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Friendly or flirting???


IllNeverTell

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I appreciate any input I can get. I am hopelessly clueless when it come to knowing if a guy is flirting with me. I need to be hit accross the head to get it. I have been going to my local coffee shop almost daily for over a year now. The same guy always works the drive-thru and for most of the time I have been going there we have just made idle chit-chat while I am waiting for my drink, "hey how are ya'...cold isn't it...blahblahblah". However, for the past couple of months our interactions have been changing.

 

He began to joke around with me more, to tease me about little things we had talked about. If I say something that could even be slightly interpreted as funny he bursts out laughing. He shares with me what hobbies he's into and asks about mine. I told him about a band I like and the next day he's telling me how he watched videos of them on YouTube (this has happened a couple of times).

 

He has started to compliment my outfits so often that he even caught himself one day and said "you always dress so nicely I just have to comment". Now he has started complimenting my appearance. He compliments my hair "you're hair looks fabulous today" and said that I don't have to try hard to look good because I "have so much natural beauty". If I wear my hair differently, he points it out when no one else (friends, coworkers, etc) seems to notice. He always gazes into my eyes and gives me a great smile.

 

On the rare occasion that he isn't working the drive-thru he will make a point to come over the window and say hi while I am waiting, even if it leaves other customers waiting at the counter. Vice-versa, if I happen to go inside he comes over to the counter and he tells the other staff person my order and then makes some cheeky comment like "I see you're avoiding me now". And he finds a way to work the fact that he is single into our conversations from time-to-time.

 

Is he flirting or is he just being friendly?:stupid:

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He is pouring it on, definitely flirting, definitely interested since he's gone above and beyond the usual "Have a nice day/nice to see you again" interactions. Ask him out if you're interested too, he quite probably thinks you have someone so hasn't made a move. But that hasn't stopped him from becoming more and more interested.

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Yup. Unless he's gay, you'll make his day! And even then, I'm sure he'll be happy with a new friend.

 

I don't think he's gay. When I went through with a friend of mine who is a regular there also he told her if she knew any good, single girls to send them his way. She asked what he was looking for and he looked into my eyes as he answered with "attractive, intelligent, and funny". He then obviously cleared his throat (ahem, ahem) and gave me the biggest smile.

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And you didn't see that as flirting?

 

Honestly, I'm not sure. I even asked my friend when we left and she said she wasn't sure either. I want to believe its flirting but I just doubt it in my mind. Unless a guy asks me out I never trust my instinct that someone is interested in me.

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I vote for free coffee pretty soon.

 

Can't believe she isn't swimming in free coffee yet.

 

For sure flirting.

 

Though I think you are smart; not to read into things if he isn't asking you out. If you are interested ,you've gotten the go ahead to go to make a move too.

 

But you know, sometimes it's just fun to flirt, and they don't really intend to take it anywhere else.

 

It's flirting though alright.

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Can't believe she isn't swimming in free coffee yet.

 

For sure flirting.

 

Though I think you are smart; not to read into things if he isn't asking you out. If you are interested ,you've gotten the go ahead to go to make a move too.

 

But you know, sometimes it's just fun to flirt, and they don't really intend to take it anywhere else.

 

It's flirting though alright.

 

Yeah, I get flirting for the sake of flirting and I'm not opposed to giving him my number or even asking him out. My fear is that none of this is flirting and then my advance seems to him to come from out of nowhere. I'd be embarrassed and he'd be left thinking "that girl is out of her mind; I can't believe she thought I was flirting" or something along those lines. I realize neither of us would die from that but I'd rather be certain he at least has some interest first.

 

I think the consensus here is that he is definitely flirting and that makes it less nerve-racking.

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I think he's flirting like mad and is afraid you have someone and that's why he isn't asking you out. He even asked your friend to set him up with any single girls while you were there in hopes you'd speak up. He's shy and I always find that kind of charming in a guy, so yeah ask him out already. Worst he'll do is say no and you can then laugh and tell him, "Okay, let's still be friends though." Then smile and it'll all be good either way.

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my advance seems to him to come from out of nowhere. I'd be embarrassed and he'd be left thinking "that girl is out of her mind; I can't believe she thought I was flirting" or something along those lines.
Which is why giving him a note with your phone number is the perfect way to handle this. You're in your car, at a drive-thru, that doesn't give either of you much time to talk or interact face to face. You don't want to ask for his number, and he's working, he's got his workmates around, he probably doesn't want them to overhear. He gets your number on the paper when you hand over your money to pay (or when he's handing you your change), the ball is in his court to call you and ask you out. If you want, leave a suggestion like "we should have dinner sometime" or you could write it out like a coupon "This coupon is good for one date by calling at 555-1234" to make it crystal clear. If that is what you want, after all.
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Ya I would suspicious that he hasn't done anything other than flirt for this long. Anytime I have been involved in a really prolonged flirting situation it usually never went anywhere--which leads me to agree with Sporster that this is sport flirting. Play along if you want to, if you enjoy it, but don;t expect it to go anywhere

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I'd say you have to be the one to make a move because he's the one at work. He might have the same worries that you have, thinking YOU are just "sport flirting" with HIM. He might be dying to ask you out but doesn't feel like he can. Suppose you took it the wrong way, and complained to his manager or something? Or, he might not be afraid of getting fired or something like that - maybe he doesn't want to get shot down in front of his co-workers.

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I vote for flirting and phone number. I almost gave a flirty neighbor my number (was going to leave it in his mailbox) many years ago - ironically the day I was going to do it another neighbor who I knew - a woman -stopped me in the street to tell me that he had been asking about me and wanted my number. But, yes, I probably would have done it.

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Yeah, I get flirting for the sake of flirting and I'm not opposed to giving him my number or even asking him out. My fear is that none of this is flirting and then my advance seems to him to come from out of nowhere. I'd be embarrassed and he'd be left thinking "that girl is out of her mind; I can't believe she thought I was flirting" or something along those lines. I realize neither of us would die from that but I'd rather be certain he at least has some interest first.

 

I think the consensus here is that he is definitely flirting and that makes it less nerve-racking.

 

To be totally honest, I feel like I learned a lot by being willing to fall right on my face with men sometimes. In my experience too, most men respond rather positively to being shown some attention and/or getting asked out. Even if it is 'out of the blue' a little bit. I can't remember ever feeling badly even if I did get turned down or the interest wasn't completely reciprocated. Most people are pretty gracious.

 

Good luck with coffee guy...whatever you decide you want to do here.

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Whether it's sport flirting or he's too shy to make a move in front of his coworkers or whatever... at the end of the day IllNeverTell, you've got to be honest with yourself and decide what it is you want -- more of the same or an answer as to whether or not he's interested in going out with you. What's the worst that could happen? If you pass him your number on a piece of paper, he doesn't call you. He acts weird when you pull up for your next coffee. He tells you he's already involved with someone. You have to find a new place to get your coffee. In the great scheme of things, this is small potatoes. You've also got to ask yourself if this is holding you back somehow, if waiting for this guy (or hoping for him) is stopping you from being interested in other guys (or comparing them to him). If you don't want to give him your phone number, because you're concerned for your safety or something, get a new e-mail account on Gmail or something and put that on the paper instead.

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