haml16 Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Dating my bf for almost 5months now and his mother passed away about four years ago. It is Mother's Day coming up on Sunday and wasn't sure what to do. I know it will be a painful day for him so should I be there for him? Send him a sweet text? Or just let him be? He doesn't really have a framed picture of him and his mom in his room. So I was thinking of getting him a nice framed picture as a gift. Is that appropriate? I really don't want to do or say something inappropriate in this situation. Especially since I have never lost a loved one, so not sure how he feels in this situation. Thanks for your guidance! Jules Link to comment
mhowe Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Ummm...his mom passed away years ago. No need to do anything. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 I would not get him any framed pictures -that's far too personal and presumptuous. I'd let him take the lead on sharing with you - ask him what he wants to do that day and from what he says you'll know if he needs your input or help. Link to comment
icecreamaddict Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 I don't think you should get the picture. Just treat him the same as any other day. Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 I would agree with letting him take the lead. I think it is a very kind sentiment and gesture, but it's a delicate territory. Link to comment
haml16 Posted May 7, 2014 Author Share Posted May 7, 2014 Thank you for all your points! I thought it would be a nice gesture to show that I care and thinking about him. However, I can see how it can be a very personal topic especially since we've been together for only 5months. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 I would not get him any framed pictures -that's far too personal and presumptuous. I totally agree. I think it's a bad idea. Simply treat him the same as any other day. NO need to make any comments about anything. Link to comment
RedDress Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 I have to agree as well. Put another way, I think it's a bad idea to remind him that his mother has passed away on Mother's Day (or any other holiday, really). He probably doesn't want to think about it (I know I wouldn't...). It hurts. If he ever wants to talk about it, listen. If he ever expresses wanting pics of her, sure - frame him a pic. But I think you should let him take the lead on how much he wants to talk/when/how. Otherwise you are just going somewhere painful for no reason (with good intentions, of course). Link to comment
Batya33 Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Thank you for all your points! I thought it would be a nice gesture to show that I care and thinking about him. However, I can see how it can be a very personal topic especially since we've been together for only 5months. Showing you care when you're not sure what the person's needs are as far as grieving a loss or thinking about the loss of a parent means simply being there for the person as others said. I would reserve the "nice gestures" for when you want to celebrate an accomplishment of his or something positive in his life. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 I don't think it would hurt to ask him. "Hey, I know Mother's Day is coming up. Would you like to talk about that ... or would you like to do anything special around that time?" See what he says. Link to comment
annie24 Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 My dad died but I don't feel like I need recognition on Father's Day. I agree with Ms Darcy, I would just ask him if there is anything he wants to do, or if he wants to ignore the holiday all together. Link to comment
mhowe Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 My dad died but I don't feel like I need recognition on Father's Day. I agree with Ms Darcy, I would just ask him if there is anything he wants to do, or if he wants to ignore the holiday all together. Yeah --- both of my parents are dead. I don't "celebrate" Mother's Day or Father's Day --- nor need to be reminded that they are gone. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 I agree with others. My mother passed away and I don't feel the need for my significant other to make a point to remember or do something special... Even though he knew my mother as well and misses her too, going out of his way to remember her isn't necessary. And considering it's been only 5 months and you never knew her, I don't think that's an area you need to venture into unless he brings it up. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Thank you for all your points! I thought it would be a nice gesture to show that I care and thinking about him. However, I can see how it can be a very personal topic especially since we've been together for only 5months. I did this for my boyfriend but we had already been together for many years. I think it's too soon for something like that. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Since it's Mother's Day as opposed to Christmas or a similarly major holiday where almost everyone is doing something to celebrate or observe I don't think you have to bring it up to him at all. Link to comment
haml16 Posted May 10, 2014 Author Share Posted May 10, 2014 Would it be ok to invite him to a brunch my family is having for mother's day? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted May 10, 2014 Share Posted May 10, 2014 Would it be ok to invite him to a brunch my family is having for mother's day? Yes if he has met your family before -if he hasn't it might be a bit much in general for that to be the first time he meets them (meaning not because his mother passed away). Link to comment
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