comment
aussielis Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 hi there i blocked him and all his family weeks ago Link to comment
notalady Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 hi there i blocked him and all his family weeks ago Delete mutual friends as well unless they are actually your friends before you met him. And I'm pretty sure you can block posts from people on your newsfeed by selecting to hide it and there should be options like "I don't want to see posts like this". Link to comment
notalady Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 My ex and I ended on good terms but he deleted me and our mutual friends (whom he met through me) on Facebook, I completely understand this and think it's a smart move because I'm pretty active on Facebook and it's not going to help seeing my activities through either mine or my friends Facebook, as evident in your case. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Why not just stop poisoning yourself with the FB? It's a big world out there--go live it. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 My ex and I ended on good terms but he deleted me and our mutual friends (whom he met through me) on Facebook, I completely understand this and think it's a smart move because I'm pretty active on Facebook and it's not going to help seeing my activities through either mine or my friends Facebook, as evident in your case. HIS smart move? What about YOUR smart move? Take all the friends you have in common and unfriend them or unfollow them. Don't worry about hurt feelings. How is he seeing your activity on Facebook? Set your profile form public to 'friends only." Also, you did not "end on good terms." You are not friends. He is NOT a 'good guy." This wasn't a breakup based on mutual respect and bad timing. This guy is a danger to your well being and you are still asking him for money. Don't kid yourself. Link to comment
aussielis Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 HIS smart move? What about YOUR smart move? Take all the friends you have in common and unfriend them or unfollow them. Don't worry about hurt feelings. How is he seeing your activity on Facebook? Set your profile form public to 'friends only." Also, you did not "end on good terms." You are not friends. He is NOT a 'good guy." This wasn't a breakup based on mutual respect and bad timing. This guy is a danger to your well being and you are still asking him for money. Don't kid yourself. hi there that wasn't my post above, was another person on here giving advice. i did say earlier that i blocked him and all his family weeks ago. Link to comment
notalady Posted November 3, 2014 Share Posted November 3, 2014 HIS smart move? What about YOUR smart move? Take all the friends you have in common and unfriend them or unfollow them. Don't worry about hurt feelings. How is he seeing your activity on Facebook? Set your profile form public to 'friends only." Also, you did not "end on good terms." You are not friends. He is NOT a 'good guy." This wasn't a breakup based on mutual respect and bad timing. This guy is a danger to your well being and you are still asking him for money. Don't kid yourself. Lol yea I think you got confused there, that was me giving an example, not the OP's post. Link to comment
aussielis Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 hi all its been nearly 5 months, i am slowly getting there after lots of work. the only thing that upsets me now is that he never ever contacted me again after a 3 min call. 2 months of me ringing to get my belongings back, my mother had to call in the end and left it in her front yard in the middle of the night. and then another month of trying to get my money which i eventually did, yay! since then i have had the kids send me the most discusting messages calling me a pshycho and my dad clearly wouldnt want to be with a head case like you(after the car scratch incident) which i was accused of. only a month ago i got a message from the x wife, threatening me and called me a pshychotic lonely old hag. i sent all the kids messages to him (not the wife's) and he didnt even apologise. what kind of man lets their kids send messages like that? there was no use in me forwarding her message to him cos he would do nothing. so i went to the police. they rang her in front of me. she insisted he was her x husband and told the police off for calling him her husband and said she was not very happy with her kids for sending messages. she would have got them to send them. anyway she has been warned im so glad that someone finally told her to back off as he hasn't. she was also on dating sites the whole time i was with my x as one of my friends was chatting to her. i sometimes feel lost but the main thing is why did he just ignore me and not even apologise for his families abuse. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Count your blessings- you are physically safe and bonus is you got belongings and money back. Who knows why he did or didn't do things - you barely know him at this point and you do know he lies. So I wouldn't waste my time analyzing and move on to bigger and better things. Link to comment
chickadeedee Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 >>what kind of man lets their kids send messages like that? I think the kids are a reflection of him... i.e., one reason they are like that is because of him and because he didn't raise them right. I'm glad you took action to end their harassment of you and got your money/things back. I think it will help you heal to take back your power and take care of yourself, but you also need to really stop romanticizing him and see him for who he really is (and he's just as crazy as the rest of the family because he participates in that). You need to work on seeing that situation as one you are best out of and very far away from. He ignored you and didn't apologize because he is self serving and decided since he didn't want to marry again and didn't want to upset his horrible children, he just dropped you like a hot rock and moved on. So i think you had a lot of hopes about where this relationship would go, but it honestly was not going nowhere because he had no intention of marrying you and making you a real partner or rocking the boat with his children. So he'll just move on to a series of women who he'll keep until there is conflict with his children if it gets too serious, then he'll dump her and move on to the next woman. So as soon as he saw you as too much trouble because his children were not interested in him re-marrying/staying with you, he just dropped you and didn't want to work on it. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 "i did say earlier that i blocked him and all his family weeks ago." I'm confused -you blocked his family in October -so how could they contact you? Link to comment
aussielis Posted January 22, 2015 Author Share Posted January 22, 2015 "i did say earlier that i blocked him and all his family weeks ago." I'm confused -you blocked his family in October -so how could they contact you? yeah i did, they got their friends to message me through other fb accounts Link to comment
aussielis Posted January 22, 2015 Author Share Posted January 22, 2015 thanks chickadee, yep as soon as we broke up the same day he was with the son that hadn't spoken to him for a month after the violence, i think its quite strange after the kid refused to speak with him. im guessing she was making the kids not speak to him until he broke up with me. she text that day saying she was coming to get the rest of her stuff the following weekend make sure lisa isn't there. yes i felt great when the police rang her, got my power back as no one had ever put her in her place. do you think he never really cared about me to just dump like a hot potato? and do you think he ignored me as those kids had got into his ear? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 " im guessing" It's all a guess. So, move on. He is not someone who values honesty and integrity and you knew that from early on and played with fire. This is a downside. Again aren't you thrilled you are physically safe? Link to comment
chickadeedee Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 well, i once dated someone like this... and once he told me that he felt he never really loved anybody the way he should (with the proper depth and level of attachment) because he was so selfish and just liked to follow his whims and relationships took a lot of work. He had been married twice before and said he hadn't even loved his wives the way he should but married for other reasons (combining finances, suprrise pregnancies). So based on how this story played out i'm sure he was fond of you and enjoyed your company, BUT when push came to shove, his deeper attachment was to his kids, and trying to maintain a relationship with both you and them while they were acting up and didn't want him to have a permanent partner was just too much trouble and he took the line of least resistance and did what was easiest for himself, which was to dump you to stop the conflict with his children. And I don't think he wanted to marry again either, so he just thought about it and decided it was easiest for himself to just bounce you. So it may not even be that his kids turned him against you, but more that he knew for him to have an easy and peaceful life he'd have to choose between you or the kids, and his attachment was deeper to his children, so he went with them. And he may never have wanted to re-marry again either, in which case he may have recognized he'd nursed the relationship along as long as he could in the unmarried state, and either needed to take it to the next level or bolt, and since he didn't want to go to the next level, he just bolted. So he may well have had feelings for you, but obviously not strong enough feelings to commit to a marriage with you and take on that responsbility to you, or enough of a desire to take on his kids and resolve the conflict between them and you. Link to comment
aussielis Posted January 22, 2015 Author Share Posted January 22, 2015 " im guessing" It's all a guess. So, move on. He is not someone who values honesty and integrity and you knew that from early on and played with fire. This is a downside. Again aren't you thrilled you are physically safe? yes i am cos most probably, those kids or her would have done something to me along the way Link to comment
aussielis Posted January 22, 2015 Author Share Posted January 22, 2015 his loss he will always be lonely and down. he was always telling me he had never been so happy since being with me. now he is stuck with that control freak of a wife and the oldest kid will no doubt end up in jail. why do you think he didnt want to be married again, he told me he would consider getting married. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 his loss he will always be lonely and down. he was always telling me he had never been so happy since being with me. now he is stuck with that control freak of a wife and the oldest kid will no doubt end up in jail. why do you think he didnt want to be married again, he told me he would consider getting married. He wins as long as you carry around all that negativity and hostility. Let it go. Link to comment
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