A Safe Place to Talk Freely to the Deceased

[mhowe]

Mum, my birthday approaches and I thought of you today as I shopped for the next wave of company to visit your beloved summer home. How you ever entertained so...it exhausts me! I found a memory of your last months, as I sat with you at the facility. You reached down, picking at imaginary lint and I asked what you were looking for.

 

And you said, despite your dementia, "I want to hold your hand. I love you".

 

I drove the next few miles with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. And yet, now as I write this, I realize you were reminding me of this today.

 

Thank you. I hadn't forgotten. I miss you so.

[pippy longstocking]

Mam , emily passed all of her GCSE'S , oh it was hard going . Both of us have struggled terribly since you went ..and the time emily missed from school took its toll on her ..but she passed , she did it and I cried and said to you ..did you see that mam , did you see our little girl is doing her best .

 

I struggle with what went on behind the scenes and I wonder now if you know what was going on . I have lots of problems and so many times I want to just pour it all out to you . I have to have a blood test on tuesday to check one of the main arteries in my head and had a referal to the neurologist ..maybe , just maybe after all these years these crippling migraines and daily headaches will stop . Remember how you would send me clippings of articles you would find about new remedies and different things to try . At the same time I have to have a scan on my heart in a couple of weeks , they are checking for angina ..I feel 98 not 48 and at the same time I am going to see the rheumatologist as it is thought I have M.E ...so you are probably missing out on a crap load of me moaning daily about all this stuff that seems to be upon me .

 

But moaning and whining aside mam ...I would pay good money to hear your voice right now ..I feel alone . You said when you where dying you would always look down from heaven ...I believe you are mam xx

[IAmFCA]

Hi Mom. His mom's spot is near your spot. Mom, what is this about?

 

I'm sticking with the current. To what end I have no idea. We love the old one, Mom, but I've no reason to be saddled with that. I deserve better. I deserve joy and abundance, the sort that exists whether i have it or not. I don't know how the current experiences joy. He is not easy to make fall.

[RainyCoast]

It really hurts that you never believed me. I forgive you and all. Still hurts though.

[mhowe]

Starting the close up prep on the summer home. I remember doing it with you...now it is he and I. Bittersweet.

[itsallgrand]

Dad, your birthday is coming up in a few days and you would be 64.

How amazing would it be to be able to celebrate it with you? To see you at retiring age, for you to have been able to enjoy that? Amazing. You worked so hard all the time for us as a family, and you never got to enjoy being taken care of yourself. It hurts thinking of that. I would love to be able to take my dad out for lunch, to go see you and help you with your latest projects. And I know you would have many. I know you would be here for me to help me and come up with all kinds of ways to make my life easier, because that is what you did, you always put us first. I would have to encourage you and push you to enjoy yourself and things just for yourself. I would have to surprise you, or else you wouldn't have anything to do with it lol. And I would have really enjoyed that. Getting to treat my dad and see him enjoy the fruits of all his labours.

 

I just want you to know how much I love you. That never goes away. And I still miss you. Probably will forever. I also want to say thank you, again. It can't be said enough. I always knew I was lucky to have you as a dad. The older I get, the more I appreciate you, even if you aren't here anymore. Now I know how hard it must have been for you. You would have never have admitted that in front of us, and that was part of you protecting and thinking of us too, but I appreciate all of it. You really nailed it. You were a wonderful father.

[treesandbees]

Deleted what I started to type, I know you saw it regardless and know why it pains me so much. I know you love me and would tell me it will all be okay. xx

[Silverbirch]

Dear Dad,

I think of you every day of my life and I have missed you all these years. I hope you can see us, especially your 7 grandsons who I know you would be immensely proud of! Each of them is so special - all different to each other - all beautiful young men and we love them so much. I hope I get to see you again one day Dad. In the meantime, you are in my heart. I love you.

[IAmFCA]

Here by surprise and found my note to B.

 

Wow.

 

So, a year+ later - I am able to chat with your friends, B. I am finding joy inside. My Now is nothing like my Then.

 

How how how did you see where I was going, so far in advance of when I could see it? Honestly, you loved me in a way few ever have, and I didn't love you that same way. I am forever grateful for your gifts.

[Liefde]

[ATTACH=CONFIG]10787[/ATTACH]

 

It is so sad to see your stall and to know you will never be here again.

Lexie we will miss you....!

R.I.P

[treesandbees]

Hiya again!

 

Missing you today especially! I'll smile up... if you smile down

[Liefde]

Well four years ago the age gap was so big between you two it was a bmx and a cell phone for the two of you........!

Would have loved to know what you two would have wanted this year...........!

It is hard to make a choice without any input from you two....!

At the age of 10 and 14 I'm taking the easy way out this year...........!

Giving you both the same thing.......!

 

 

 

I miss you two so much..........!

Hope you take care of each other..........!

I love you both so much.........!

Big hugs.

 

Oooh and you two may scare the crap out of the ones who keeps taking the stuff from your graves.........!

[mhowe]

Three years ago we were staring your coming death in the face. Today the memories of that are receding and its easier to remember the holiday traditions we had throughout the years...trimming the tree while remembering the stories behind some of the ornaments.

 

This year, your children are all within their nuclear families. Brother and wife will spend it with his neighborhood and her family. Sister and her family are in Kawuaii. I will be spending it with my SO and his nuclear family.

 

I still miss you so much...so often. I hope death reunited you with dad and your father.

[treesandbees]

Christmas is never as joyous without you there beside me. I miss you the most this time of year. xx

[Liefde]

This time of the year is so hard............!

I miss you both so so much..........!

I will never ever understand why he had to take you two from me....!

It hurts everyday, it is never more than a word a smell a song or a memory away......!

 

God why did you have to take them!

[awmd]

I started reading a book the other day. It reminds me so much of you. I get lost in the pages with flash backs of all the fishing trips we had.

 

I look back on all the helpful tips you gave me. At the time I thought it was just fishing and hunting techniques that you learned over the years. But looking back they were more like life lessons.

 

Your passing was so sudden, one day you were standing in the kitchen. The next in a hospital bed. I honestly thought you would pull through. All my life you were the toughest man I knew. Nothing could ever keep you down.

Even though you weren't my mom's birthday. You were my grandpa. You were the first loved one I ever cried over losing.

I miss the boat with the bobber for a plug. I miss waking up early to eat frosted flakes with you before you went out on the road.

All those memories I had growing up as a kid. I'm thankful for all the times we had together.

Grandma is doing good, she's been going down to Florida alot. I think she's over the cold winters.

Thanks for everything you did for me and all the things you taught me.

Till we meet again,

Love you grandpa

[Liefde]

I wonder if you two are sleeping or watching your crazy mom at nearly two in the morning........!

I don't have much to say......!

Just that I miss you two so much........!

I always love to watch you two sleeping, it always made me feel happy peaceful loved.....!

The last few days was hard, I missed you two so much......!

I feel better today after spending some time at your graves....!

One more year is nearly gone.....!

I see dad came to visit as well he always leave those little glass candles.......!

I hope you two understand why we went our different ways.........!

Maybe one day if we are both more healed we will try again......!

 

Life feel so empty without needing to get home...........!

I hope you two like my new home, the old one just had to many memories ....!

I had to move.....!

I miss you both so much......!

 

I'm thinking of getting a dog so the house don't feel so empty....!

NO not a great dane lol, omg you two and that dog, I think he miss you two as well....!

No I want to get a small one, something like m's dog.....!

Aaaaw I better stop talking, you two need your rest......!

 

Take care of each other.........!

Sleep well......!

I miss you two, BIG HUGS......!

[treesandbees]

Hiya *hugs and kisses* for the new year once again... going to give it the good ole try again for 2016, not expecting any different result though, you know how it is but hope you stay nearby and continue to guide, help and love me and keep me being a good kind person like you always were.

I love you! x

[Liefde]

.......................!

 

I miss you both so much this evening.

I wondered if you two have to go to school in heaven.....!

I saw some of your friends today.

They are getting so big and would have loved to see how big you two are now, how you two have changed.

I know I should not think this way but..........!

You two will grow old with me.

 

I miss you both!

Big Hugs!

Take care of each other.

I love you two with all my heart......!

[IAmFCA]

Dear Mom, it's been longer than usual. I think I am on the healthiest path ever. Guess what? No man out there is worthwhile. "No" is an exaggeration, but I get it. By definition, if I'm doing this right, then of course that's how it is. What do you think of this David like fellow? I suspect you find him rather charming. He's awful at dating, but then, not as awful as I think he is. Also, you didn't pick the best courter either, and I get why and am glad for it. Mom, if one more man tries to impress me with money or power I am going to end up a feminist activist. What do people think of women, anyhow??? What do they think of themselves, to sell themselves like that? Also, mom, you know the one. I know he makes our stomachs turn but would you please keep looking after him for me? He's trying, and he's not going to make it, but if anyone can save him, you can. I don't know what we do about #2-will he be okay? I think so? She seems okay despite the chaos. And they mirror each other somehow, right? So, given that, I think this is good. I'm hopeful, anyhow.

 

Mom, I'm doing a good thing. But it's getting a little old. Can you turn him, so I get a little more companionship out of this growing friendship? I'd appreciate it. I know he'll plan it if he has to.

 

Mom? By the way? You were right. It does cloud ones thinking. I draw different conclusion, but like everything else, since your time science has proven what you already knew. Just so you know.

 

Oh, did you the most recent grades? Isn't that fabulous?

 

Thank you for the help you've been providing. I can tell the ship is turning. I don't think I've learned patience but I have learned to trust in and commit to the process. I'm getting there... 30 years later, but I was always late for stuff.

 

So, yes, I need your help. And so does my lost indulgent neighbor who is dancing with the devil. And so does #2. You've got room for all of us, always have. Don't stop now, mom. We need you down here.

 

Thanks

Me

[Cheetarah]

It'd be nice if you all quit dying off for awhile. There have been way too many close deaths in the last 3 years. It's not a race.

 

I'd rather talk to the deceased than I would most of the living. I don't know why I am such a recluse now. It's very different than how I used to be yet rarely do I desire more than this.

 

I'm having bad dreams about M. Like bad things happening. They're really disturbing so if you can just throw some skittles and rainbows in my subconscious, that'd be great.

 

Today I was sitting next to him spacing out a little, then I had the sudden thought that I missed picking him up from the bus. While he was SITTING NEXT TO ME. I jumped out of my chair and it took a couple seconds to get my bearings. I am really mentally disheveled, if you can send over a 'mind maid' that'd be good, too.

[IAmFCA]

Mom, what's up with this? What do you think of it? I don't know what to make of it, so I just focus on my own situation. You used to scoff at men who had to be ready, money, path, plan. I get both sides... but you're right, life is always unfolding.

 

Seriously, Mom, you were no good at some things. But some things, you hit out of the park. Things that matter. People need you down here.

 

So, you know, keep doing what you do, please.

 

Also, if you want to let the one go, I understand. I can't tell the outcome. I mean, I'd love for you to keep him, youre his last shot.

 

Also, mom, sweet ××. She needs you deeply. She needs that unconditional love thing you have. Actually, she really needs to be your top priority. Maybe you're already on the case.

 

Thanks mom.

 

Me

[MovingOnUp]

Dear Ma n Pa,

 

How's.....'up there', 'heaven' or 'the stars'? No idea what to call where you both are, but I sincerely hope with every fibre of my being that it's like a luxury cruise where you are together, happy and have not a single worry. This has all happened so soon. I don't need to tell you Dad that you didn't cope without Mum. Like a cup of English breakfast tea without milk let alone missing a biscuit. I'm sorry I was a poor substitute for Mum, and even more sorry for being useless. I hope you told Mum all about our 'little' one who is not so little any more. He misses you, but not as much as I do. I know that you're proud of him. He's wonderful. I love you both very much, miss you very much and hope that I have not been too much of a disappointment.

xxx

[IAmFCA]

Mom, I went for a run past the tennis courts by the lake. Oh how I miss you here. I stopped and said a prayer, told you I love you and miss you. I sent your valentine pictures this morning. I hope he has seen them by now. He loves you mom. Probably that wasn't so obvious or enough, sometimes... Of all of his gifts, you are the one for which he is most grateful. It's beautiful. Happy Valentine's day, Mom.

[Misskitty16]

I miss you so much - I wish I was as strong as you were. You were so strong and independent. It is so lonely without you. The cats are doing well and they miss you, too.

 

You were so courageous, even when you were dying - always brave. Why can't I be more like you? You are in my blood - why don't I have your strength?