A common theme: women who are so "thirsty"

[goodheartlady]

I have been reading the dating forum for some time: one common theme is so many female posters acting in an incredibly "thirsty" way. Let me explain:

 

Girl mets boy

Boy texts girls a few times

Girl thinks: "OMG boy is in love with me!"

Boy and girl go on all but 2 dates

Girl throws herself at boy and sleeps with him

Boy starts getting distant

Girl relentless pursues and texts

Boy is further turned off

Crushing disappointment for the girl

 

Ladies: let us listen to our mothers and grandmothers. Take things slow. Don't act so thirsty. Make sure you like the man, not just your idea of him.

 

If you are going to sleep with a man, there should be no doubt what so ever that the man has serious intentions with you.

 

Stop rushing into full attachment mode : let us pace ourselves and make sure the man is worthy.

 

And finally, if you find yourself crushed after a man who met twice stops contacting you, you are too invested too early.

 

Just my Thursday rant.

[Wizardwoman]

This is very very true and a common theme. But I have seen it on both sides too.

Boy meets girl

They start hanging out

Boy and girl sleep together

Boy thinks she is going to "complete" him

Boy wants to hang out CONSTANTLY

Girl runs away

[MyNinja]

Yes it goes both ways

[Moontiger]

Honestly I see more guys getting overly-attached lately rather than the reverse. Perhaps your advice should be modified (not so gender based, you seem to be saying this problem is unique to women) to read "People, don't act so thirsty.

[Tanzi]

We all live and learn, male and female. And why are women viewed as throwing themselves at men yet it is never viewed the other way around?

[Moontiger]

We all live and learn, male and female. And why are women viewed as throwing themselves at men yet it is never viewed the other way around?

 

Because when a man throws him self at a women he is seen as the "hunter" and patted on the back. When a woman does it she is "clingy and crazy"

[HeartGoesOn]

Let's not turn this thread into a round of gender bashing, please.

[Tanzi]

Yeah, sadly that view has never changed.

[Realitynut]

Because when a man throws him self at a women he is seen as the "hunter" and patted on the back. When a woman does it she is "clingy and crazy"

 

I agree totally with this!

 

Frankly, i have never met a man who acted all 'clingy' with me! Or maybe he was...and it was the way i liked it!

[shes2smart]

Eau de Desperation reeks no matter who is marinating in it.

[MyNinja]

Because when a man throws him self at a women he is seen as the "hunter" and patted on the back. When a woman does it she is "clingy and crazy"

 

I notice this too as well. I guess it's because of the notion that men are to be the pursuer and women are to be pursued. When women do the chasing it's seen as aggressive and can be a turn off for some men thus making it look like its desperation and clinginess as opposed to interest.

[junebug123]

Because when a man throws him self at a women he is seen as the "hunter" and patted on the back. When a woman does it she is "clingy and crazy"

 

LOL, a man who throws himself at a women is seen as a hunter? I suppose that depends on what you consider throwing one's self. I've seen men make utter fools of themselves trying to kiss beautiful women and getting their hands smacked away for trying to cop a feel. Rarely do i see this happening with women getting treated so harshly for "throwing themselves".

 

Flirting and dating is one thing, throwing yourself is another. I think both men and women and considered clingy and crazy when they throw them-self at anyone. Both are considered players if they can get people to fall in love with them. I am wondering why the analogies are always biased depending on who is making them, whether it be a man or a women.

[kitkat620]

Very well put.

[waffle]

Haven't seen it happen that way, actually.

 

My experience is before sex, the man is generally more in pursuit. He's all "I'm gonna get laid." The woman is more cautious. Enter sex into the relationship. Then the man pulls back because "mission accomplished" (especially if female puts out early on) and the woman starts her pursuit.

 

But yes, desperation knows no gender.

[itsallgrand]

These are the cling-ons. They form attachments quickly and easily. Out of proportion to the actual relationship (or lack of it).

In some cases it shades into emotionally disturbed.

 

I know of a woman ( an old coworker of mine ) who went on two dates with a guy, slept with him, and then when he decided he didn't want to see her anymore (which is totally his right, two dates in!) she showed up on his doorstep late at night bawling and demanding an explanation for why he abandoned her. Then she basically stalked him for weeks.

 

And yeah, it is no less unsettling when a man does it either.

[ParisPaulette]

Amen and it goes for both men and women who get and receive this weird "I must be in a relationship NOW, yesterday, OMG he/she smiled at me, is this it, could this be my soul mate, wait come baaack!" kind of mentality. I've had men do it with me and in my youth I'll own up to doing it a time or two to guys too. It isn't gender-specific at all. Although to be fair to anyone who is or has ever been like that the fact is our society as a whole sends the message to each of us from the time we are born until we die that unless we are in a relationship we are nothing, that happiness comes only from finding that one, true love and that until that happens you will not be complete. And yes, I cringe every time I hear the line from that stupid movie "You complete me." (Barf, gag, rolls eyes)

 

I think we'd all be a lot happier if we lived in a world that taught us that learning to be happy within oneself and that sharing that happiness and helping others is the first step, and not the result of, finding love. (Sighs and stares out the window.) I wish I hadn't been so thirsty myself when I was young. I wasted a tremendous amount of time and energy chasing freaking unicorns so to speak instead of focusing on what I could do to make the world a bit brighter for others and that my own self-respect mattered more. Only after I understood those things and had them did I find real love and no, he doesn't complete me, he doesn't have to.

[Kendahke]

Because when a man throws him self at a women he is seen as the "hunter" and patted on the back. When a woman does it she is "clingy and crazy"

 

nah... he's a borderline stalker, not a hunter... and he's clingy and crazy, too.

[Notagoodninja]

All I know is that after a failed very long relationship, and a handful of BAD online dating experiences, I am so guarded it's not even funny lol I have a moat around my heart with a million alligators in the water, seriously. I just am not letting myself getting attached to anyone or anything.

I tell my sisters that too since they are dating...don't emotionally attach yourself when dating you just don't know what the other persons intentions are!

I've had guys express interest but you're right, I am NOT acting on it nor am I acting "thirsty" boy have I learned my lessons the hard way in life...do NOT throw yourself on men lol...

Now I am strong, not needy, and totally independent, maybe overly independent but I'll be **** if I will be hurt again you know?

 

I have not noticed guys throwing themselves on girls though to be honest...not like some of the above posters said, but I am sure it happens.

[Iggles]

These are the cling-ons. They form attachments quickly and easily. Out of proportion to the actual relationship (or lack of it).

 

I've seen a lot of this!

 

Girls who have a new boyfriend every few months! You barely learn his name before finding out they broke up and their onto the next guy. You can't "love" everyone your with when you're constantly going from relationship to relationship with no time for reflection in between.

[IAmFCA]

Been thinking about this very thing, triggered by two recent comments. It was recently said of me: "she won't commit to anyone" and a friend recently said of himself - a hot, wealthy man who thinks he wants a relationship but is just always with one and then the next - "I have commitment issues."

 

Well, I don't think either he or I have commitment issues. Its as if one is expected to pick a mate, have a mate, rather than shop (forgive me for the crass analogy) for a proper mate before committing.

 

Commitment is a big deal. Dating someone and having sex with them and nobody else isn't commitment. Its just an agreement to enjoy each other until you don't feel like it anymore.

 

In the case of my hot friend, women require nothing of him. Give him use of their houses and cars when he travels, companionship when he requests it, and minimal accountability. I think it will be difficult for him to cut them off and stand alone. Its like giving up ice cream to get skinny. Its not easy.

[junebug123]

I just am not letting myself getting attached to anyone or anything.

 

This is the exact type of mentality of what people consider game playing, when someone isn't showing their true selves and will deny that they have interest in another. It happens on both sides, and it is for people who are scared of commitment. At least these so called, "desperate" or "thirsty" people are being honest, and aren't afraid of entering a relationship.

 

I actually find the people who play games, or play it too safe which are the ones who are less likely to secure relationships. I understand the need to know someone and go on dates, yet I also feel as thou you can be physical and still not, "fall in love" or "stalk" someone. There is too much talking of extreme's, I won't consider dating a women behind the third date if nothing physical happens (kissing, holding, etc.), in my opinion, she's just not ready for a relationship, she's too shy, she's playing games, or most often she just isn't interested.

 

Women, know this as well, dating is a two sided coin, one has to show interest enough to keep the other engaged. The problem is: with women who will date men, whose sole intention is trying to get them in bed. This has more to do with bad judge of character then it has to do with early sex, etc. In fact, many relationships start to gain speed once sex is actually established, and i understand the mentality of waiting, etc. etc. It's just that what are you waiting for?

 

Waiting till the other person loses interest, waiting till you get to know them better, waiting so you don't get hurt? Most, people can still get physically involved with out getting emotionally attached.

[IAmFCA]

Delacrank, well said.

 

What I have noticed about myself and this question of pace is, I will slow pace down, but I will generally not speed it up. So if we go out, I like you, and you kiss me, great. If you don't, I will not kiss you, until one or two dates past when I thought I was going to get kissed, and even then, only if you put yourself in position to get kissed.

 

I will try to let you go in one or two meet-ups -- I call all meet-ups dates -- rather than string you along.

 

On the other side of things, I used to let sex unfold naturally, sometimes that worked really well. More often, it led to short-term serial monogamy. So this year, I took sex off the table. I need to know you are emotionally involved, first. I can't yet tell you how the experiment will work out, other than I am having a lot less sex. (!)

 

In theory, I will sort for people who are interested how I think and what I value, and in having a LTR. In practice, I might be losing folks who would have stuck around if I were more demonstrative early on.

 

It feels right, but it might just be right for me right now. Time will tell.

[Notagoodninja]

Yup i have to agree with you here, I am having strong temptations to become a player because I've been hurt so bad. But I am containing myself lol, I won't do it, I don't really want to and I don't like hurting people like I've been hurt. But you just get so mad about the hurt people put you through, it makes you want to blow thru people and not care about their feelings you know? Never get attached so you can't get hurt. But again I am containing the rebound urge *check myself before I wreck myself* jaja

[Frederik]

This is very very true and a common theme. But I have seen it on both sides too.

Boy meets girl

They start hanging out

Boy and girl sleep together

Boy thinks she is going to "complete" him

Boy wants to hang out CONSTANTLY

Girl runs away

Although there is little doubt that there are some "clingers" among men as well, a boy is sleeping with a girl only when she says "Yes". So the question here should be "why"?

 

I see a lot of this stuff goodheartlady mentioned in her post. You go out on a date or two and it's already marriage talk. It's like skipping a part of your life and eventually you realize that it's not about love or who you are, but more her hoping to latch on to you. The Cinderella Syndrome. You are there to solve all her problems, childhood traumas, money woes etc.

[junebug123]

 

In theory, I will sort for people who are interested how I think and what I value, and in having a LTR. In practice, I might be losing folks who would have stuck around if I were more demonstrative early on.

 

 

What's interesting is that a lot of men like the chase. My sister used to do this thing where she would string a guy along for several months without any sex at all. Personally, many of these guys were all suckers in my opinion, yet those who stuck around did eventually get to sleep with her. She had this mentality of weeding out men who were looking for sex, somehow it eventually worked for her, although she did have her weak moments.

 

I think people in general will go though periods based on their self esteem and confidence levels where they will attempt to have a lot or a few relationships. There are many factors which play into these periods, some of it is financial, some is based on location, some is situational, yet in every instance where a relationship is established: the person wanting to be in a relationship had a clear idea of what they wanted to get out of it.

 

I feel as thou in my sisters situation, she wanted to find a man who was family material, someone who wouldn't argue, someone who worked hard, someone who had their stuff together. I would say that she went through no less then 7 or 8 guys who she dated seriously for months on end before she finally found someone who was suited to her needs. Of course there was a lot of work involved, and always wondering if this is the right guy, or trying to make a relationship work even thou she knew this wasn't going to be the one.

 

The point I am trying to make, is that regardless of whether sex is an issue or not, if the parties involved in the relationship have no idea what they want to get out of it, then the relationship will just fail. In my sisters case she wanted kids and in the end she got it. I think that most of my relationships fail because i have no realistic goal for what i want from a women (other then the basic sex, and emotional support).