Friendship or is there more?

[nightgame]

To start of with we are both married and have our own lifes, we have been working together in the same work place for over 5 years and its just been in the 12 months we have become closer.

 

A little about her she seems to never chat to men expect for me we have gone out together as work functions and had drinks and danced close. she is the very quite type of girl and is conservative in the way she dresses and speaks. she once admited to me that she would sleep with a guy at my work who is married due to lust only if he noticed her and she choose ignore him and he does not even know.

 

She has flirted with me when she has had few drinks placed her elbow on my knee leaning towards me and getting touchie when I walk around office she notices me whille I am around however chooses to ignore me however I feel she does not want too.. she knows of me that I speak to many girls and flirt and knows I am popular with the girls. I also I have noticed she does whatever she can to avoid me and when I bump into her she will be nice and say hello...

 

1. Is this girl into me?

2. is the marriage of both of us doing this? thats why she avoids and not so forthcoming

 

I feel that this will get no where as we both dont want to hurt our partners however there is something there and I can feel it even if she ignores me.

 

your world wide thoughs on this will be great.

[stuka80]

I feel that this will get no where as we both dont want to hurt our partners however there is something there and I can feel it even if she ignores me.

 

lol who're you trying to joke? your wife will be a thousand miles away from your thoughts when this co-worker tells you she's down to mess around, so just be honest with yourself. As for advice, what do you seriously think people here are going to tell you?

[butterfliesndu]

Sorry. but i disagree towards polygamy. Again your choice.

think of why are you marrying your wife?

marriage sucks.

marriage tied you down.

I met so many married men who envy me for being young, and tried to make a move on me, or who had had affairs.

i don't judge.

but if you especially already have children.

Even if it is more than friendship, level down and be friends again.

It is better if you don't know that there is SOMETHING there.

 

unless you can't take your wife anymore, or your wife agreed with polygamy and it wont hurt her.

Go ahead really

but if you are risking your whole marriage for a short fling, expecting your wife wont know it and to spice up your tied up sexual life.

Again reality check.

Why are you marrying your wife?

 

Were you forced? Was it your decision? Why?

Do you want to risk it all?

[nightgame]

I Can see you made a good point - hence many reasons why nothing has happenend

[Realitynut]

Stop thinking about her. Shake them off....for pete's sake....you are both married. You said you don't want to hurt your spouses. Why start something that can only end in disaster!!!

 

Hate to tell you...but you won't be getting any 'feels good' feedback on this site.

 

Go home, kiss your wife, and ignore 'nice conservative' girl from work. She's not THAT nice since she dances close to you and admits to you that she would 'sleep' with married guy at work...just because of lust.

 

I don't call that girl 'conservative'....lol

[El0t]

Attraction comes and goes. You have a commitment to someone and that is likely to fluctuate between different kinds of love, but ultimately will be a lot more stable and satisfying than anything you can get from someone who is willing to cheat and ask someone else to cheat as well. Best to just set up clear boundaries.

[Longview01]

Why don't you ask your wife what you should do?

[Ms Darcy]

You don't sound very committed to your wife as you are "popular with the girls" in the office and drinking/flirting with this woman.

 

Cut out the work functions and flirting and focus on your wife.

[CeeLambrini]

I think if you care about your wife, she deserves someone willing to give her more than just minimum commitment. I doubt she deserves a man who flirts with all the girls and drinks and lusts after one woman in particular.

[bulletproof]

 

1. Is this girl into me?

2. is the marriage of both of us doing this? thats why she avoids and not so forthcoming

 

1. probably

2. yes, she probably does not want to go further because she is married, which is the same reason you should not want to go further

 

Would you be okay with your wife cheating?

[catfeeder]

I'd consider two things: how important my career rep is to me and how important my marriage is to me.

 

If you're willing to toss those commitments, separate from wife and file for divorce, and keep behaving as you are on the job. Everyone notices what you believe nobody notices, and your firm will take care of itself.

[lavenderdove]

OK, you're married. Which means you need to stop trying to 'date' or be 'popular with women.' The whole point of getting married is choosing one partner and committing to a life with her and her alone, unless she openly agrees to an open marriage.

 

Clearly she hasn't, but you're still 'shopping' for new women at work. And it is ALWAYS bad advice to try to fish at the company pond. This woman could have a change of heart and report you for sexual harassment if she gets scared someone will tell her husband she's flirting with you (i.e., blame you, as in 'I did no such thing. his advances were unwanted.')

 

So if you value your job and your marriage you need to immediately stop this. Envision the likely outcome of this. Divorce ensues, your wife takes you to the cleaners financially, 18 years of child support payments if you already have kids, your family hating you and disrespecting you for being an adulterer, etc. And you other woman may truly not want to leave her husband, so you wreck your marriage for nothing at all. Or she takes up with you for a while, then leaves you for yet another man since neither of you can be trusted and will remember how your relationship started, and assume you'll do it again with someone else. If you cheat with them, you'll cheat on them, that is the logic.

 

Note that people will always find other people attractive. But if they're mature and committed, they don't act on it. That could be why this other woman is distancing herself from you, because she recognizes the attraction, but loves her husband and doesn't want to start an affair. Or she is someone who gets flirty when drinking, then when she sobers up she gets a grip on that and realizes she went too far with the flirting in a direction she really didn't want to go. So she's cutting you off. Wise choice!

[Capricorn3]

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