ManyDates Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 I've been online dating quite a bit over the past 6 months. Whenever we have a good date the girl will usually talk about a second one during or at the end of the first. This is usually followed up by a "thank you for a great evening, I had so much fun with you, talk soon" type text that night or the next morning. Then we'll send a few more texts back and forth, then I ask for the 2nd date and get either a fade out "I am not sure of my plans yet for the weekend" or "I didn't feel any chemistry" or your other basic excuses. I am wondering what's happening from the time of a decent date to 4-5 days later? This has happened about 7-8 times in the last few months and twice in the last few days - WTH No, I am not sending them tons of texts, calls or emails after the date (but we would before meeting in every case) it plays out exactly as I have worded it. Link to comment
Jehst1987 Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 It's a numbers game. Stick at it mate. Girls on dating sites are getting inundated with emails and date requests sometimes, so it's a case of setting yourself apart from the rest. Try another site? Go on twice as many dates (ha). Good luck! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 How about setting a time and place right then and there? (or at least a date and time). Link to comment
shellyf62 Posted August 26, 2014 Share Posted August 26, 2014 Maybe they want you to ask them on a second date within a day or two of the first date? If they are talking to a few guys they might be asked out by one of them before you get a chance to ask them on a second one. If they are sending you positive feedback about the date then they are interested, so maybe you need to be a bit more proactive & lock in a second date asap. Link to comment
ManyDates Posted August 27, 2014 Author Share Posted August 27, 2014 It's a numbers game. Stick at it mate. Girls on dating sites are getting inundated with emails and date requests sometimes, so it's a case of setting yourself apart from the rest. Try another site? Go on twice as many dates (ha). Good luck! I've been on 36 dates in 6 months - I am actually starting to slow it down, its been crazy. How about setting a time and place right then and there? (or at least a date and time). I did actually do this once, we had a grand 2nd date - planted the seed for a 3rd (her too) but 2 days later when I went to make it concrete I got the "I don't see us as a couple" notice. Maybe they want you to ask them on a second date within a day or two of the first date? If they are talking to a few guys they might be asked out by one of them before you get a chance to ask them on a second one. If they are sending you positive feedback about the date then they are interested, so maybe you need to be a bit more proactive & lock in a second date asap. This is a likely scenario for sure. However the latest one to bail (that set it up during the 1st date, and then asked "for sure" if we were staying in touch at the end) was busy the following weekend and I got the same dis from her as the others a week later. Link to comment
faraday Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 Is your profile an accurate reflection of you? Do you have current (taken within the last 6 months) pictures up including full body shots? Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 I think that once you have agreed to meet that you should have at least gotten another way to contact her other then going back into the dating site to communicate. Are you talking on the phone before you meet? How are you ending the dates? Are you going in for a kiss? Link to comment
notalady Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 Sometimes people having had a few days to think on it and reflect on the first date, decide to not proceed to a second date. It's not always clear cut right after a first date that you don't want to proceed, especially if you had a good time (or reasonably good). I have done it on occasion, and also had it done to me a few times. I think the question would then be, why has it happened to you so frequently, which is the difficult thing to figure out I suppose. It may has something to do with the way you conduct yourself in front of these women that makes them think you are not LTR potetial, it could be they know themselves well enough to know you are probably not compatible, or you could have been just unlucky. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 Then we'll send a few more texts back and forth, then I ask for the 2nd date and get either a fade out "I am not sure of my plans yet for the weekend" or "I didn't feel any chemistry" or your other basic excuses. Well it sounds like they just aren't particularly attracted to you. Why not? May be a combination of things. Your social skills, your confidence, your looks, their expectations, their options, etc. Perhaps you can ask a close friend to give you some advice. Link to comment
ManyDates Posted August 27, 2014 Author Share Posted August 27, 2014 I think that once you have agreed to meet that you should have at least gotten another way to contact her other then going back into the dating site to communicate. Are you talking on the phone before you meet? How are you ending the dates? Are you going in for a kiss? Communication is always via text - I never go back to the dating site to communicate with them after meeting, usually not even after a few messages. After first "meets" I rarely go for the kiss, because honestly, we're both still strangers. I have had some wild make out sessions etc but not with the group I am addressing here... I always try to get a phone conversation in before meeting, if it doesn't happen its because they never wanted to. Sometimes people having had a few days to think on it and reflect on the first date, decide to not proceed to a second date. It's not always clear cut right after a first date that you don't want to proceed, especially if you had a good time (or reasonably good). I have done it on occasion, and also had it done to me a few times. I think the question would then be, why has it happened to you so frequently, which is the difficult thing to figure out I suppose. It may has something to do with the way you conduct yourself in front of these women that makes them think you are not LTR potetial, it could be they know themselves well enough to know you are probably not compatible, or you could have been just unlucky. Certainly viable, done it myself too - I actually faded out on one after 2 dates last month (and agreeing to a 3rd). She was beautiful but just not a LTR match for me Well it sounds like they just aren't particularly attracted to you. Why not? May be a combination of things. Your social skills, your confidence, your looks, their expectations, their options, etc. Perhaps you can ask a close friend to give you some advice. I am confident and know my social skills are strong but agree that I may just not meet their expectations and I am sure they have better options, we all do on some level. My pictures are recent and I even have "bad ones" up there for this very reason. Link to comment
ManyDates Posted August 27, 2014 Author Share Posted August 27, 2014 Is your profile an accurate reflection of you? Do you have current (taken within the last 6 months) pictures up including full body shots? Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Yes, all recent - but I can honestly say after 36 dates in 6 months that not one girl I met in person was the girl I met online (thought I was meeting in person) - same is probably happening on my end for them. Still though - a "shock" date = bailing out with a lame excuse after 20 minutes, not hanging around for 3 hours and then saying they want to meet again etc. I am at a loss.... Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 Again maybe you can ask a friend who knows you. This pattern may be telling. There was another male poster who was describing his similar woes. He finally posted his profile and he straight up wasn't very attractive in them. Me and another poster made some suggestions ... change hair cut, get more sleep to avoid the drugged out look, etc. So all I can say is that we are at a disadvantage not knowing you or seeing your profile. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 36 dates?! Take a break. I can tell when someone reaches pro status at the online game. There isn't a whole lot of organic attraction that goes along with online dating and the repetitious meet&greets can get stale quickly. Take a break for a while. . Put that energy into something else. Better yet. . put it into yourself! Recognize what you are doing isn't working so you need to do something else. I don't know what that something else is but it you step aside you may be able to be a little more objective. For myself. .I burn out rather quickly. .I will go on one or two dates and then pull my profile for a few weeks and try again. Link to comment
ManyDates Posted August 27, 2014 Author Share Posted August 27, 2014 Good advice ^ My Match subscription runs out in 2 weeks - I won't be renewing. I figure if I want to online date again I'll make a totally new profile with new pictures and hopefully attract a better "clicking" crowd. Thanks for the comments everyone else, it's all noted! Link to comment
DepthOfField Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 36 dates?! Take a break. I can tell when someone reaches pro status at the online game. There isn't a whole lot of organic attraction that goes along with online dating and the repetitious meet&greets can get stale quickly. ^^^ Great advice! Manydates > There's such a wide variety of reasons as to how/why they flake out after the first date. It could be related to their attraction to you, they could be sitting on the fence, playing hard-to-get, they could be dealing with health issues, they could be genuinely busy, it could be ANYTHING that you'll never know the real reason to. My advice, is NEVER talk about/make plans for a second date WHILE on or immediately after the first date, which might set false expectations - Even if the girl brings it up. Wish each other a goodnight, say "chat soon" and keep in touch after the first date, but wait a couple of days to make plans for the next. TRUST me on this. Link to comment
mfan Posted August 27, 2014 Share Posted August 27, 2014 My advice, is NEVER talk about/make plans for a second date WHILE on or immediately after the first date, which might set false expectations - Even if the girl brings it up. Wish each other a goodnight, say "chat soon" and keep in touch after the first date, but wait a couple of days to make plans for the next. TRUST me on this. I agree. I have personally decided never to mention/bring up the possibility of/make plans for a second date while still on the first date. Girls always happily accept, but it's only out of politeness, like saying "thank you" when someone holds a door for you -- it means nothing. I don't think you can get a straight answer in person. Wait till the next day or two then invite her to something and see if she if she accepts from the privacy of her own home. Link to comment
ManyDates Posted August 30, 2014 Author Share Posted August 30, 2014 ^^^ Great advice! Manydates > There's such a wide variety of reasons as to how/why they flake out after the first date. It could be related to their attraction to you, they could be sitting on the fence, playing hard-to-get, they could be dealing with health issues, they could be genuinely busy, it could be ANYTHING that you'll never know the real reason to. My advice, is NEVER talk about/make plans for a second date WHILE on or immediately after the first date, which might set false expectations - Even if the girl brings it up. Wish each other a goodnight, say "chat soon" and keep in touch after the first date, but wait a couple of days to make plans for the next. TRUST me on this. This is great advice DOF ^^ My FIRST online date I did back in February (Tinder) I left alone for over a week, then we started chatting again, and met again. After that I signed up for paid sites and started "power dating". 1-2 days after "Hey what are you doing next weekend?" NEVER ENDS WELL. Noted! And thanks for the reminder - I think I may have just figured out my problem Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 I would take care not to make the problem - "women always flake out." Just sayin. Link to comment
ManyDates Posted August 30, 2014 Author Share Posted August 30, 2014 I would take care not to make the problem - "women always flake out." Just sayin. 36 dates and not one "flaked out" - not sure what you mean? I can get dates no problem, I can hold dates no problem, getting another date a couple days later when I ask is the problem. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 36 dates and not one "flaked out" - not sure what you mean? I can get dates no problem, I can hold dates no problem, getting another date a couple days later when I ask is the problem. The previous poster used that term. Link to comment
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