Should I be concerned?

[mandy86]

Last Sunday, I met this guy online. We seem to have so much in common. Most of our conversations go nowhere. We spoke about everything and nothing at the same time. We speak every day and when I say it is time for me to go, he tries to keep me conversing with him longer. I really enjoy talking to him and I know he feels the same because he has told me that.

 

However, I have a dilemma. He wont Skype me or call me. His reason for not using Skype is - I don't have a microphone. His reason for not calling is - I don't get any coverage where I live. He does live in a very remote area with little coverage. He lives in another part of the country. But that is not all, he has made a few sexual comments that I am not comfortable with since I have met him. He has respected me and refrained from talking that way after I mentioned to him that I wasn't comfortable until last night. He made a remark (it was in context with our conversation) and because he has done it several times in the past I told him that if he continues I would have disassociate with him. He said to me that it wouldn't be fair if I did that to him over one comment and then told me that he respected me and likes me.

He also says things like "I miss you" "I think about you" etc etc. I have known this guy for 5 days and he is saying things like that. He even mentioned he wanted me to go to his state. I refused of course and told him that don't know him well enough. He was ok with this. I really want to stress, he has been very respectful except the comment he made last night.

 

Should I keep talking to this guy? Or do I have a reason to be concerned?

[HeartGoesOn]

Obviously he's hiding something, and the first thing that comes to mind is...a wife. Added to that, since he's making sexual comments before you've met, this should be taken as a huge red flag.

 

I would definitely stop talking to him...

[savignon]

Lots of red flags and I think you're definitely wasting your time with him.

You say he "hasn't said anything disrespectful after you told him you made him uncomfortable UNTIL LAST NIGHT" which means in 5 days he's managed to disrespect you before and after you told him it makes you uncomfortable? That's not respect.

But outside of that, there are tons of red flags anyway.

Don't bother with this guy.

[Lambert]

Meeting someone on line so far away seems silly to me. It's just too hard to get to know them in a true sense. There's lots of people in the world find one in your neck of the woods.

[mandy86]

Exactly what I thought. He could be hiding something. Do you think it is worth trying to find out if he is hiding something? If so, how should go about it?

[Kendahke]

Meeting someone on line so far away seems silly to me. It's just too hard to get to know them in a true sense. There's lots of people in the world find one in your neck of the woods.

 

I agree with this. I tell guys from other areas that it's ok to be pen pals, but I'm focusing my concentration on guys in my own area. They'll usually vaporize after reading that.

[mhowe]

Exactly what I thought. He could be hiding something. Do you think it is worth trying to find out if he is hiding something? If so, how should go about it?

 

That would be a complete and utter waste of time. Stop texting him.

[milly007]

I would avoid this guy, big time. I agree with the other posts here. It sounds like he's hiding something and the fact that he would make sexual comments early on like that, to me, is a huge red flag. No skyping, no telephone calls, and making inappropriate sexual comments = a hot mess. This guy's bad news. Drop him.

[savignon]

He's hiding something for a reason and isn't going to tell you. Agree that it would be a complete waste of time.

Stop engaging with him and let him find an easier target.

[ChellyV]

Careful. Sounds like he is married. Too much red flags.

 

The moment they refuse to make a call on a 5 day period...uh oh, something is wrong.

[amipushy]

Married man playing games with single woman. Move on.

 

He wont skype or call you because it will be crossing the line and he knows that.

[offplanet]

Whether he's hiding anything or not he wants to get sexual and would also be trying with others. That's not what you're after so it'd be best to avoid him.

[ParisPaulette]

Be very, very careful. The excuses not to talk on the phone and/or skype are red flags as are the sexual remarks and his defensiveness about that coupled with the trying to fast forward you through the relationship. I just had a friend who met someone online that had excuse after excuse about why he couldn't talk to her on the phone, use skype or communicate any other way than by Internet chat. They planned to meet, suddenly he gives her this song and dance about needing money for his mom in a foreign country who just got involved in an accident... My friend told the guy to call her, that she wouldn't talk to him again or loan him the money unless he called and she knew it was a live person. The guy called, his voice wasn't English like he'd claimed he was and worse, she traced the phone number to Nigeria when he claimed he was in Italy. Needless to say he got turned over to the authorities and she blocked and deleted him.

 

So yeah, I would like to tell you it's something else but these are some pretty big red flags and if your gut is telling you something is off then listen to it, please.

[mandy86]

Thank you for your advice. I understand what you are saying. This guy has about 4 photos on his profile that are over 3 years old. I asked him for a recent one but he says "I'll see what I can do". Then I hear nothing about it until the next I mention it. Ah well. . . another red flag.

 

The thought that continues to cross my mind is what if he is one of those guys that like to take things slowly, then I could potentially ruin something good? Perhaps I could be "wishing" he was genuine or idealizing him in my head and not seeing the reality of the situation.

[amipushy]

He wants to take so slowly that it is NEVER going to happen. Dont get attached to text on a screen. The man you want to exist so badly, doesn't exist.