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DepthOfField

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  1. The healing process is not linear. It's impossible to take several steps forward, without taking a few steps back some days. All ruminating (thoughts, dreams, wondering about your ex) is your brains' way of processing and accepting the breakup. You are 100% normal (and human) to feel the way you do. There's many of us in the same boat.
  2. Feel the pain. Cry. Cry more. Don't hide/surpress it. Don't be ashamed whether it's 1 day, 1 week, 3 months, 6 months. Some times it's taken me 2 days, another time took me 4 months, another time took me 2 years. It's completely normal to feel the way you do. You have finite amount of pain and grief inside you. It's not infinite. Have to truly feel the pain to get over it.
  3. I'm sorry you're faced with this. I know you love him, and I would imagine that your intention is to work things out, but you need to face the reality that trust has been lost here. Trust is the glue of a relationship. The second there's a lack of trust, there is little to no hope that things will work out in the long run. Even in the 1% chance there's a legitimate explanation, you'll live in constant doubt and question every single of his moves. That is not the definition of a healthy relationship. It's time to come to terms with this, and invest the time into healing yourself and moving on to someone eventually that you can trust 100%.
  4. Don't pro-actively date if you're not ready. Just don't. Some people might state otherwise, but I've been there and done that. It becomes counter-productive. Heal naturally and you'll know when you're ready.
  5. You have to feel the pain to get over it. Observe it. Feel it. Embrace it. Live through it. I know exactly how it feels - You have to breathe through it. VERY deep breaths (google breathing techniques for anxiety). Exercise. Run. Lift weights. Force yourself to eat.
  6. I feel your pain. It's absolutely okay to feel the way you do. There is no deadline for when the healing should end. 4 months really is NOT a long time. You're doing so great - Keep it up. Based on what you said - I'd just avoid ANY dating/rebounds until you're in a happy/confident/secure place. Otherwise the lack of satisfaction while dating while heartbroken, will further the ruminations about your ex.
  7. Dude, you are SO young and have your whole life ahead of you. Your 20s/30s is all about exploring/dating/experiencing all kinds of (platonic and romantic) relationships. It really sounds you're at a dead-end here. You haven't listed anything "spectacular" about the relationship, and sounds like you've completely checked out and lost interest. The number one thing you pointed out is sexual chemistry - It's SO important - If you've been communicating honestly about your sex lives, and she's not "budging" (as you put it), you will consistently be dissatisfied. Don't worry about whether you're breaking up "out of the blue". Many people start to withdraw/disengage/sabatoge the relationship for the sole purpose of "warming" their partner up to the breakup. This is very cowardly and dishonest approach. Please don't wait much longer. It's better to bring it up out of the blue, and be 100% honest - You're doing it out of love and respect for her ... Simply state that your heart is not in it anymore, and this will be for the better. You can also google "how to breakup" from a reputable site - Most articles will coincide with what I've stated. You'll grow so much from this and start a new life from this. Hang in there man.
  8. Remember, seeing that you're in school, I presume you're both very young. Your young years are supposed to be exploring, dating, etc - Not being stuck in back-and-forth relationships. I would not try and salvage this. Getting back together after a long relationship has very little chance (depending on circumstances) of any longevity. People often get back with eachother because of jealousy and/or the "we want what we can't have syndrome".
  9. First and foremost, please focus on your health. If you feel you're overweight, this is THE perfect opportunity to address this ... !
  10. Breakup pain is very unique. It's a kind of pain that feels like it's never ever ever going to go away. Breathe through it. Deep breaths. Observe/feel/embrace the pain and lonlieness. The more you feel it, the sooner it goes away. And remember, feeling worse is absolutely normal. It's not supposed to be a straight decline of suffering. It's a wavy/bumpy ride. 2-4 weeks is probably the toughest because you've come to reality that the relationship is done. This acceptance means that you're getting better in a way. You're not alone.
  11. If you have to ask, then there's your answer. I've been there, done that. Delete all your dating apps and focus on yourself. Find ways to make YOU a better person. A better version of yourself. Doing so will attract someone far better (and more organically) than any other dating app can bring.
  12. What was her intention with attempting to reach out those times?
  13. Wiseman2 post right above kinda nailed it. I think you have your mind already made up. I'm in your exact same situation ... My only piece of advice to you ... Both of you invested a LOT into this relationship. You need to (A) decide whether you'd like to make a last-ditch effort into saving/spicing up the relationship, and (B) carefully examine why you're not getting what you want from it. A counsellor will most definitely help you sort your thoughts/feelings out. Remember, with guys, you need to be VERY direct in communicating what you're looking for. If you've decided that ending things is best for you, Breaking up with someone you love/care about is an awful process, even if you're initiating the breakup. Horrible. You will eventually heal from it, provided you've CAREFULLY thought this through, you stand 110% confident in your decision and draw boundaries post-breakup. Otherwise, if you end things abruptly without properly thinking it through, you'll not only be dealing with the heartbreak, but the grief from ruminating on the "what-ifs". Something to consider. But Don't wait too long though. Life is very short. If you wait another 6 months to examine how you feel, next thing you know, 10+ years has passed. Msg me if you need to. DoF
  14. Guys, I'm really really struggling with this. I can't believe I went from feeling complacent/indifferent about the relationship, to having all these feelings for her, immediately. I created all this. The pain is indescribable right now.
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