LiquidSoul Posted January 17, 2014 Author Share Posted January 17, 2014 Yesn I know I shouldn't starrt a relationship based on looks or straight away I'm just saying she is pretty. I dunno I'd feel rude asking her about her mental illness, especially if I ask her out for a coffee I'd think she would tell me when she is ready. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 It wouldn't be rude if you got to know her over time, developed some trust and openness, gradually got into deeper subjects so she could talk freely about it, and you could ask questions as things become conducive for that. You don't have to interrogate her right off the bat about all her skeletons. None of us do that. A coffee is a coffee. If you think she is expecting you to become romantic and are incapable of just being a friend who has coffee, I guess that's a problem from the start. IT'S A COFFEE. If you go slow, think of this as FRIENDSHIP and then you'll SEE, with lots of time to get to know eachother -- what is your hurry? You're at her wanting to commit suicide when you haven't even had a coffee. What if you never have her as a girlfriend and you just got to be really great friends? Would that be okay? I'm getting the feeling maybe you should move on, because you're thinking too far too fast, and as if this has to be a relationship or nothing, it seems. Like a coffee commits you to a certain track. Besides, how did you find out she has this condition? Obviously she's spilled a lot of beans already, so your asking questions isn't that rude. But it should still come up organically in the conversation. Link to comment
LiquidSoul Posted January 17, 2014 Author Share Posted January 17, 2014 I dunno, I guess I'm lonely. It would be good to some companionship at the moment. I've got a lot of drama at the moment and could use a distraction, I know that sounds bad but it is what it is. We have talked on and off for about 4 years but never met.. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 I've been putting off a coffee date for awhile now, I'm just so unsure because of the mental illness thing. Like what if we get in a relationship and it doesn't work and she threatens to kill herself if I leave that's where my head is at. Your gut knows this is the wrong thing to do. People always think they have more control over themselves until sex and feelings come into play. You should go to the breakup section and just browse. You would be surprised at the number of 'crazy' exes people stayed with for too long due to attraction, etc. I am sure there are smart, creative, good looking girls who don't have these two traits. Link to comment
lerenard Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 The only thing I can say - never start dating someone like that in mere hope YOU can SAVE her/him. If you met when she/he anyhow was considering therapy/medications, and you fell in love... well, yes, you can date her/him, trying to go through that together. Still, it can fall apart. I think it is very similar to dating someone who has/had substance abuse issues or was/is alcoholic. You never know if that person really got better or if suddenly he/she will bounce back to that darkness. And believe me - no love can save a junkie who is SURE his life is totally OK. I tried for 3 years. Link to comment
LiquidSoul Posted January 17, 2014 Author Share Posted January 17, 2014 I can handle anything, drugs I don't have an issue with in a relationship. I see your point though. What I do have an issue with is doing more "harm" to her, I don't want to push her over the edge and she get's commited to a psych ward again. Link to comment
lerenard Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 You asked her about it? Does she feel comfortable starting a relationship in that condition? If she gets co-dependent then you are in trouble. Link to comment
LiquidSoul Posted January 17, 2014 Author Share Posted January 17, 2014 That's what I'm worried about. Getting in that situation where that would happen. I dunno about starting a relationship but I think she "likes" me. I guess I'm ready to look past of the mental health issue because I am attracted to her, and we are in the same position career wise i.e studying. So weve got some things in common. Link to comment
greta96 Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 It would depend on which mental illness it was, but my blanket answer is NO. I have dated guys who I'm sure suffered from mental illnesses, but they never disclosed it to me. Their behaviours were scary, and I would never ever subject myself to something like it again. Link to comment
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