Batya33 Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 he finally returned my mums case in her driveway, none of my belongings were there I would move on - if you pursue this you might run into more trouble than it's worth -he's given you the message loud and clear that he's not going to make this easy for you. It will remind you to make different choices in the future. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted October 7, 2014 Share Posted October 7, 2014 He's showing you yet again that he is going to play games and not just do the right thing, which is return your stuff. He's trying to play games with you just like he plays games with his ex-wife. That is one reason they have such a bad relationship, because they disrespect each other and try to make it hard on each other, and now he is doing the same with you. I think at this point if your stuff isn't valuable, I'd just let it go and ignore it and cut contact so that you can heal and move on. If it is valuable, then send him one final email saying that you want your stuff returned to your mother's driveway within a week, or he needs to set up a time when your mother can come pick it up, or you will contact the police about getting escorted to his house to pick it up or charge him with theft. But the simplest thing to do is just abandon the stuff and move on with your life, unless what he has is truly valuable and irreplaceable. btw, it is not uncommon in breakups if the person is mad, for them to destroy the other person's stuff, give it away, or sell it. And you know his son steals. So there's a chance depending on what happened that he doesn't even have your stuff anymore because he (or his son or his ex-wife) trashed it or his son stole it and sold it. So this might be a fruitless attempt to get it back regardless. Link to comment
aussielis Posted October 8, 2014 Author Share Posted October 8, 2014 i sent him a text last night, asking about the money he said you didnt tell me how much i owed you and that he would pay it back. now i feel bad maybe he isn't such a bad person? Link to comment
notalady Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 i sent him a text last night, asking about the money he said you didnt tell me how much i owed you and that he would pay it back. now i feel bad maybe he isn't such a bad person? If I owed someone, anyone, money and forgot or didn't know how much, I would have been proactive in asking them how much I owe them and promptly pay it back. Don't feel bad, I think it's an excuse. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted October 8, 2014 Share Posted October 8, 2014 There's a long way between saying he would pay you back and actually doing it. Many people will promise a million times they'll pay you back, but then he may or may not eventually do it. And he still hasn't brought back your stuff. Quit trying to look for ways to tell yourself he's a 'good person'.. it really doesn't matter because you are not together anymore and he still has all the problems and all the drama with his wife and kids he had before, and he is still not divorced nor promising you to be in a relationship. Just make it about business now and focus on getting your money and stuff back. Link to comment
aussielis Posted October 9, 2014 Author Share Posted October 9, 2014 If I owed someone, anyone, money and forgot or didn't know how much, I would have been proactive in asking them how much I owe them and promptly pay it back. Don't feel bad, I think it's an excuse. agree with this thanks Link to comment
aussielis Posted October 9, 2014 Author Share Posted October 9, 2014 ok so i rang him yesterday to ask for my money, he said he would call me after work he actually answered the phone. i waited 2 hours then i get a text saying sorry will call you back. he never called. what is this going trying to do? why even answer the phone or text later and say sorry will call you later? Link to comment
jjkk Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 There's a long way between saying he would pay you back and actually doing it. Many people will promise a million times they'll pay you back, but then he may or may not eventually do it. Exactly!! As for why bother answer the phone and play around w/ you w/ promises that he'll pay you back? Probably to appease you temporarily, hoping eventually you'll give up and forget about it. He doesn't have the guts to tell you he's not going to pay you back and he doesn't have the integrity to pay you back so...this is how people like this behave. Consider your things and money gone and chalk it up to payment for not having him and all the craziness in your life anymore. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 The money is not worth this prolonged contact with this guy. I suggest you leave it alone. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 I agree with Batya. Don't get yourself in a position to meet up with him. I would drop this and disappear from his life. use it as a lesson learned. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted October 9, 2014 Share Posted October 9, 2014 He's avoiding you because he doesn't want to pay you back. You could call him a hundred times, and each time he could promise to pay and call you back but never do it. It is probably time to let go unless you are willing to take him to court to get your money back. Unfortunately you can't make him pay you back short of a lawsuit, and you'll need some kind of firm evidence that you loaned him money and expected it to be a loand and get paid back (rather than just giving it to him, or giving him cash). Link to comment
aussielis Posted October 11, 2014 Author Share Posted October 11, 2014 He's avoiding you because he doesn't want to pay you back. You could call him a hundred times, and each time he could promise to pay and call you back but never do it. It is probably time to let go unless you are willing to take him to court to get your money back. Unfortunately you can't make him pay you back short of a lawsuit, and you'll need some kind of firm evidence that you loaned him money and expected it to be a loand and get paid back (rather than just giving it to him, or giving him cash).s i deleted his whole family on facebook a few weeks ago, yesterday i get a friend request from his sister? i didnt accept. wonder what she wants? i went into my junk mail folder and there is also a message from one of the sons friends accusing me of the car and that im the only person who would want to hurt him and that i shouted him the holiday so why should he pay me back? Link to comment
aussielis Posted October 12, 2014 Author Share Posted October 12, 2014 s i deleted his whole family on facebook a few weeks ago, yesterday i get a friend request from his sister? i didnt accept. wonder what she wants? i went into my junk mail folder and there is also a message from one of the sons friends accusing me of the car and that im the only person who would want to hurt him and that i shouted him the holiday so why should he pay me back? another message this one from his step daughter Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 12, 2014 Share Posted October 12, 2014 another message this one from his step daughter Big deal -I'm sure you get far more spam messages than you hear from people this guy is connected to. Just keep deleting as if it's spam and move on. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted October 12, 2014 Share Posted October 12, 2014 Look, it is clear that he and his family have an agenda to not pay you back and to harass you. This business is really unsavory and it is clear it is a toxic situation, so my suggestion is that you just cut contact with the whole stinking lot of them and just write off the money you loaned him because you don't want to provoke any of the crazy lot of them filing a police report saying you vandalized his car or whatever. That whole family is very experienced at 'crazy' and seem to be no holds barred fighters when they get riled up, so your best bet is to get as far away from them as one would an angry hornet's nest. Just be glad you're not permanently enmeshed with that crazy bunch, and get on with your life, focusing on healing and finding a man who is completely available, who loves you, without the crazy family or baggage this man brought with him. Link to comment
aussielis Posted October 13, 2014 Author Share Posted October 13, 2014 i cannot understand how this got so ugly, i was the one that was there for him when his family gave him ............ i even leant him money when his son stole his wallet! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 i cannot understand how this got so ugly, i was the one that was there for him when his family gave him ............ i even leant him money when his son stole his wallet! It's a downside of dating a married man who is in the middle of an ugly custody battle. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 i cannot understand how this got so ugly, i was the one that was there for him when his family gave him ............ i even leant him money when his son stole his wallet! It's a potential risk of dating a married man who is in the middle of an ugly custody battle -obviously all relationships come with some sort of risk but getting involved in the situation you chose to get involved in is unnecessarily risky IMO. Link to comment
aussielis Posted October 13, 2014 Author Share Posted October 13, 2014 It's a potential risk of dating a married man who is in the middle of an ugly custody battle -obviously all relationships come with some sort of risk but getting involved in the situation you chose to get involved in is unnecessarily risky IMO. there is no custody battle though? he has paid her out as well. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 there is no custody battle though? he has paid her out as well. You have no idea what arrangements there are in his marriage or family- have you seen all the court papers -all the recent court papers? Did you go with him to the lawyer's office, were you at the courthouse? And I think you know that my description was a general description of the risks involved of getting involved with a married man going through a messy divorce. Link to comment
aussielis Posted October 19, 2014 Author Share Posted October 19, 2014 You have no idea what arrangements there are in his marriage or family- have you seen all the court papers -all the recent court papers? Did you go with him to the lawyer's office, were you at the courthouse? And I think you know that my description was a general description of the risks involved of getting involved with a married man going through a messy divorce. his dad died on friday, do i send an condolence text or leave it? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 his dad died on friday, do i send an condolence text or leave it? At most you can send a donation to the charity listed in the obituary and I would have the card mailed by the charity to his house from you (or e-mailed by the charity). I would not do any direct contact. If he texts you directly that his father died you can reply "I am sorry for your loss". Link to comment
aussielis Posted October 20, 2014 Author Share Posted October 20, 2014 At most you can send a donation to the charity listed in the obituary and I would have the card mailed by the charity to his house from you (or e-mailed by the charity). I would not do any direct contact. If he texts you directly that his father died you can reply "I am sorry for your loss". yeah i don't know what to do, in my head i think i should just leave it. his distant family now have deleted me on facebook, even his brothers girlfriend has ignored me, she is the one that told me to leave and got me fired up that night. they all must think im an awful person. i feel very bad now for texting him last week with his kids texts and asking for the money when his dad would have been on deaths door Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 yeah i don't know what to do, in my head i think i should just leave it. his distant family now have deleted me on facebook, even his brothers girlfriend has ignored me, she is the one that told me to leave and got me fired up that night. they all must think im an awful person. i feel very bad now for texting him last week with his kids texts and asking for the money when his dad would have been on deaths door Yes, leave it unless he told you directly. Link to comment
aussielis Posted October 20, 2014 Author Share Posted October 20, 2014 Yes, leave it unless he told you directly. why am i feeling so guilty for texting him last week about the money and with his kids messages i feel awful now as his dad would have been dying Link to comment
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