A common theme: women who are so "thirsty"

[karamjeet786]

Eau de Desperation reeks no matter who is marinating in it.

 

I didn't agree with you bro. all the girls are not the same.

[Tanzi]

We all live and learn, male and female. And why are women viewed as throwing themselves at men yet it is never viewed the other way around?

 

I don't really have anything else to add to this thread but I would just like to say that when I said the above part in bold, it was in relation to the ORIGINAL words used by the OP rather than having any particular axe to grind. However I notice that the post has since been edited and reworded.

 

My point in relation to the OP's comments were .... if a girl is sleeping with a guy on their third date then the guy is doing the same thing so why view it that she is throwing HERSELF at HIM. Because the post has been reworded my comments may have seemed a little out of context.

[Thorshammer]

In my case, women do get needy once the weeks start rolling in, and especially after sex. The more attractive they are, the less this bothers me (ya, i just said that). This is true for many people. Its a show of how valuable they are in your eyes that allows some people to pull more (value or attraction can vary per person, it can be based on looks, personality, money, etc). Safe bet is to play it safe and reach a balance... you know.. play that little thing that people say they dont do... or shouldnt do... but do it anyway... (what i call game, basically know when to show your cards and when to play it safe).

 

All my ex's have thrown themselves at me at one point. I saw nothing wrong with it, some started that way, others waited for a sign from me before they charged, and some were balanced. But those that hid their cards too much, i never went on a second date with.

[shes2smart]

Eau de Desperation reeks no matter who is marinating in it.

I didn't agree with you bro. all the girls are not the same.

 

Huh? My comment was gender neutral...and an observation that "desperation" is not an attractive trait to either gender.

[greywolf]

I think that instead of telling people to just not do something, we should figure out why they do it and give them advice to help them stop. Also, I have seen plenty of this in men, as well.

[The_Seeker]

Just for the humor I would like to add:

 

Girl mets boy

Boy texts girls a few times

Girl thinks: "OMG boy is in love with me!"

Boy and girl go on all but 2 dates

Girl throws herself at boy and sleeps with him

Boy starts getting distant

Girl relentless pursues and texts

Boy is further turned off

Crushing disappointment for the girl

Girl focuses on herself and pursue her dream

Months later boy contacts her and ask her "Hey gurrrl! Wuz up?"

 

Reason for that humor because it happened to me couple days ago. Talk about how fast 4 months past by. I got a longer text than that. LOL What did I do? I deleted 3 pages of text. [yawns] I know my worth despite the fact he was good looking and I enjoy spending time with him in and out of bed.

 

Regardless of gender, I believe it's important for an individual to know themselves first. So they know what they want in a relationship and then start dating by taking slow or build a friendship foundation first and see if it leads to more than just friendship.

[abysmal]

This definitely isn't a gender-specific theme. I am guilty of this in a sense; not in a stalker-ish or possessive approach with a SO, it's just that once I meet someone I particularly fancy in terms of their uniqueness and personality, I become desperate for their approval and so I have a very difficult time taking things slowly.

 

I do feel it is especially important for people not to be in such a rush, no doubt. Although easier said.

[Silverbirch]

I'm not sure if this is related, but a man said recently to me when commenting on something on television:

 

"Typical man - promises the woman the world until he has dipped his stick." I don't think it was said completely tongue-in-cheek either.

[DrKitten]

The blatant sexism and generalizations in here are astonishing, though I probably shouldn't be surprised.

 

If the desire is there, and both people consent, I don't see anything wrong with sex happening early on. Sometimes a relationship comes out of it, sometimes it doesn't.

[Tanzi]

The blatant sexism and generalizations in here are astonishing, though I probably shouldn't be surprised.

 

If the desire is there, and both people consent, I don't see anything wrong with sex happening early on. Sometimes a relationship comes out of it, sometimes it doesn't.

 

Gotta agree with you there!

[IAmFCA]

The point I am trying to make, is that regardless of whether sex is an issue or not, if the parties involved in the relationship have no idea what they want to get out of it, then the relationship will just fail. In my sisters case she wanted kids and in the end she got it. I think that most of my relationships fail because i have no realistic goal for what i want from a women (other then the basic sex, and emotional support).

 

Delacrank, you are right that we need to know what we want out of a relationship.

 

I would say in my case, I am not stringing anyone along without any sex at all; I just am not having sex with anyone because I havent met anyone I want to have sex with, and so I let them all go. The one guy who keeps popping back up to ask me out again -- I give him opportunity to advance the ball, and he just doesn't. I don't know why, I don't care why; I think he is just very closed off, has never been married or lived with anyone and generally is risk-averse. I have a man I call my crush: from him I want something very serious and long-term, if he can do it. Right now, he is in need of validation from women so he can hear his own voice again, having been divorced just a year ago. So he doesn't get any from me because his goals are different than mine.

 

A year ago, I would have entered into a relationship with him, then bounced all over the emotional map while I tried to calibrate myself to what he wats. Now, I know what I want, and our goals don't match, so no go.

 

Having discovered what I want is a huge help to my decision-making and my ability to be in control of my choices.

 

In my case, I am thirsty, so so very thirsty. (OK, sorry, you get the point.) But being thirsty isn't the issue. It's knowing what I want and how to get it: dragging you home to slake my thirst is likely counterproductive to my long term objective. To your point, when I was in a place where what I wanted was hard long-term to envision, but what I wanted NOW was obvious... then I would drag you home for sure, after a time.

 

Neither approach is more valuable than the other, they just yield different results.

[shes2smart]

The blatant sexism and generalizations in here are astonishing, though I probably shouldn't be surprised.

 

If the desire is there, and both people consent, I don't see anything wrong with sex happening early on. Sometimes a relationship comes out of it, sometimes it doesn't.

 

 

Oh, come now...as long as we stay stuck in sexism and generalizations, we don't have to take a serious look at what we may be doing to create our own misery...let alone do the work of changing anything we are thinking or doing...or not thinking and not doing as the case may be.

 

It's *so* much easier to blame everything and everyone else.

[junebug123]

 

I tried to calibrate myself to what he wants.

 

 

Another interesting point, how people make us change the way we behave due to our need for acceptance. Many women will see this in a man, how he starts behaving more friendly, treating her more, taking abuse more often (basically a push over) and they will lose interest in him. The man on the other hand is confused because, he feels is though he tried his hardest to make the relationship work never knowing that this women was just testing him, to see how strong of a character he has.

 

And yes, neither approach may be more of less valuable : one night stand or long term relationship. However i find that it is always easier to secure a one night stand or a casual relationship over a long term relationship. Trying to make a long term relationship work is like trying to figure out how to perform a task which is constantly changing. People are so unpredictable in their needs, in their wants, in their expectations, failing to be that person who they desire is too easy.

 

I think the real problem is that both men and women are just too freaking picky. I live in a big city, there are always options, sometimes i wonder how simple my life would be if i lived in a small town. Maybe relationships would be easier to come by because men and women would have to settle for what is available.

[IAmFCA]

Delacrank, you said it yourself -- if you know what you are looking for in a LTR then the easier options along the way aren't so distracting because you can tell whether those short term options support your long term goal.

 

It makes sense that it is more difficult to find someone long term-- long-term means finding someone with similar values, physical and lifestyle compatibility, valuing that person enough to share decision-making ability with him or her, enough to remain together when you are not attracted to each other, enough to find a way to re-attract based on respect and appreciation when maybe the body hits an unfortunate phase.

 

Your comment about people changing -- true. Less true if you look at the essence of the person and attach to that, and not the surface or middle-layer.

 

I used short term dating to hone my instincts, intuit what I want for someone longer term, and also discover who I was post-divorce and other traumas, as seen through the lens of my dating behavior.

 

What a train wreck I was. I got kicked in the teeth pretty good, but I learned allot and had the best sex of my life. If it didn't evolve that I want something more stable then I would not give up that dating life for anything. It was destructive, but if I managed it better it would have been a blast.

 

STRs don't seem to lead to LTRs for me. It seems like a whole different set of people and behaviors.

 

Anyway, I disagree with your musing about a small town. At least in the city you have choices, you can be in control, and you can screw up with a certain amount of anonymity.

 

You are getting what you want, at some level, by the nature of being able to choose.

[Reflective82]

If the desire is there, and both people consent, I don't see anything wrong with sex happening early on. Sometimes a relationship comes out of it, sometimes it doesn't.

 

More than often- it doesn't. Most girls I know who do this aren't in relationships.

[Batya33]

If the desire is there, and both people consent, I don't see anything wrong with sex happening early on. Sometimes a relationship comes out of it, sometimes it doesn't.

 

More than often- it doesn't. Most girls I know who do this aren't in relationships.

 

Most women I know who do this end up jaded/cynical about men even though they consented.

[Reflective82]

Yes- I completely agree. I don't do this and I've always had relationship. I think sadly a lot of men are quite old fashioned and sexist deep down and will think they can just have a casual relationship if they do this- my serious relationships I've waited 2 months

 

My last FWB who I believed would be more (he seemed very keen at first then started making it more casual) I actually met a year ago and still think about him now and feel sad- I can only imagine sleeping with guy after guy and not having it work out.

 

It would be really bad for me