Being Goofy?????

[Dougie_D]

Hey guys! I've been away. I've been trying to just be myself and such. I have an honest question. I think I can actually tweak my personality. (physical is much harder).. but I've always thought myself as a "funny" person.

 

My friend just said I'm more "goofy" than funny. What's the difference???? Is there even a difference? I've heard people call me goofy before, but I thought that was just another way of saying I have humor, witty, and funny. I always thought being goofy was a good thing!?

[Capricorn3]

According to the dictionary it means:

 

ridiculous; silly; wacky.

 

foolish; silly; stupid

 

Quite a difference to funny, witty and humor.

[amipushy]

Sorry cant think of a better way of saying it....

 

Funny= People laugh with you.

Goofy= People laugh at you.

[LC8328]

Yeah, 'goofy' seems to imply more of a 'silly' funny.

 

Perhaps not as sophisticated?

 

I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing though. I love goofy humor.

[Dougie_D]

hmmm.... so if people laugh at me, that's not a good thing right? I enjoy myself. I like being "goofy" or whatever. Honestly, could this have been a reason why I never succeeded in women? This is something about me that I'm discovering. People said it was about my looks, and I have gone 50/50 about it...just to realize I shouldn't care and be who I am. So looks I could care less about. I'm confident it's not my looks anymore.

 

I am willing to change my "goofiness" if this is the REAL DEALBREAKER. If not, I'm the happiest person ever.

[Capricorn3]

hmmm.... so if people laugh at me, that's not a good thing right? Honestly, could this have been a reason why I never succeeded in women?

Yes, it is possible that that is the reason you haven't succeeded with women. After all, most people don't like being laughed at - usually makes one look like a fool - which is not what one aims for (imo). I guess it depends to what extent you are goofy, but by the sounds of it, it seems quite a lot.

 

There will always be some people who don't mind it, but at the same time, some people are not overly impressed by it.

[Dougie_D]

Yes, it is possible that that is the reason you haven't succeeded with women. After all, most people don't like being laughed at - usually makes one look like a fool - which is not what one aims for (imo). I guess it depends to what extent you are goofy, but by the sounds of it, it seems quite a lot.

 

There will always be some people who don't mind it, but at the same time, some people are not overly impressed by it.

 

I don't care about being laughed at. It honestly doesn't bother me at all. I never thought that a girl would take that it consideration when looking at a a potential boyfriend, mate. That's starting to make sense now...ESPECIALLY in college. I was always that guy at the party. Got naked all the time. No shame. Talked back to the professor and never gave a crap. Always was doing some random act because it was just fun to do it. Never thought that a girl would be embarrassed if she was to date me.

 

Dang it! I still have a goofy side to me now! What are ways to show I'm a serious person with still doing/having my goofy ways? Being goofy is being happy to me! Never taking life so serious!

[SapphireNoir10]

Honestly I don't see a problem with being goofy. I don't think you should have to change your entire personality to attract women.

 

The biggest thing is just being confident in WHO you are as a person and rocking that.

[itsallgrand]

Having a playful side is a good quality.

 

There is a line that can be crossed, though. Where playfulness and goofiness can segway into other not so attractive qualities.

For example; that you are desperate for any kind of attention, even if it's negative. Which suggests really low self esteem.

Another example I can think of (from my own personal experiences and impressions around extremely 'goofy' men) is that there may a fundamental lack of self respect. And by extension to that, not too much respect nor awareness of other people's comfort and sense of dignity either.

Another possible negative which women may perceive (be it true or not of you) is that you can't be trusted. This conclusion may be come to from the above impressions (not really smart to trust someone with rock bottom self esteem and poor awareness of others) and also from the impression that there is a lack of willingness/ability to take life seriously when it means giving up a bit of fun (being able to do the hard stuff).

Another one similiar to that is that you are a person with low impulse control (again, not a good thing).

 

Just some possible impressions you may be making to be aware of. It doesn't mean don't ever enjoy yourself, let loose, have fun, or be silly. Just know when it is appropriate, consider those around you (not everyone will appreciate it and not in all circumstances), and don't do it if it compromises your dignity (you have to make this call, but it's worth considering)/.

 

Sometimes toning down one aspect can help bring out other good qualities of yours to shine, and allow people to better see them. I'm thinking of a man who I've known since young, who was a huge goofball and did all the outrageous things if it could make people laugh. As he has gotten older, he's grown more secure in who he is, and you can really see it when you meet him. He can still be goofy; but it isn't about him putting on a show all the time. It's funny that by his not constantly trying to get attention, he is getting more genuine interest and attention now.

[xb0x]

People said it was about my looks, and I have gone 50/50 about it...just to realize I shouldn't care and be who I am. So looks I could care less about. I'm confident it's not my looks anymore.

 

Sorry but it is about looks. Those who say differently are kidding themselves. You should care how you look, and care how you act. Honestly going by your profile picture you need to lose some weight badly, your haircut also is terrible. Please spend more than $10 on a haircut, a good haircut will cost you $60. It's well worth it. & please shave! And please buy some better clothes, you need them!!!

 

Those are just some tips I've come up with that I hope can help.

 

Funny= People laugh with you.

Goofy= People laugh at you.

 

I have to agree with this, people are laughing at you not with you. It's actually quite sad you don't realize this. You must change this behavior with your looks and you will do better with women.

[Bunney]

I don't know exactly how to describe it but I get the feeling that you might be a bit deluded - like you don't know how certain things come accross to others, what's appropriate or not in social situations, etc.

 

Kind of like Michael Scott in the American Version of 'The Office'.

(Great series by the way, I recommend everyone to watch it!)

[HeartGoesOn]

Dang it! I still have a goofy side to me now! What are ways to show I'm a serious person with still doing/having my goofy ways? Being goofy is being happy to me! Never taking life so serious!

 

Dougie...By looking for ways to "show I'm a serious person with still doing/having my goofy ways," you're doing just the opposite of "never taking life so serious." That said, if you can't be comfortable with who you are, you'll never be comfortable with who you're not.

[Realitynut]

When you're THAT guy at the party...and gets naked....ummmm...NOT GOOD!

 

Have you ever noticed people are laughing NERVOUSLY around you? Snickering...maybe??? You are making people uncomfortable with your 'goofiness'.

 

People who find others humorous, ALL share in a good laugh, and think, dang that dougie is fun to be around. BUT, if they are 'backing away' and shaking their heads.....they are not respecting you or your humor.

 

A woman has to respect you to love you!!! And THAT my friend is the truth!!!

[Dougie_D]

When you're THAT guy at the party...and gets naked....ummmm...NOT GOOD!

 

Have you ever noticed people are laughing NERVOUSLY around you? Snickering...maybe??? You are making people uncomfortable with your 'goofiness'.

 

People who find others humorous, ALL share in a good laugh, and think, dang that dougie is fun to be around. BUT, if they are 'backing away' and shaking their heads.....they are not respecting you or your humor.

 

A woman has to respect you to love you!!! And THAT my friend is the truth!!!

 

That sort of thing doesn't bother me. I feel like I'm entertaining a crowd while still being myself. I only get embarrassed when people start saying negatives things about it.

 

I do this more in groups.. because I have a crowd. But I'm really serious if I'm 1-1 with a girl.

 

Maybe I should do the opposite. Try to be funny (not being naked) whenever I'm 1-1 with a girl, and when I'm in a group be serious?

[Dougie_D]

When you're THAT guy at the party...and gets naked....ummmm...NOT GOOD!

 

Have you ever noticed people are laughing NERVOUSLY around you? Snickering...maybe??? You are making people uncomfortable with your 'goofiness'.

 

People who find others humorous, ALL share in a good laugh, and think, dang that dougie is fun to be around. BUT, if they are 'backing away' and shaking their heads.....they are not respecting you or your humor.

 

A woman has to respect you to love you!!! And THAT my friend is the truth!!!

 

That sort of thing doesn't bother me. I feel like I'm entertaining a crowd while still being myself. I only get embarrassed when people start saying negatives things about it. If I make people uncomfortable, that's there problem and they don't have to accept me.

 

I do this more in groups.. because I have a crowd. But I'm really serious if I'm 1-1 with a girl.

 

Maybe I should do the opposite. Try to be funny (not being naked) whenever I'm 1-1 with a girl, and when I'm in a group be serious?

[Dougie_D]

I think I do, but I just don't care what people say. I always feel like I'm entertaining. Which I love! I've had people come up to me, and say, "you are not being yourself lately". And I tell them, I'm being myself. At that time, I just decided not be all goofy and funny and stuff. I can flip a switch .

Ooppss... this was regarding Bunney's response

[xb0x]

I think I do, but I just don't care what people say. I always feel like I'm entertaining.

 

Sorry but you are not "entertaining" your actually the class clown, town idiot, and jester all rolled into one. If you were that guy who "got naked" at frat parties then is it any wonder your behavior turns women off? I mean your still haven't kissed a women, had sex with a women at the age of 33. Something is seriously wrong I'm afraid to tell you. You haven't developed at all, ask yourself why is that? There must be a reason why you have not developed naturally as most people have.

 

You should really care what people think and say, honestly I think you are a blatant troll after reading some of your posts. You come accross as totally clueless. It's also obvious your friends don't respect you, they laugh at you not with you as other people have said. This is not good a good thing Dougie_D. You want people to respect you first and foremost. Without respect you cannot have healthy friendships and relationships.

 

And did you even read my tips about improving your appearance? Looks do play a roll, and so does personality, Obviously you need to work on both.

[John John]

When you're THAT guy at the party...and gets naked....ummmm...NOT GOOD!

 

Have you ever noticed people are laughing NERVOUSLY around you? Snickering...maybe??? You are making people uncomfortable with your 'goofiness'.

 

People who find others humorous, ALL share in a good laugh, and think, dang that dougie is fun to be around. BUT, if they are 'backing away' and shaking their heads.....they are not respecting you or your humor.

 

A woman has to respect you to love you!!! And THAT my friend is the truth!!!

 

Yeah, I think that this is spot on!

 

Dougie, I'm sure there are some people who don't mind...but by acting as goofy as you do, you create a negative dynamic between you and your friends. You think you're "in on the joke," but to some extent, you really aren't. Even if you don't mind being the butt of all jokes, when you and your crew go out, what happens is that women (even if you're currently sober and not naked, at that point) start to pick up on who's who in the crew. I always say that women have a sixth sense...if you're the guy in your group that always acts crazy and basically gets laughed at, they can pick up on it even before any crazy stuff happens. It's just a very subtle way your friends act around you.

 

When I was in college, I had a friend who was a lot like you. OUT OF HIS MIND, CRAZY!!! Would get naked at parties and do/say the most crazy stuff! He was also pretty short. However, he kept himself in great shape, and was good looking, so he got some free passes. Even still, I remember a lot of girls we hung out with didn't like him. But other girls who were just "passing through" (not part of our crew/associates) did hook up with him a lot. He also had zero standards, so that's another thing...

 

As for you...Dougie, you've got to have something. I'm not sure if you still act crazy like that now, but if you do...you really shouldn't. You need to grow up. And also, you need to work to improve your looks. You have a lot of untapped potential. You say that you think your looks are harder to change than your personality? I would think it's the opposite. All you need to do is hit the gym, watch your diet, and maybe fix your teeth? You will be amazed at how much this will help you.

[John John]

Having a playful side is a good quality.

 

There is a line that can be crossed, though. Where playfulness and goofiness can segway into other not so attractive qualities.

For example; that you are desperate for any kind of attention, even if it's negative. Which suggests really low self esteem.

Another example I can think of (from my own personal experiences and impressions around extremely 'goofy' men) is that there may a fundamental lack of self respect. And by extension to that, not too much respect nor awareness of other people's comfort and sense of dignity either.

 

This is quite profound. Never really thought of it this way.

 

Speaking about my crazy friend from college...I remember one night (after he ran back and forth down the halls of our dorm totally naked), I found him in the bathroom crying. He then said something about "doing anything to make his friends laugh." I can kind of see now how this may have been an underlying self-esteem issue.

[Batya33]

If you need to be the center of attention even if it's negative attention then the downside is that you're going to turn people off. If you really don't care if you turn people off or make them uncomfortable then that's your choice (as long as it's not illegal or so offensive that you get removed from places). That attitude is not going to help you make friends much less find women who would like to get to know you better. I don't think there's any problem with having a goofy side, or a serious side, or a shy side - not everyone is going to like you and that's perfectly normal. The problem is this "I'm going to act out and I don't care what people think".

[tiredofvampires]

The comments about craving negative attention as a substitute for healthy, respectful attention, which you feel is unattainable, are important for you to pay attention to, Dougie.

 

There is a positive aspect to this, though -- I sense that you've been grappling with not feeling you can or do meet other people's standards for so long, you are trying to heal a feeling of self-rejection that comes out of that. I do think wanting to accept yourself is a very important positive movement, in a fundamental way. It seems to me you're trying to find aspects of yourself to like, because you feel so unliked. And this is a good impulse. Everyone, at some point, needs to be able to like themselves (not just love themselves) as they would a friend for life -- because you will have to be your own friend for life. There is no way you can disown yourself as a person, so coming to like, accept, love, and care for yourself is essential, if you don't want to live in constant misery. This has to happen even if you're not getting that from others.

 

But of course, as other people's reactions are a reflection of how your own perceptions of yourself may or may not be in touch with the world around you, this has to be a balancing act. So it's a fine line to walk, and one we all have to walk: balancing what others think and caring about that with having an unshakeble foundation of self-regard. And to also be able to accept how you are, even though you want to change and improve things about how you are. So you have to be weighing these different-but-connected things out to be a whole, integrated person.

 

In other words, you can't keep going on trying to be a person you are not (which you've tried, and you recognize that's hurting you.) But nor should you become oblivious to the impact you're having on others (and your motivations for acting as you do), and how that keeps you separated from them.

 

It all keeps coming down to awareness, which I think is THE problem with you. You can be goofy and get away with it, if you are aware of yourself and the impact on others. You can be a clown and get away with it, if you are aware of the impact on others and how and when you've come to the point of making others cringe, and stopping before that. So it's neither about going all out and not caring, nor trying to be a clone of others. The tempering force being awareness, which in you is like a flaccid muscle that's got no exercise.

 

You can be "you", but you've got friends giving you feedback, and friends are people who presumably care about you -- so if they do, ask them how and where you become inappropriate or no longer "funny." Get feedback from the people you trust the most, staying open to the idea that "who I am" is not a thing that never changes. You can be and act differently and still be "you", if you get better at balancing all the factors I mentioned.

 

To increase awareness skills, I strongly recommend looking up Mindfulness Meditation (or Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction -- MBSR -- it's good for anyone, doesn't matter what your type of stress is) classes and groups. Surely you'll find tons of resources in L.A. Sometimes you can take classes (you do need to start with instruction) and then continue on your own, with groups that meet for free. I think it would help you a LOT, Dougie, and it's a good alternative to therapy. It will give you skills, help you build them, that you don't have right now.

[Catherine_3]

It sounds like you're becoming increasingly self aware and that's awesome. Even your pictures are looking so much better. You're smiling! It looks great.

[Realitynut]

but I just don't care what people say.

 

Start caring. If you want to have a woman/relationship...you need to care. About yourself. About them. About how they perceive you. About how you present yourself.

 

Who would want to date a person who was always the 'clown'. Good to have a healthy sense of humor...but don't be 'off putting'. When someone gives you constructive criticism, when you ask what is wrong....and then you say you don't care what they say (or think) , then why bother asking? Why bother even trying to improve yourself?

 

But are you really happy with yourself??? Deep down??? Don't say, "im just going to be serious now"....it doesn't have to be either white or black. How about just tone it down.

 

Throw out a funny line or two...but don't be the idiot who get's drunk and twirls around with a half empty drink on his head!

[Dougie_D]

Start caring. If you want to have a woman/relationship...you need to care. About yourself. About them. About how they perceive you. About how you present yourself.

 

Who would want to date a person who was always the 'clown'. Good to have a healthy sense of humor...but don't be 'off putting'. When someone gives you constructive criticism, when you ask what is wrong....and then you say you don't care what they say (or think) , then why bother asking? Why bother even trying to improve yourself?

 

But are you really happy with yourself??? Deep down??? Don't say, "im just going to be serious now"....it doesn't have to be either white or black. How about just tone it down.

 

Throw out a funny line or two...but don't be the idiot who get's drunk and twirls around with a half empty drink on his head!

 

I've definitely toned my behavior down. This thread was more about me realizing what I have done in the past. Trying to come up with solid reasons why nothing happened in college. Now, after what everyone has said, it's making more sense. I constantly regret my past for it.

 

Right now, I'm more relaxed. Whenever I'm goofy, it's mostly in a smaller group and we are not always pubic.

[Catherine_3]

Don't regret anything Dougie. It's all good. We've all acted like idiots in the past.

 

I love the fact that you're making progress. I predict that you'll have a sweet girlfriend in no time.