My Day to Day Effort to Win Her Back.

[Leges39]

Continue seeing and meeting people, and one day you will once again feel gitty around someone else, and you will not question whether or not they have feelings for you because they will also give off signs of this gittiness.

 

funny you put it this way..."gitty"....i went on a date with a special girl...who happens to be a friend of the ex's best friend who was my friend first...make sense? anyhow, at first i treated the night out not as a date, but just us hanging out....we knew eachother in the past...about 3 years ago, when i was dating the ex, so nothing came of it...timing...

 

i got many signals from her that it was a date and when she let me pay the bill without offering, i knew it was a date...we had an excellent time and never stopped talking to eachother.....we started at 7 and ended the date around 3 a.m....i took her home and we had a simple kiss on the lips and hug....nothing hot....i was a gentleman...

 

the next day, her friend (the ex's best friend) called me to tell me how her friend that i went on a date with reacted...she said she had a great time and that she sounded "gitty" on the phone.

[h_b_k_02]

Personally, I don't pay until she is my actual girl LOL. The girl I see now pulls out her money before me and tries to pay for all of it, how nice.

 

Second, it doesn't necessarily matter how she felt. How did YOU feel? Suppose to think about yourself for a bit and if she makes you feel gitty, then good for YOU, and continue to see her, see where it leads.

[kate111]

You WILL get over it, believe me. You are well on the path to recovery. Hang in there.

[Mun]

cpxsim,

Nobody is going to hate you. Maybe you have to do this to be able to let go finally. I know from my own experience that I went back to the well long after it had dried out, hoping for more water.

 

You'll get there. Just keep going.

[Leges39]

You are right. She may really be 100% over me and even wanting me to disappear, which was totally not always the case. She always wanted me around and to answer her calls and be available to talk….all of a sudden, she hasn't even tried to contact me since her letter….

[h_b_k_02]

Dude, time to say the hell with it.

 

We all have different ways of moving on. I have so moved on in just these 2 weeks, and feel so lucky because after 5 1/2 years, to have a girl break my heart, I now know what I DON'T WANT in my life.

 

Hang in there dude.

[Leges39]

I was just thinking about a past relationship I had prior to the current ex. I had met the ex as I was getting over the ex ex….even though I was totally into the new ex, for a couple of weeks and even months, I still pinned over the ex ex (or felt the butterflies in my stomach when I thought about how I missed her) ….but sooner or later, the feelings slowly turned over to the new ex and I no longer even cared about the ex ex…

 

My point. I am going through that now….even though I know how much better the ex was from the ex ex, I still pinned for the ex ex for a period of time….why? not sure…

 

But as I start a new relationship (I have a second "all day" date with a girl I like who is 30 and really cute and we get along very well) I still pine over the ex…now if I could just tell myself that the new girl (even though I may not see it now) is better for me and I will see that in the future, I will be okay…

 

Anyone see that?

[kate111]

You have no way of knowing whether the new girl is any better for you than your ex.

 

Just take it easy, take things slow, try to keep open minded.

 

There are LOTS of amazing people in the world. You will meet another girl to love totally and completely. I bet.

 

You are just going through the process of emotionally detaching yourself from the ex. It will take some time but one day you won't care as much.

[Leges39]

Hello everyone. Here is the new issue. The weekend of the 4th of july I will be attending a wedding that I am standing up in. and guess who else is standing up in the wedding…you guessed right, the ex.

 

So, here I am dating a girl I really like and think has potential who can't go to the wedding with me because she dated the best man for several years and his fiancé would not like it…(the girl I had originally planned to go with was a romantic relationship or just sex but i want it to work out with the new girl, so too many people will know I am dating her and ..you see the picture…it wouldn't work…).

 

I will have to go the rehearsal dinner and wedding and all the other happenings without a date and with the ex there…Will she have a date? Not sure.…most the other people if not all will be couples…we were a couple when invited to the wedding….and asked to stand up in it….. By the wedding it will be three months since we spoke.

 

What do I do? How do I react? Do I spend time talking to her? Do we play it cordial? Do I call her before the wedding and work it out? Are we just going to ignore eachother?

 

This whole thing, yet a month away, has got me thinking about her a lot. I don't want to be thinking about her….i know if I even tried to speak with her before hand, I would get caught up somehow and just be hurt….you know….

 

Help.

[freedom]

i have to say that i truly respect you for being able to share your experience with all of us here. Through out all that you have been through you have been able to stand here and share, it takes someone special to do this. So i have to say a BIG THANK YOU for sharing.

I most definitely have learnt somethings from your experience even though i didnt go through it.

As i have sat and read ALL the threads which has taken me days, i have to say something about your experience which may apply your coming situation at the wedding.

You lost who you were, you lost your manhood. She screwed you over big time! Remember that! You have have gotten battered and beaten, but the fact is that you got up. You are getting your mojo back, keep it up. (no pun intended)

 

* As for the fact "Will she have a date??"

Does it matter? You are a single horny guy that can attract girls half your age! Many men out there can't do that in their dreams!

 

*What do I do? How do I react?

you are a single guy with women all around you, live it up. Don't DON't SUCK up to her. Acknowledge that she is there. read below.

 

*Do I spend time talking to her? Do we play it cordial?

My opinion, say "hi" be short and conciderate but you don't have to be friends. Even if she might want to talk to you more, keep it short keep it under control. You are THE MAN, control the situation like you use to. I would personally approach the situation like a business meeting keep conversation short and shallow NO EMOTIONS!! NO "i miss you crap", and if you feel it is heading that direction cut it in mid sentence and excuss yourself so that you can go somewhere else like talk to the groom. Keep it formal and business like. If you can do that you immediately create a wall and you can control the situation. It is not about her it is about you controlling the situation.

 

*Do I call her before the wedding and work it out?

No, why should you? You are your own man, you don't have to explain anything to anyone, especially to her. She choose not to be in your life, remember that, you don't owe her anything, not even and explaination!

 

*Are we just going to ignore each other?

Don't ignor her you WILL look stupid and petty.

 

Remember you are the Man, you have your MOJO to protect. This is about you being in control of yourself, thus being control for the situation and your emotions. If you do feeling like you are going to fold, step away, go to the bathroom etc. DON'T! DON'T! let her know that she still has your nuts in her grasp, BE in control.

Now just another tip, dont act like an idiot either, be professional and WATCH the amount of alchol consumed, because, if you drink too much 2 things may happen,

1. you end up talking to her and expressing your feelings and making an idiot of yourself. ( i know that you dont want to do that!)

2. you get totally smashed act like a uncontrollable freak which re-enforces her persception about you. (ie you are weak)

 

Finally, have a mission planned, what is your aim at the wedding? and what do you want out of it? I suppose, i would say that you dont want to look as if you are a puppy dog not knowing what to do. Have an idea how you will go about this wedding. Set your frame of mind before your go and stick to it. Have a buddy there to hang out with just in case. You are not going to totally enjoy yourself with this wedding cos you will have to control yourself. Accept that.

Have fun

Just my opinion

[Leges39]

Freedom, thank you for your kind words. It was truly therapy for me.

 

I liked your suggestions and warnings!.....i will certainly not call her, I thought about that already….she will be there and I will see her and she will see me….i will treat her like anyone else there and do my best to have the time of my life….knowing that if things work out with the girl I am seeing (she is the 30 year old), I have someone very beautiful at home waiting for me and that likes me very much.

[kate111]

I agree 100% with Freedom.

 

Be cordial say "hi" and don't be anything more than polite to her. The less you say to her the better. She will no doubt be wondering what you are up to, so don't give her the pleasure. She is not in your life anymore.

 

It doesn't matter if you are alone. Try to be friendly and natural with everyone there. Im sure word has already got to her that you are dating somebody new, (if it hasn't it WILL rest assured). It is even better if you are not obviously showing someone off to her. It shows you have digity and are not afraid of what she thinks.

 

The most important thing: If you want revenge, then ACT LIKE YOU DON"T CARE. Act like you have moved on completely, no emotion.

 

This will annoy her so much.

[Leges39]

kate....i bet you never thought i would be in this place.....

 

a cordial hi....don't go out of my way for her....stay clear of her, especially when drinking....i will be alone and i feel good about it actually...i will not care.....(honestly, this will all probably make her feel good since she was trying to get me to let her go all this time...)

 

no dancing with her either...i will be dancing though....

 

p.s. the groom informed me she is not bringing a date.

[shockeddismayed]

kate....i bet you never thought i would be in this place.....

 

a cordial hi....don't go out of my way for her....stay clear of her, especially when drinking....i will be alone and i feel good about it actually...i will not care.....(honestly, this will all probably make her feel good since she was trying to get me to let her go all this time...)

 

no dancing with her either...i will be dancing though....

 

p.s. the groom informed me she is not bringing a date.

 

Excellent, Excellent advice from Freedom!

 

Cpxsim, please realize that the fact she is NOT bringing a date DOESN'T CHANGE YOUR OBJECTIVES OR STRATEGY. You must follow Freedom's advice. The fact she has no date will make it easier to keep your "Mojo" going, but it shouldn't change anything else.

 

For example, don't allow her to rope you back in on that night... if she wants to rope you back in... or she starts to talk about things, just say "hey, if you want to talk about this, it might be better on a different night... this is about "bride" and "groom", and I want to show them a good time on their special day". That forces her to up the ante and call you or invite you out some other time... if she can't or doesn't do that, tough luck for her.

 

I mean that... if this were a recent breakup, or the first time you get a chance to talk, I might have different advice, but she's played you long enough my friend... don't let her start you on that merry-go-round again.

 

S&D

[h_b_k_02]

Do what you said you would do at the wedding, do not get drunk, and just be the man, not around her, but in general.

 

Come back here, get some opinions, and then mince your way thru them and decide what you think would be best.

 

But indeed, do not spend a heck of a lot of time talking to her. If she comes and begins talking, stay for 5 minutes, keep it light, then excuse yourself to powder your nose.

[Leges39]

Right now I am thinking of brining a female friend to the wedding….someone that I always have fun with and she is attractive….she will be someone to dance with, hang out with, drink with, and keep me in line when it comes to the ex…kinda act as a buffer for me. I was going to bring someone that would hang on me and I would sleep with and show her off as a girl I was with, but I met someone more special and it was a stupid idea anyway….the girl I met can't go since she dated the best man for several years and he now has a fiancé standing in the wedding….

 

So, I am at the moment, going to be with a cute friend….someone to make sure I always have someone to talk to during the wedding and to be distracted by…..i need this….i was so in love with the ex and if I have not seen her in months…I will need someone to help me stay in line….to help with those things you guys said….she has always been a good ear for me during this too…

[Leges39]

a little about the new girl i met.

[Leges39]

my sister's recommendation for the wedding....i liked it.

 

 

Well, after you calm down the pit of your stomach. Just don't get drunk and do something you will regret.

 

Act like Robert Redford in "The Way We Were..." with Barbara Streisand. Robert kept it simple, was a true gentleman, no fussing or googoo eyed over her. He kept it brief. They had not seen one another in years.

Be the better person. You will look better in everyone's eyes. Its obvious to those around you that you will be watched.

[kate111]

You have to be prepared that seeing your ex will make you feel bad on the day. Old feelings will be brought back. This is what always happens when one sees the ex but hasn't recovered.

 

But you must fight against the feelings you get when you see her. It will rip your soul in two but you must resist talking to her or giving away any feelings to her.

 

She may want to talk to you and as another person here describes it "lead you on the merry go round again". Do not be fooled that she wants your company because she is still in love with you. More likely she will try to tempt you back because her ego can't handle the fact that she doesn't have you wrapped around her finger any more. This ego based reason is not a good enough reason to be in her company. It is selfish and doesn't benefit you any.

 

Better to try to keep things short and sweet. If you manage to pull this off you will feel HEAPS better, more in control and yur recovery will be shorter.

[Leges39]

Could someone interpret this line from my ex's letter to me?:

 

Our breakup wasn't anyone's fault....it just wasn't working and you had deeper feelings for me than i had for you. It wasn't fair, so thats why it had to end. I know it's hard for you to accept. Sometimes i have a hard time accepting it.

 

we had a bad period that it did not work....a three month period and she says "it wasn't working"....does that mean it wasn't working in her eyes before that too? was she not willing to work at it? I had deeper feelings? sexually or love? both? what wasn't fair? that i loved her more? that she had to live with me who loved her more? it wasn't fair that she did not love me as much? it had to end because it wasn't working or because i had deeper feelings? it was hard for me to accept because it was always her starting the relationship and keeping it going so long...

 

why am i even reading this craPPP

[brando]

it means whatever importance you put into those words. It sounds like she felt guilty in a sense that her feelings were not as strong as yours.

 

 

The hard time accepting it part, is maybe her realization that it is a sad affair.

 

Who knows... i guess you got more of an explanation then most..be greatful for that and accept what it is, that is the letter and let it go..

[Mun]

You have met someone who is special to you. You have a chance at loving a good person who cares for you. I hope you are not going to give that up because you are missing your ex now...and looking for hidden truths in her letters.

 

Try to look forward my friend instead of backwards. Just keep going. You'll get there.

 

Hugs

[kate111]

It means that she didn't care for you as deeply as you did for her.

 

She wishes that she did love you more but she didn't (ie you can't make yourself love somebody, even if you know that they are a good person that you maybe "should" love).

 

It means that she respects you as a person but she isn't in love with you.

 

Don't dredge up old letters, they will impede your progress in getting over her. Out of sight will become out of mind. Put the letters away for awhile.

[patience]

Concerning your ex...get rid of the letters, emails, texts, cards, gifts, etc. Throw it all out! If you cannot handle tossing it, then box it up and put it somewhere out of sight and out of mind. Don't get mired in the past!

[Leges39]

Why is it that all these feelings of insecurity and melancholy are returning? It must be the wedding…..i almost want to cancel it and not go, but that will just cause a ton more issues to develop.

 

Do any of you remember the movie sideways? When he attends the wedding (he is standing up in it), but bugs out on the reception because his ex is there and heads back to the woman he met in wine country? That may be me.