LiquidSoul Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 I've met this very cute girl But I know has a mental illness and has been commited to a psych ward a few times. I'm unsure on how to procede, in two minds. So my question is would you date someone with a mental illness? Yes/No? Why? Link to comment
Blue92 Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 Mental illness is a very broad term. It would depend on what the illness is and why they were committed. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 It would depend on what. If it was under control and the person was being treated . And mental illness is a broad term. Even anxiety is a mental illness . I have PTSD and I have had a 25 year relationship with my husband. He also has Generalized Anxiety Disorder and OCD. We are both very functional and do just fine. Link to comment
emma34 Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 Agree with above. Do people still get "committed" now a days??? Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 It depends on what the illness is and if it's managed/controlled and they receive regular treatment(and have a history of treatment seeking). Link to comment
happpybear Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 I personally would be very hesitant. I have two friends with mental illnesses (depression, anxiety, agoraphobia, OCD), one of them was admitted to the psych ward and stayed in hospital for several months when she snapped. I have seen how difficult it is to pull oneself out of depression, and have watched my two friends become very "singular" while going through treatment. They became (and still are) very self-absorbed, it was the nature of their therapy and they were very much unable to maintain giving relationships with others, including their BF's, family and friends. Speaking personally, I am also a very empathetic person, and have a tendency to take on other people's problems as my own--not the healthiest tendency I'll admit, and I try to not get too carried away--but with my mentally ill friends, it is really easy for me to get sucked down into their issues, because I care for them and want to help them feel better and be happy. If I am not careful with my boundaries it leads to an unbalanced relationship. I can only imagine how much harder this would be for me to be in a romantic relationship with someone like this. Link to comment
LiquidSoul Posted January 16, 2014 Author Share Posted January 16, 2014 Agree with above. Do people still get "committed" now a days??? Yes they do get commited still. It's sad from what I've heard. Link to comment
Blue92 Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 What if the person was violent to themself or others? Not saying it would be a deal breaker, but i would like to know before getting into anything. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 My husband's hospital stay did him the world of good. So not everything is sad. Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 I have... and it could can consume you. These people sometimes lack the empathy for your pain... because your pain is a small dot in their ocean of hurt. Keep that in mind when you have to communicate how her behavior hurt your feelings, or how you miss her during her down-time, etc. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 I'd need a lot more details. Mental illness is no joke. I'd take all the information very seriously. Just like I'd expect/want them to do so with me. How recently was this girl in hospital, how severe is her illness, and what is it? For starters. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 as said what has she got ? that's quite a biggy here what you need to know before getting involved is how much control she has over her mental illness , how aware she is and how willing she is to own her illness rather than the other way round . as an example , I have bi polar , I have read about it , I have educated myself about it , I joined bi polar forums to talk about it , I knows what coming , I can recognise it and I deal with it . That may mean I have to shut myself away for a few days ..but I know it and those around me understand that , because I have explained it . It is about control and going out with someone with mental health issues is fine as long as they are determined to function as best they can , be honest with themselves and you and do all they can to deal with it . It is not what you have it's how you treat people that matters . Link to comment
Rosti87 Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 I've met this very cute girl But I know has a mental illness and has been commited to a psych ward a few times. I'm unsure on how to procede, in two minds. So my question is would you date someone with a mental illness? Yes/No? Why? I briefly dated a guy who was bipolar. Quite frankly, I could not handle it. Moved on quickly. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 As others have said, it depends. If it is psychopathy, no. Its treatable, medication works, this can be a successful partnership. Having been through what I have experienced in the last two years, no. I don't have to take that on, and I will be selfish and avoid it in the future. I have finally learned that in dating, I am permitted and even encouraged to be selfish. And so it will be. Link to comment
justagirl2 Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 Nope. I mean a little depression and anxiety? Sure. Most of the population will have a bout of anxiety/depression in their lives. The reason I said no is because you said the girl has been hospitalized for it. Too much for me to handle. My mom is bipolar and I've seen enough to know how hard it is to have a healthy relationship with someone like that. Any more serious mental illness apart from functioning anxiety/depression is the biggest of red flags for me. I grew up dealing with a mentally ill parent and I don't want my kids dealing with that at all. Link to comment
lerenard Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 Thor said it right... Still it does depend on what problem she has. Most of us now have some kind of mental illness. )) My longest relationship was with a guy who had Borderline Personality Disorder. I found out several years after we broke up and he put me through hell. If I knew before... But then, he also was drug addicted and he had a lot of issues altogether. I never had depression/mania/suicidal thoughts and so on, but I am VERY moody sometimes, and my moods are unpredictable even for me sometimes. So I guess my BF can call me mental too) Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 As others have said, a lot depends on her diagnosis, how she's handling it, how it's being managed, and the degree. No one can tell you what YOU can handle, but I know that it would all depend on that combination of factors for me. I'd be wary, but it would all come down to how functional they are, through whatever means helps them manage it. As the above poster states, we are all a little mentally ill -- and anxiety and depression are so rampant, being with someone who has no experience with these emotions might be extremely hard to find. And for me, even a turn-off, because those are emotions that cause you to have to face yourself and grow. And a person who can't relate wouldn't be able to relate to me. I have been hospitalized in my lifetime. When I was 17, for severe/suicidal depression accompanied by an eating disorder. I have gone through many ups and downs, and different revisitations of similar feelings over the years, but I was never in the hospital again. Sure, I've had therapists, but I was never admitted as an inpatient again. So just because she went once doesn't necessarily mean she will go in again -- and in fact, since I'm guessing she's pretty young, it would be hard to predict any future pattern. I've lead a pretty grounded emotional life, even though I've gone through a lot since then, so just being in the hospital once doesn't say much on its own. You really do need to find out more from her and she has to also know herself well. If she's highly aware of herself and her problem and diligently attending to it, it could be manageable. Link to comment
chr8st8na Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 yes i would date a mentally ill person because i've had in the past.. actually all my ex bfs were (but none ever committed).... also i guess i am mentally ill myself lol so was always attracted to the ones I could relate to- but the relationships were never fully satisfying, toxic and tumultuous and yes already being ill myself and being young, risky in love, fleeting and a dreamer, i enjoyed these kind of relationships but they could never gave me lasting peace... actually prob made me worst as a person. i am learning how to manage my disorder so i would like to think there's hope that people with personality disorders are capable to having a healthy & loving relationship. Link to comment
LiquidSoul Posted January 16, 2014 Author Share Posted January 16, 2014 I think she has paranoid psychosis/schizophrenia guys, is that bad? Link to comment
chr8st8na Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 I think she has paranoid psychosis/schizophrenia guys, is that bad? It'll drain you emotionally if she chooses not to self-moderate (therapy and meds)... Don't think you can go in and be a savior. Also I know a person who has schizophrenia and without meds, they will go bonkers. Link to comment
fifregister Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 @LiquidSoul: All mental illnesses vary in symptoms and severity, but from my experience schizophrenia seems to be a very, very, very bad debilitating mental illness...I had a college acquaintance that committed suicide in a gruesome manner and all who knew him well have not gotten quite over it. A coworker of mine has a cousin that is slipping into complete paranoia and has become a hermit because of his condition. This is serious and I hope she gets all the help she can. I don't know what sort of capacity you have for caring for this, but it requires a mountain of effort and empathy, waaay more than what's already required for a fledging relationship. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 But I know has a mental illness and has been commited to a psych ward a few times. I think she has paranoid psychosis/schizophrenia guys, is that bad? If I were you, I would pass ... given the severity of her mental illness and the fact that it has been out of control enough for her to be committed several times. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Oh, I missed that she has been admitted SEVERAL times. That changes my answer, as does the diagnosis. Personally, given my own observations, I wouldn't date someone with psychosis/schizophrenia. I find it hard to write anyone off, though, in the abstract, because anyone with an illness has a chance for the illness to be controlled. It depends on how well it's controlled, but if she's been in SEVERAL times for inpatient care, it's likely going to be very difficult for you. I'm not saying anything is impossible though. If you had a soul connection to her and she didn't create a toxic emotional dysfunction within the relationship, it's not impossible (of course, how would you know until you're pretty deep in). I don't have enough experience with this condition to know, and many here don't. You would do well to find a counseling center or mental health hotline, as well as go online and do some research to find out what the prognosis is with appropriate/optimal treatment (so you have information and education to go on, not just a bunch of opinions on a forum). But you'd have to have a deep connection I think to make this worth it, not just that she's cute. Link to comment
LiquidSoul Posted January 17, 2014 Author Share Posted January 17, 2014 Well the thing is she's very smart, very creative and very very good looking. All this makes me think why not, we all have our issues, I know I do. Also I'm not sure if she''s ever been in a relaationbship before which also worries me. I've been putting off a coffee date for awhile now, I'm just so unsure because of the mental illness thing. Like what if we get in a relationship and it doesn't work and she threatens to kill herself if I leave that's where my head is at. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Why don't you just hang out with her with the intention of becoming friends? People should be friends in my opinion anyway, if they are going to embark on a serious relationship. You don't have to "date" her with an intention of becoming romantic right away or at all. You don't have to box yourself into some formula of how to get to know anyone. You can tell her that you're interested in getting to know her, and that's it for now. Do things you enjoy together, various types of activities, and see what she's like day to day, week to week, month to month. It really shouldn't keep coming up though how good looking she is. That should not be a determining criterion for you or anyone. Obviously, someone can be attractive and a basket case. That's no recommendation. Everyone should be attracted to their partner, but in this case, you really can't go in guided by your small head or the big one's going to be in a world of trouble later for having lost itself. And I know a ton of people without certifiable "mental illness" who are very smart, creative, and have a lot of great qualities to enjoy, but they make terrible partners (happened to me more than once.) So just like anyone else, you should get to know her first, only with super extra cautionaries -- and not make this about having to make it a relationship. Then you'll be able to get more information about her history, what she's like, some of the ways her illness manifests, etc. And like I said -- research this condition as much as you can, and ask her questions as much as you can, about herself and the illness (not all at once). EDUCATE YOURSELF. Link to comment
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